So 10.5 years AFTER our wedding, DH & I find out that my dad....

[Lisa loves Pooh]

....did not pay his dad for his portion of wedding costs.

I'm a bit...confuzzled as to why we were never told, but his dad wanted to be the nice guy and just let it go.

I'm a bit angry that my dad stiffed my FIL, b/c who does that?

As much as we can recollect, we had everything reconciled and we personally didn't owe a dime after the wedding and I guess we assumed that my dad paid the bill as promised. It was at an Officers' club, so the bill could not go unpaid and FIL took care of it.

And I can't talk to my dad about it b/c FIL does not want us to. He actually seems quite amused and after my shock, I can't say that I'm surprised as it is status quo for my life.

I just cannot believe my dad stiffed him though. It wasn't "much"--but I consider it so. Somewhere between $1200 and $2000. And FIL doesn't want the money back.

Wow. Just wow.

I guess my dad and step-mom are too busy with their lifestyle to remember such details regarding his only child.

ETA: Our budget was fully disclosed and the $$ that was not paid, was an amount that was agreed to be paid. We were more than happy to pay our own way--but when someone promises to pay and then doesn't...wow.

 

[wdwfan16]

....did not pay his dad for his portion of wedding costs.

I'm a bit...confuzzled as to why we were never told, but his dad wanted to be the nice guy and just let it go.

I'm a bit angry that my dad stiffed my FIL, b/c who does that?

As much as we can recollect, we had everything reconciled and we personally didn't owe a dime after the wedding and I guess we assumed that my dad paid the bill as promised. It was at an Officers' club, so the bill could not go unpaid and FIL took care of it.

And I can't talk to my dad about it b/c FIL does not want us to. He actually seems quite amused and after my shock, I can't say that I'm surprised as it is status quo for my life.

I just cannot believe my dad stiffed him though. It wasn't "much"--but I consider it so. Somewhere between $1200 and $2000. And FIL doesn't want the money back.

Wow. Just wow.

I guess my dad and step-mom are too busy with their lifestyle to remember such details regarding his only child.

ETA: Our budget was fully disclosed and the $$ that was not paid, was an amount that was agreed to be paid. We were more than happy to pay our own way--but when someone promises to pay and then doesn't...wow.

How did you find out?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

How did you find out?

FIL is presently paying for his only DD's wedding.

In a conversation DH had with MIL--she disclosed this to us as it came up in their (mom and dad, not dd) conversations, I suppose. (though I am not sure if she was supposed to).

MIL told DH--but the number was grossly inflated (as in it was $5000, but DH knew that number wasn't correct as we only had 80 guests, we knew the base per plate charge and we only additionally ordered some crudite platters and basic snacks for guests before the meal. There is no way it was that high.)

I really wanted DH to talk to his FIL about this and he wouldn't do it.

We were at the IL's yesterday and today--and I walked in and they were chatting jovially about this issue. Almost like they were joking about it. We were relieved that his father never said $5K and that was a number his mother had messed up. FIL isn't mad at us--but it was something he had planned on keeping to himself. But in commenting on the weddings of his sons while paying for his dd's wedding, he and his mom were talking about it.

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, Agreed, it wsn't a nice thing to do..stiffing your fil for the money...but after all this time I don't think I would bring it up with your dad. Your fil sounds like a gem. He must have thought you were worth the money!

TC

 

[minniebeth]

OP, Agreed, it wsn't a nice thing to do..stiffing your fil for the money...but after all this time I don't think I would bring it up with your dad. Your fil sounds like a gem. He must have thought you were worth the money!

TC

Tuffcookie, I think your post is spot on and sweet.
Lisa loves Pooh, I'm sorry you even had to find out about this. Some things are better off unknown. I'm sure it bothers you. Even after many years of being married, it's amazing what quirky stuff comes up about our wedding still.
I hope you can find peace with the situation

 

[bumbershoot]

Oh, that can't have felt nice.

When I started reading I was afraid that your wedding vendors were contacting you! My dad offered to pay for my wedding, and although I took him up on it, I didn't take him to the cleaners (paid for several things, like $$$ photographer, on our own). And although everyone else had to be paid in full 2 weeks before the wedding (seems to be how it's done around here), the wedding site/caterer needed the rest of it that night. And...he forgot or lost his checkbook. Had to go to the hotel to get his "other" checkbook.

A month or two later...I got a call...the wedding/reception site guy was calling to say that the check had bounced. I was on the phone with my dad so fast it was scary. Happened again, too. Finally it was taken care of, or so I was told...I'm scared now after the thoughts I had while starting to read your post!


I'm glad your FIL was there to take care of this, and it wasn't an enormous sum. Whew.