Sleepover Problems

[irishbosoxfan]

I just read some of the feding other kids thread and wanted to get peoples opinions on this...

My Dh's best friend is getting married soon to a girl who has 2 kids her oldest being a 9yo girl--Since we are good friends with him and just helped him with his moving that night last saturday they still had a lot to do so we offered to bring her daughter to our house for a sleepover so they could work in peace----WELL if that wasn't the biggest mistake we've made yet

DH is military and works different days and hours,last Sunday he needed to be at work for 4am=We figured its not a big deal for her to sleepover because she's 9 shouldn't be much of a problem WRONG

Lets see-the drive to our house was ok-Then we stopped at the store to pick up some munchies for the girls and she had her purse and wanted to come in to buy something,I told her "no-lets save your money for when your mom can be there to approve what you buy" well that led to her arguing w/me about it and I had to give her a forceful No and get out of the car

When we got to our house she wanted something to drink and I told her "we have milk,juice or water" she wanted chocolate which we didn't have -Well this started the round of "well when I go to so and so's they have it for me" being a mom of four I don't let much arguing go on because I dont have the patience for it so I just told her "well you have the choices so you need to pick one of those because thats all we have"

Then we finally get them into bed(more "well so and so's came my way--to which I replied we are not so and so) And darn it if that kid didnt wake us up 5 times in 4 hours--midnight to 4am----

first-the sound of the rain is scaring me
second-the sound of the thunder is scaring me
third-I'm scared to go to the bathroom(we have a night lite in there mind you)
fourth-can I change the channel on the tv
fifth-the commercials on tv are scaring me

THEN she woke up my DD8 to talk to "because if I have a bigger girl to talk to I won't be scared"

The next day for lunch I made hotdogs-regular and bun length and she had to have the small ones because "the big ones are gross and I'm scared of them because I could choke"

NOW here's the problem-about 30 mins ago DH's friend called and asked if she could spend the night again tonite because they brought the pods to his new house and they've been trying to get most of the smaller stuff out so tomorrow when we all get there to help it will only be the bigger stuff that needs to be brought into the house and we could just bring her with us when we come


AAARRRGGGHHH--I really don't think I can deal with her again-I don't mean to sound mean but it took all of us 2 days to catch up on our sleep--I mean all of us were drained when she left---

What should I do?==What would you do?

 

[ntburns22]

That's a tough one. No words of advice. Maybe just be honest that you are not ready for another all nighter if you are going to be helping move stuff in tomorrow.

 

[liamandcaili]

Maybe you can explain how things went the first time and set expectations if you are going to have her over again. Children do get strange out of their usual routine...mine are younger, and while they love sleeping over at their grandparents', there is a very good chance they will get up too early or need attention in the middle of the night. We set boundaries...no waking up grandparents until a certain time...and usually this works. This girl is older than my children, so I expect that if you talk to the parents and talk to the girl, you can all agree on reasonable rules for sleepovers. If the girl and/or her parents do not seem to respect your rules, then say no.

 

[U2_rocks]

Have you told them any of the issues you had? I mean of course in the most tactful and non-accusatory way! I don't know how you can get out of it honestly unless they know WHY. Maybe the second time would be better b/c of being more familiar to the girl - but then again maybe not. I'd be gun-shy.

If you haven't mentioned it before, maybe tell them she seemed to have some issues settling in last time, and no-one got much sleep, and you don't think you can handle that again right now. Say some positive things about her first - don't just hit them with the negative ("we really like your DD, and it was fun having her over. The thing is, when bedtime came, she may have found it hard to get used to our house, and none of us got much sleep......" etc.). But I think it's fair to all for them to know why it would be a problem for you.

Good luck!

 

[golfgal]

She is afraid of hotdogs?????? I would be afraid of spending time with her mom if she has instilled a fear of hotdogs in her. Sorry, kids like that spend about an hour at my house and then they go home. I don't put up with that from my kids and I don't put up with that from anyone elses kids! YIKES!!!

 

[MAKmom]

Tell then point blank it did not work out to well & you are tired.

We do not do sleepovers at out house. Each girl does get a sleepover birthday party at 10 but thats it.

 

[HaleyB]

I feel your pain, I have problems with one of my daughters friends and we just don't invite her around much. Sleeping over is out of the question.

I would just say no. The older I get the better I get at that. However if you feel like you need to have her my only advice is that we have used the line "If you don't follow our rules we will not be able to invite you over again" and it sometimes works.

Good luck.

No good deed goes unpunished...

 

[Beth76]

Well I would probably make up an excuse not to have her over because I'm not good with confrontation. Never-the-less my advice would be to say, "I don't think it's such a good idea since it didn't really work out last time." If they ask you why, then tell them. It's not just that she was being a brat (that would be hard to say to a parent), but that she was scared at your house. Obviously, she's not comfortable over there.

 

[kidzmom3]

i certainly would not agree with her arguing or giving you attitude, but she is only 9. I had 3 of my daughters 9 year old friends wake me up multiple times and then 2 needed to go home one at 1am and one at 3am. Lots of things scare these young children. Maybe because of her bad attitude you may have forgotten that she is very young. My daughter is afraid of the bathroom at night. Even with a night light, its because of the "agatha in the mirror story", so maybe she had an issue like that.

 

[Hannathy]

Would it help them if you offered to keep her till like 11pm then bring her home to sleep? It would give them time and you sleep. I'm a little confused why a 9 yr old needs to be watched and not underfoot. a 3-4 yr old yes but at 9 she should be helping or at least old enough to be told to stay out of the way. I feel for your friend I think he is getting himself into an interesting family.

 

[mainewmn]

We never had problems to the extreme of the OP but some of DS friends wore more needy then others. In these cases I would just tell them ahead of time what’s expected of them and what’s expected of me, what they will eat, what they will watch, play with, etc, etc. Basically cover all the basics and warn then that if they wanted to come they had to be OK with all of the above. I never had a problem.

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

I might get flamed, but I kind of feel for the girl. She's getting a "new daddy", moving and having to stay with her "new daddy's friends" all in the same time period. No wonder she was being ornery and needy. I mean, at nine, she should know better than being ungrateful, but it does seem that there were extenuating circumstancs.

I would just set the expectations for the girl with her mom or your friend. If it doesn't work out again, then tell them never again.

 

[EthansMom]

AAARRRGGGHHH--I really don't think I can deal with her again-I don't mean to sound mean but it took all of us 2 days to catch up on our sleep--I mean all of us were drained when she left---

What should I do?==What would you do?

I would say, "I'm sorry, but she didn't sleep well at our house last time. You could drop her off here for a couple hours this evening, if that would help, but I think she would be more comfortable with you guys at night."

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I would say, "I'm sorry, but she didn't sleep well at our house last time. You could drop her off here for a couple hours this evening, if that would help, but I think she would be more comfortable with you guys at night."

That was SO much more tactful than anything I could have come up with!

 

[EthansMom]

That was SO much more tactful than anything I could have come up with!

Thanks! Dealing with my in-laws, I've become the Queen of saying "There's no way in Hell!" as nicely as possible.

And it's funny, but there's really not much people can really be upset about when you say "No" nicely. Plus, if you offer a compromise that you're willing to accept it seems to curtail some of the things people will say to end-run around your "no" answer. Like, if you just say "No," the response from the other person might be "But, we'll drop her off and pick her up, so it won't be any problem for you." (Umm, yeah, it would be!) I hate saying "no" and then having to argue about my "no" answer.

Oh, and I always say, "I'm sorry..." since it's hard for someone to argue with you when you're willing to take some blame for your inability (unwillingness) to do what they want you to do.

I love to help people out when they're being reasonable with what they're asking, but I've learned to not let people use me as a dumping ground or an errand runner.

 

[minkydog]

I might get flamed, but I kind of feel for the girl. She's getting a "new daddy", moving and having to stay with her "new daddy's friends" all in the same time period. No wonder she was being ornery and needy. I mean, at nine, she should know better than being ungrateful, but it does seem that there were extenuating circumstancs.

I would just set the expectations for the girl with her mom or your friend. If it doesn't work out again, then tell them never again.

No flames here. You took the words right outta my mouth. It doesn't sound like this girl is actually a friend and frankly, I'm appalled that her mother would let her spend the night with someone she doesn't really know(no offense intended, I'm sure the OP is a very nice person.) She sounds high maintenance, but maybe i'd be high maintenance too if my mom was marrying some guy that could convince her to palm me off on a bunch of strangers at his convenience.

To the OP, your heart was in the right place and it sounds like you made the best of a difficult situation. But I don't think I'd feel obligated to do it again, even for a very good friend. Perhaps the childs mother could work on childcare arrangements this time.

 

[mousey]

My daughters had the sleepover from hell several years ago. Her friend's mother neglected to tell us that she wets the bed all the time. They slept on our brand new pull out. I went to put it away and it was all wet--soaking wet. I didn't make a big deal out of it, but later that day she threw up all over the couch. Didn't attempt to run to the bathroom or do anything, just stood there and threw up all over. Granted she was 10 yrs old but don't you think she would of attempted to run to the bathroom or something. That was our last sleepover---yippee!!!

 

[WebmasterAlex]

Duct Tape

 

[tiggersmom2]

Well I would probably make up an excuse not to have her over because I'm not good with confrontation. Never-the-less my advice would be to say, "I don't think it's such a good idea since it didn't really work out last time." If they ask you why, then tell them. It's not just that she was being a brat (that would be hard to say to a parent), but that she was scared at your house. Obviously, she's not comfortable over there.

Excellent advice...this is what I would do also.

 

[tiggersmom2]

Duct Tape

Holy crap...I just saw this......