Christine
DIS Legend
- Joined
- Aug 31, 1999
- Messages
- 32,600
Whew, this is going to be a LONG post, so I thank you if you can make it through.
Last night, my mother got pissed at me over, in my mind, a situation that she shouldn't have. She called me twice to tell me off and hung up on me both times without me getting a word out.
Brief history: I'm 45, only child, married with two of my own children (14 and 18). My parents are still relatively young, able-bodied, and both still work full time. They live in the same town as I do. They have always been very active in my life and I have always included them on most vacations, they are invited to all school events, and pretty much included on anything with my kids. When my kids were very young, they helped out immensely. They also offer to pay for things for my kids that I otherwise couldn't afford. I don't ask, they offer.
So, the story:
My oldest is getting ready to go to college in a few weeks. For various reasons, my husband cannot go to move-in day. There are other places he has not been able to go and one or both of my parents have always chipped in. So, a few weeks ago, I was talking to my best friend (the actual only real friend I have) and telling her about move-in day. She volunteered to go with me as a mutual friend of ours has been talking up this school for YEARS. She really wanted to see it. Plus, she has moved one kid into college before so she knows the ropes and she can help me set up the computer and stuff and probably think of things I won't. I agreed to let her come along. In the meantime, my family (including my parents) went on a Disney trip, had a good time, etc. We spoke in generalities about move-in day and I guess my mother assumed I was going up there by myself. I had not said anything specific about the trip as nothing was firm.
So last night we are on the phone talking about move-in day and I mentioned to her about my friend going with me. She said "Oh, I didn't know that, I thought you were going by yourself." I told her "Well, I was but she offered and I thought it might be fun." My friend and I rarely get to go anywhere and do anything like that. We continued to talk and moved on to other topics. We end our conversation.
Abou 15 minutes later, she calls me back very angry. She tells me that she just wanted me to know that she was NOT all right with this situation, that these were HER grandchildren and whether or not we wanted her around she was going to be a part of their lives. She then proceeded to insinuate that it was not up to my friend to make those decisions.
I never got a word in and then she hung up on me. She then called back 5 minutes later, still angry, telling me that she wasn't going to keep things to herself and that I would be hearing from her. Again, I got to say nothing and she hung up on me.
I thought about this all night and, for the life of me, I cannot figure out what I actually did wrong. But I got from her tone that I have done something and that there is "more" stuff she is upset with.
Right now, of course, I am angry and upset. I don't feel I did anything wrong and I believe that my mother is jealous of my friend going. I am upset because she is supposed to be my mother and want the best for me, right? Does she want me to be alone all my life with no friends? I have never had her get jealous of a friend like this before. Ever.
She is very angry right now and I am resentful that she cannot talk to me without an outburst. I have written her an e-mail this morning apologizing for hurting her feelings, but again, explaining that this was not done to exclude her but that I also need to have time with a friend. I iterated to her that I include her on 95% of my vacations and she has full access to everything my kids do.
I really don't know what is going on but she has been a little "odd" for a few years now. I'm willing to admit that some of that might be my doing. She can be critical and judgmental at times and I have probably backed off from her a bit emotionally. But I am stabbing in the dark here.
I guess I just don't really know how to handle this. She's not acting rationally with me right and if I did what I really wanted to do which is call her out on her petty behavior, well, the reaction might be bad. Any ideas?
Last night, my mother got pissed at me over, in my mind, a situation that she shouldn't have. She called me twice to tell me off and hung up on me both times without me getting a word out.
Brief history: I'm 45, only child, married with two of my own children (14 and 18). My parents are still relatively young, able-bodied, and both still work full time. They live in the same town as I do. They have always been very active in my life and I have always included them on most vacations, they are invited to all school events, and pretty much included on anything with my kids. When my kids were very young, they helped out immensely. They also offer to pay for things for my kids that I otherwise couldn't afford. I don't ask, they offer.
So, the story:
My oldest is getting ready to go to college in a few weeks. For various reasons, my husband cannot go to move-in day. There are other places he has not been able to go and one or both of my parents have always chipped in. So, a few weeks ago, I was talking to my best friend (the actual only real friend I have) and telling her about move-in day. She volunteered to go with me as a mutual friend of ours has been talking up this school for YEARS. She really wanted to see it. Plus, she has moved one kid into college before so she knows the ropes and she can help me set up the computer and stuff and probably think of things I won't. I agreed to let her come along. In the meantime, my family (including my parents) went on a Disney trip, had a good time, etc. We spoke in generalities about move-in day and I guess my mother assumed I was going up there by myself. I had not said anything specific about the trip as nothing was firm.
So last night we are on the phone talking about move-in day and I mentioned to her about my friend going with me. She said "Oh, I didn't know that, I thought you were going by yourself." I told her "Well, I was but she offered and I thought it might be fun." My friend and I rarely get to go anywhere and do anything like that. We continued to talk and moved on to other topics. We end our conversation.
Abou 15 minutes later, she calls me back very angry. She tells me that she just wanted me to know that she was NOT all right with this situation, that these were HER grandchildren and whether or not we wanted her around she was going to be a part of their lives. She then proceeded to insinuate that it was not up to my friend to make those decisions.
I never got a word in and then she hung up on me. She then called back 5 minutes later, still angry, telling me that she wasn't going to keep things to herself and that I would be hearing from her. Again, I got to say nothing and she hung up on me.I thought about this all night and, for the life of me, I cannot figure out what I actually did wrong. But I got from her tone that I have done something and that there is "more" stuff she is upset with.
Right now, of course, I am angry and upset. I don't feel I did anything wrong and I believe that my mother is jealous of my friend going. I am upset because she is supposed to be my mother and want the best for me, right? Does she want me to be alone all my life with no friends? I have never had her get jealous of a friend like this before. Ever.
She is very angry right now and I am resentful that she cannot talk to me without an outburst. I have written her an e-mail this morning apologizing for hurting her feelings, but again, explaining that this was not done to exclude her but that I also need to have time with a friend. I iterated to her that I include her on 95% of my vacations and she has full access to everything my kids do.
I really don't know what is going on but she has been a little "odd" for a few years now. I'm willing to admit that some of that might be my doing. She can be critical and judgmental at times and I have probably backed off from her a bit emotionally. But I am stabbing in the dark here.
I guess I just don't really know how to handle this. She's not acting rationally with me right and if I did what I really wanted to do which is call her out on her petty behavior, well, the reaction might be bad. Any ideas?
