Sister's house is a slum

[mrsstats]

I have not been in my sister's house in years. She went away for the weekend & asked me to let her dog's out. DH & I went over tonite and were stunned at how awful the house is. It looks like the houses you see on TV that are in the slums.

She is married, they have 2 kids 11 & 9, boy & girl who share a bedroom. There is an open electrical panel in the kids room. The stove in the kitchen is missing 2 burners and there is dried up food all over it. No furniture in the living room. It is just horrible.

DH & I came home, he is furious with me, with her. He doesn't want her in our house anymore (she stays here to watch my dogs when I go away)

If she was reported to the authorities I am afraid they will take the kids away. I just don't know what to do. I can't take the kids, my DH would not allow that. I guess my DH is right, I am an enabler, just like my mom was always with her.

 

[denisenh]

what going on with your sister?

 

[Jennasis]

Why is your DH furious at you??

 

[cruisnfamily]

I have not been in my sister's house in years. She went away for the weekend & asked me to let her dog's out. DH & I went over tonite and were stunned at how awful the house is. It looks like the houses you see on TV that are in the slums.

She is married, they have 2 kids 11 & 9, boy & girl who share a bedroom. There is an open electrical panel in the kids room. The stove in the kitchen is missing 2 burners and there is dried up food all over it. No furniture in the living room. It is just horrible.

DH & I came home, he is furious with me, with her. He doesn't want her in our house anymore (she stays here to watch my dogs when I go away)

If she was reported to the authorities I am afraid they will take the kids away. I just don't know what to do. I can't take the kids, my DH would not allow that. I guess my DH is right, I am an enabler, just like my mom was always with her.

Why would he be made at at you? Or am I misreading? And why wouldn't she be allowed at your house. Guess I'm missing something.

 

[Angelhalo]

I'm confused. Why is your DH mad at you? Why isn't she allowed to watch your house anymore? has she ever done harm to your home? And why do the things you mentioned warrant removing the kids from the home? I am so lost!

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

She may be messy and can't afford furniture, but neither one warrants CPS to be called, or for her to be banned from your home. I must be missing something. Things are not always what they seem..

Was also very confused about your DH being mad at you. Maybe he could have fixed the electrical panel while he was there?

 

[3jsmommy]

I don't understand why your husband is furious with you..that seems a little harsh!
Your sister is a grown woman right, & it sounds like you can't be that close if you just now went to her house & saw the mess. (so how are you "enabling her?)
I would call her on it when she came home. I'd have a long discussion about the living conditions of her kids.
First though, I'd set my DH straight on the fact that I'm not my sisters keeper!

 

[3jsmommy]

Great minds think alike I guess!

 

[SaraJayne]

Excuse me? Your husband "won't allow you" to take in your own niece and nephew??

 

[HelenePA]

One of my burners is missing from my stove.. put a plastic colander on it while it was still hot.. OOPS! I dont really "miss" it so I've never replaced it.. any one want to call CPS on me?

I don't understand why he's mad at you either! If that was my niece and nephew I'd make sure I spent more time with them not less! Get them out of that house as much as you can. Teach them how to clean up after them self maybe their parents would follow!

ETA do you have any old furniture you could offer them before you "throw it away"?

 

[mrsstats]

He doesnt want her here because he is afraid that her house is infesting with bugs and they would wind up brining them here.

He thinks I should confront her and have her realize that this is no way to be bringing up her children.

It wouldn't work for me to have her children here. 1st - I don't have the room.

My sister is 13 years younger than I am. We are very close but she never has anyone to her house. Always a reason, her husband didnt want anyone in, the dogs etc etc etc.

What is wrong with her? I think she may have a drinking problem on top of everything else.

I am just upset and rambling, sorry if it doesnt make sense.

 

[3jsmommy]

The drinking problem is more likely the reason for everything else & not just something on top. Alcoholics do have a way of isolating themselves, probably the reason for all of her excuses. I think your DH is right & you should talk to her. I wouldn't nit pick about the house, I would confront the real problems or what's the point?

 

[KirstenB]

Okay, cutting to the chase, kids that age, opposite sex shouldn't be sharing a room. Is there only 2 bedrooms in the house? Is there a way to carve out a 3rd sleeping space? 2 burners missing would be a lot for me, because I cook a lot. Why is the furniture missing? Was it never there? Or did they have to sell it? There's something not right in all of that.

 

[agnes!]

...She is married, they have 2 kids 11 & 9, boy & girl who share a bedroom. There is an open electrical panel in the kids room. The stove in the kitchen is missing 2 burners and there is dried up food all over it. No furniture in the living room. It is just horrible.

DH & I came home, he is furious with me, with her. He doesn't want her in our house anymore (she stays here to watch my dogs when I go away)

If she was reported to the authorities I am afraid they will take the kids away. I just don't know what to do. I can't take the kids, my DH would not allow that. I guess my DH is right, I am an enabler, just like my mom was always with her.

Actually it's probably against the law for your niece & nephew to share a room at their ages. I think most localities have ordinances about children of the opposite sex sharing a room, that's why most houses have at least 3 bedrooms.

And heres a . Sometimes caring about troubled people just plain sucks.

agnes!

 

[ma2jr]

I there any way you can make time to tidy up a little, fix the burners etc, advantage the dogs... something? I know i'm saying to enable some more but, it's what I would do

I'd also mention that maybe she should have used her vacay money on other things ( in a very very nice way)

 

[S. C.]

Does the dog stay in the kids room?

 

[redrosesix]

Actually it's probably against the law for your niece & nephew to share a room at their ages. I think most localities have ordinances about children of the opposite sex sharing a room, that's why most houses have at least 3 bedrooms.

And heres a . Sometimes caring about troubled people just plain sucks.

agnes!

There's a law against brothers and sisters sharing rooms where you live? I've never even heard of that.

 

[Mysteria]

Are you guys serious?! 11 and 9 sharing a room against the law?!?! WTH are you all thinking is going to happen?! What's freakin' me out is what you all might be thinking instead of what would ever happen.

Ok so no changing in front of each other obviously. Other than that please tell me what you think the problem is?

 

[ksjayhawks]

I would be concerned about the open electrical panel in the kids bedroom.

 

[mjantz]

I don't think its against the law. I believe its against the rules if you're taking care of foster children. I'm not too experienced with the foster care system but I believe they want the kids to not feel 'warehoused' or a bother to the family. AFAIK there are no rules about siblings sharing a room. I even had a college friend that ended up sharing a room with her grandfather for a few months when she came home from college for the summer.

If they have to share a bed I'd see that as a problem but if they have twin beds I don't see a problem.