Sister Wives, anyone???

[scrapquitler]

Which is why I've always wondered why polygamy (in this form) is considered illegal.

Well exactly. I wonder the same thing. He's married to one 'wife' and just co-habitates with the others. If the 'wives' are okay with it, then what is the problem?

 

[Polyluvr]

I'll stick w Big Love,

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

They kept talking about how he had "married" all three women before any of them had any children.
I am wondering what the length of time between each "marriage" was for this to be possible.

I did feel bad for his first wife Meri. She was only able to have one child and you could tell that she desperately wanted to have more and was somewhat fulfilled by her sister wives' children.

 

[DWGal210]

So here's a question:

If Mr. 3 Wives is married to only the 1st wife, what happens if he wanted to divorce the others? Could he do that, since he wasn't married to them? And if not, what legalities are set in place so those women & their kids don't get hosed if he changes his mind??

As I was reading this thread, I wonder how a divorce / separation would take place.

 

[DWGal210]

So, is that why he wanted another wife?' Because his 1st wife couldn't have more kids?!

Yuck.....

They kept talking about how he had "married" all three women before any of them had any children.
I am wondering what the length of time between each "marriage" was for this to be possible.

I did feel bad for his first wife Meri. She was only able to have one child and you could tell that she desperately wanted to have more and was somewhat fulfilled by her sister wives' children.

 

[scrapquitler]

So here's a question:

If Mr. 3 Wives is married to only the 1st wife, what happens if he wanted to divorce the others? Could he do that, since he wasn't married to them? And if not, what legalities are set in place so those women & their kids don't get hosed if he changes his mind??

As I was reading this thread, I wonder how a divorce / separation would take place.

I suppose that it would be just like if a cohabitating but unmarried couple with children were to decide to split up. There would be custody agreements, child support payments and whatever division of assets the couple decided on, why would it be any different?

 

[CdnCarrie]

I think he said his name was LOGAN. What a great young man. He said he did this EVERY day. His Mom (Janelle) is gone by 5am and works until 6 or 7pm every day. And his job is to get the kiddos all up and dressed and make them breakfast. Interesting the Mom (Mary) that had only ONE kid (a daughter) gave her a granola bar ... and here Logan was downstairs with 4 or 5 siblings making them each a full breakfast. He seems like a very smart, responsible young man.
I thought it was ODD that their mom, Janelle said she would prefer to be out of the house all day while everyone took care of her kiddos and made all the meals and she can came home from her long work day ready to eat dinner.

This so mirrors BIG LOVE esp now with the 4th wife coming in. They all live together but separate apartments ... hmm. So similar. I am not really sure what to think yet of this show.

Boy, the dad, Cody, he sure is like this stud with that fancy little car ... why would be buy a car THAT SMALL with 13+ kids ... ????

Not everyone is cut out to be a homemaker. Perhaps she gets satisfaction from her career.

 

[CdnCarrie]

They kept talking about how he had "married" all three women before any of them had any children.
I am wondering what the length of time between each "marriage" was for this to be possible.

I did feel bad for his first wife Meri. She was only able to have one child and you could tell that she desperately wanted to have more and was somewhat fulfilled by her sister wives' children.

They did mention the length of marriages and the first two were fairly close together. Perhaps 18, 17 and 14 years. Not sure if I recall that correctly.

 

[CdnCarrie]

So, is that why he wanted another wife?' Because his 1st wife couldn't have more kids?!

Yuck.....

Doubt it as the first two marriages seemed to be fairly close to each other (18 and 17 years or something). And they were all married before they started having children. So the first two wives were already married for a couple years before anyone had a child.

 

[Abbie]

What? Like sister-wives isn't dramatic enough in and of itself?

See, that was my real problem with the show. I thought it was just flat-out boring! And I agree with a pp that the man was smirky and creepy. Don't think I'll bother watching again, it felt like a waste of an hour.

 

[Carly_Roach]

So here's a question:

If Mr. 3 Wives is married to only the 1st wife, what happens if he wanted to divorce the others? Could he do that, since he wasn't married to them? And if not, what legalities are set in place so those women & their kids don't get hosed if he changes his mind??

As I was reading this thread, I wonder how a divorce / separation would take place.

I would suppose they'd have to work out an equitable agreement amongst themselves that they could live with. Just like any other marriage.

So, is that why he wanted another wife?' Because his 1st wife couldn't have more kids?!

Yuck.....

Be careful where you land when you jump to conclusions like that. Based on all the interviews and everything I've read about this family, they do what they do because it's their faith to do that. Just like the Amish living without electricity and orthodox Jews not eating pork.

What they also have in common with the Amish and Jews is that they don't try to convert other people to their faith, which gives them a mega-plus in the PRO column of my internal ledger and adds these people to the list of "people I'd like to know more about".

I've had my fill of those who 'witness' for their faith and try to convince everyone else that they alone have the only true faith so you'd better do things their way or you're going to hell. When I find someone who actually, truly lives the way they feel Jesus meant them to, appears to be very happy doing so and isn't trying to convince everyone else to do it their way? Yes! I find them to be very interesting people and feel there may be something I can learn from them about happiness in life.

 

[Carly_Roach]

See, that was my real problem with the show. I thought it was just flat-out boring! And I agree with a pp that the man was smirky and creepy. Don't think I'll bother watching again, it felt like a waste of an hour.

Perceptions are funny things, aren't they? I found him to be a bit nervous but, in general, I thought he was a somewhat charismatic and caring man. I got the impression that he was a little shaky with the cameras on him all the time, but when he looked at any of his wives or children that sense of calm seemed to come back into his face. If anything, the wives seemed more confident last night than the husband.

I wonder if that is a big part of why this works for them: their self-confidence. I see so many women, both here and on other news sites, stating that the women must have poor self-esteem to 'put up' with this kind of a marriage. But I'm betting it's just the opposite: these women know themselves so well, and have a rock-solid self-confidence in themselves and their husband, that they can carry this faith-based marriage off with aplomb. They are confident in their mate's love for them that they are willing and able to share it with others.

Hmm....

I wonder if it's the lack of self-confidence that makes so many women feel the need to sneer at or try to put these sister-wives down? It's an interesting interpersonal dynamic to think about, that's for sure.

 

[Mermaid02]

Perceptions are funny things, aren't they? I found him to be a bit nervous but, in general, I thought he was a somewhat charismatic and caring man. I got the impression that he was a little shaky with the cameras on him all the time, but when he looked at any of his wives or children that sense of calm seemed to come back into his face. If anything, the wives seemed more confident last night than the husband.

I wonder if that is a big part of why this works for them: their self-confidence. I see so many women, both here and on other news sites, stating that the women must have poor self-esteem to 'put up' with this kind of a marriage. But I'm betting it's just the opposite: these women know themselves so well, and have a rock-solid self-confidence in themselves and their husband, that they can carry this faith-based marriage off with aplomb. They are confident in their mate's love for them that they are willing and able to share it with others.

Hmm....

I wonder if it's the lack of self-confidence that makes so many women feel the need to sneer at or try to put these sister-wives down? It's an interesting interpersonal dynamic to think about, that's for sure.

I don't think so- but that's sure to stir up this thread.

They seemed like nice people- the Dad needs to just embrace the fact that he's losing his hair and let it happen. He looks silly, and creepy.

I wouldn't want to live that way- BUT at least he lives under the same roof with all of his children and their Moms and doesn't have women and babies/kids scattered all over the place like some men do. I really don't see it much different than some situations I see here in the "real" world.

 

[frndshpcptn]

See, that was my real problem with the show. I thought it was just flat-out boring! And I agree with a pp that the man was smirky and creepy. Don't think I'll bother watching again, it felt like a waste of an hour.

I agree - I'm a HUGE fan of Big Love.

I though Cody was just icky and it was really, really boring. I turned it off halfway thorugh because I started to fall asleep...

 

[MosMom]

The only way this kind of circus crap will go away is if people DIDN'Twatch.

If you haven't watched the program, why even open this thread? Just to try to show how superior you are to the people who do watch it? You had nothing to add to the conversation but a scolding.

You, of course, have every right to do it but I just want to let you know it is obnoxious.

 

[MosMom]

I enjoyed the show. I find their lifestyle interesting. I would never ever ever live that way but they are all consenting adults who enjoy their life. If there are wounds, the show is going to bleed them for sure. I do give the guy credit for the fact wife #4 is 30 years old. She isn't 18, 19, 20... There are plenty of men who would choose a young wife at his age. I'm really interested to see how it plays out once they settle into the show and they aren't so stiff and nervous.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I don't think so- but that's sure to stir up this thread.

You don't disappoint, Mermaid. I know you accuse me all the time of saying things to stir things up, but in this case I'm merely thinking out loud.

I see the same kinds of reactions to this family that I see happening to gay families. And based on what I've seen, what it really comes down to is a lack of confidence in what people have themselves that they would perceive some kind of threat if someone had something different.

A gay marriage wouldn't threaten a straight marriage, but there are many out there who would have others think so for one reason or another. These sister-wives, and others like them, are no better nor worse, no more self-confident or less self-confident than we ourselves are. But it makes me wonder about the phrase of seeing others as a mirror to ourselves; that we see the faults or positives in other people reflecting back to us that which is us.

Yet another reason to only look for the good in people, yes?

 

[DWGal210]

OK, so watching now & cleared up the 1st wife questions. Knowing she came from a polygamous family herself & that she was apparently a driving force in the other wives answers some questions.

And Carly, I agree we don't want to get on a slippery slope.....but my opinions are just that, opinions. I'm not saying they are right, wrong or otherwise; just trying to put myself in that sutuation & wonder how or why someone chooses to live as they do. That's why TLC and other networks air these shows; to give those of us who don't live as they do insight to a real family, not in a TV show.

 

[flamingglobessigmund]

I watched it and found it to be completely fascinating. I'm always intrigued by the logistics of the situation and found it interesting that they each had their own section of the house that was their own so to speak. You have to remember that each wife came from polygamous families to begin with, so sharing one man seems perfectly normal to them and their children.

As for financial support, he is in advertising (which can be lucrative) and at least two of the wives work. They all seem to be in their 30's or 40's which means they are quite possibly mid-career and are each making a decent income.

As far as the sharing one man thing - I'm not sure that's something I could do. But I wasn't raised to judge others on whether or not their lifestyle is bad or wrong simply because I can't see myself participating in it. Obviously this is working for those couples or they wouldn't be participating in it themselves. As long as they are happy, that's all that matters.

I'll hang out and see how this series goes. If it turns into yet another reality show full of he-said, she-said, someone gets the screaming-meemies and it's drama drama drama all the time, I'll be cancelling the DVR series and stop watching. I've often said that if I want drama I'll watch the professionals do it.

It was really late when I watched but I'm pretty sure one of the wives, (maybe the 2nd one?) wasn't raised in a polygamist family, but came to want that for her life.

This show was like a watered-down episode of Big Love to me. Maybe Big Love took this family as a blue-print for HBO drama? There were just so many similarities.

I read on another website this family was interviewed for a BBC docu awhile ago, and back then, the 1st and 2nd wives didn't want to be identified.

Now with the 4th wife coming into the home with kids (and what does her ex-husband think of that?--if he's still alive), where will they put them? Is that why they became public to get the money to build another apartment onto their house?

 

[Mermaid02]

You don't disappoint, Mermaid. I know you accuse me all the time of saying things to stir things up, but in this case I'm merely thinking out loud.

I see the same kinds of reactions to this family that I see happening to gay families. And based on what I've seen, what it really comes down to is a lack of confidence in what people have themselves that they would perceive some kind of threat if someone had something different.

A gay marriage wouldn't threaten a straight marriage, but there are many out there who would have others think so for one reason or another. These sister-wives, and others like them, are no better nor worse, no more self-confident or less self-confident than we ourselves are. But it makes me wonder about the phrase of seeing others as a mirror to ourselves; that we see the faults or positives in other people reflecting back to us that which is us.

Yet another reason to only look for the good in people, yes?

I have never said that. I said you never disappoint and I only recall saying it once and recently...... but you must admit by saying women who disagree with polygamy only feel that way because they are insecure is volatile to say the least.

Did you read the rest of my post?