Simpsons Quotes

[Jimbo]

We've had the Seinfeld thread, how about a Simpsons thread?

My team at work was discussing how much we hate Sarbanes-Oxley, and the subject of the 5 phases came up.

Remember how they treated that on the Simpsons? Homer takes the family to a sushi restaurant, eats a blowfish and finds out from Dr. Hibbert that he's going to die in 24 hours:

Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
Dr. Hibbert: The second is anger.
Homer: Why you little!
Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear?
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.

 

[Jimbo]

My favorite Smithers quotes:

Mr. Burns: I guess I have no choice but to kiss my sorry butt good-bye.
Smithers: Allow me, sir.

Burns: Smithers, dogs are idiots. How would you like it if I started slobbering all over your face and sniffing your crotch?
Smithers: If you did it sir?

And one from Principal Skinner: "For a school with no Asian kids, I think we put on a pretty darn good science fair."

 

[shrubber]

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

 

[Nebsky]

Ralph Wiggum I bent my Wookie....

Ralph Wiggum Hi Supernintendo Chalmers

Homer Im not gay, but Im willing to learn

 

[shrubber]

Apu: Please do not offer my god a peanut

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

My absolute favorite!!!

Mr. Burns : Smithers, there is a rocket in my pocket.

Smithers : You don't have to tell me, sir.

 

[shrubber]

Homer:
Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

 

[Nebsky]

.

 

[Jimbo]

When Lisa builds a perpetual motion machine, Homer says ""young lady, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"

 

[shrubber]

Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

 

[shrubber]

Mr. Burns:
This house has quite a long and colorful history. It was built on an ancient Indian burial ground, and was the setting of Satanic rituals, witch-burnings, and five John Denver Christmas specials.

 

[Jimbo]

Shrubber - That "hatless" one was a classic.

 

[SeaShelley]

Doh'

 

[orvilleair]

In the episode where Homer was thrown out of the (sea captain"s) all you can eat buffet for eating too much, Homer hired an attorney and the attorney's response to the case was:

"This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie "The Never Ending Story.""

 

[oogieboogie]

My absolute absolute fav:

I didn't do it, no one saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!

 

[shrubber]

Ralph:
"That's my sandbox … I'm not allowed to go in the deep end."

 

[Jimbo]

Rev. Lovejoy to Flanders: "Ned, have you thought about one of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same."

 

[Nebsky]

Lisa Simpson.
You play the Guitar

Nelson Muntz.
Oh ya, Im a superstar.

Lisa
Play something for me.

Nelson
ok...
Joy to the world, the teachers dead, we bar-b-qued her head. And what we did to the body, we flushed it down the potty. And round and round it goes, and round and round it........

 

[shrubber]

They fight! And bite!
They fight and bite and fight!
Fight fight fight! Bite bite bite!
The Itchy and Scratchy Show!

 

[shrubber]

All singers: It's the first annual Montgomery Burns
Award for...
Male singers: Outstanding achievement in...
Female singers: The field of...
All singers: Excellence!