SIL is driving me insane! What to say.

[eliza61]

Last month I found out that my brother and I planned WDW vacations for our respective families for the same week (11/6). He lives in NY and I live in NJ. I did know he was going but I didn't expect to be able to go this year but no matter, all is good (we're very close). I talked with my sister in law a few days afterward and she asked where we were staying, I said the BCV. She replied "Oooh fancy, smacy. wish I had a rich husband. " I pretty much laughed it off, made the usual remarks about the price of just living nowadays and moved on.
The problem is now, every time I see her or talk to her she makes snide remarks. Stuff like "It must be nice living large" or "wish I could travel like the Rockerfellers", etc, etc. It's getting harder and harder to ignore.

Now I don't know what to say to get it to stop. Some times I think to explain but then I get mad about it. We're regular folks, some times we live within our means, some times we spend way more than we should. Most times we're just middle class, 2 income people with kids.
I need a good come back line disers.

 

[teresajoy]

How irritating! Can you talk to your brother about it? Since you guys are close, that might be the way to go, then he could maybe say something to his wife.

 

[Ladybison]

Last month I found out that my brother and I planned WDW vacations for our respective families for the same week (11/6). He lives in NY and I live in NJ. I did know he was going but I didn't expect to be able to go this year but no matter, all is good (we're very close). I talked with my sister in law a few days afterward and she asked where we were staying, I said the BCV. She replied "Oooh fancy, smacy. wish I had a rich husband. " I pretty much laughed it off, made the usual remarks about the price of just living nowadays and moved on.
The problem is now, every time I see her or talk to her she makes snide remarks. Stuff like "It must be nice living large" or "wish I could travel like the Rockerfellers", etc, etc. It's getting harder and harder to ignore.

Now I don't know what to say to get it to stop. Some times I think to explain but then I get mad about it. We're regular folks, some times we live within our means, some times we spend way more than we should. Most times we're just middle class, 2 income people with kids.
I need a good come back line disers.

You know it's just plain and simple jealousy. DON'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING! Tell her if she spent more time working on a travel savings plan instead of in your bank account she could travel like the Rockerfellers.

 

[solferino]

Ugh, that must be so incredibly frustrating! She's obviously envious of the difference of where both families are staying and taking it out on you. I'd talk to your brother and let him know. And if that doesn't work perhaps saying you wish you had a sister in law that appreciated what their husband is able to do for them, and was genuinely happy about going to WDW, even if she wasn't staying at a more exclusive/expensive resort. Some people just don't appreciate what they have.

 

[Starr W.]

Eliza, my DH's sister and husband are just like that. We live in the "supposed" snooty suburb(I have lived here 30 yrs and DH lived here upon relocation as it was close to his work out). She always makes comments about it and I ignore her. I let DH handle the smart comebacks(it's his sister). I usually can't get a word in during a disscussion with her(no windbag smiley ).

They are extremely jealous of DH as he supposedly won the lottery in marrying me. I ran my family business for 12 yrs and we sold it 7 yrs ago. So my money problems are a little different than most peoples.

But then again I have the same problem with the neighbors(I was the working mom in a mostly SAHM subdivision) and I love to mention things and see the path it travels back to me! No I haven't mentioned DVC yet. , that's for when the chief gossip really ticks me off.

 

[dis-happy]

Hugs. You can pick your friends.......

Hope she forgets about it soon. Before she inquires if her family can pool hop with yours!!!

 

[eliza61]

How irritating! Can you talk to your brother about it? Since you guys are close, that might be the way to go, then he could maybe say something to his wife.

Thanks to all, I had just gotten off the phone with SIL when I posted this so I was venting a little.

Big bro. is as baffled as I am. We are all stepstair siblings (4 total) and we all in our late 40's. We have traveled seperately and together. we've always celebrated each others high points (bonuses, promotions etc) and tried to help out financially during the low points. (another brother lost his son and was devastated by it, entire family chipped in, made sure mortgage and bills were taken care of for 4 months until they both got back on their feet). So it just seems so weird that she is now getting this petty.
I do know one more snide crack and I'm going to dump a whole bucket of pixie dust on her head. Hard!
Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Whosemom]

Hugs. You can pick your friends.......

Hope she forgets about it soon. Before she inquires if her family can pool hop with yours!!!

Actually - it sounds like generally you get along. And would it be ok if they were your guests at the pool? or whatever? Are you going to meet up some? I bet you she sees places they spend more. We are pretty cheap about where we sleep on vacation, but man, we don't come home without our Disney watches as souvees. LOL

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I think your going about this the wrong way-instead of getting defensive try the opposite approach. "Yes, it is fancy schmancy and gosh darned it we both worked hard for this so we deserve it! All those years of doing without has finally paid off!". Your never going to be able to help what others think of you. As long as you don't discuss your finances with her (as in financial woes), she was totally out of line in uttering a word. Sometimes you just have to ignore bad behavior. They don't live close, so that should be rather easy. The alternative is possibly alienating your brother and DSIL-even though your right. For me, I'd let it go and probably be pretty tickled by the fact that my lifestyle bothered DSIL so much.

 

[dzorn]

I'd probably just say

I know we're so excited I cannot wait. Do the happy dance. And grin at her ear to ear.

She's just jealous.

Denise in MI

 

[ilovejack02]

I have a cpl of friends that say crap like this to me. One I dumped off.. not just for that reason and the other I just laughed a few times and said "yes it is nice, im soo lucky to be able to be a SAHM and still have nice things" It shut her up pretty quick. Funny thing is I never mention what I buy or how much i spend, she just recognizes when DS is wearing a high end outfit or im carrying a new purse etc.. Drives me crazy too, I try to stay away from her.

 

[pumpkin5156]

Last month I found out that my brother and I planned WDW vacations for our respective families for the same week (11/6). He lives in NY and I live in NJ. I did know he was going but I didn't expect to be able to go this year but no matter, all is good (we're very close). I talked with my sister in law a few days afterward and she asked where we were staying, I said the BCV. She replied "Oooh fancy, smacy. wish I had a rich husband. " I pretty much laughed it off, made the usual remarks about the price of just living nowadays and moved on.
The problem is now, every time I see her or talk to her she makes snide remarks. Stuff like "It must be nice living large" or "wish I could travel like the Rockerfellers", etc, etc. It's getting harder and harder to ignore.

Now I don't know what to say to get it to stop. Some times I think to explain but then I get mad about it. We're regular folks, some times we live within our means, some times we spend way more than we should. Most times we're just middle class, 2 income people with kids.
I need a good come back line disers.

What you do not need is a comeback line. When I ignore my inlaws (and I mean literally ignore them: walk away from the remark or just pretend I didn't hear), they get the hint pretty quickly. I don't even say a nice little comment back. In my opinion, it is not worth my breath to waste my energy on someone who is very insecure with themselves. If anything, be extremely nice at all other times, and when the remarks start floating, simply ignore them. You may get some flack at first, but my inlaws picked up really quick on my no-nonsense behaviour when they would make stupid comments.


GL and it will work...just try it!

 

[KathyRN137]

I agree with the above...

No need to sink to her level...

As we say here in North Jersey, "Fugghettabouttit!"

Kathy

 

[LuvOrlando]

There are a whole lot of good ideas here. As for me I usually can't help but respond to comments. Its my guess that comments like "It must be nice to live large" would meet with me turning it back onto her. More than likely I'd say "Yep, I guess it would be nice to live like the Trumps but for now a nice vacation here and there will have to do. We all make our choices don't we? I've chosen a trip to WDW and you chose (insert her priority)." Or I'd go with a "Gee, I don't know anyone like that but I guess it would be nice to stay a month huh?" and then pretend I didn't know she meant me. All I know is I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing she was ruining it for me.

 

[Maggi May]

I think it was Dear Abby or maybe Miss Manners who suggests saying "why do you say that?" or "why would you ask that?" in response to rude or snide comments. Repeat as often as possible until the person gets the hint. It's not a snappy comeback but puts the question or comment back on the rude person.

 

[pamouselover]

DH and I have a friend couple who always have a smart ... remark to anytime we go away on vacation to WDW or anywhere else, or even when we do something to our home. It really is just jealousy.
I dont ever rub it in to them. I just told them we were doing to WDW this august and they both were "again wow must be nice to have that kind of money." "Yeah, we saved for it was my only remark."