SIL inheritance stupidiy.

[plummer925]

I've come to firmly believe that some people just like to complain - about service, about quality, about overall experience, and about overall cost.

A local very well respected business man in our community was recently telling me a story about his last trip to WDW with his family. While his adult daughter was riding Cinderella's Carousel (it was still called that when they went LOL) he was sitting on a park bench waving each time they went around - and a young father sat down next to him on the bench, and they started a conversation - and he asked the young man if they were having a good time - and his response was - "Yes, but everything is so overpriced here!" - and his response back to that was - well you have to put things into perspective. Did you have to look at this bench before you sat down to see if it was clean enough or in good enough repair to sit on? I saw you throw something in the trash can over there before you sat down - where you able to dispose of your trash properly or have to worry about coming into contact with a dirty trash receptacle? Were you greeted at the front gate? Have you had any problem finding a clean restroom? The young man looked at him and said "I didn't think about any of that! You really put it all in perspective for me, thanks for making my trip better!"

So when we all think about what we spend at WDW or Disney stores - we really get a bang for our buck - and are nearly Guaranteed to have a good time. That's why we find it harder to vacation elsewhere, because you do have to worry about those things! We went to a small family owned amusement park over the July 4th Holiday this year and the food was horrible, the walkways were littered, the trash cans were full and over flowing, and there was no shade - at all!

So while we are all Disney nuts - we are Disney nuts for a reason - we recognize quality, attention to detail, and most importantly value for our dollar. At face value - is Disney expensive? Yes - it does cost a decent amount to go - however is the price unreasonable? No - or none of us 'budget boarders' would even consider going!

The first time I went to Universal I was so disappointed that it wasn't up to the level of expectation that I had come to know from going to Disney. Will I go back to Universal - Yes, only to see new attractions and have new experiences. The biggest disappointment was the lack of attention to detail. I just wish Disney had been given the opportunity to build the Wizarding World of Harry Potter - I'm sure it would have been much better

But in the end - all will vacation as they do - and some will continue to complain about how expensive it was - even though you KNOW they didn't TRY to save money. So, let them spend $4,000 on a trip to Universal - and you can spend $4,000 on two week long trips to Disney!

Just wanted to say I thought this was well written & gave ME things to think about when I consider the cost of Disney - thanks!

 

[tinkarooni]

I think many of us have people like OP SIL in our life. I'm always just happy they aren't asking me for money. I figure if they aren't spending my money adults are free to make any choices, good or bad, with their money that they want to.

That being said I have a brother who married about 2 years ago, a woman with a 7 year old son. She immediately quit her job and became a SAHM, no problem if you can afford it, they can't, they bought a house that carries a mortgage WAY bigger than mine, taxes literally triple mine. They have fancy phones with internet access,(which we would enjoy but can't afford, read that choose not to afford) and for 7 year old stepson they threw a crazy extravagant communion party complete with a rented tent a caterer and a chocolate fountain!!!!! My mother thought it was all just grand... Now their lifestyle is catching up with them and my parents just informed me that they are helping them out by giving them a new car. Of course they are......my new plan is to stear clear of the train wreck coming and live my life the way I choose.

 

[crisi]

I think many of us have people like OP SIL in our life. I'm always just happy they aren't asking me for money. I figure if they aren't spending my money adults are free to make any choices, good or bad, with their money that they want to.

That being said I have a brother who married about 2 years ago, a woman with a 7 year old son. She immediately quit her job and became a SAHM, no problem if you can afford it, they can't, they bought a house that carries a mortgage WAY bigger than mine, taxes literally triple mine. They have fancy phones with internet access,(which we would enjoy but can't afford, read that choose not to afford) and for 7 year old stepson they threw a crazy extravagant communion party complete with a rented tent a caterer and a chocolate fountain!!!!! My mother thought it was all just grand... Now their lifestyle is catching up with them and my parents just informed me that they are helping them out by giving them a new car. Of course they are......my new plan is to stear clear of the train wreck coming and live my life the way I choose.

Yep, we all have them. I try to not waste too much emotional karma on mine.

I have two.

My own sister, who is a recovering alcoholic. She's MUCH better and more sane with money now, but she dug herself into a hole she'll never get out of when she was drinking. We have helped her and continue to help her out - sober.

My husband's brother, who believed he was Peter Pan and hasn't quite gotten around to growing up yet - at 40. He's made a succession of bad decisions - including a wife who spent him into bankruptcy. His main source of income has been as a musician. He currently rents a house from us in an effort to get back on his feet again. Its better for my emotional energy than having him live in my basement. I can't deal with that.

(Oh, that house is part of the kid's college investments, too, if we need it).

 

[MineMail]

Complaining about money (or lack thereof) is a bad habit and most people don't even realize that others are paying attention when they remark about the cost of something. It's easier than making real conversation with people. People who are insecure often bring up every little mistake they make and will NOT accept any unsolicited input from others.

I have a former friend who is forever complaining about how they have no money. They buy a lot of frivolous stuff and appliances on a whim. I figured out that when she asks for advice, she just wants validation. Anything other suggestions or comments will be rejected. When she makes a poor purchase, she'll tell the world about it, over and over, gets into arguments with the clerks/supervisors, and recants those encounters ad infinitum.

It's boring and predictable, plus very one-sided. A few weeks ago, I decided to let her addiction be her problem, not mine, hence the "former friend." I don't think she'll notice anytime soon that we're no longer friends, I just brush her off with a "I have to do () so I can't stay on long." and don't respond to emails that are full of this crap. I know that confronting her about it won't change her behavior or self-interest, so I've moved on to new and more positive friends.

Can't do that with family, so you have to find ways to cope. Sounds like your inlaws like to spend money and tell everyone how much money they spend - that's their choice. However, you don't have to listen to it or feel that you could do so much better. That's your choice.

Just change the subject, steer the conversation into a more positive note. Ask about her kids' baseball season instead of focusing on the $350 bats. Ask about Harry Potter in Universal instead of the hotel bill. Guide the chat away from any finance discussion and you'll be much happier.

That would be better than fuming about how much money your advice could have saved or how you manage your finances better. It's not your money or business, so stick to your plan of letting it go without comment.

 

[tinkarooni]

Yep, we all have them. I try to not waste too much emotional karma on mine.

I have two.

My own sister, who is a recovering alcoholic. She's MUCH better and more sane with money now, but she dug herself into a hole she'll never get out of when she was drinking. We have helped her and continue to help her out - sober.

My husband's brother, who believed he was Peter Pan and hasn't quite gotten around to growing up yet - at 40. He's made a succession of bad decisions - including a wife who spent him into bankruptcy. His main source of income has been as a musician. He currently rents a house from us in an effort to get back on his feet again. Its better for my emotional energy than having him live in my basement. I can't deal with that.

(Oh, that house is part of the kid's college investments, too, if we need it).

That part helps to answer my question from the college saving thread....thanks. Thought about that thread last night while going to sleep. Sometimes these threads really give you some food for thought.

 

[Colleen27]

I read that as an inclusive in the Carribean, not Universal Studios. But either way, its their vacation. I think Disney every year is excessive, but it suits the vacation styles of many here.

SIL should, if she has no money and struggles to pay her mortgage, not take a vacation AT ALL. Even one the OP can save her thousands on. And she shouldn't complain about her lack of money while bragging about her spending. But if she is going to spend her money poorly, what business is it of the OPs where she decides to spend it?

It seems so odd to me that the culture on this board is "why, or why does my (mother, coworker, friend, sister) judge me for my frequent Disney vacations?" But when someone else makes a vacation decision that is not Disney, the board culture is "oh, what are they thinking - they could go to Disney!"

That's the way I see it too - there are two separate issues involved. If they have money problems, they shouldn't be taking a vacation, and we all know people who do stupid things like that. Go on, vent away, we've all been there. But the destination and cost of whatever vacation they do decide to take are far more a matter of individual tastes than of right and wrong.

The thing that gets me about this board is how inexpensive trips are applauded and more pricey trips are offhandedly insulted. Some people like staying in the more expensive resort, eating overpriced table service meals, and not worrying so much about every dime on vacation, and assuming they have the means that's just as okay as staying in a value resort and packing lunches to take to the parks. There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay in a deluxe resort, pay a convenience premium for a package vacation, or indulging in expensive extras.

When we do Universal (hopefully next year, but we're waiting until our 9yo is tall enough for the thrill rides so it might end up being 2012) we'll be staying at Hard Rock and going to Discovery Cove along with Sea World and both Universal parks. $4000 doesn't sound all that ridiculous for that type of trip, especially when you take into account that there are no discounts available yet for 2011.

 

[crisi]

I can get out a crystal ball and see SILs future, I've seen it a few times.

When people have wealthy parents and get gifts they think one of two ways:

1. They think like the OP does. They don't increase their long term lifestyle. They invest the gifts, and maybe do some planning around the eventual inheritence (we will use it for college). Sometimes give themselves a one time special treat.

2. They think like I suspect the SIL does - she uses the money she will get "someday" to fund a standard of living for today.

If you get lucky, you play the #2 game, and inherit a fortune. Everything works out great for you - and its even enough money that your kids don't suffer from your example.

More likely, one of your parents needs extensive end of life care. By the time the inheritence arrives, its much smaller than you thought (or its just much smaller than you thought even without the end of life care - my father in law's inheritence - half of it went to charity - boy was he mad. His stepmother willed half of HIS money to charity. Of course, it was HER money. A friend I went to high school with discovered that her father's millions did not split between TEN children to leave any one of them as wealthy as Dad had been. A college friend discovered that his mother had managed to spend down her entire fortune in "gifts" to them - there was about $20,000 left once they buried her.) Then you have a standard of living you were planning on paying for "tomorrow" and no money coming tomorrow - or not enough to maintain the house of cards long term.

 

[eliza61]

That's the way I see it too - there are two separate issues involved. If they have money problems, they shouldn't be taking a vacation, and we all know people who do stupid things like that. Go on, vent away, we've all been there. But the destination and cost of whatever vacation they do decide to take are far more a matter of individual tastes than of right and wrong.

The thing that gets me about this board is how inexpensive trips are applauded and more pricey trips are offhandedly insulted. Some people like staying in the more expensive resort, eating overpriced table service meals, and not worrying so much about every dime on vacation, and assuming they have the means that's just as okay as staying in a value resort and packing lunches to take to the parks. There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay in a deluxe resort, pay a convenience premium for a package vacation, or indulging in expensive extras.
When we do Universal (hopefully next year, but we're waiting until our 9yo is tall enough for the thrill rides so it might end up being 2012) we'll be staying at Hard Rock and going to Discovery Cove along with Sea World and both Universal parks. $4000 doesn't sound all that ridiculous for that type of trip, especially when you take into account that there are no discounts available yet for 2011.

 

[luvthemouse71]

I'm sitting here scratching my head trying to figure out how a 4 day trip to Universal would cost $4000.. sorry, I didnt read the whole thread. Are they flying first class or staying at a real fancy hotel?

Sheesh, I paid about $6000 for my disney vacation, but this was 10 days at the Poly(Club Level), with park hoppers. And I'm thinking that my next trip is going to be much more frugal...either I'll still do the Poly, and just a regular room, or I'll try another hotel and do a regular room.

 

[beansmom]

while I do agree that if they are struggling to pay a mortgage, they probably should hold off on a vacation, what business of ours is it???

My future MIL...who is a multi-millionairess...said to me a few weeks ago "you really should watch your money better" when fiance and I purchased a piece of art for $150. What I would have LIKED to say is "until I ask you to help us pay our bills, I think what we spend is none of your damn business". I think the same applies here.

People have different priorities and lifestyles. When their money is gone, it's gone and OP will still have hers. It's called 'free will'.

 

[jennilynn510]

i learned a long time ago

SIL=PAIN

step away and be grateful your such a smart lady

 

[hambirg]

I didn't read this entire thread. However, I do understand the OP's point. My brother and SIL make over $300,000/yr between the both of them. It doesn't bother me that they eat out several times a week, or basically buy whatever they want. . .they can afford it. Like some people here have said. . .there are 2 kinds of people. . .the ones that like to impress everybody with how much they spent, and the ones that like to impress everybody with how much they saved. I'm of the latter. . .I know my brother is too. . .but his wife is definitely in that first category. Soooo. . .they will complain endlessly how expensive something was. . .it irritates me when I'm thinking, "Well, it doesn't cost me THAT for the same thing." I have lived for soooo long on soooo little that I'm thoroughly convinced that I could probably live on nothing! Of course what is really irritating is when they b*tch that I couldn't POSSIBLY afford this or that. . .Hey! I know how to squeeze blood out of a penny.

Even more to the the point. . .they went to Disney. . .it killed me! They went in July. . .stayed offsite and had to rent a car. They complained again how expensive it was, how it was so crowded that they really didn't see much. . .they only went to 3 parks and could only ride a few rides. . .and that the heat was unbearable. I wanted to scream from the rooftops that we spent so much less. . .stayed onsite. . .got to experience everything. . .and had a great time! For the icing on the cake they rolled their eyes at me and said that we shouldn't have gone. . .we couldn't possibly have been able to afford THAT! I just bit my tongue. I know we went for 10 days with 3 kids. . .they only went for 4 days with 1 kid. . .and we spent less than third of what they did.

So OP. . .just bite your tongue. . .keep doing what you are doing for your family. In the end, that's all that matters.

 

[wbn36]

I'm sitting here scratching my head trying to figure out how a 4 day trip to Universal would cost $4000.. sorry, I didnt read the whole thread. Are they flying first class or staying at a real fancy hotel?

Sheesh, I paid about $6000 for my disney vacation, but this was 10 days at the Poly(Club Level), with park hoppers. And I'm thinking that my next trip is going to be much more frugal...either I'll still do the Poly, and just a regular room, or I'll try another hotel and do a regular room.

Nope, reg air, hotel at hard rock 375 sq feet but had a pool view. they did get the dining plan which I did tell her she should make reservations prior to going, but that is another story, and park tickets. Thats it. 4 nights.

 

[wbn36]

Who are THEY?

They is basically her son who is the trustee of her funds.

 

[cheshireqt]

Why is it a waste? Are they happy "winging it"? So your saying that unless they are happy touring your way, they are wasting time and money?

I just don't get this people. If I decide to spend 10,000 bucks on stuff mickeys while licking mickey bars and that's what makes me happy why should anyone feel bad for me?

That's like the people who always say that if you don't do rope drop you waste your time?

My brother in law goes to Disney during football season and spends 90% of his time inside ESPN watching games. This is what he loves. Yeah, he drops 7K to stay at the Poly but you know what he's HAPPY.

I'm glad I'm not married to him!

Me either! That is crazy!

 

[dispor]

They is basically her son who is the trustee of her funds.

Boy, that's what I was afraid of! What if grandmother needs that money to live off in the future? That's just wrong. You refer to it as an "inheritance." The poor woman isn't even dead yet!

If I were you, I would keep that money separate and give it back to her if/when she needs it.

 

[Acklander]

Boy, that's what I was afraid of! What if grandmother needs that money to live off in the future? That's just wrong. You refer to it as an "inheritance." The poor woman isn't even dead yet!

If I were you, I would keep that money separate and give it back to her if/when she needs it.

Nothing to be afraid of, while I don't know the grandmother's situation, from the dollar amount listed, it sounds like what they're doing is trying to reduce the tax liability by reducing the estate before she dies and taking advantage of the tax free gift that is allowed.
It's a very common procedure in estate planning.

 

[wbn36]

Nothing to be afraid of, while I don't know the grandmother's situation, from the dollar amount listed, it sounds like what they're doing is trying to reduce the tax liability by reducing the estate before she dies and taking advantage of the tax free gift that is allowed.
It's a very common procedure in estate planning.

Exactly. This is becomming a common practice. You can do 13K each year without tax consequences. Both of my DH Grandmothers have been advocates for this type of distribution. But yes, her needs have been addressed and she had more than an adequate amount of what she may financially need in the years t come.

 

[dispor]

Exactly. This is becomming a common practice. You can do 13K each year without tax consequences. Both of my DH Grandmothers have been advocates for this type of distribution. But yes, her needs have been addressed and she had more than an adequate amount of what she may financially need in the years t come.

What concerned me is how the OP worded it. Not that "she" (the grandmother) was distributing her wealth, but that "they" (the brother) was distributing her wealth. I worried that they were "distributing" her money so that she would qualify for medicare earlier and perhaps not have the quality of care that she deserves. If she has plenty of money and has ASKED the brother to distribute her money now, it's a different thing entirely.

I can't imagine having so much money that you never have to worry about how long you will live and what possible amounts you would need in the future, but I am sure that there are people who actually do have more than they could ever possibly need. I hope that's what is going on in this case.