SIL inheritance stupidiy.

[wbn36]

So adult grandchildren (DH Included) were all given a gift of $13,000 this year because grandmother is getting old and they would like to start distributing her wealth. We are so fortunate.

DH and I will max out our Roth IRA and put some money into our kids college fund etc. Use it responsibly, we do have a 9 day disney trip planned for January. I pay for that trip with rebates, money I made from e-bay, unexpected funds like my birthday etc.

My SIL who is constantly complaining they have no money, can't pay the mortgage on time, lives well above her means. THey go to a hotel for the weekend just to "swim" ($300 plus) and eat out several nights per week. She tells me she would like to take the boys on a real vacation with some of the money. Since I love to plan and have some free time, I told her I would be happy to help her reasearch some stuff but she decined. First, she tells me she is taking them to the Carribean. Here is the catch, she wants to go in two weeks. Come to find out, she books a 4 night univeral vacation package for $4,000. Now, should they be taking a vacation?, probably not, but the thing that is killing me is how much she paid. She could have gotten such a better deal. I could go to Disney for weeks for 4 grand. I told her that since we are going in January, she should have gotten some info from me but She said she just could not be bothered to do the research. She was too busy.

I know this is none of my business except for the fact that I am constantly being told they have no money. I do wish them a great trip but I just wish they would have let me help them get the most for their money

 

[ohanaMAMA]

Dont you hate when people refuse your expertise? I am constantly hearing about friends taking trips to Disney. I offer my planning help and they consistently brush me off. The end up "winging it" and waste tons of money and time. You feel bad for them.. but in the end people gotta live thier life.

congrats on the money (and the good sense to use it wisely!)

 

[wbn36]

Dont you hate when people refuse your expertise? I am constantly hearing about friends taking trips to Disney. I offer my planning help and they consistently brush me off. The end up "winging it" and waste tons of money and time. You feel bad for them.. but in the end people gotta live thier life.

congrats on the money (and the good sense to use it wisely!)

It kills me. I could have saved them at least $1000. We had 7 day tickets that we bought for $99 several months ago when we learned that Harry Potter would be increasing ticket prices. I really think that if she didn't go the "package" route that they could have saved a lot.

 

[njcarita]

Just step away.......
I cannot tell u the number of times I have sat down with a family member or close friend to help them work out a budget and straighten out their financial messess....

after spending an afternoon sorting thru bills and savings info... and setting them on a budget and showing them the reality of their spending situation... not one has ever tried to stick to their plan or even tried it after the first week...

sad thing is that they all asked me for help.... cause they couldn't believe how well I planned and budgetted...

 

[crisi]

Four grand for an all inclusive in the Carribean, if its a nice one, isn't bad if that includes airfare from certain parts of the country. And she doesn't want to go to Disney, she wants to sit on a beach.

(The living beyond her means part is stupid, but she does get to pick where she vacations).

 

[disneysmyhappyplace]

Four grand for an all inclusive in the Carribean, if its a nice one, isn't bad if that includes airfare from certain parts of the country. And she doesn't want to go to Disney, she wants to sit on a beach.

(The living beyond her means part is stupid, but she does get to pick where she vacations).

She is going to Universal for four nights, seems a little excessive for Universal.

 

[clh2]

I know this is none of my business except for the fact that I am constantly being told they have no money.

Yes - you nailed it right on the head. This is none of your business. Don't get me wrong - it totally sucks, b ecause now you will need to continue to listen to them complain that they have no money.

Take a deep breath and move on. Life is too short to worry other people's lives away. Besides - nothing will change with your SIL. NOTHING.

 

[Derby4me]

Just be careful here. You offered help (which was very kind), she declined now it's time to step away. Yes, she could have booked the vacation at a much lower price, but it sounds like she wanted to do it on her own. In a way, I understand this because I do too...though I have lots of fun finding a good deal. Don't forget, your brother has a say in this money too so don't forget to hold him accountable in your judgements.

 

[Go Saints!]

I can only imagine what she will spend once they get there.
I have an aunt that is just like this. If she has any money or a free credit card, it is burning a hole in her purse. Than she wants to cry to my parents how she needs money to pay bills or the tuition (for private school) for her kids, who by the way are old enough to get a job and help.

I hope the next time she calls crying about money, you remind her of her $4000.00+ dollar (she will spend even more once they get there) vacation. Maybe then, she will leave you alone about her finances. I also hope she is not the type to call and hit you up for a loan knowing you are a saver and you still have your money, because more than likely she will never repay you for the loan.

Good Luck!

 

[wbn36]

I can only imagine what she will spend once they get there.
I have an aunt that is just like this. If she has any money or a free credit card, it is burning a hole in her purse. Than she wants to cry to my parents how she needs money to pay bills or the tuition (for private school) for her kids, who by the way are old enough to get a job and help.

I hope the next time she calls crying about money, you remind her of her $4000.00+ dollar (she will spend even more once they get there) vacation. Maybe then, she will leave you alone about her finances. I also hope she is not the type to call and hit you up for a loan knowing you are a saver and you still have your money, because more than likely she will never repay you for the loan.

Good Luck!

I can guarantee they will spend over $100 a day just on alcohol. I will def. let it go, but it just a series of stupid judgements. For example, the bought their son two $350 each baseball bats for christmas. They did not check to see if he could use him in his league. They are banned. These are final sales so $700 in baseball bats that are sitting in the garage and cannot be use. They cannot be returned.

ok, vent is now done. Thanks for listening. Like I initially said, it is none of my business but I just needed to tell someone.

Oh, and to previous posts, a loan would never happen. God helps those who help themselves.

 

[Heidict]

I can guarantee they will spend over $100 a day just on alcohol. I will def. let it go, but it just a series of stupid judgements. For example, the bought their son two $350 each baseball bats for christmas. They did not check to see if he could use him in his league. They are banned. These are final sales so $700 in baseball bats that are sitting in the garage and cannot be use. They cannot be returned.

ok, vent is now done. Thanks for listening. Like I initially said, it is none of my business but I just needed to tell someone.

Oh, and to previous posts, a loan would never happen. God helps those who help themselves.

What!!! $350 for a baseball bat? OMG, I never realized something like that could cost so much.

Yeah, your SIL doesn't sound like she is to good with money. I always figure, hey, it's your house, your finances, do what you want, but just don't come crying to me when you get foreclosure papers.

 

[csharpwv]

While I agree that you should just walk away - you shouldn't do it quietly.
Next time you plan a vacation - 'let it be known' - how much you are spending for a WEEK at Disney or elsewhere.

Some people think that they have to spend a ton to ensure a good time. Usually these are the same people who end up complaining that they had a horrible time - and it was SO expensive - and they would NEVER go back!

I have a soon to be ex-sister in law (thankfully) who refuses advice on anything and everything regardless of what another person's experience is. She constantly complains about not having money - always late on the mortgage - almost lost their house once - even though when they were both working they made over $100,000 a year - and had nothing to show for it!

Now that they are divorcing I see why they never had anything- waste - waste - waste - waste - waste. Some people just DO NOT know how to manage their finances - and inevitably it's ALWAYS the fault of someone else. Even though they won't listen to advice.

The best thing you can do is take confidence in your ability to plan and manage your family's affairs - and know that you are doing the very best for your family.

If you are the catty type you would plan to vacation with them - and spend 1/4 of the amount HAHA But that would be TOO funny to be fun!

 

[thebigkahuna]

It kills me. I could have saved them at least $1000. We had 7 day tickets that we bought for $99 several months ago when we learned that Harry Potter would be increasing ticket prices. I really think that if she didn't go the "package" route that they could have saved a lot.

if she is spending time at expensive hotels just to "swim", and living above her means as you say she is, then the money spent on the Uni vacation is not an issue to her. She didn't take your advice/help because she would rather "impress" people with how much she SPENT, not how much she SAVED.

Not everyone handles money the same way, (especially when its a large lump sum!) so be thankful that you & your DH have the smarts to do the right thing for your family and your future.

 

[DawnM]

As the great philosopher Ron White says:

You can't fix stupid.

 

[nunzia]

Just be glad you are taking care of things in your household and I would really refuse to listen to her complain about money. The next time she does, just hand her a copy of Total Money makeover and be done with it

 

[dawson5]

Have you offered help before and has she taken it? My mother has friends like this. My mom is good with health/medical things. Friends have a dog that has been on antibiotics and steroids for over two years (has some type of rash that will not go away). She kept telling them to have the vet check for a systemic yeast infection. They refuse to even consider it and she keeps going on about it. They would rather consider putting the dog down than check to see if this might be right. Some people won't accept advice, well intentioned or right, no matter what. Recognize that about them and walk away.

What!!! $350 for a baseball bat? OMG, I never realized something like that could cost so much.

Yeah, your SIL doesn't sound like she is to good with money. I always figure, hey, it's your house, your finances, do what you want, but just don't come crying to me when you get foreclosure papers.

A good bat will cost money and it does make a difference. I've seen adult composite bats run that much at Dick's, youth big barrel bats are usually around $300--again at Dick's. You can usually buy those same bats cheaper online. I would guess she bought the adult ones.

Still in the wrapper/unused, they should have been able to exchange them. As soon as you open them, forget it. We researched for quite a while before making the big $$ bat purchase and still didn't spend that much. I could have bought a "bat pack" online for what she spent on one of those. She ought to list them on ebay or craigslist and try to recoup some of that money. *sigh*

 

[crisi]

She is going to Universal for four nights, seems a little excessive for Universal.

I read that as an inclusive in the Carribean, not Universal Studios. But either way, its their vacation. I think Disney every year is excessive, but it suits the vacation styles of many here.

SIL should, if she has no money and struggles to pay her mortgage, not take a vacation AT ALL. Even one the OP can save her thousands on. And she shouldn't complain about her lack of money while bragging about her spending. But if she is going to spend her money poorly, what business is it of the OPs where she decides to spend it?

It seems so odd to me that the culture on this board is "why, or why does my (mother, coworker, friend, sister) judge me for my frequent Disney vacations?" But when someone else makes a vacation decision that is not Disney, the board culture is "oh, what are they thinking - they could go to Disney!"

 

[SKWDW]

Re-read her post. OP said the SIL started out wanting a Carribean vacation, but ended up with a $4k 4-night Universal trip instead.

That sucks OP. Some people will never learn...because they don't care to learn. Enjoy your Disney trip!

So adult grandchildren (DH Included) were all given a gift of $13,000 this year because grandmother is getting old and they would like to start distributing her wealth. We are so fortunate.

DH and I will max out our Roth IRA and put some money into our kids college fund etc. Use it responsibly, we do have a 9 day disney trip planned for January. I pay for that trip with rebates, money I made from e-bay, unexpected funds like my birthday etc.

My SIL who is constantly complaining they have no money, can't pay the mortgage on time, lives well above her means. THey go to a hotel for the weekend just to "swim" ($300 plus) and eat out several nights per week. She tells me she would like to take the boys on a real vacation with some of the money. Since I love to plan and have some free time, I told her I would be happy to help her reasearch some stuff but she decined. First, she tells me she is taking them to the Carribean. Here is the catch, she wants to go in two weeks. Come to find out, she books a 4 night univeral vacation package for $4,000. Now, should they be taking a vacation?, probably not, but the thing that is killing me is how much she paid. She could have gotten such a better deal. I could go to Disney for weeks for 4 grand. I told her that since we are going in January, she should have gotten some info from me but She said she just could not be bothered to do the research. She was too busy.

I know this is none of my business except for the fact that I am constantly being told they have no money. I do wish them a great trip but I just wish they would have let me help them get the most for their money

 

[wmharley]

Four grand for an all inclusive in the Carribean, if its a nice one, isn't bad if that includes airfare from certain parts of the country. And she doesn't want to go to Disney, she wants to sit on a beach.

(The living beyond her means part is stupid, but she does get to pick where she vacations).

I just priced yesterday an all-inclusive (i think for spring) in the Dominican Republic (paradisus) and for us 4, it was $1300 for Monday-Friday. Not including airfare, but we can get that for under $1000 to PR and from there to the DR.

 

[dreamin_disney]

you offered to help she didnt want it -walk away

When she blows her money and complains to you- tell her your busy and walk away

when she comes around and tries to get money from you which i'm sure she will - say no and walk away

She doesnt care about saving that money or her irresponsible finances. The trip explains why she is in the situation she is in. Some people dont get it or care so you shouldnt either. Enjoy your money and dont let your SIL upset you.