SIL asking for an invite to bachelorette

[Boopuff]

My DD is getting married (yeah!) and my oldest DD is planning her bachelorette. The Bride is not a big group type. We've limited the bachelorette to just the bridal party (3 girls and 2 extra close friends - me too!) We've rented a Vrbo up in the mountains. Planning a weekend of rafting, horseback riding, good meal - no big raging party. My SIL asked about all the wedding details. (lives out of state) I gave her the dates of the shower, and the wedding. She says" I won't make it for the shower" then She asked "when's the bachelorette?" I told her the month. She said "aren't Aunties invited?" This was so awkward! You can't come out for the shower but you want an invite to the bachelorette? I was floored. I tried to be kind with my response - no - but it was awkward! I don't think I was wrong, but it feels yucky.

 

[kymom99]

That’s a weird request. You weee right to tell her no, and since it’s a small group, there is no reason to feel bad. Weddings can bring a lot of family drama. It’s your daughters wedding. She doesn’t owe anyone anything.

 

[HopperFan]

My DD is getting married (yeah!) and my oldest DD is planning her bachelorette. The Bride is not a big group type. We've limited the bachelorette to just the bridal party (3 girls and 2 extra close friends - me too!) We've rented a Vrbo up in the mountains. Planning a weekend of rafting, horseback riding, good meal - no big raging party. My SIL asked about all the wedding details. (lives out of state) I gave her the dates of the shower, and the wedding. She says" I won't make it for the shower" then She asked "when's the bachelorette?" I told her the month. She said "aren't Aunties invited?" This was so awkward! You can't come out for the shower but you want an invite to the bachelorette? I was floored. I tried to be kind with my response - no - but it was awkward! I don't think I was wrong, but it feels yucky.

She was wrong and created a yucky situation, you should not feel bad at all. I hope you warn your DD in case Auntie tries to guilt her in to an invite.

Having a DD who just got married and spent last weekend and others at bachelorette weekends - they are traditionally for wedding party & friends. You getting to go is special!

I have heard so many bad stories of folks trying to bully their way into these weekends .... and more. DD had a "good" guy friend ask to be in her wedding party (on her side), she said no. He then said he deserved an important job. (I said no because he never supports her). Guess who didn't show up to the wedding even though it was only 30 minutes from his house and he had no excuse why he was a no show (but RSVP'd yes).

If you are invited, you are invited. If you were not, then you are not. This goes for all aspects of weddings.

 

[Sinder]

My DD is getting married (yeah!) and my oldest DD is planning her bachelorette. The Bride is not a big group type. We've limited the bachelorette to just the bridal party (3 girls and 2 extra close friends - me too!) We've rented a Vrbo up in the mountains. Planning a weekend of rafting, horseback riding, good meal - no big raging party. My SIL asked about all the wedding details. (lives out of state) I gave her the dates of the shower, and the wedding. She says" I won't make it for the shower" then She asked "when's the bachelorette?" I told her the month. She said "aren't Aunties invited?" This was so awkward! You can't come out for the shower but you want an invite to the bachelorette? I was floored. I tried to be kind with my response - no - but it was awkward! I don't think I was wrong, but it feels yucky.

I'm not really sure why her not being able to make it to the shower means she shouldn't want to be invited/included in anything else wedding related. Asking if aunts are invited is hardly bullying or pushing in. It was just a question.
Having said that a simple- no I'm sorry it's just the bridal party and a few close friends that are going. You weren't wrong, but really it's not a big deal to tell someone they aren't invited to the bachelorette party.
Seems like you want to create drama where there isn't any (at least according you what you posted).

 

[Lilsia]

I learned long ago to not feel bad or guilty for other's rudeness. Maybe I am getting old, but I always thought that bachelorette parties where for the young ladies, friends of the bride, I can't imagine an aunt asking to be invited. Back when I was young, not even the moms went to those things. Your daughter's party is obviously a totally different style then the norm and sounds really nice. I hope you and your daughter enjoy yourselves and don't give what SIL said another thought.

 

[evilmommie]

We’re in the middle of planning our oldest daughter’s wedding. There is so much drama related to who is invited to what these days. I just don’t get it.

I won’t be going to my DD’s bachelorette party (wasn’t invited LOL), IMHO that’s for her and her friends.
As for the Aunt. Yeah, no on the bachelorette party…Bridal showers are all about bride’s relatives/GF’s/coworkers...come on Auntie, find a way to get there. LOL.

Enjoy this special time with your daughter!

 

[Karin1984]

Yeah, if you don't get an invited, then you are not invited. And asking about it is usually not a good thing, it will always be awkward, and rarily the answer will be 'oh oops, sorry I forgot about you.'

On the other hand, is it common for your family, or the world your SIL lives in that aunts are invited to the bachelorette?

Question as a non American, what's the difference between a bridal shower and a bachelorette?
Is it just two similar parties with different audiences who do not mix well, therefore there is a need for 2 parties?

 

[White Cat]

My DD is getting married (yeah!) and my oldest DD is planning her bachelorette. The Bride is not a big group type. We've limited the bachelorette to just the bridal party (3 girls and 2 extra close friends - me too!) We've rented a Vrbo up in the mountains. Planning a weekend of rafting, horseback riding, good meal - no big raging party. My SIL asked about all the wedding details. (lives out of state) I gave her the dates of the shower, and the wedding. She says" I won't make it for the shower" then She asked "when's the bachelorette?" I told her the month. She said "aren't Aunties invited?" This was so awkward! You can't come out for the shower but you want an invite to the bachelorette? I was floored. I tried to be kind with my response - no - but it was awkward! I don't think I was wrong, but it feels yucky.

Don’t see the problem with her asking. But I do know that women often have sister in law issues that of course are the sister in laws fault. If your sister asked to go, if you have one, would that too be an issue. Might be hard to answer that honestly though.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, my mom wasn’t at mine, and I won’t be at my daughters’ if they have them. Maybe she thought that if mom was going aunts could go too? Both aren’t traditional.

 

[mjkacmom]

Yeah, if you don't get an invited, then you are not invited. And asking about it is usually not a good thing, it will always be awkward, and rarily the answer will be 'oh oops, sorry I forgot about you.'

On the other hand, is it common for your family, or the world your SIL lives in that aunts are invited to the bachelorette?

Question as a non American, what's the difference between a bridal shower and a bachelorette?
Is it just two similar parties with different audiences who do not mix well, therefore there is a need for 2 parties?

My bachelorette was a night out drinking with my girlfriends and sister (DH’s sisters lived out of state), my surprise shower the next day was family and friends, a luncheon (I had to keep excusing myself to vomit). The main purpose of a shower is to give the bride gifts. They’re usually pretty boring.

 

[VandVsmama]

Aunts don't get invited to bachelorette parties. That's weird.

 

[Lisa_lvspplmvr]

My sister would be the aunt to ask too . It’s definitely not her place. Maybe plan an auntie luncheon or something .

 

[CdnCarrie]

Aunts don't get invited to bachelorette parties. That's weird.

Usually Moms aren't either! Mine sure wasn't.

 

[WhatDinosaur]

It could just be a difference between ask vs. guess culture. No bad feelings on either side.

 

[mjkacmom]

Usually Moms aren't either! Mine sure wasn't.

If I happened to be going I’d love to have my sister and SIL’s around, we’ve been on vacation with all of them (my oldest has vacationed with one of my SIL’s at least 60 days without the rest of us).

 

[Sinder]

Aunts don't get invited to bachelorette parties. That's weird.

Not really. We have a very close family, we celebrate and party together for many occasions. A bachelorette party is no different. Traditionally it was just for the bride and her bridal party, but that doesn't mean that every single bride follows that, or that she is obligated to only follow that.
This isn't a typical party as it is, and mom is attending, no reason it would be weird for aunts, especially if it was in a family where nieces and aunts are close.

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding...o clear-cut rule,members, or other loved ones.

Does the bachelorette party have to be exclusive to bridesmaids?
Absolutely not! There’s no clear-cut rule that states the party is for the maid of honor and bridesmaids only, which makes the guest list super flexible. The bachelorette party is open to whoever the bride-to-be wants by her side on her special night out, be they other close friends, family members, or other loved ones.

https://www.brides.com/story/who-gets-invited-to-bachelorette-party
"Typically, the bachelorette party is reserved for your bridesmaids and maybe a few of your closest friends and female family members," Harrison says. "This can change depending on the type of celebration you want and the activities you end up choosing."

Inviting Family Members to Your Bachelorette Party
"If you have a great relationship with your mom, aunt, or other family member, go ahead and include them.

 

[shh]

I have heard so many bad stories of folks trying to bully their way into these weekends .... and more.

This always cracks me up because quite honestly, I would dearly love to get out of 90% of the invites I receive...so I can't even imagine trying to attend something I WASN'T invited to.

 

[anniemae]

Question as a non American, what's the difference between a bridal shower and a bachelorette?
Is it just two similar parties with different audiences who do not mix well, therefore there is a need for 2 parties?

A bridal shower is a gathering of close friends and family who are invited to the wedding. It is usually just women, but some have men too. Traditionally, things like towels, sheets, dishes, pots and pans etc. are given. It's usually lunch time dressy event at a restaurant or someones house.

The bachelorette is more of a night out with the girls. It is usually the bridesmaids and close friends of the bride. It is kind of like a "last time going out as a single women" type of night. Usually lots of drinking, dancing and maybe even a male dance review type of show. A night to let loose and be a little crazy.

 

[HeatherC]

Aunts don't get invited to bachelorette parties. That's weird.

Actually nowadays it seems they do! I don’t know how many weddings over the last couple years here (including my nieces) that the Mom or Moms and Aunts go to a bachelorette. I always considered it like a last hurrah for the bride and her friends….not sure why young people would necessarily want Mom at her bachelorette. Bridal shower, engagement party, etc. sure. Nothing wrong with it, but I don’t get it. In some cases, I actually know it was because Mom was paying for it.

 

[White Cat]

Aunts don't get invited to bachelorette parties. That's weird.

I would think it more common for an aunt than a mother.