Showers for all babies, or just the first?

[tkyes]

My SIL just emailed me to tell me that she is planning a baby shower for her sister's new baby. Now this is my SIL's 3rd baby and her 3rd boy, within 3 1/2 years, so the babies aren't spread out by any means.

Am I the only one that thinks this sounds a bit wierd, almost a little greedy?

Or am I just being a stick in the mud?


Tamie

 

[cosette24601]

according to etiquettehell.com, you don't do showers for a second baby. but according to Amy, the woman who took over Ann Landers' column, it's perfectly acceptable.

 

[dvcfamily41801]

I have to totally agree with you in this situation Tamie. If it was many many years in between, that might be different. Mybrother and I are 13 years apart and they threw my mom a 2nd baby shower. Also, it was a second marriage for her, so it was my step fathers family hosting the shower.

 

[debster812]

I'm with you Tamie. I always thought it should only be for the first. My BILs ILs, however feel differently.

 

[cinmell]

I've only heard of baby showers for the first baby so I don't think you are a stick in the mud . I could MAYBE and that's a big maybe, see having a shower if there is a big age gap between the last child and the new baby but having one for someone who has had children in the last 3 1/2 years sounds a little strange and yes, a little greedy to me.

 

[caseylouandtyler2]

Depends, Did she give everythig away after the 2nd, thinking she wasn't going to have any more? Did she send clothes and such to friends and not get the loaned items returned?
There are other reasons to have a shower, to share your joy for example not just to get gifts. Besides aren't most showers a surprise? I wouldn't think it would be to be greedy. JMHO.
BTW, I'm sure your not a stick in the mud.

 

[coliebird]

I think it depends on the situation. I threw a small shower at my home for my sister when she was pregnant with her second. I would not have done it except she was having a girl and her son was 4 1/2 so she was basically starting over. She still had the baby furniture and gear, but she had no clothes for girls.

 

[Kimberle]

Originally posted by cosette24601
according to Amy, the woman who took over Ann Landers' column, it's perfectly acceptable.

I read that too!

My opinion, I think its a nice way to welcome a new baby. It's also nice for the ladies to gettogether & chat. I always buy gifts for all babies, whether there is a shower or not. For a 2nd, etc, baby, you don't have to do a big gift. You can buy a couple of sleepers, etc. for $20.00.

Where I live, the cost of the showers generally is more than the value of the gifts, anyway. If you need to put a "price" on it.

 

[tw1nsmom]

While I'm sure there are situations where a full blown baby shower is neccesary for a second baby, I don't think they're usually appropriate. However, I think each babies birth should be celebrated. I know if I was pregnant for the second time I would rather have a shower for the mother than the baby. I've been to one where everyone bought things to pamper the mother. Gift certificates for clothes after the baby is born; food service for the first week of the babies life, spa gift certificates, lotions, gift certificates for baby sitiing, etc. I also think that a few special items for the baby is a great idea, but around here we usually give them at the time of the birth.

 

[castlegazer]

It may just be me, but my initial thought is, what the heck would you do with all the redundant stuff you would get? I can't believe how much stuff we have in our house between toys, books and clothes and much of it barely used by my one son so that I know that a second child would be happy as a clam to have the hand-me-downs. Its tough on guests of the shower too to figure out what you have already - especially with kids so close in age. they must have every possible product. The point of a baby shower is to help a new mother out with all the new stuff she has to buy and figure outhow to use. I don't agree with Ann Landers replacement. It is not a good idea to have another shower, unless, as stated above, the other child/ren is/are quite a few years older and the stuff you have has been completely outdated or trashed through abuse. But ever then.......

 

[zulaya]

I was only given a shower for my first.

That being said if a shower is being held for a subsequent child, I'd be more apt to get things for the mother or get consumables for the baby. Like diapers and formula, which as we all know, is very expensive and those little ones go through both of them.

 

[onecoolmama]

When I was pregnant with my first...I lived in Philadelphia. All of my family lived in Maryland and my grandmother had just died. I planned my moms 50th b-day later that year..so I didnt get a shower...at least not a big one.

My mom came up and bought me all sorts of things..and after the baby was born a few of my aunts got together and gave me some really nice things.

So when I was in Maryland and pregnant with my second..a girl this time (my first was a boy) I had a full blown baby shower. Most of my friends have had more then one. You are not being a stuck in the mud, but at the same time just look at it as fun women bonding time!

Enjoy yourself!!!

 

[Meriweather]

I had 2 babies and 2 showers.
Not unusual around here...maybe just away to get together.
However they were small ones.
The second was after DD was born, so it was good (first child was DS).

I think if someone wants to throw a shower, why not. No one has to go and no one has to buy a present.
Good ideas are always gifts that get "used up". Diapers, food, wipees or GC...even for the parents to get a night out.

 

[tkyes]

Well I had the first baby shower for this SIL. Then was told by the family that I should throw the 2nd. I didn't want to throw a 2nd shower, but didn't really have a choice.

I didn't feel too bad about that one because she was unmarried and didn't have a lot of things.

Now for the 3rd baby she is married, has a house and has all of her stuff from her first two boys.

Part of the thing that gets to me is that she is not appreciative of the things she receives. I have never received a thank you note from her, even when I threw the first two showers.

I know that's not why you throw showers or give gifts, to receive thank you notes. It would be nice to know that your efforts were appreciated though.

I have no problem celebrating my nephews birth, I just don't know if this is the way to do it.

*sigh*

 

[Alice28]

I'm of the belief that every baby deserves some spoiling, and every pregnancy is unique and a miracle unto itself...why not throw a party for a friend who's expecting, regardless of what "number " the kid is? I have 2 boys, who are 3 1/2 years apart; for my first son I was given two gorgeous, blow out showers. For my second son, I was given a tasteful, more low key shower, but it was still very lovely and it was my friends welcoming my second son to the world and congratulating me too. I think every baby needs a few new things- clothes, maybe a new car seat (These things are recalled quite often), lotions/diapers/fru-fru stuff. I don't think there's anything wrong with baby showers for subsequent babies.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I had 2 showers for my 3rd baby. He was unexpected and we had sold everything baby related that we owned.

1st shower was a family shower. None of these relatives had been to a shower for 1st DS or DD. I asked them not to do a shower.

I begged my friends and neighbors not to do a shower because I was extremely embarrassed that it would seem "greedy" as the OP said. They told me I could cooperate or it would be a surprise shower. They were going to do a shower.

We had a wonderful brunch and everything was beautiful. They all said they enjoyed doing it because it gave all of our girlfriends time together and they were all old enough (40ish) to afford to throw a great party. I believe it is because they were all happy it was me having a baby and not them!

I know how you feel Tamie because I feel the same was about baby showers for the 3rd baby but like me the new mother may be embarrassed also.

A nice gift I got was a package of diapers and wipes. Your SIL probably doesn't need clothing.

Lori

 

[browneyes]

My SO's SIL threw me a shower for both of my babies. When I found out I was pregnant the 2nd time, the first thing she said was to let her know when she could throw me a shower. I really didn't want her to do that, but she insisted. So, I finally gave in. If I'd had a 3rd one, she would insist on a shower for that one too (thankfully, my tubes are tied though).

I had most of the things saved from when my dd was a baby. My dd had tons of things that a boy or a girl could've worn. My dd loved her brother's baby shower though.

 

[ckmommy]

Hi all,

I have to agree that having a 2nd or third shower is not nessesary unless there is a large age gap. That being said, I had a shower for my 1st child, none for the second, but a surprise shower for the twins--numbers 3 and 4. I was quite embarassed to have a shower for the twins. In WI shower for the second or other babies are unheard of. But in TX, having showers for subsequent babies are the way things are done. Although being embarassed by the shower, I was VERY happy to receive all of the wonderful and useful gifts (most gifts I received were diapers and wipes).

So in the end, I know where you are coming from, but I do know what a great gift a pkg. of diapers can be!

Good luck in whatever you choose to do!

 

[caitycaity]

I'm of the belief that every baby deserves some spoiling, and every pregnancy is unique and a miracle unto itself...why not throw a party for a friend who's expecting, regardless of what "number " the kid is?

i agree.

 

[CamColt]

I agree with the majority here...only for the first unless there is a large gap. My 2 DSs are 3 years apart and I never would have expected a 2nd shower. I would have felt funny having one.