should you invest real emotiion into cyber relationships?

[Briar Rose 7457]

in real life it's hard to walk away from a situation when things get hairy. in cyberspace it's presumably easier. you either YAGE or you quietly fade away. but when you've invested emotion into the people at a site, it's hard to just fade away and not got there anymore. it becomes more like real life.

sigh.

 

[Kallison]

NO - get out and live life in the real world.

 

[Buckalew]

Yes, I know what you mean. I have tried to do both of those things here at the DIS. I have YAGED more than once and I have tried to fade away and then I miss people here. Close friends and not so close. Honestly, I would love to leave this place or at least just DIS every once in a while. But it is sorta like being hooked on a soap opera. I have to watch/read. I have to know how so and so are doing. I have to catch up on prayer requests, on health reports, job updates etc. It is almost like we have all been here so long that we know too much about each other or something. I don't know. Today I drove DD to school. Coming back home I turned right on red. I thought about the post someone had made about going right on red. I saw a license plate that had one of those coded messages. I thought of Caity Caity and someone posting yesterday talking about seeing license plates saying I hate certain roads/interstates. I have a life and a family and a business so don't accuse me of not while you read this. But you all have become a big part of my life too. I'd like to leave but I know I would be back and be missing too many people. A message board may not be RL but it has become a big part of our lives. If you have 100 posts or 100,000 posts, you are involved here, you are a part of this (sorry Eros) family. Some of us may not like all of us but the fact remains that we are a part of each others lives. 9/11 taught us all what a small world we live in. We came together and cried and cared and {{{hugged}}} and showed love for each other. No, everyone isn't going to get along all the the time but for heaven's sake, I think we should try to be respectful of each other.
See, I can post a vent.

 

[goofygirl]

You need a thick skin- in real life, AND on the DIS.


If you have confidence and self worth, then its easier to have someone's actions/comments "bounce" off of you rather than break your heart.

Get a thicker skin and dont worry so much about what other people think.

 

[Beauty]

Brenda as always your posts are wonderful! You are truly a wonderful person who I wish I could be bestest friends with in the everyday world...I think we would have a blast.

Blondie, this isn't about bringing other business to this board. it's about this board AND other boards. someone here at the DIS made me cry a whole afternoon once.

Hummm some people here have upset me and hurt me before too without remorse. I have been torn to shreds and called every name in the book when I did nothing to deserve it. I'm sincerely sorry you were hurt because no one deserves to be hurt, no one deserves to have their personal life brought out into the public and torn apart.

Again I'm really sorry! Just live your life the way you see best and do whats best for you and your family...and don't worry about what anyone else says after all you and your kids come FIRST! Thats one thing I'll give you BR, you have never made a secret of those children coming first in your life and just take pride in that and continue to do whats best for them.

 

[JohnTBap]

That was very nicely said, Buck. I am glad that you are here.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I am so hesitant to post to this thread (don't want any more drama for myself please), but Brenda and Beth wrote such nice posts, I'm inspired to say something.

BR, I am not entirely certain who hurt your feelings and whether it was one person or a group.

But remember something. You can tell a lot about who's going to be a good friend by the way they treat their other friends, both current and former.

In other words, if you see someone rip apart a friend they've had a parting of ways with, chances are good that they'll do the same thing to you one day.

Such people have a lot to learn about how to behave in a friendship. And this applies whether we're talking real or cyber life.

Chin up, my dear! Beth said some very nice things about you, and I agree with her thoughts.

 

[C.Ann]

Ummm.. What does YAGE stand for??

 

[Beauty]

Yet Another Grand Exit.....or.....Yet Another Grand Entrance

 

[aahmom1]

Wow Janice, I know quite a few people who could type out that exact response. How clever of you.

 

[caitycaity]

there are very few people i consider real "friends" online. most people online i consider acquaintances.

i don't let the acquaintances hurt me, but since i care about the people i consider "friends" it does hurt me when something happens with those people.

 

[JAP]

Originally posted by aahmom1
Wow Janice, I know quite a few people who could type out that exact response. How clever of you.

But they didn't and she did. What is your point? Many people on this thread have expressed nice feelings about internett BB and RL. Is JJ's response invalid for some reason?

 

[Teejay32]

Originally posted by Briar Rose 7457
but when you've invested emotion into the people at a site, it's hard to just fade away and not got there anymore. it becomes more like real life.

but it's still possible. Not saying it's the right thing to do, because I wouldn't know that, but it is possible.

 

[ripleysmom]

{{{HUGS}}} BR

 

[EROS]

I just can't imagine feeling "hurt" on this site............I can just feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel the lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvve with every reply to my posts .

"Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"


Alfred Lord Tennyson

 

[minniepumpernickel]

I haven't had a chance to read any posts on this thread yet, but I have to say an emphatic "No" to the question. You are really much too smart of a person to get bogged down on all of the internet "insanity" that is the norm for some places. I wish you would realize this!

If you step away from it for awhile, you realize just how 'wacko' it is. I do enjoy reading your posts on the debate board, and wish you the best of luck!

I also just wanted to add that you have good grammar and punctuation skills too!

 

[helenabear]

BR, I do invest emotion into relationships here. Maybe because I keep up so many friendships now (no matter how they started) via the internet for many reasons that putting emotion into relationships here feels normal to me. If I hadn't put emotion into some of the friends here, I would be missing out on a bunch of great friends that I have found here. Of course this is my only opinion and I know some will say "Oh she has no life" and people can think what they want, but since high school for me, the internet has become a valid (and very inexpensive) way to maintain friendships.

Like "real life" this place can allow for people to hurt you at times. A real friend to me, like Brenda mentioned, would work to clear the air when a misunderstanding takes place. Those are the ones I put my time and emotion into. The ones who are willing to talk things out rationally when something "wrong" is said (and Brenda, try to believe that some day we will meet... I have been know to travel for a meet or two ). In real life I am hurt by friends and by aquaintences as well. I have a soft heart and things sting me very quickly. But the ones who don't care enough to talk about it are the ones I stop putting my emotion and time into. I guess I treat my friends here the way I treat my friends I see face to face. Nothing is different for me in how I feel about people that I meet here vs. face to face.

So sorry you were hurt though BR... I know that feeling quite well and a few have hurt me to the core here as well... and the sad thing is they weren't even friends to begin with.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

Eros quotes Tennyson! be still my heart!

 

[snoopy]

I've been hurt exactly three times on the Internet. Two times by people I considered to be very good friends - so much so that we worked it out and have since put it behind us. I'm not one to dwell on things or hold grudges, contrary to popular belief.

The other time I was hurt by an acquaintance, someone who I thought liked me and the feeling was mutual. I found out differently, and it made me feel bad. I wasn't surprised at my reaction, because in real life I have no enemies. I'm easy going in real life, yet that doesn't always translate very well here. I felt bad that the person didn't/doesn't like me, because quite frankly, people do like me in real life. I'm not one to ruffle feathers with people I meet, and I know that I'm always fair. Its important for me to remain that way here, and when I feel my words have been taken out of context, it upsets me. Botton line, I like being liked, and dislike being disliked. Both on the internet and in my "real life" relationships.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

what hurts IRL also hurts in cyberspace, but I think some people lose sight of that.