Should we bother with Preschool?

[_queenie_]

My DD4.5 is not in preschool. I also have older kids in the house, DD15 and DS13. She can do some reading, write, do math into double digits (DS13 is trying to teach her multiplication now and doing pretty well).

In July, we were stumped on preschool. She had a lot of the academic things down and does get along well with other kids. She is respectful of rules in other people's homes, she spent quite a few days at my sister's friend's house playing with her daughters, and when she was told to sit at the table for lunch, she sat. When it was time to get out of the pool, she got out. Little things like that.

But I really felt she should have some experience in a setting where she was expected to be quiet while a teacher talked, follow standard rules, interact with a large group her age, and other things that they just don't get at home or even at someone else's house.

So, we enrolled her in dance and gymnastics for the year. She is learning to share the teacher with other students, they have to sit and wait for class to begin, use cubbies for their things, she must do some practice at home, take turns, raise her hand, etc. While it is not as formal as preschool may be, I figured it would give her some of the skills to make the transition easier for her (and her teacher) to kindergarten.

My DD is very similar, she's good around other adults. I thought about dance class, would that be a good idea?

I think that it depends on where you live. Where I live, when a friend explained to me that everyone in our town puts their child in something before kindergarten and was I consciously starting my child in K with a disadvantage? She didn't tell me that I was, but explaining how she came to the conclusion that she needed to put her kids in preschool. Of course it doesn't affect how they perform in high school or even earlier. But it might affect how a child adjusts to K (esp. if it is all day, like ours). And I felt like, when my older DD turned 3, she just seemed to need the outside stimulation. She was 3 1/2 when she started.

Does your child need preschool at 3? Probably not. Will it help her in K if she goes when she is 4 (the year before K)? It probably will.

My town only has four preschools (not montessori) and two private schools, and public kindergarten is everyday for three hours, 8-11 or 12-3.

Because your DD sounds so advanced it might be beneficial from the perspective of letting her spend more time around her peers. I mean, you said socialization isn't an issue, but does she spend a bunch of time with kids her exact age (or at least exact grade level)? If, for example, she is used to being around older kids - she might find it very surprising that not all kids her age are reading.....and reacting to that in a non-condescending way is very important if you don't want all the other kids disliking her in Kindergarten.

I don't know if this would be an issue, right now she actually likes helping other kids.

Hope this information helps!

 

[thepeach80]

For us I felt it was important. AJ was very bright, but needed help listening to other people besides mommy and daddy. He was just over 3 when he started to preschool where I work (the next room over from me) 2 days a week for 2.5hrs each day. He didn't really learn much that year, but had fun and got better seperating from me and listening to others. He's in pre-k this year and goes everyday for 2.75hrs a day. He's learned a lot and is reading etc (ahead of his peers) but he enjoys going and playing w/ the kids and doing projects etc. W/ 2 other children younger than him, he couldn't get all that fun stuff at home.

Evan will go this fall for 3 days a week for 2.5hrs a day. This will be more for listening, he's a bad listener. He does not have the academic drive AJ does and that's o.k. He's more of a free spirit creative type.

Ilana doesn't even talk yet so it's a little early to decide there.

 

[2Princes2Princesses]

My DD is very similar, she's good around other adults. I thought about dance class, would that be a good idea?

With our dance classes and gymnastics, parents are not allowed IN the class. With Gym, we have to leave and they have a parents viewing week twice a year (they don't want us to stay because it distracts the kids, a point proven to me when I returned early to pick her up, she was on the beam, saw me, waved, and proceeded to fall right off ). With dance, they go into their classroom and do their class. The school we go to has a waiting room with a closed circuit TV, so you can still watch them, they just don't know it.

Dance and gym are working well for her in terms of teaching her the routines and rules of school, but I don't think they would be AS beneficial in that regard if it was a Mom and Me class or a situation where I was in the classroom with her (not sure how they work things where you are). I also made sure there were plenty of kids in the class (her dance has 18, her gym has only 8 kids per teacher group for safety reasons).

Dance may be a good transition to a shorter day kindergarten for you, too. I am admittedly no expert by any means, this just worked well for us. My DD really wanted to take dancing and gymnastics, so it was a good fit for us. The only downside? She starts K in Sept, and still wants to dance (the next level is 2 hours per week) and take gymnastics (still an hour, but her teacher has expressed interest in her joining the little kids' team, which adds 2 more hours), and since we have a full day Kindergarten, we are going to be busy!!!

I am glad I did it though. She surprised me when she first started, telling me how hard it was to take turns and that she forgot to raise her hand a couple of times. I did not really expect her to have any problem with it and she did have a couple at first.

 

[_queenie_]

With our dance classes and gymnastics, parents are not allowed IN the class. With Gym, we have to leave and they have a parents viewing week twice a year (they don't want us to stay because it distracts the kids, a point proven to me when I returned early to pick her up, she was on the beam, saw me, waved, and proceeded to fall right off ). With dance, they go into their classroom and do their class. The school we go to has a waiting room with a closed circuit TV, so you can still watch them, they just don't know it.

Dance and gym are working well for her in terms of teaching her the routines and rules of school, but I don't think they would be AS beneficial in that regard if it was a Mom and Me class or a situation where I was in the classroom with her (not sure how they work things where you are). I also made sure there were plenty of kids in the class (her dance has 18, her gym has only 8 kids per teacher group for safety reasons).

Dance may be a good transition to a shorter day kindergarten for you, too. I am admittedly no expert by any means, this just worked well for us. My DD really wanted to take dancing and gymnastics, so it was a good fit for us. The only downside? She starts K in Sept, and still wants to dance (the next level is 2 hours per week) and take gymnastics (still an hour, but her teacher has expressed interest in her joining the little kids' team, which adds 2 more hours), and since we have a full day Kindergarten, we are going to be busy!!!

I am glad I did it though. She surprised me when she first started, telling me how hard it was to take turns and that she forgot to raise her hand a couple of times. I did not really expect her to have any problem with it and she did have a couple at first.

My DD has a little friend who's four who's mother told me she'll me starting a tap class next year (I guess it's a similar situation where parents are not allowed in), and I thought they could do it together. I think she would do fine if she's familiar with someone.

Any thoughts?

 

[brightvalleyjrts]

I also agree that it is very important. They learn so much in preschool, not academically, but socially. My son is getting ready to turn 5. He has been in a 3 day program at age 2 & 3. Now he is in a transitional Kindergarten program. It is 5 days a week for 3 hours a day. He LOVES it!! He loves going to school and is very proud to say he is in TK. And even now we are doing curb side drop off and pick up, to prepare him for what it will be like in Kindergarten. It is so bittersweet, but comforting to know that he enjoys it so much.

I couldn't imagine him walking into kindergarten without me by his side, but now that he has plenty of practice with it, I think it will be a breeze for him.

He has also learned oodles of other fun things at school.

 

[Benducci]

I agree with the last poster - pre-k has different lessons. She is proablyonly going a couple of mornings a week so why not?

 

[teresajoy]

I also think this. and you are not weird, or maybe we both are.........LOL

Glad to see I'm not the only one!!

I was really happy that Lydia was born in December, because that meant I got her home for an extra eight months longer than my other kids!!! She is always saying how lucky she is that she gets to be with her Mommy so much. I think 10-15 hours a week is too much for a child to be away from their parents. Obviously not many people here agree with me, that's ok. But, that is how I feel, and I feel strongly about that for my family.

We did put Arminda in a dance class when she was younger. She was horrible. She didn't listen, didn't take turns, generally ignored what the teacher told her to do and I was so worried how she would be in school! But, in school, with no previous preschool experience, she was a perfect angel. She sat in her seat, she raised her hand, she took turns, and most suprisingly to all of us, she didn't talk too much! Her teachers have consistently told us that she is one of the top three best behaved students in her class. They have always told us how kind and compasionate she is to all the other children. All this with no preschool, go figure.

Sorry to sound defensive, but I do get tired of people insisting that chilren NEED preshool. It hasn't been my experience.

So, OP, just do what you feel is best for your family. If you sincerely think your child would enjoy preschool, and you want to be away from them, do it. But, do it because you really want to, not because you think you should or you have to.

 

[Ella's Mom]

I definitely think preschool is important. My daughter is intelligent for her age too, but the academic side (abc's and 123's) isn't what's important. In preschool, I've seen her develop personally and socially. She is a different child at prechool than she is at home - and that's a good thing. Think about preschool from a child's eyes. My daugher loves it and so do the other children in her class. At preschool, she does things I would never have time to do with her - art projects, gingerbread houses. She is so excited to show me what she has done. She has also made some new friends and I've made some new mommy friends. It has been a wonderful experience for all of us. If you aren't happy with a preschool, find a different one.

 

[AC7179]

First, your daughter sounds academically advanced! I'm sure she won't have a problem academically.

On the flip side from everybody else, my daughter learned some negative behaviors in her preschool from the other kids. So, I guess it can work both ways.

 

[eventamy]

I'm an elementary school guidance counselor (K-6) and strongly support preschool for incoming students. For many reasons, many of which have already been covered by others experienced in the education field.
I also have a 4 year old daughter in preschool who will be attending Kindergarten in the fall.
Benefits of preschool: social/emotional readiness to help them handle the demands of a public school setting. I can usually tell immediately those children who have not attended preschool before coming to Kindergarten. Mostly because they have never had structure before then enter public school and are completely out of their element when they arrive. I also feel that we are currently in what I call a "push down curriculum" in that Kindergarten is not what it was when we went to school. It is much more challenging. I'm not worried about my daughters academics, that's what kindergarten is for, but I do worry about her social and emotional readiness, especially as she is a September baby and just makes the cutoff by 2 weeks. I strongly feel that if she had not attended preschool that she would not be ready for the fall, but with preschool I do feel she is ready.
Plus, she LOVES It!

 

[scammermom]

We have full day kindergarten. For those who hadn't been to preschool, it was a quite rough transition.

 

[hoosiergirl7]

I'm sure you've had enough input on this topic, but felt like putting my $.02 in as well.

I am a mom to a DS who just turned 4 about a month ago. He is quite bright for his age. He learned his alphabet at 22 months, learned most of the states before age 3, etc. He's now learning how to read. I made the decision not to put him into preschool until he was almost 4. I wanted him home with me for as long as possible but also realized that he needed a few days of socialization as well as I needed time to get things done around the house and have time to run errands. He's only in preschool 5 hrs a day 2x's a week but he's learned a lot more than I thought he would. He'll start a 5 day a week morning preschool program at a private school this fall but he will be almost 5 when he starts since he was born at the end of the year.

Your daughter might do really well in a 1/2 day Montessori program. It gives her a little more flexibility and isn't as structured as regular school is. I have several friends who have sent their children to Montessori schools for preschool and their children highly benefited from it.

 

[twob4him]

Glad to see I'm not the only one!!

I was really happy that Lydia was born in December, because that meant I got her home for an extra eight months longer than my other kids!!! She is always saying how lucky she is that she gets to be with her Mommy so much. I think 10-15 hours a week is too much for a child to be away from their parents. Obviously not many people here agree with me, that's ok. But, that is how I feel, and I feel strongly about that for my family.

We did put Arminda in a dance class when she was younger. She was horrible. She didn't listen, didn't take turns, generally ignored what the teacher told her to do and I was so worried how she would be in school! But, in school, with no previous preschool experience, she was a perfect angel. She sat in her seat, she raised her hand, she took turns, and most suprisingly to all of us, she didn't talk too much! Her teachers have consistently told us that she is one of the top three best behaved students in her class. They have always told us how kind and compasionate she is to all the other children. All this with no preschool, go figure.

Sorry to sound defensive, but I do get tired of people insisting that chilren NEED preshool. It hasn't been my experience.

So, OP, just do what you feel is best for your family. If you sincerely think your child would enjoy preschool, and you want to be away from them, do it. But, do it because you really want to, not because you think you should or you have to.

Hi Teresa!!! You have done a wonderful job bringing up your children! And I would tend to agree with you about the pre-school thing. You are very fortunate to be able to be home with your little ones.

In my experience, I had to go to work. So, I had a babysitter so my babies had all one-on-one attention. Then when they turned three or four, they went to pre-school/daycare, where they did "school type stuff in the morning" and napped and played all afternoon. I am not saying this made them better or worse in school. Thats just what I happened to do. If I could have stayed home with them that would have been ideal. I was very fortunate to find wonderful loving babysitters and small (only 10 kids tops) pre-schools with supportive caring teachers.

So there you go....I think that is actually the key more than where they go....they need love, support and care mixed with some social interactions and "letters and number" stuff. I dont think it matters if they get that from both mom and dad and teachers or just mom and dad. OK my two cents is posted!

 

[crzy4my2]

I didn't read all of the posts but I personally am all for pre-school. My kids went to a local Kindercare for most of their lives. last year my DS missed the cut off for the town's Kindergarten by a few weeks. but he did go through Kindercare's kindergarten. This year he is in Kindergarten from the town. the state requires testing to all kindy students. We went in for our teacher conference and to go over the test. The highest score is a 49 and he got a 47 and that was because he held his pencil with the 3 finger grip. She also said that there was a section that he got correct that only a few students got correct. Come to find out, one of the other students that got that section correct, went through Kindercare with him. I did pull my DD from Kindercare this year and put her in a Pre-school in our town. I wanted her to meet kids she will be going to Kindergarten with next year. My DD doesn't learn as quickly as my DS but I am getting such positive feedback from her teachers and noticed a HUGE difference in her just after a few months.

 

[disneyqt]

I would say definitely to preschool. My son is now 20 yrs old and he went to preschool. Because he was an only child it taught him how to share and interact with his peers. It also gave him a head start over the children his age that did not attend. By the age 4yrs old he could read and write. From 4th thru 12th grade he was in the gifted and talented program. He skipped 2 grades and graduated at 16yrs. He received a full 4yr scholarship at a historical black college. He received his bachelors degree at the age of 19yrs old.

 

[squirrlygirl]

I'm not a teacher, not a guidance counselor, not a preschool teacher, and have never played any of those on tv.

DS1 went to daycare/preschool due to work. Then I became a SAHM.
DS2 went to preschool.
DD1 did NOT go to preschool.
DD2 will probably go to preschool.

Those middle two are a year apart.

DS2 is the best reader in his class and well-behaved. DD1 is the best reader in her class and well-behaved. So that doesn't help.

We put DD in a dance class without me present (parents in waiting room with closed-circuit tv) She also did Sunday school. That was enough for her. Tell her what to do, she does it. DS is more of a flight-of-fancy, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-magic-carpet kinda guy, and benefited from the structure.

But for DD2, she has no siblings close in age, very few neighborhood kids, and is probably going to have a princess complex from being the baby. So I'm thinking she'll need it.

As for being able to tell who went to preschool.....I think it's more telling who had an involved parent and who doesn't. I've volunteered in DD's classroom, and some kids are just dying for attention. All the preschool-sending and PTC-volunteering is pointless if you can't even give your kid your ear for a while.

 

[cruizie]

I only read some of the responses. My dd6 (kindergarten) attended preschool for 2 yrs - 2/wk. Lots of kids went 3-5 days but I choose just 2 days. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her but still for her to have the preschool experience. DH did NOT want her to go to preschool. When I unexpectedly got her into the school of my choice, dh sat dd down & explained that there would come a time that she had to go to school and this was not that time. She promptly said (and w/out any coaching on my part) "but Daddy I WANT to go to school."

Could I have taught her her ABC's & 123's - sure and we worked on them at home as well as at school. She also attended a weekly playgroup with 10 other kids, plus gymnastics and dance. So she was getting that socialization. What I think preschool gave to her was a sense of independence and the ability to resolve issues without Mommy or Daddy being there.

It is a big leap to go from being at home 24/7 w/ mom & dad to kindergarten. Our kinder is full day so she gets on the bus at 8 am and gets off the bus at 4 pm. 8 hrs w/out mom & dad is a HUGE adjustment. And the 1st 2-3 months of school, I took her & picked her up but when she really started pushing riding the bus, I let go a little & let her.

If I had another child, I would do the exact same thing with that child. We had a very positive preschool experience and even my dh came around shortly after she started the program.

Best of luck with your decision.

 

[lighttech]

This is a little OT, but I just wanted to say I'm a bit jealous. Those of you who are able to make the choice about preschool are truly blessed. DH and I both have to work (well, I suppose there are other choices we could have made... all things are possible, but we chose to buy a house in a good school district, and w/ the high taxes, etc. we couldn't make ends meet.) So, my DS goes to a babysitter 3 days a week. Ultimately, our decision will be which pre-school he goes to, not if. (Or if he stays w/ the babysitter.)

I still consider myself VERY blessed for what I have, and that I'm able to have a schedule that allows myself or DH to be home for the larger half of the week. But, I so wish I could be home all the time.

That being said, I agree w/ a lot of the posters that its a very personal decision. Maybe talking to one of the kindergaarten teachers in your area would help? Everyone here is SO helpful, but sometimes a face to face solidifies things even more.

Also, thanks to everyone for the input. I definitely will use some of this advice as we decide whether DS will stay with his small in home daycare or go to a larger pre-school.

 

[nena]

I have said this on other threads and I will say it again here because it is important to hear. I have taught Kinder for 11 years, in the last 5 years, Kinder has become what 1st grade used to be. Preschool is the new Kinder.

Knowing this, Preschool was a definate YES, for our family. I couldnt be happier w/ the preschool, teachers, art, music, performances, field trips, socializtion, independence and FUN that both of my children had.

As a Kinder teacher, you can definately tell quite quickly, which children have attended preschool and which have not.

My suggestion for you is to look into a new preschool, maybe a co-op.

Oh, I wanted to tell u why I became a Kinder teacher. I have always loved being around children. So when I went to college I majored in Child Development. In between classes, I would go over to the preschool and hang out in the observation room. Its one of those rooms with windows you can only look out of, but not look in. It also had headphones, so you could plug into one of the rooms and hear the children's conversations. I learned so much about how children interact w/ each other, how some prefer to play alone. I learned how they problem solve, what makes them laugh and what makes them cry.

If only motherhood was just like that observation room. I could tap into my children's classrooms and listen in. Review that math assignment or find out what the homework was. Find out why my son put gum in another child's hair. Or why my daughter is so intrigued with Kittens, when we dont have a cat. My guilt for not being there with them would surely go away.

 

[teresajoy]

Hi Teresa!!! You have done a wonderful job bringing up your children! And I would tend to agree with you about the pre-school thing. You are very fortunate to be able to be home with your little ones.

Thanks, you are so sweet! I've always felt bad for mothers who truly had to work. I think you are a great Mom too!

As for being able to tell who went to preschool.....I think it's more telling who had an involved parent and who doesn't. I've volunteered in DD's classroom, and some kids are just dying for attention. All the preschool-sending and PTC-volunteering is pointless if you can't even give your kid your ear for a while.

Well said.