Should I shoot my MIL?

[POB14]

Okay, not really, but still . . .

We're thinking about a trip to FL in October. (Allegiant Air, Kids Fly Free deal, yay. ) Anyway, the in-laws spend the colder months near Tampa, and want us to visit them, which is fine, but I was explaining that the kids would probably want to spend a few days at WDW also [and truth be told, so would I, since I hate beaches, and that's about all there is near them.

Anyway, when discussing going to Disney, MIL says the following:

"We have Busch Gardens in Tampa. That's the same thing."



Am I allowed to say *** on this board? Probably not. So I won't say ***. But I sure said *** to myself. I'm sure my DD5 would love to wear her Minnie Mouse dress, Minnie Mouse shoes, and Minnie Mouse ears, and carry one of her seven stuffed Minnie Mice (Mouses?) . . . to Busch Gardens.

So what would be fun for a 6 and 5 year old at Busch, or Tampa generally? No big coasters, please; DD5 is way too short for anything height-restricted, and the rest of us are too chicken.

[I wasn't quite sure where to put this, so mods, please relocate as necessary.]

 

[Squidrific]

I'm right up there with shooting of the MIL - can we form a club?

Mine found out that DD9 and I were going in October without DH and invited herself along because she was sure we would have plenty of room in our villa. She already purchased her park tickets and plane ticket before telling me. How do I say no? I am absolutely floored by this!

DH tells me not to get upset and just enjoy myself on vacation, but if she and I haven't gotten along for 15 years how can 1 week together at my personal happy place still be magical?

Sorry, Don't want to hijack thread so back OT-there is a lot to do at Busch Gardens and the animal exhibits are nice, but it is not Disney! 1 day is all you will need for Busch Gardens and then you may not want to go back again for a while.

It is your vacation and do your Disney time and then spend a couple of days at the end with the In-Laws. Good Luck and Pixie Dust

 

[Hedy]

I'd say the animals are about the only good thing at Busch Gardens. I went when I was 10, and hated it (yeah, I know thats not the best guage, but it's a guage, and they really haven't added much since then). Tickets are pretty pricey, could you plea finances or invite your MIL to WDW for a day? Tampa/St. Pete to Orlando isn't that bad a trek.
However, Tampa has a pretty cool children's museum. In St. Petersburg, there's also chances for a pirate cruise or a dolphin cruise.

 

[HunnyPots]

Am I allowed to say *** on this board? Probably not. So I won't say ***. But I sure said *** to myself.

No advice here, but thanks for the laugh!

 

[richard_andmel]

POB14, I am sure she will get over it. Just make your plans and then advise her of them.

Squidrific you need to explain politely that you wished she had informed you of her idea before purchasing her ticket, you really want this time to be a bonding trip for mother and daughter while dd is still young. You would be happy to arrange a dinner or two with her while there, but other than that she needs to do her own thing. Also offer to give her the number of the place you booked your villa so she can book her own room. If your DH objects he can come along and he can entertain her! (Honestly, the nerve!)

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Mine found out that DD9 and I were going in October without DH and invited herself along because she was sure we would have plenty of room in our villa. She already purchased her park tickets and plane ticket before telling me. How do I say no? I am absolutely floored by this!

DH tells me not to get upset and just enjoy myself on vacation, but if she and I haven't gotten along for 15 years how can 1 week together at my personal happy place still be magical?

Sure Mom. But I'll need $600 (or whatever the true cost of her third is plus about $300 ) for your share of the Villa.
Think about it though. She's not going on a lot of the rides so she can hold the stuff while you and your daughter go three times.
Sorry Mom, Can you believe that thing said 20 minutes and it was an hour and a half? Did you enjoy the arcade? Amazing!!! I won't make THAT mistake again.
Mom. Didn't I tell you we were going to California Grill? You have nothing to wear. Well I guess you're not dressed. Well you stay at the food court here and we'll go over there.
WOOOHOOOO MOTHER AND DAUGHTER AT CHEF MICKEY'S!!!!
Didn't I tell you we were going to try Victoria and Alberts? Same thing.
WOOHOOOO!!! MOTER AND DAUGHTER AT 1900 PARK FAIRE!!!!


After trip.
MIL. Disney stank. Nothing but crowds, and we just couldn't do much together. I'm never going again. I don't know what you two see in it.
You: Shrug shoulders in a what can I do gesture.

 

[cynderella]

I agree. Perhaps you can politely decline by telling her that the kids (and you) have their hearts set on Disney and as it's not the same thing at all, Busch Gardens just won't do. I remember going to Busch Gardens in CA as a kid. There were some interesting things to do, but even at age 11 or so, I was bored out of my skull for the most part. Whereas I begged to go back to Disneyland many, many times, I never asked about going to Busch Gardens again. I'm sure your DD5 would be less than thrilled.

MILs. Yes, a club would be great. Mine (who is not even going with us on our first ever trip to WDW - thank heavens!!) has planned out our entire meal itinerary for us, and all the food consists of cold cereal, Cup-O-Soup (to be made with water heated in the hotel room's coffee maker) and PB&J. No eating out because that's too expensive. Thankfully, DH told her to MHOB.

 

[cmonroe]

Sorry POB14. I think you can get away with, "Thanks for the invite, we'll be down on such and such dates as we are visiting Disney....."

Squidrific,

I am never speechless and I was speechless when I read that. However, I'm am less annoyed with your MIL than I am with your husband. It's obvious your MIL has been like this for years. You don't get habits and behaviors like that overnight. She has spent years doing this to people.

Your husband has put you in an awkward position here. I can't imagine having that done to me. I would tell your husband, that because of his response, he has signed up to go on the trip.

If he says no, I would cancel the trip (you make up the reason) and say you have a conflict to your MIL. I would then immediately plan another trip, a month or two after the original. I would then keep it quiet.

Contrary to the above soapbox statement, I am not a terrible person.
My wife and I are known in our family and friends for sacrificing to help family and friends. This however, is complete underhandedness and is interfering with your time with your children.

That's where I have no tolerance. It is our responsibility as husbands and wives to take the responsibility for a situations caused by our mothers and fathers. Not our Mother or fathers-in-law.

I would expect the same from you if your mother pulled this instead of his.

If your husband cannot step up and be a man to his mother, then you might have to resort to similar tactics.

 

[KimberlyC]

Busch Gardens is ok. But its not Disney. You will know that even before you enter the gates because the parking lot is set up for crowds like you would expect at a state fair. OMG, where are the guys with the orange traffic controller cones? I went as a kid and it seemed bigger. I went back a few years ago and DH and I spent half the day there. I was pregnant so no coasters for me. There was enough to do for the day, but its an attraction not a "destination" IMHO, if you know what I mean. We were killing time before our early evening flight home. (Flew into Tampa for biz, drove to WDW, drove back to Tampa).

Speaking of which, the drive from Tampa to Orlando is no big deal. In fact we're flying to Tampa in June so DH can see a baseball game (the goal is to see a different ballpark in a different city each year). The next day we're driving to WDW and will fly out of MCO. Have you considered having your in-laws drive to WDW and stay there a day or two? They can hang with the grandkids while the grandkids get to do what they want to do. Hey, maybe you and DH could even get some alone time. This of course assumes that 1) they'd be willing to do this and 2) you won't shoot MIL at the World. It's billed as the happiest place on earth and an intentional shooting of the MIL (no matter how many DIL's are in support of you) would probably be frowned upon by Disney.

If you do go to Busch Gardens be sure to check out "Big Joe". That alligator has been there since I was a kid, he's just behind a glass barrier now.

 

[sameyeyam]

I understand you having a vacation planned and then thinking MIL ruined it. My MIL is not my most favorite person in the world. But if you have time please read my thread "Miss My Mom" in Trip Reports. I just posted it a few days ago. Sorry I'm not a computer whiz and don't know how to put a link in here.

Long story short, I invited my extremely healthy 59 year old mother to go to Disney with us last year, one month later she passed away from a brain aneurysm. Did it create more stress, cost and 1 more person in the room, yes! Was my husband not really crazy about the idea, probably so! But it will be my last memory of my mother and my children will never forget the fun with grandma at Disney.

I know it's just your MIL and not your Mother, but it is still your children's grandma and it could just be one of the best gifts you could ever give your children. Their grandmother won't be around forever and you could be creating some very special memories for both yourself and kids. Besides, grandma's tend to go a little slower, savor some of the things we "busy" people walk right past.

Also, grandma could be a big help with kids. Allow her some special time with each child, takes the load off of you. Let her help do some planning. Life sometimes gives you lemons -- make lemonade! If you don't have your health & your FAMILY, do you really have anything? Hopefully this will give you another way of looking at the situation.

 

[Squidrific]

Your husband has put you in an awkward position here. I can't imagine having that done to me. I would tell your husband, that because of his response, he has signed up to go on the trip.

That's where I have no tolerance. It is our responsibility as husbands and wives to take the responsibility for a situations caused by our mothers and fathers. Not our Mother or fathers-in-law. .

Thank you and Amen! I said something similar (not quite as eloquent - I was angry) and he just rolled his eyes and said I shouldn't have told her about the trip in the first place. Hello! I never thought that by answering her question of, "Well I suppose you are all going to Disney again as usual this year." that she would just randomly invite herself along!

Also, the worst is that we just bought DVC and this was our very first trip "home" which is not something I wanted to share with her.

Thanks for everyone else for their input. As we bought DVC the cost of the villa is not necessarily going to work, but I think I am going to downsize from 1BR to studio and tell her there is just not enough room and she will have to get her own room.

 

[Disneyhappy]

Squidrific,

I am never speechless and I was speechless when I read that. However, I'm am less annoyed with your MIL than I am with your husband. It's obvious your MIL has been like this for years. You don't get habits and behaviors like that overnight. She has spent years doing this to people.

Your husband has put you in an awkward position here. I can't imagine having that done to me. I would tell your husband, that because of his response, he has signed up to go on the trip.

If he says no, I would cancel the trip (you make up the reason) and say you have a conflict to your MIL. I would then immediately plan another trip, a month or two after the original. I would then keep it quiet.

Contrary to the above soapbox statement, I am not a terrible person.
My wife and I are known in our family and friends for sacrificing to help family and friends. This however, is complete underhandedness and is interfering with your time with your children.

That's where I have no tolerance. It is our responsibility as husbands and wives to take the responsibility for a situations caused by our mothers and fathers. Not our Mother or fathers-in-law.

I would expect the same from you if your mother pulled this instead of his.

If your husband cannot step up and be a man to his mother, then you might have to resort to similar tactics.

Almost my thoughts exactly! Believe me, I can relate to pesky MILs. But my DH only took about 3 years to take notice and control of his mother. Fifteen years would be too long for me to wait! Bless you!!!

 

[Bill From PA]

Ah the In-Laws, can't live with them, can't strangle them and throw 'em in a ditch. What to do? In the case of POB14, it's a courtesy visit on your terms, an invite to them to meet you for a day in WDW or, 'Thanks, but our itinerary is too tight, maybe next time'. As for Squidrific, quite a different matter. Quoting you: 'How do I say no?' Try, 'No, this is a Mother/Daughter vacation, perhaps some other time'. She'll inevitably cite the park tix and airfare at which point you say, 'If you checked with us first as you should have, you wouldn't be in this spot'. Period, no 'sorry', no nothing else from you. Assuming your 9 yr old wasn't 'premature', you've had at least a decade of this and I doubt this outrage is the first. DH said 'not to get upset and just enjoy yourself on vacation' ? Good, do just that by taking richard_andmel's advice. We do not tolerate 'self-inviters', drop in company at the house or anything of the sort. If this is the first presumptious move by MIL, NOW is the time to make sure it's the last.

Bill From PA

 

[Tricia1972]

Sorry POB14. I think you can get away with, "Thanks for the invite, we'll be down on such and such dates as we are visiting Disney....."

Squidrific,

I am never speechless and I was speechless when I read that. However, I'm am less annoyed with your MIL than I am with your husband. It's obvious your MIL has been like this for years. You don't get habits and behaviors like that overnight. She has spent years doing this to people.

Your husband has put you in an awkward position here. I can't imagine having that done to me. I would tell your husband, that because of his response, he has signed up to go on the trip.

If he says no, I would cancel the trip (you make up the reason) and say you have a conflict to your MIL. I would then immediately plan another trip, a month or two after the original. I would then keep it quiet.

Contrary to the above soapbox statement, I am not a terrible person.
My wife and I are known in our family and friends for sacrificing to help family and friends. This however, is complete underhandedness and is interfering with your time with your children.

That's where I have no tolerance. It is our responsibility as husbands and wives to take the responsibility for a situations caused by our mothers and fathers. Not our Mother or fathers-in-law.

I would expect the same from you if your mother pulled this instead of his.

If your husband cannot step up and be a man to his mother, then you might have to resort to similar tactics.

I agree completely. Your MIL is a problem, but the real problem that you are having right now is with your husband. I cannot believe that he tried to pass blame on you for simply answering her question. Should you have lied about your vacation? I don't think so.

MIL's can be a nice blessing and someone you wouldn't mind having along with you, or MIL's can be vile people (like mine is) Since your MIL invited herself along I would guess yours falls into the latter of the two.

In the case of a vile MIL who will ruin your vacation, I say cancel and re-book, or have your DH come and share a room with her at AS. You guys can meet up every now and then in the parks and you and your child can have the time of your life.

 

[POB14]

Have you considered having your in-laws drive to WDW and stay there a day or two? They can hang with the grandkids while the grandkids get to do what they want to do. Hey, maybe you and DH could even get some alone time. This of course assumes that 1) they'd be willing to do this and 2) you won't shoot MIL at the World. It's billed as the happiest place on earth and an intentional shooting of the MIL (no matter how many DIL's are in support of you) would probably be frowned upon by Disney.

Well, first of all, if I had a DH, I'd be posting to the gay/lesbian board . . . not that there's anything wrong with that . . . I'm just sayin', is all . . .

Second, and what I should have said in the first place, that's what we did last year. Not the shooting part, the meeting in Orlando part. We were, in fact, discussing splitting the stay between Orlando and Tampa, and the above conversation was in the context of "why don't you just spend the whole time in Tampa."

I think we will split the trip, actually, since I would like to see some of Tampa. I don't think we'll skip Orlando entirely, though!

 

[Bill From PA]

sameyeyam,

I'm truely sorry for your loss, but you inviting your mother does not equate with a MIL inviting herself. This relationship is at least a decade old and if there were a silver lining to MIL tagging along, Squidrific would know about it by now and I don't see mention of it in her posts. This is all about deciding what to do with one's free time (actually expensive in WDW), and with whom to do it.

Bill From PA

 

[jcpuppy.com]

Well, first of all, if I had a DH, I'd be posting to the gay/lesbian board . . . not that there's anything wrong with that . . . I'm just sayin', is all . . .

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Patrick...people made a cute ASSumption..usually it is the DH that is getting into trouble....guess we need to outfit your DW with a doghouse this year!

 

[cynderella]

POB14, I took you as meaning you should shoot the MIL for saying Busch Gardens is the same thing as Disney. Though I have never been to the Busch Gardens in Tampa (which looks much cooler, btw, with all the roller coasters, etc.) I mentioned that I had been to Busch Gardens in CA when I was a kid. Well, they closed the park about 4-5 years later. They CLOSED an ENTIRE theme park in So. Cal. There's a message here! Nah, I'm just teasin'. I'm sure your family will have fun if you go....as long as you don't have to make a choice between the two!

 

[Squidrific]

sameyeyam,

I'm truely sorry for your loss, but you inviting your mother does not equate with a MIL inviting herself. This relationship is at least a decade old and if there were a silver lining to MIL tagging along, Squidrific would know about it by now and I don't see mention of it in her posts. This is all about deciding what to do with one's free time (actually expensive in WDW), and with whom to do it.

Bill From PA

sameyeyam - I feel for your loss as well. I am extremely close with my parents and love it when my mom comes along. The difference being my mother always asks and gets her own room near us because she values having a bit of space to herself.

As far as a silver lining Bill is right there has been over a decade of bad blood between us starting when the woman actually stood up and objected during my wedding (you know the part where no one is actually supposed to object). Also, I have tried to be more than magnanimous with my one dd and her time with her Granny, but Grandma never expresses very much of an interest. Honestly, I see this as her attempt for an affordable vacation as all she is paying for is her tickets and plane ticket and I will provide food (in kitchen) and accommodations.

I agree with everyone and my non-confrontational DH is going to have to handle this because I don't see a week with this lady going very well (even if I am on my best behavior in front of my dd) because she is a master at pushing my buttons! In fact I think I am going to make him read this thread when he gets home tonight!

 

[sameyeyam]

I truly do understand that my situation is not exactly the same as a MIL inviting herself. I guess that I am just in a mindset now to realize that the family members you love (and sometimes hate) can be gone in an instant.

My sister that lives in Florida invited herself to stay in our room for a couple of days this year. My sister and I have had a rocky relationship since our childhood. In prior years I would have gotten upset, told her to get her own room, the usual. This year I just said, ok, but bring along a sleeping bag for my DS(7)! She also convinced me to drop a couple of WDW days and visit her home at the end of our trip (which I might add is very dirty and I would rather spend the time at WDW!). We survived and had fun for the most part! Sure things didn't go exactly how I had planned, but even with the best of planning Disney vacations rarely come off without a hitch.

I have now decided to invite my MIL to Disney with us next year. She is not my favorite person, gripes & complains a little too much, has MS (the heat exacerbates that condition) so I'm not really sure what I have gotten myself into! But I do know that I have wonderful memories of my grandparent's at Disneyland every summer (even though I am sure my parent's were gritting their teeth at the in-laws) and that experience is something I certainly want to pass along to my kids.

Now, if you were to ask me about my sister in law that I can't stand that might be a different story!!!!!!!! So I guess if the MIL's are anything like her, then I totally understand and would probably do anything in my power to get rid of them!