Should I say something?

[HumanLegs]

So this girl I'm sorta-friends with is slutty. For example, she has no job and lives with her mom. Her mom (for some reason) gives her money. Well all the girl does is party. She's 21. EVERY night she goes to the bar. Which is fine, really. But whenever a guy buys her drinks she goes home with him! I don't know what she does while she's there, if anything. I've mentioned that this is dangerous and overall a bad idea. I'm not that much older than her (26) but I've been thru this type of situation before. I know that she's doing this to get attention from guys. She's chubby and currently single. I know she thinks that she's just having fun or whatever but I'm worried for her. I don't think she knows that one reason for her getting male attention is that they know/think she's easy.

The thing is, I don't even really know how to broach the subject with her. I'm friends with her by association so would I be overstepping my bounds by getting into her business?

 

[Cool-Beans]

So this girl I'm sorta-friends with is slutty. For example, she has no job and lives with her mom. Her mom (for some reason) gives her money. Well all the girl does is party. She's 21. EVERY night she goes to the bar. Which is fine, really. But whenever a guy buys her drinks she goes home with him! I don't know what she does while she's there, if anything. I've mentioned that this is dangerous and overall a bad idea. I'm not that much older than her (26) but I've been thru this type of situation before. I know that she's doing this to get attention from guys. She's chubby and currently single. I know she thinks that she's just having fun or whatever but I'm worried for her. I don't think she knows that one reason for her getting male attention is that they know/think she's easy.

The thing is, I don't even really know how to broach the subject with her. I'm friends with her by association so would I be overstepping my bounds by getting into her business?

Yes, you would. And no, you shouldn't.

 

[Tuffcookie]

JMO, but I think you need to back away from this friendship.

She's old enough to know that what she's doing is dangerous.

TC

 

[tazdev3225]

It's nice of you to be concerned but I agree with the other posts. Back away from the friendship. I don't think any good would come of you saying anything.

 

[chisnpeke]

If you're not best friends then you shouldn't say anything. She likely wouldn't change her ways even if you did say something.

 

[Breezie]

I think I would just leave it alone. I have friends that like to sleep around, and I don't get into their business about it. It is what they want to do. And these are my goooood friends. I wouldn't dream of saying something to someone that was just an acquaintance.

I seriously doubt that anything you or I would say would have an effect on them.

 

[pixiedusty]

If she's not a close friend, it's not for you to say something. Don't go out to clubs with her group though. No need to look slutty by association. Really, I used to have a trampy friend and sometimes people assume that the whole group might be trampy (something I didn't believe when I was young and naive).

 

[gladstoneganderfan]

Personally, I commend you for caring. I disagree with the previous posters. I would approach her in a loving, caring way, not judgemental. You never know, she could be acting out because of a trauma she has been though in the past. If you (and eveyone else she's around) does as the previous posters suggested & back away from her, who is going to care about her? Maybe she doesn't have anyone.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I don't think you should say anything.

Do you know any single guys who might be interested in her? If she met a decent guy and had some "normal" dates with him, I bet her dangerous behavior would stop.

 

[disykat]

How stupid do you think she is? I'm actually serious with this question. I think she KNOWS she's getting attention because she is easy and that is why she's easy.

Unless she is seriously brain impaired, she knows this. She also knows it's dangerous. Telling her doesn't really make sense - she already knows!

What she may NOT know is that she is deserving of attention for who she is. If I were going to do anything I'd let her know that you think she deserves someone who will truly appreciate her for who she is and that she is capable of finding that person.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

If you aren't really friends with this young person who just turned 21, I would leave it alone.

It's her choice and if she chooses to make bad choices and she ISN'T a close friend leave it alone. You can't fix everyone, I don't understand why you stated she was "chubby and single" though? What relevance would that have if she was skinny? She's still being slutty in your words.

Do you know for CERTAIN that she "goes home" with these guys and what she really does with them?

You are making some big assumptions about someone that you aren't really friends with and only see her I guess when you go out with your group of friends.

Maybe she is just a tease....you really don't know.

But as PP's have said don't hang out with her and leave it alone it's really not your business.

 

[java]

MYOB
She is 21. She's an adult. And she's not your responsibility.

 

[Goofyluver]

Maybe she likes being slutty.

 

[MinnieMe87]

Yes, you would. And no, you shouldn't.

I agree.

 

[LisaNJ25]

Ahh to be 21 and single again

 

[Loverly]

I work with a 50 something who is just as S#####
(sorry-I just can't write that word)

A Tramp=went to her best friend's house just so the two of them could visit her neighbor whose wife walked out on him a few days earlier -to "hit" on him!
These types of woman are the way they are="saying' something to them is useless.

 

[MushyMushy]

Ahh to be 21 and single again

I know, really!

Here I am thinking, "What's the problem here?"



(Just keeping my fingers crossed that Cantw8 doesn't see this)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Myob

The funny thing is people you know are talking about what a boozer you are for drinking at bars with slutty friends. Esp...why are you hanging around someone 21?

You see how that doesn't work.

 

[DisneyMomOK]

My DD is 23 and I have heard her talking about friends that she worries about, too, so I commend you for caring. I keep thinking about the book (and movie) Looking for Mr. Goodbar (does that age me, or what) and how the world is lot scarier now than it was 30 years ago. You mention her mother, is she estranged from her father, could that male attention be what she is really looking to find? Are there any young men in your group that could serve in a friend-only capacity? Does she need something to give her a sense of self-worth; something that you could help her to obtain? I know others have told you to stay away from the situation, but if she ended up being a statistic, it seems from your post you would always regret that. Good luck, whichever road you take.

 

[HumanLegs]

Thanks for all the advice everyone!

I'm aware that she must realize that what she's doing is slutty. She might not be aware that she can catch some potentially harmful STD's.

I said chubby and single because she feels like no one would like her if she just acted like herself instead of throwing herself on men. She equates love with being skinny.

I don't go out with this girl alone. She's friends with my friends and when I go with them she's usually there. And all the evidence is on her myspace of course.

I think I might say to her that I had to talk to another friend about this and give her that story. That way it's not like I'm getting in her business.