Should I not be upset?

[goofyintoronto]

I would be upset/hurt like I am now. I have maybe 1 out of every 6 Sunday's off with him... That leave him to spend 5 out of 6 Sundays doing whatever he pleases. Why can't we spend one day as a family???? Our DS and I are obviously not as important as his friends. Maybe next time I should just ask if he can try to fit us in for and hr or two.

This is a conversation you shoul'd be having with your husband, not a bunch of strangers on an Internet message board.>>>I was gonna say the same thing.

Everything you have said on this board should be directed to your husband. im assuming you have told him all of this already? But you two clearly need counselling. He obviously has no interest in spending as much time with you as you wanna spend with him, and there must be a reason for it. That needs to be looked at by a counsellor. This wont go away on its own.

I would book a therapist asap. Good luck!

 

[wvjules]

You say that like it is a bad thing My goodness. Who wouldn't be fighting to spend time with their child on their only day off?

And it's not like he is spending any one on one with the son. He is hanging out with his buddy while his son hangs out with his cousin.

When does the OP's family get to spend time together as a family? You know: Mom, Dad, Child All together.

Ummm, every night of the week perhaps?

The DH wasn't gone ALLL DAY. He was gone for a few hours. They did have family time.

 

[declansdad]

Well now, if we all followed that advice I'd be cleaning my bathroom or something right now instead of chatting on the board with my cuppa joe.

Really, ITA, you need to discuss this with the dh, I think you both might benefit from counseling or something. It might help.

You could have a discussion about the best bathroom cleaning products available.

 

[LittlePinkDot]

Ummm, every night of the week perhaps?

The DH wasn't gone ALLL DAY. He was gone for a few hours. They did have family time.

The OP stated that “we very rarely have a whole day off together”. I guess she wanted to spend the "whole day" with her husband and son. Starting that day at 2pm seems like she was an afterthought.

As for week nights, I imagine she wanted a nice, non-hectic weekend day. I know I absolutely love weekend family time. We are out the door by 9am most times, ready to grab the day

Apparently the OP’s husband wasn't looking forward to spending the "whole day" with his wife/son and the OP is hurt by it. So, they have some things to work out as a couple.

Good luck, OP.

 

[LittlePinkDot]

... But you two clearly need counselling. He obviously has no interest in spending as much time with you as you wanna spend with him, and there must be a reason for it. That needs to be looked at by a counsellor. This wont go away on its own.

I would book a therapist asap. Good luck!

Sound advice.

 

[pioneer89]

Dis needs a "Hall of Fame"; this thread would be a shoe-in.

My $0.02: My DW knows better than to schedule my days off doing chores for my in-laws.

 

[luvsJack]

OP, before you run off and hire a lawyer or decide your husband is cheating or even make appointments with counselors--TALK TO THE MAN.

Dh drives a truck. He is gone a minimum of 5 nights a week, usually 6 and sometimes 7. When he is home there is horse feed to buy, hay to buy and haul, things that he needs to do and things he wants to do. Sometimes that hay buying trip turns into a day long thing because he is with friends and they "visit" for awhile. Sometimes he goes to the office and spends time socializing with the other truck drivers that he is friends with. Sometimes he goes to visit with his family (on weekends I can't go with him due to things I have to do). We don't spend a huge number of days off just "together".

Now, I have had my marriage problems in the past but things are better now. And in our younger marriage days, not being together every time we had a day off made me feel like he didn't want to be with me. But, it wasn't personal. It was just sometimes "male bonding" was his way of blowing off steam and de-stressing.

Heck, our first anniversary was spent with him in the hay field with friends. And me in the house with all the wives.

You just need to talk to him calmly and tell him what you want and what bothers you. And come to a compromise. Don't expect him to give up everything he wants to do, but don't give up everything you want either.

Do NOT make accusations. Do NOT make it all about you and how you feel.

Maybe his idea of "spending the day together" is totally different from yours.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

You could have a discussion about the best bathroom cleaning products available.

Alright, bathroom is clean and the rest of the house is at cleancom 2, maybe 3 if you count the kids rooms....I'M FREE!

Nice hot cup of cawfee too!

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

Dis needs a "Hall of Fame"; this thread would be a shoe-in.

My $0.02: My DW knows better than to schedule my days off doing chores for my in-laws.

Yes, but do YOU know better than to not schedule Buddy HairNOTCut day on family time day?

 

[Planogirl]

OP, before you run off and hire a lawyer or decide your husband is cheating or even make appointments with counselors--TALK TO THE MAN.

Dh drives a truck. He is gone a minimum of 5 nights a week, usually 6 and sometimes 7. When he is home there is horse feed to buy, hay to buy and haul, things that he needs to do and things he wants to do. Sometimes that hay buying trip turns into a day long thing because he is with friends and they "visit" for awhile. Sometimes he goes to the office and spends time socializing with the other truck drivers that he is friends with. Sometimes he goes to visit with his family (on weekends I can't go with him due to things I have to do). We don't spend a huge number of days off just "together".

Now, I have had my marriage problems in the past but things are better now. And in our younger marriage days, not being together every time we had a day off made me feel like he didn't want to be with me. But, it wasn't personal. It was just sometimes "male bonding" was his way of blowing off steam and de-stressing.

Heck, our first anniversary was spent with him in the hay field with friends. And me in the house with all the wives.

You just need to talk to him calmly and tell him what you want and what bothers you. And come to a compromise. Don't expect him to give up everything he wants to do, but don't give up everything you want either.

Do NOT make accusations. Do NOT make it all about you and how you feel.

Maybe his idea of "spending the day together" is totally different from yours.

Great advice.

 

[JVelasquez]

Dis needs a "Hall of Fame"; this thread would be a shoe-in.

My $0.02: My DW knows better than to schedule my days off doing chores for my in-laws.

Then I guess it was a good thing I didn't have him doing chores for his in-laws!!!! The chair was for US for if/when we wanted to have another child.

 

[JVelasquez]

Ummm, every night of the week perhaps?

The DH wasn't gone ALLL DAY. He was gone for a few hours. They did have family time.

I work 2-3 nights a week not getting home till around 10:30-11:00pm... DS is sound asleep and DH is on his way to bed if not asleep already bc he has the gym at 5am followed by work. When I work on Sunday's I leave around 8am and don't return till around 7 or 8.

 

[JVelasquez]

My DH and I had a long talk last night and I made my feelings clear to him (like I always do) and he explained how he felt as well. He agreed late last night that we may need to see a counselor.

 

[marlynnp]

Maybe that's what is happening now... The 7 year itch... It will be 7 years since we 1st started dating in November.

How old are the three of you?

 

[punkin]

Then I guess it was a good thing I didn't have him doing chores for his in-laws!!!! The chair was for US for if/when we wanted to have another child.

No, No, No. Do not bring any more children into this situation until the child you married grows up!

 

[declansdad]

No, No, No. Do not bring any more children into this situation until the child you married grows up!

That's helpful!

 

[JVelasquez]

No, No, No. Do not bring any more children into this situation until the child you married grows up!

I wouldn't!

 

[pioneer89]

Yes, but do YOU know better than to not schedule Buddy HairNOTCut day on family time day?

In my view, she didn't schedule any family time day.

 

[ccgirl]

It definitely sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back and that there's a lot more going on here. Next time, I would also plan something. For example, at 2pm I would like to go to the movies, to the park, for a bike ride etc. Glad you talked and he agreed to counseling. How old is your son?

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

In my view, she didn't schedule any family time day.

Why not? Because she asked instead of sending a written invitation?