Should I make my son go?

[momof3baldwins]

I am a single mom of 3 kids. My oldest (14) does not want to go to Disney with us. He says it is boring and for little kids, and he doesnt want to ride any rides. I am on the fence about whether to make him go or let him stay at home with his grandparents. It would certainly be cheaper to let him stay at home, and it would be nice not to have to listen to his teenager attitude for a week. On the other hand, it is a family vacation, and we wouldnt get to all spend time together, and I am wondering if later when he sees all the pictures without him in it if he might wish he would have gone. (He says he wont). We homeschool, so we are together all the time, it's not like this is the only time we have to spend together. Has anyone ever had the experience of leaving a child at home because they didnt want to go? Did they regret it later? Opinions on what I should do? Our last trip to Disney was 2 years ago.
If I do leave him at home, what do I do with my other 2 when one wants to ride a ride the other one doesnt want to ride? Can I take them both through the line and leave the one that doesnt want to ride waiting on the platform for us to come back?

 

[eyehartdisney]

If he doesn't want to go, why make him? It seems silly, especially if you have someone willing to watch him. If you force him to go, he's going to be determined to not have a good time, and his perception of disney will be clouded forever after that. But if you get home, he sees the pictures, and then is jealous? That's a valuable life lesson on trying things even when it seems like it will be boring. I would, however, point out things that he could do that he might like. The behind the trains tour for example might be something he might enjoy, and I would also set a date for him that there is no going back for "We need to know 2 weeks ahead of time, beyond that, and you can't go even if you change your mind."

 

[ShannonMB]

If he doesn't want to go, why make him? It seems silly, especially if you have someone willing to watch him. If you force him to go, he's going to be determined to not have a good time, and his perception of disney will be clouded forever after that. But if you get home, he sees the pictures, and then is jealous? That's a valuable life lesson on trying things even when it seems like it will be boring. I would, however, point out things that he could do that he might like. The behind the trains tour for example might be something he might enjoy, and I would also set a date for him that there is no going back for "We need to know 2 weeks ahead of time, beyond that, and you can't go even if you change your mind."

This is exactly what I would do, too.

 

[BuckeyeBama]

Ask him if he can do it for you. Explain what these trips mean to you, and that all too soon they will be over - forever. He will move on with his life and your time for these trips (these connections) will be over.

Ask him to go for you, but only if he can go with a glad heart. If he can't - let him stay. Don't hold it against him if he can't see what you see coming - he is only 14.

Good luck.

 

[Kelly014]

Personally I would make him go. When I was 16 my family went to New Zealand (we have family there). I was actually pretty bummed because we were going to miss 4th of July and I wouldn't get to hang out with my friends. I remember complaining about it...which is ridiculous in hindsight.

I was not to the point of not wanting to go, but I was definitely whiny about it, and then had an amazing time. I realize this is sort comparing apples to oranges location wise, but still, I'd make him go. I think teenagers have an easy time of declaring "I don't like that" without seeing the big picture, that hey, vacations are usually pretty fun and you might regret not going. Seems like a good lesson: be thankful that we get to go on vacation and find a way to have a good time. Not at all saying your kiddo isn't thankful, I get the teenager attitude! Any chance you could do something that is geared toward/special for him since he's afraid it will be too geared for little kids? Good luck whatever you decide!

 

[Kate and Family]

Let him stay, a little one-on-one time with Grandparents might be one of things he will remember for the rest of his life. That bond between grandson and grandparents is pretty special.

 

[prudence64]

I'd leave him home as long as it's not a burden for his grandparents. If he ends up regretting it, it will be a good lesson for him.

 

[bennifer]

I agree with giving him a deadline. I always told my teenager son that it was his choice and he ALWAYS said he didn't want to go, but then guess what? He ended up saying yes and having a GREAT time. I always let him pick a day that was his day, and we would go where he wanted to go, do what he wanted (like a water park), after all, it's his vacation, too.

 

[nugov2]

If it were my child I would want them to come, but I would make sure that the vacation included some of what he wanted to do. Why just a WDW vacation? There is so much more to do. Uni/IOA, SW etc. I would say if you are going for 7 days let him pick 2 days of things he would want to do. I would be OK leaving a child behind with their grandparents, but first I would try to make a family vacation about every member of our family. Doesn't mean every day of the trip is, but he may want to go and even be excited if you let him plan a couple of days. Maybe him saying he doesn't want to go b/c it's for "babies" is his way of telling you this trip is being planned without him in mind. I would talk to him if that is how he is feeling before planning and going without him.

 

[Deanie1]

Having 3 adult children myself, I remember how teenager attitude can be. If it were me, I would talk to him one more time, give him a last chance to change his mind, and if he still does not want to go then I would leave him with his grandparents. Teenage attitude might pull the whole family down and then the younger two won't have as good a time.

 

[Momof2Singers]

Such a hard question I know, in our family, everyone goes. My daughters are 15 and 20 and can't wait. Depending on how long you will be there, I would ask him to look at pictures or youtube videos and find something that might interest him. I think he would enjoy it if he were doing something he liked. I can't imagine us taking a vacation without one of our kids.

That being said, with two younger ones, they will of course, get tired and probably complain, but he could really step up and learn to help with his siblings.

I agree with the other poster that said it would be a lesson to him once he sees pictures and hears about your trip, however, if he is in this frame of mind, he will probably not relate to it anyway.

What does he feel he will accomplish by staying with grandparents. If they take him to ballgames, etc. I can see that would be more exciting, otherwise, my grandmother had me sitting all day doing nothing...no fun at all. Of course things have changed with technology but getting out and experiencing other things is a part of growth. Has he been to Disney before? If not, this would be something he would always remember. Does he like photography and have a camera, he could help make memories for his siblings.

Hope it all works out for all of you!

 

[plutotek]

Personally, I would shift the emphasis from him being a passive vacationer to engaging him more in helping with the other 2 children. The idea of possibly setting aside time for an activity geared to him as a reward/incentive could work well.

We had a similar situation w/our son in terms of interest. We spent a week in DC & Williamsburg one year and his payoff for trying to get the best out of 'boring' museums was a day at Busch Gardens and activities at Williamsburg geared towards pre-teens/teens. It worked out well for all and was one of our more memorable trips.

 

[GillianP1301]

I would probably try to work on him a bit more before giving in this his request to stay home. Try to see if he can verbalize what he feels is "boring" about it. Is he basing this on previous trips there or just his perception? If it's the latter, then spending a little time going over all that WDW has to offer may help. Are you open to adding non Disney days to your trip? If you let him choose a day or two of activities, that may interest him more (maybe Universal or the beach, etc...)

I don't see a problem with leaving him with the grandparents (assuming they are okay with it), it may turn into a really good experience for them all. I would just want to be sure I tried all I could to maintain a family vacation first.

 

[EvangelineG]

I agree with the PP that suggested including a couple of days at Universal or another Orlando attraction that would interest your oldest son. If it is a family trip then ideally it should include fun for everyone in the family and not just the youngest ones.

My sons are also 14yo (twins), and have had concerns on our last couple of trips about certain things at WDW being too "baby-ish" or "girl-ish". We do include Universal on our trips, and they love it there, and have also done the Kennedy Space Centre, Gatorland, the beach etc. We found that at the parks Epcot seems to be a lot less threatening to their burgeoning sense of manly manhood than MK, or some of the other parks. They mostly stay well away from the princess, characters and younger stuff that makes them squirm, although I do always force them to ride Winnie the Pooh with me! (Such a mean Mom!)

If your DS is really happier staying at home with the grandparents, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. Although if possible, I would try planning something that excites and interests him too if you do want it to be a family trip.

 

[surferdave]

Personally, I would shift the emphasis from him being a passive vacationer to engaging him more in helping with the other 2 children.

Yep, every family vacation when you're the oldest sibling.

 

[Hannathy]

If you were just there 2 years ago then cut 2 days from your Disney and add Universal. He is right Disney doesn't have a lot fo offer 14 yr old boys especially ones that were just there. It is his vacation to and should have something for him to enjoy.Add universal AND offer to let him go to one of the water parks for the day while you and the younger kids go to a Disney park. offering those three things may change his mind about Disney and if it doesn't then let him stay home. I would leave tickets to a ball game or other special treat near your home that the grandparents could take him to.



PS if he decides to go please in all that is holy DO NOT make him stand in line to see a princess!!! let him go do something on his own for that time!!!

 

[nooneshome]

We left DS with his grandfather last trip and plan to do the same for our upcoming trip. He doesn't want to go any more and it was tough to get him out of bed on his last trip. We get to save the money so it is a win-win.

 

[BongoFury]

If he doesn't want to go, why make him? It seems silly, especially if you have someone willing to watch him. If you force him to go, he's going to be determined to not have a good time, and his perception of disney will be clouded forever after that. But if you get home, he sees the pictures, and then is jealous? That's a valuable life lesson on trying things even when it seems like it will be boring. I would, however, point out things that he could do that he might like. The behind the trains tour for example might be something he might enjoy, and I would also set a date for him that there is no going back for "We need to know 2 weeks ahead of time, beyond that, and you can't go even if you change your mind."

This.

If he doesn't go he's gonna wish he had, especially if you bring back lots of great pics and stories.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Last year, my boys were 11 and 13. Neither said they didn't want to go, but I think they were doing it more for me. They were both sort of "eh, been there, done that" kind of attitude. That was our fourth trip and they kind of felt like there wasn't much new or exciting.

Well, then they discovered the Sorcerers of the Magic Kingdom game and pin trading! LOVED them both. I have to say that both boys are sort of the treasure hunter, collector, trying to find the right...whatever it is. So both things appealed to them BIG time.

As we were leaving, they boy said they couldn't wait to go back to play the game again and finish some of their pin collections. So we're going back this August and they can't wait! They'll now be 12 and 14.

The other thing that they're really, really excited about is we've told them we'll let them go off and "do their own thing" in the parks for a bit. So dad and I can go see the Hall of Presidents and poke in gift shops, while they get to ride some favorite rides on their own. Of course, the Sorcerers game is a HUGE part of that independent time. We're a family and do things together so the thought of them going off without us at first seemed strange, but now they're really excited about it and I think it will be fine. We'll still have plenty of time together, but they'll feel a real sense of independence too.

I don't know how old your youngest two are, but is that something that would work? Is your oldest son reliable enough to send off on his own? That might really appeal to his sense of being older. Could he take one of the kids to do some more "grown up" rides while you take the youngest on the "baby" rides?

Definitely have him check out the Sorcerers game. It seems perfect for kids that age. Maybe promise him some time at DisneyQuest or Splitsville? Let him explore the resort--food court, arcade, gift shop--on his own. Get him involved in planning places to eat (my boys love to look at websites and see what restaurants they want to try!). Put him in charge of the touring plan for each day. Do something like a snack around the world at Epcot.

 

[BounceWalker]

If he doesn't want to go, why make him? It seems silly, especially if you have someone willing to watch him. If you force him to go, he's going to be determined to not have a good time, and his perception of disney will be clouded forever after that. But if you get home, he sees the pictures, and then is jealous? That's a valuable life lesson on trying things even when it seems like it will be boring. I would, however, point out things that he could do that he might like. The behind the trains tour for example might be something he might enjoy, and I would also set a date for him that there is no going back for "We need to know 2 weeks ahead of time, beyond that, and you can't go even if you change your mind."

^^^ I LOVE this answer!