Should I let this go?

[DisneyBamaFan]

Excatly! Your guy was spot on with his gift. Apparently, the nightlight wasn't spot on.

But why wasn't it spot on? That is the important question. If he tried and missed the mark, he tried - which is a lot more than can be said for many, even if they spent much more. If he just picked it up randomly then that is another story altogether, but who would pick up a night-light as a random gift for their wife?

I just can't get past the thought that one would have to be pretty dense to give a night-light as a present unless there was more to it than nighttime illumination.

 

[mjkacmom]

But, in this case, the husband did NOT spend anthing on his sister...
That is where the OP is very, VERY, mistaken. She is making an issue out of something that never happened.
.

This! I'm guessing that even if her DH's sister's birthday was 8 months away, he would've just treated them, but since she has a birthday coming up, he used the tickets to get out of having to buy her a birthday gift. The night light has nothing to do with this situation.

 

[Minnie]

OP - Seems like your DH used the tickets as an easy way out on finding something for his sister not to slight you.

However, I don't blame you in the slightest for being upset / unhappy with a nightlight for your 40th birthday. You clearly considered his interests making sure that he had a great birthday experience and he just grabbed something for yours - not putting consideration into what you would really want / enjoy.

I'd drop the sister is more important that you - as that doesn't seem to be the case unless he always puts his family ahead of you.... then you have more important problems that a gift....

But if the resentment is building then yes talk to him - rationally, calmly as an adult don't - slam him when he walks in the door - that's just asking for a fight rather than something to clear the air.

Good luck

 

[RainbowBrite]

Do women (in general) really feel this way?

I can't speak for everyone else, but I don't. I pay no attention to what DW spends on her brother though we don't have a good relationship with him for very good reasons so she really doesn't spend much on him.

I practically raised my little sister (now almost 18, I can't believe it!) so she has always felt more like my daughter than my sister and I always spend as much as I can afford to spend on her for Christmas. DW knows and understands this and has never complained

 

[poohs_hunny]

Now, I don't know your husband, but I think that some men really are that clueless...and lazy. Do you think that your husband would spend so much on a gift for his sister if it didn't "fall into his lap" so to speak? He's probably thinking, great! Now I don't have to think about getting my sister a birthday gift in 2 months - it's done! That being said, your gift sounds less than spectacular. Did you at least ask for/express interest in a Christmas nightlight?

 

[Minnesota!]

You aren't married, so let me put this as plainly as I can.

Your wife should always get a more expensive gift than your sister. Period. End of story.

Really??? I disagree.

Do women (in general) really feel this way?

Oh hell no!

There is no "keeping score" in my marriage. That's ridiculous!

 

[PaulaSB12]

You aren't married, so let me put this as plainly as I can.

Your wife should always get a more expensive gift than your sister. Period. End of story.

I am so glad I am not a man because with that attitude I wouldn't bother with marriage. To the op if you want something nice give him a list of choices and let him choose. Will someone please explain all the fuss of "milestone" birthdays? I can understand 21 (or 18 in the UK) because that is when you are of age, I can understand celebrating when you retire but really all the other birthdays are just one more year and nothing special.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sounds like there are some very self-depreciating women out there who do not want/feel worthy of accepting gifts graciously.

Again, it is NOT about keeping score.
I said that in my last post.
There are a lot of other issues involved.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am so glad I am not a man because with that attitude I wouldn't bother with marriage. To the op if you want something nice give him a list of choices and let him choose

SO TRUE!!!!!

It is a common belief, in the vein of 'Men are from Mars...." that many men are indeed clueless when it comes to this sort of thing.... A woman needs to make her expectations very, very, simple and clear.

 

[BroganMc]

Do women (in general) really feel this way?

Heck no! Like I said before drives me batty when women or men for that matter do. I hate when kids do it but realize they just need to be taught better.

You know what I got for my 40th birthday? A day spent with my dad. This was a year after he broke his leg, had a mild heart attack and a doctor told me he might be bedridden the rest of his life if they couldn't do the surgery to fix the broken leg. My brothers didn't remember I even had a birthday, nor do they even realize how old I am. Spending time with my dad was the most precious gift I could ever get.

 

[BroganMc]

I am so glad I am not a man because with that attitude I wouldn't bother with marriage. To the op if you want something nice give him a list of choices and let him choose. Will someone please explain all the fuss of "milestone" birthdays? I can understand 21 (or 18 in the UK) because that is when you are of age, I can understand celebrating when you retire but really all the other birthdays are just one more year and nothing special.

I guess for a woman here 40 means over the hill/middle-aged / past your sexual prime. You're supposed to feel like you've changed and re-evaluate your life. I gave myself hell that year because I wasn't married and didn't have kids like my sibs. I was too busy the last decade looking after our aging parents. (Started when my mom had cancer shortly before my 30th birthday. Lost her a few years later and now look after my dad.)

Getting older is feared in the US sometimes. I blame Hollywood.

 

[princesshannahsmom]

This is a generalization, but it matters in the context of this thread:

Men and women speak different languages. Women beat around the bush and drop hints. Men are direct and to the point. Women think that their hints are obvious, and that men are oblivious. Well, the hints might be obvious to another woman, but they are anything but obvious to a man. Women get upset that men don't pick up on their hints, and men get frustrated that women want them to read their minds. Love is not an interpreter, though it offers a buffer for hurt feelings. In the end, it is up to the individuals to find an effective way to communicate with one another. If they fail, it is the fault of both.

Eventually, if both are willing to be truly honest with one another, there can be a real understanding - but the two sides will still speak different languages.

Yep. I am a woman and I totally agree with this. I don't beat around the bush or play passive aggressive with DH. I know how men are, I have a dad, a grandpa, 4 uncles and 2 brothers!!! If I want something, I tell him WHAT it is I want, down to the most minute detail. For instance..."Honey, I want a Disney Dooney and Bourke purse, you will find this on Disney Shopping.com, in the search box type Dooney and Bourke, the one that I want is called Balloon Mickey Mouse Mini Margot Crossbody bag by Dooney and Bourke, it is $145, it is a small purse with a white background with multi colored Mickey heads on it." Guess what, that is EXACTLY what I will get!!! That, of course is just an example. But, the point I am trying to make is this, a man's mind is simple (no offense meant to any men on here!) and the more detailed you are in your explanations, the better response you will get, no matter if giving direction for a household chore or advising of a wanted gift.

 

[BroganMc]

Life would be so much simpler if everyone just maintained an Amazon wish list.

Best Christmas I ever had was when my SIL got my name in a Kris Kringle and discovered I had a wish list posted. I made out like a bandit that year. My brother (not her husband) has me this year. I dread to think what I mightopen Christmas Day. Maybe it'll be a Christmas nightlight. Hey I love Christmas and I could use one.

 

[Cat0727]

Well the nightlight gift is just a typical guy goof, but the packer tickets- I understand why you're mad but just remember your DH sees it as an easy way out of not having to spend money on his sis for her birthday! And he doesn't have to worry about getting her anything now since it's already covered.

 

[babyrich]

Clueless!!!! I usually have to tell my DH specifically what I want for b'day and other holidays or I would never get anything. I admit, I just like getting presents, I dont care if I know what they are beforehand. Around November my DH said to me, do you really want to exchange gifts at Xmas this year???? I said, "how long have you known me"??? He said, ok, than make a list. So I did. Once he gets started he adds his own personal touches; but I dont expect much.

Tell your DH what you are feeling, I bet he has never even thought about the price of the tickets in comparison to a gift he got you. I am sure he has no clue you are upset since you are the one who told him to find someone to go with.

 

[mjkacmom]

Yep. I am a woman and I totally agree with this. I don't beat around the bush or play passive aggressive with DH. I know how men are, I have a dad, a grandpa, 4 uncles and 2 brothers!!! If I want something, I tell him WHAT it is I want, down to the most minute detail. For instance..."Honey, I want a Disney Dooney and Bourke purse, you will find this on Disney Shopping.com, in the search box type Dooney and Bourke, the one that I want is called Balloon Mickey Mouse Mini Margot Crossbody bag by Dooney and Bourke, it is $145, it is a small purse with a white background with multi colored Mickey heads on it." Guess what, that is EXACTLY what I will get!!! That, of course is just an example. But, the point I am trying to make is this, a man's mind is simple (no offense meant to any men on here!) and the more detailed you are in your explanations, the better response you will get, no matter if giving direction for a household chore or advising of a wanted gift.

Can't agree more - a couple of years ago, I gave DH a picture of exactly the wristlet I wanted (which came in 3 colors). Yep, wrong color. I've actually given him a list of good gifts, but he forgets, so I remind him (hoping for a Coach gc this year). It really doesn't matter - I pay the bills, and I'm the one who has more say in what we buy (because I manage the finances, and know what we can afford). I've learned not to hint, because I will be disappointed.

 

[BroganMc]

All this talk makes me glad I'm not married and can buy my own presents. Too much work trying to get someone to give you the exact right gift. Just enjoy some time together and leave the things out of it.

Smartest thing my parents ever did was go shopping together. Then they enjoyed being together and got something special each wanted or needed. Now that my mom's gone it is those times spent together my dad cherishes more than the $50 air of shoes she bought him on sale.

For my birthday next year I'm hoping to take my entire family to Disney. My dad and I own a timeshare together to pay the rooms. We'll be celebrating my nephes' birthdays and one sib's anniversary as well. My birthday probably won't get that big of a mention, but the best thing for me is just to have my family around. I adore them, even if my brothers still tease me like I'm 6.

 

[McKelly]

Wow, lots of responses. I appreciate your comments. I purchased the tickets because I know my DH would love to see the Packer/Bears game, even though I had no interest in going. For us, it is difficult to get tickets to see the Packers at a reasonable cost, most of the time, people want big money for them. Someone offered them and time was of the essence and I had to make a quick decision whether I wanted them or not …or the seller was going to give them to someone else.

I guess my biggest issue is that my DH is able to recognize that his sister is a big Packer fan and would appreciate tickets to a game. While, he is not able to pick out a gift for me that would have been more appropriate. No, I don’t collect night lights, nor did I ever mention that I might like one. I would have been happy with anything that closely resembled my interests, something Disney, a book, even a blanket for my cold-blooded self, $10.00 or $100.00, it wouldn’t have mattered.

My husband is a huge Disney fan and Nascar fan. I made the effort of planning a Disney vacation and getting him an experience he would enjoy for his milestone birthday. Do I expect a little bit of effort in return– yes!!! And I think I should! It’s about recognizing each other’s feelings and paying attention! It's not keeping score - it's mutual respect.

As far as the Packer tickets, I know I should let it go and just be happy for them- they will have a great time. It’s probably just my “night light anger” finally coming out. That’s why I asked opinions…….to give me clarity…….so thanks.

Happy Holidays to everyone on the DIS!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

... It’s probably just my “night light anger” finally coming out. That’s why I asked opinions…….to give me clarity…….so thanks.

Happy Holidays to everyone on the DIS!

Then talk to him about your gift, not the tickets. He will understand, though he might not understand why you didn't say something immediately.

Merry Christmas!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow, lots of responses. I appreciate your comments. I purchased the tickets because I know my DH would love to see the Packer/Bears game, even though I had no interest in going. For us, it is difficult to get tickets to see the Packers at a reasonable cost, most of the time, people want big money for them. Someone offered them and time was of the essence and I had to make a quick decision whether I wanted them or not …or the seller was going to give them to someone else.

I guess my biggest issue is that my DH is able to recognize that his sister is a big Packer fan and would appreciate tickets to a game. While, he is not able to pick out a gift for me that would have been more appropriate. No, I don’t collect night lights, nor did I ever mention that I might like one. I would have been happy with anything that closely resembled my interests, something Disney, a book, even a blanket for my cold-blooded self, $10.00 or $100.00, it wouldn’t have mattered.

My husband is a huge Disney fan and Nascar fan. I made the effort of planning a Disney vacation and getting him an experience he would enjoy for his milestone birthday. Do I expect a little bit of effort in return– yes!!! And I think I should! It’s about recognizing each other’s feelings and paying attention! It's not keeping score - it's mutual respect.

As far as the Packer tickets, I know I should let it go and just be happy for them- they will have a great time. It’s probably just my “night light anger” finally coming out. That’s why I asked opinions…….to give me clarity…….so thanks.

Happy Holidays to everyone on the DIS!

- especially to the bold-underlined above.

and