Should I let this go?

[BroganMc]

Then talk to him about your gift, not the tickets. He will understand, though he might not understand why you didn't say something immediately.

Merry Christmas!

I concur. McKelly we've all gotten disappointed over gifts. Especially when it seems we aren't being understood or appreciated. But cut the guy some slack. Many men are gift-challenged. My dad is a very practical man. If my mom needed something, he'd get it for her. He was always there for her, even when she was dying of cancer and going to weekly chemo treatments. He was right there beside her, keeping her company and then would take her out afterwards to lunch or shopping... just to turn it into a bit of a fun date for them. Believe me that meant more to her than any present he could buy her.

I learned a lot from their example. If I am not being appreciated then I talk to the people I want/need respect from. I try to keep blame out of it. You went to a lot of effort to make your DH's birthday special. And it sounds like you jumped through hoops to give him a fun time at the Packers game too. It would be understandable if you're not feeling the effort returned.

I've been through this scenario with other people in my life. One thing I've learned is that if you keep it inside you end up blowing it way out of proportion.

 

[disneyfans95]

For the OP, petty and you need you let it go.

Really that simple.

 

[cats_love_tigger]

I like to keep in mind for my dh.. Keep the dots close together so he can follow what i want.

Do I make lists! Yes... Do I sometimes pick out the present myself .. Yes.
I do tend to sometimes buy them myself because he will pay way more than he has to, and that drives me crazy.

He is responsible for wrapping my presents. Yes, that is the line i draw. Not a big line, but of course he waits until the last minute to do it, and tries to wiggle out of it too.

If left to his own devices things tend to not work out.
When its my birthday. There are reminders on the calendar, I remind him for a while, etc.

 

[sparklynails23]

Wow, lots of responses. I appreciate your comments. I purchased the tickets because I know my DH would love to see the Packer/Bears game, even though I had no interest in going. For us, it is difficult to get tickets to see the Packers at a reasonable cost, most of the time, people want big money for them. Someone offered them and time was of the essence and I had to make a quick decision whether I wanted them or not …or the seller was going to give them to someone else.

I guess my biggest issue is that my DH is able to recognize that his sister is a big Packer fan and would appreciate tickets to a game. While, he is not able to pick out a gift for me that would have been more appropriate. No, I don’t collect night lights, nor did I ever mention that I might like one. I would have been happy with anything that closely resembled my interests, something Disney, a book, even a blanket for my cold-blooded self, $10.00 or $100.00, it wouldn’t have mattered.

My husband is a huge Disney fan and Nascar fan. I made the effort of planning a Disney vacation and getting him an experience he would enjoy for his milestone birthday. Do I expect a little bit of effort in return– yes!!! And I think I should! It’s about recognizing each other’s feelings and paying attention! It's not keeping score - it's mutual respect.

As far as the Packer tickets, I know I should let it go and just be happy for them- they will have a great time. It’s probably just my “night light anger” finally coming out. That’s why I asked opinions…….to give me clarity…….so thanks.

Happy Holidays to everyone on the DIS!

Is he always like that about your birthday, or was it a one time screw up? I'd be super pissed about a nightlight, too. What was he thinking? Did he forget and grab it at the last minute? Either way, it's time for a discussion.

 

[DisneyScraps]

If you didn't like the birthday gift you should have addressed that when it happened.

People treat you how you allow it. I am going to guess that this behavior....bad gifts didn't just start. You put up with it so you live with it.

Lisa

 

[tlbwriter]

I guess my biggest issue is that my DH is able to recognize that his sister is a big Packer fan and would appreciate tickets to a game. While, he is not able to pick out a gift for me that would have been more appropriate. No, I don’t collect night lights, nor did I ever mention that I might like one. I would have been happy with anything that closely resembled my interests, something Disney, a book, even a blanket for my cold-blooded self, $10.00 or $100.00, it wouldn’t have mattered.

Yeah, that would hurt.

Before I read this update, I was going to suggest saying something like "Wow, a $150 gift for your sister. That's a pretty nice gift. I hope I'm getting something equally nice for Christmas/my next birthday." Because I do believe he doesn't even notice the inequality; he just saw an easy (and prepaid) way to cover his sister's birthday. But now I see it's not the inequality in cost that bothers you (which I don't consider petty at all) but the inequality in thoughtfulness.

However, I also agree with those who say you don't invite people to a game and then ask them to pay. I understand that you didn't have time to ask them first, but still, that's awkward.

 

[luvsJack]

A lot of you keep saying that the OP should have told her Dh exactly what she wanted for her birthday and that is what she would have gotten. Probably true. But, you know, maybe she didn't tell him because she didn't really know of any particular thing. I mean sometimes dh asks me and I have to say "let me think about it" or even "I don't really know" but that doesn't mean "go grab the first thing you touch in the store and buy that". It just means that for that birthday maybe he needs to put a little thought into it.

Anyone can read a list. Why is it so much to ask for a man to think about what his wife would like? He does live with her.

And this "men think different" is nothing but a cop out. They are not (all) idiots. They can think. How hard is it to look around a room and think "oh she likes things with Mickey Mouse on them" and then look for that??


OP, I would be mad too and would probably point out to him exactly why. I mean one ticket is bad enough but TWO? Really?

 

[BroganMc]

he just saw an easy (and prepaid) way to cover his sister's birthday. But now I see it's not the inequality in cost that bothers you (which I don't consider petty at all) but the inequality in thoughtfulness.

Which suggests he was equally thoughtless in his gift giving to wife and sister. Seriously, how hard is it to be gracious and understanding here? My concern would be more over whether my husband was around everyday to share the burdens of our lives together. Was he faithful to me? Did he remember to tell me he loved me or was glad I chose to be in his life? Not the price or quality of a thing he gave me. I don't even care to get all wrapped up in the price or size of an engagement ring. Spend thousands of dollars on a pretty bauble when that money could go towards a nice house for us to live in or a really great honeymoon for us to start our married life? Keep your diamonds and give me that instead.

Not everyone displays their affection through gift giving. besides since these tickets were purchased as a gift for DH, then it is churlish to make an issue out of how he uses them.

 

[pospisil]

Do women (in general) really feel this way?

Not me! Now, if consistently over our 23 year marriage he got his sister $150 gifts every year, and Forgot my birthday every year, there would be a problem. In this case, it seems petty. Sis is getting extra tickets, that wife didn't want to use anyway, what's the problem? And how do we all know the nightlight was thoughtless? Maybe she mentioned something at some point about wanting one, and he knows she loves Christmas things? Whether it's thoughtless or not is between the two of them.

 

[DenMig]

Well look at it this way. Your night light will keep shining, but the Bears are going to HAMMER the Packers, so sis may not enjoy herself too much. Sorry, as a huge Bears fan I had to say that.

 

[DisneyScraps]

I had a gift challenged DH well ex Dh now.....

First Christmas I gave him a detailed list. Go to this mall, first floor and I listed the store, I listed specifically what I wanted and where it was in the store, what the cost was so he could plan.

I put enough on the list so he could pick and still surprise me and it gave him a lot of budget options.

He went rogue and I ended up with a baby blue twinset sweater

The year after that I did my own shopping.

Lisa

 

[BroganMc]

I guess I just don't expect much from my gift givers anymore. When my mom was alive I could give her a wish list and she'd somehow make it happen. She was the only one, which is why I enjoyed helping my dad shop for her. I loved surprising her and making her happy even if my dad got all the credit sometimes.

Now I realize how gift-challenged my dad and all the men in my world are. I can afford most of my own presents so it's no big. Things I can get for myself. Time spent with loved ones is priceless.

 

[mjkacmom]

A lot of you keep saying that the OP should have told her Dh exactly what she wanted for her birthday and that is what she would have gotten. Probably true. But, you know, maybe she didn't tell him because she didn't really know of any particular thing. I mean sometimes dh asks me and I have to say "let me think about it" or even "I don't really know" but that doesn't mean "go grab the first thing you touch in the store and buy that". It just means that for that birthday maybe he needs to put a little thought into it.

Anyone can read a list. Why is it so much to ask for a man to think about what his wife would like? He does live with her.

And this "men think different" is nothing but a cop out. They are not (all) idiots. They can think. How hard is it to look around a room and think "oh she likes things with Mickey Mouse on them" and then look for that??


OP, I would be mad too and would probably point out to him exactly why. I mean one ticket is bad enough but TWO? Really?

I've known my DH for over 30 years, and we've been together for more than 20. He's tried, but I've gotten over the fact that he can't seem to get me a gift that I like. He's kind, smart, and a really great guy, but when it comes to gift giving... he's an idiot. One year, he happened to ask me what I wanted when I was in a really bad mood, and I said "I don't care - give me nothing." Guess what I got. He took me literally, and he wasn't being snarky.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

A lot of you keep saying that the OP should have told her Dh exactly what she wanted for her birthday and that is what she would have gotten. Probably true. But, you know, maybe she didn't tell him because she didn't really know of any particular thing. I mean sometimes dh asks me and I have to say "let me think about it" or even "I don't really know" but that doesn't mean "go grab the first thing you touch in the store and buy that". It just means that for that birthday maybe he needs to put a little thought into it.

Anyone can read a list. Why is it so much to ask for a man to think about what his wife would like? He does live with her.

And this "men think different" is nothing but a cop out. They are not (all) idiots. They can think. How hard is it to look around a room and think "oh she likes things with Mickey Mouse on them" and then look for that??


OP, I would be mad too and would probably point out to him exactly why. I mean one ticket is bad enough but TWO? Really?

Your decision to "make" men try and understand you is not going to work unless you get one of the rare ones, like that guy in the TV commercial who skips the game with his friends to stay home and rub his wife's feet.

 

[hsmamato2]

lets' see....b4 we got married,my (now) DH drew me a picture essentially 'giving me his heart' small,drawn in ballpoint pen. one of the best gifts he ever gave me,and it's been many years since then.
a couple of years ago he gave his sister a LARGE monetary gift for graduating. I can add here that he is TERRIBLE at gift giving in general....but he's got it going on in other ways
would I EVER dream of comparing myself to his sister? N-E-V-E-R !
you can guarantee a lifetime of misery if you count things like that as 'love or not love.'
anyone who says all women would agree with OP....NOT! I am insulted to be thought of in that way.

 

[hsmamato2]

like that guy in the TV commercial who skips the game with his friends to stay home and rub his wife's feet.

this made me smile.... my dh is the WORST at giving gifts,but he is a CHAMPION foot massager!

 

[luvsJack]

Your decision to "make" men try and understand you is not going to work unless you get one of the rare ones, like that guy in the TV commercial who skips the game with his friends to stay home and rub his wife's feet.

I don't plan to try and "make" him understand anything. I do expect him to think though. I give dh lists sometimes too but sometimes just suggestions of types of things and sometimes I really don't know anything specific to tell him and so he is on his own. He hasn't done too bad in 23 years so he seems able to think pretty well on his own.

I just don't believe the "oh, he's a man; he doesn't know how to buy gifts so I will tell him" either. I tend to give ya'll a bit more credit than that.

In reality the guy that stays home to rub his wife's feet would irriate the heck out of me! I like a good foot rub and all but it would seriously cramp my plans! His game watching with the buddies is my day of shopping and lunch with the girls.

 

[Fly4free]

Is is in poor form to ask friends "I have a couple of extra tickets to the Packers game. They cost $75 are you interested in going?" I didn't think think that was so uncommon. I would always expect to pay my way if someone else had tickets.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Wow, lots of responses. I appreciate your comments. I purchased the tickets because I know my DH would love to see the Packer/Bears game, even though I had no interest in going. For us, it is difficult to get tickets to see the Packers at a reasonable cost, most of the time, people want big money for them. Someone offered them and time was of the essence and I had to make a quick decision whether I wanted them or not …or the seller was going to give them to someone else.

I guess my biggest issue is that my DH is able to recognize that his sister is a big Packer fan and would appreciate tickets to a game. While, he is not able to pick out a gift for me that would have been more appropriate. No, I don’t collect night lights, nor did I ever mention that I might like one. I would have been happy with anything that closely resembled my interests, something Disney, a book, even a blanket for my cold-blooded self, $10.00 or $100.00, it wouldn’t have mattered.

My husband is a huge Disney fan and Nascar fan. I made the effort of planning a Disney vacation and getting him an experience he would enjoy for his milestone birthday. Do I expect a little bit of effort in return– yes!!! And I think I should! It’s about recognizing each other’s feelings and paying attention! It's not keeping score - it's mutual respect.

As far as the Packer tickets, I know I should let it go and just be happy for them- they will have a great time. It’s probably just my “night light anger” finally coming out. That’s why I asked opinions…….to give me clarity…….so thanks.

Happy Holidays to everyone on the DIS!

If you recognize that your dh has no clue into the insight into you & you want him to then make it a priority. And do it in a fun way.

This yr my gift giving DH got me a nice watch for our 20th anniversary and 2 YES 2 Christmas gifts. I wonder what they are?

Happy Holidays!

 

[Becky2005]

Is is in poor form to ask friends "I have a couple of extra tickets to the Packers game. They cost $75 are you interested in going?" I didn't think think that was so uncommon. I would always expect to pay my way if someone else had tickets.

No, that would be fine & I think that is what most of us are saying...it is all it is how it is presented. It wasn't presented as "we have a couple extra tickets, see if you can get a couple of friends to go with you here is the cost & if no one wants to pay we will just eat the tickets (I guess, I have no idea what the OP planned on doing if no one wanted to pay to take the extra tickets).

It was presented as "Here is your gift, pick out a couple of friends/people to go with you" -- So, her DH thought, hey great, I'll take sister and then OP says "Is sister paying?" DH going "UMMM.... NO..." thinking oh great, now wife is mad, I'll just say it's a birthday present and be done with it.

Since he already asked his sister without telling her the cost up front it would be really tacky to come back and ask for the money now.

At least that is how I was reading the scenerio to be. Maybe I'm off base, maybe he was told up front that he should ask for the money for the tickets or they would try to sell them to others?