Should I let this go?

[Hannathy]

You aren't married, so let me put this as plainly as I can.

Your wife should always get a more expensive gift than your sister. Period. End of story.

Well I am married and for a long time and I totally disagree with you! I don't think I have gotten a substantial birthday gift from my Dh since before the kids were born and I have a 19 yr old DD. We decided long ago that with limited finances the gift money goes to other people- kids, parents, siblings and not each other. And before kids we were saving for a house so it has probably been at least 25 yrs since I got a gift worth more than his sister did.

Sorry I think it is very juvenile to complain he spent more on his sister, he did get you something so he was thinking of you and to me in a marriage that is the most important thing, not the little petty things that don't amount to a hill of beans in the long run.

I am confused when you bought the tickets and talked to your DH about them you never mentioned paying for them? and when you said to him to get other people? you never talked finance? I think there are some communication problems between the 2 of you.

 

[FireDancer]

But it's not really about the cost. It's about the fact that the nightlight was a thoughtless gift.

No, read the OP. The pertinent part is:

While I know it's the thought that counts, I am feeling a little angry right now that I am worth a $10.00 gift and his sister is worth so much more

It is equating worth to gift value, not thought amount. Had the thread been posted the day after her birthday and was about an unimaginative gift I'd agree. It isn't.

 

[crashbb]

Do women (in general) really feel this way?

Not this one.

 

[SpecialK]

No, read the OP. The pertinent part is:



It is equating worth to gift value, not thought amount. Had the thread been posted the day after her birthday and was about an unimaginative gift I'd agree. It isn't.

I think you need to read between the lines - it is about the thought. It just happens to manifest itself in the money.

 

[Hannathy]

Do women (in general) really feel this way?

I don't!




OP you say it is the thought that counts but you obviously don't believe this so why say it?

 

[Handbag Lady]

Do women (in general) really feel this way?

No. He should have put more THOUGHT into her gift. He didn't. He gave her a stocking-stuff for her December birthday and is clearly thinking that the $75 tickets (yes, two so that's $150!) is okay for his sister. It isn't. He didn't put any thought into that gift, either.


Here's a better example:

I LOVE perfume. All kinds from the $6 Bath and Body Works to $$ Chanel. One Christmas, husband gave me a bottle of perfume. J-Lo perfume to be exact. I'm not a fan of hers. BUT, BUT (here's the kicker) Husband says he went into the perfume shop and smelled all sorts of perfume and had a discussion with the salesman what perfumes I normally wear and found that he LOVED the scent of this one. THAT'S the difference. And it is a scent I wear often and it is good.

By the way the OP stated her Christmas Nightlight, we KNOW that that isn't something she's been pining for. If she said she collected nightlights and this was one of the rare ones, it WOULD NOT matter if he paid $10 for it at a garage sale.

 

[Becky2005]

Do women (in general) really feel this way?

I doubt it...although I'm sure there are some.

Let's see....*I* am the one pushing for DH to spend MORE on his sister than he does because they don't have kids & they buy for our 4 kids. I feel he should most definitely spend more on her than he does. Anything he gets his sister will be more than what he spends on me.

On the flip side -- We don't really get gifts for each other...basically our money is co-mingled anyway so it's no big deal to me. On the other hand when I wasn't working, I suppose me buying him a present would be him buying himself his own present if we went by cost.
Then again...I'm a weirdo and it took me FOREVER to convince DH that I really DID want appliances for a gift & no he would not be in the doghouse for buying me the vaccuum cleaner that I really wanted or replacing the toaster with a better one. He REALLY needed to ignore those commercials that told him to get me jewelry, etc... Although, I won't turn chocolate down.
-------

I think this all comes down to the way it was worded AND is it ONLY because it's his sister & her friend that she is angry about the $$$? IF he decided to take his boss from work, would she really expected him to pay the $75.00 then or would she be OK with letting that slide? There are too many variables that enter into the picture.

Also, does he get his sister a birthday gift every year or was this a "oh crud, I thought she was just telling me to pick people to go with, I didn't know they had to PAY for the tickets....I can't go back and ask them NOW that I was wrong, it wasn't a gift, they need to pay up....sister's birthday is coming up...I will just say it's her present and we can call it even".

 

[Handbag Lady]

No, read the OP. The pertinent part is:



It is equating worth to gift value, not thought amount. Had the thread been posted the day after her birthday and was about an unimaginative gift I'd agree. It isn't.

See, I read that TOTALLY different than you did. A $10 toss away gift IS stating that it is not a thoughtful gift. See my example above.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

See, I read that TOTALLY different than you did. A $10 toss away gift IS stating that it is not a thoughtful gift. See my example above.

I wonder at the choice of a nightlight. I find it hard to believe that he was walking through a store and just randomly picked up something from a shelf and called it a day. There has to more meaning to the choice of the nightlight, right?

 

[Handbag Lady]

I wonder at the choice of a nightlight. I find it hard to believe that he was walking through a store and just randomly picked up something from a shelf and called it a day. There has to more meaning to the choice of the nightlight, right?

From the information given, I'm going to stick my neck out and say no.


OP, what is the answer!?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Let me respond this way. You have tickets to an event but you choose not to go and had him find someone. Having him find someone to "sell" the tickets to so that they can go with them is not right.

It isn't that you are only worth ten bucks--it's that, you just don't ask people to front the cost when you voluntarily are choosing to not do the event.

He's not even correlating the two. He is basically saying he is treating her (b/c to not do so is rude in this circumstance) and justifying it by telling you to consider it her birthday present.

Last year, my husband couldn't make it home for a Harry Connick Jr Concert valentine's weekend. Uncooperative weather, tight weekend, expensive to shift things around. So we voluntarily cancelled his plans. I invited someone else to go in his place who would enjoy it probably more and I did not charge her at all. It would have been crass to do so. She did treat me to dinner though.

I would let it go, not b/c you aren't taking his message the correct way and making more out of it than what it is.

 

[Nik's Mom]

Op, I see two problems here. First, they way you put it, it wasn't very clear that your dh was supposed to have his guest pay for their tickets. I can see why your dh invited his sister without asking for money. You should have made that more clear.

Second problem, the fact that your feelings are hurt over a gift is something that you should discuss with him. Letting your anger simmer is not a good idea. I wouldn't flip out. Just tell him that your feelings are hurt a little. You need to communicate better with him.

Personally, I would not like a nightlight as a gift. I'm not a nightlight type person. My dh rarely buys me gifts. I usually buy my own gifts. He hates buying gifts because he says he isn't good at it. But on the occations where he has bought me something, it is usually very thoughtful. It's not the value of the gift that is important. It is the thought behind the gift.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Oh yeah, I forgot to add -

Go! Giants!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

From the information given, I'm going to stick my neck out and say no.

Yeah, I know, but a nightlight just seems too random, even for a guy.

 

[ccgirl]

You aren't married, so let me put this as plainly as I can.

Your wife should always get a more expensive gift than your sister. Period. End of story.

I am married and do not see the reasoning behind this. One of the best gifts I got from my DH also was the least expensive. He made me a tape (I'm dating myself I guess) of all the songs that reminded him of us. It made me cry. Showed thought and effort. I love when he makes me cards too instead of wasting the money on a $5 Hallmark card. I do not equate my worth or his love for me via the almighty dollar.

I AM maried and my wife insists I get gifts worth more value for others than her. She will in fact take back things if she thnks I spent to much on them.

I guess I really do have a keeper (even though I've known that for 15 years now).

Yup....same thing. I tend to be great at giving gifts but not so great at receiving them. My mom taught me it is always better to give than receive.

But it's not really about the cost. It's about the fact that the nightlight was a thoughtless gift.

How do you know it was a thoughtless gift? How do you know what he was thinking? He might have seen it and thought, "wow...I know she really loves Disney and gets up in the middle of the night so this might help her."

Do women (in general) really feel this way?

This one doesn't.

Nor does this one.

I wonder at the choice of a nightlight. I find it hard to believe that he was walking through a store and just randomly picked up something from a shelf and called it a day. There has to more meaning to the choice of the nightlight, right?

My point exactly. I am not going to assume he just picked up the first thing he saw. Maybe he was there for over an hour trying to pick out the best nightlight.

It is the thought that counts!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Bama Fan, in general, but not in a keeping-score way...

YES, a man should not spend more on another woman than his wife.
It IS that simple.....

But, in this case, the husband did NOT spend anthing on his sister...
That is where the OP is very, VERY, mistaken. She is making an issue out of something that never happened.

PS: DH and I are not into spending money on these kinds of gifts to each other either... Especially at Christmas, there are a lot of other things and activities to be paid for. Of course, we spend as much as we possibly can on our son....

The kicker is, my DH is not spending any big amounts of money on his mother, secretary, co-workers, etc...

If his secretary got a dozen roses or a $100.00 gift card on secretaries day, and at about the same time I got 'squat' on my birthday... Anybody who says that wouldn't matter is either not sane, or lying.

 

[Nik's Mom]

Yeah, I know, but a nightlight just seems too random, even for a guy.

It does seem random, but we wouldn't know unless we heard from the dh. My dh bought me a USC snuggie. Some would say that was random. But dh knows that I get cold watching football games in our basement, so he thought he would buy me a snuggie with my school logo. He was spot on with that gift. I love it!

 

[Handbag Lady]

It does seem random, but we wouldn't know unless we heard from the dh. My dh bought me a USC snuggie. Some would say that was random. But dh knows that I get cold watching football games in our basement, so he thought he would buy me a snuggie with my school logo. He was spot on with that gift. I love it!

Excatly! Your guy was spot on with his gift. Apparently, the nightlight wasn't spot on.

 

[ccgirl]

Bama Fan, in general, but not in a keeping-score way...

YES, a man should not spend more on another woman than his wife.
It IS that simple.....

But, in this case, the husband did NOT spend anthing on his sister...
That is where the OP is very, VERY, mistaken. She is making an issue out of something that never happened.

PS: DH and I are not into spending money on these kinds of gifts to each other either... Especially at Christmas, there are a lot of other things and activities to be paid for. Of course, we spend as much as we possibly can on our son....

The kicker is, my DH is not spending any big amounts of money on his mother, secretary, co-workers, etc...

If his secretary got a dozen roses or a $100.00 gift card on secretaries day, and at about the same time I got 'squat' on my birthday... Anybody who says that wouldn't matter is either not sane, or lying.

I am quite sane and not lying. This is his sister we are talking about, not his secretary. I can't tell you how much he spends on others because, well, I don't keep score. I would never think negatively on my DH spending more $$ on his mother. She was the one that raised him afterall and formed him into the wonderful man than he is. Do wives really compete with their mother in laws? By comparing the $$ of gifts; you are competing. We have a great marriage but, lets face it, nothing is guaranteed. Rather, the fact that I will always be his wife is not guaranteed but his mother will always be his mother and his sister will always be his sister regardless of what happens in your marriage.

 

[foolishmortal]

Bama Fan, in general, but not in a keeping-score way...

YES, a man should not spend more on another woman than his wife.
It IS that simple.....

But, in this case, the husband did NOT spend anthing on his sister...
That is where the OP is very, VERY, mistaken. She is making an issue out of something that never happened.

PS: DH and I are not into spending money on these kinds of gifts to each other either... Especially at Christmas, there are a lot of other things and activities to be paid for. Of course, we spend as much as we possibly can on our son....

The kicker is, my DH is not spending any big amounts of money on his mother, secretary, co-workers, etc...

If his secretary got a dozen roses or a $100.00 gift card on secretaries day, and at about the same time I got 'squat' on my birthday... Anybody who says that wouldn't matter is either not sane, or lying.

call me insane then. I dont care if my wife bought for her boss sister niece etc and then not a single dime on me. If I want something I buy it myself through out year. Same with her, she either buys or I will buy random gifts throughout the year. her birthday is 1/2 so between thanksgiving, christmas new years she watches $ and gets amd if I spend much or really do anything other than a nice dinner.

Also according to most diswomen I must be super cheap because we got married on valentines day, and I get GASP.....only 1 gift. granted usually dinner and night out accompanied by it, but yes 1 gift....what do I want in return, time with the wife! gifts honestly truly mean NOTHING to me! my birthday i'd rather have friends and family over watching a football game eating and drinking than for them to come over have dinner and bring gifts.