Should I let this go?

[BroganMc]

you obviously have no clue how things work in correlation with sportng events. I go to sporting events on a more than regular basis and if my wife were to say take 3 others, that means TAKE 3 others. if she said I bought these tickets but dont feel like going to due weather or whatever reason, you should try to get rid of them.

This.

My dad has a bunch of PSLs so must buy tickets every season. Some are PSLs he "inherited" from work so several tickets we simply cannot use. I always get the job of "getting rid" of them.

I put them up on StubHub, manage the sales and collect the money then transfer all the funds back to him. If I can't sell them, I let him know and then we are stuck. Sometimes we're able to get face value for them from a couple people we know. Other times we're lucky if we can just give them away.

My dad does keep a set of 4 tickets for the family. He's been kind enough to take me to games for years (as "payment" I handle the surplus ticket exchange). The other two tickets we use to take other family. Usually my sister, brother and one or two of their kids in a revolving rotation. It's "Grandpa's Football Experience" for the grandkids. My sister sometimes gives my dad money for her seats just cause she wants to help out. My brother is more strapped for cash so my dad refuses any money from him. And I was able to work a deal with the stadium that if we couldn't use the tickets at all (for travel) we can return the tickets for a refund. (They are accessible seats and the team vastly oversold PSLs for that so need/want to buy them back.)

My advice: Don't get your knickers in twist. Your DH isn't choosing his sister over you. (Believe me there are times I wish my brother would chose me first. I'm about 6th in line on his priority list.) He's just looking for a convenient way to handle her birthday. You would be taking the high road here being charitable enough to gift them time spent together. (My SIL earns brownie points with me when she doesn't get upset if my brother and I hang together.) I get that you are put out by the money aspect. I've done the exact same thing over the years. Now whenever money is involved, even if it is called a loan I treat it as a gift. I never expect anyone to pay me back and then I don't get upset when I'm not.

 

[Sanchez]

If you don't say anything to him how is he to know that you find this excessive? Just be careful how you aproach him. You may want to work with the price of the tickets are so high (especially for a friend of his sister) and it is so close to Christmas. We could really use that $ back in our account......

I think that approach is passive-aggressive and insulting. OP either was clear to her husband that she wanted to recoup money or not. If not, she should just leave it alone.

If women want to use the overbroad "men are clueless" argument then we should be permitted to use the "women are selfish" argument because they measure love by the value of gifts. Both are unfair.

Did you tell you husband what you wanted for your birthday? Did you tell him that you did not want anything but still expected something? I will agree that many man prefer to be told what to purchase. Sometimes men cannot win. Buy what she puts on a list and we are thoughtless and unromantic. Buy something off the list and it doesn't measure up. Buy nothing when we are told not to and we are clueless.

 

[mjkacmom]

you obviously have no clue how things work in correlation with sportng events. I go to sporting events on a more than regular basis and if my wife were to say take 3 others, that means TAKE 3 others. if she said I bought these tickets but dont feel like going to due weather or whatever reason, you should try to get rid of them.

I'm also glad my wife isnt so petty as to think my love for her is related to gifts i get for her compared to someone else.


Here in Denver weather in 2nd half of the season is always a factor, and my wifer knows more times than not im treating someone to a game not looking to recover money. the money I lost on tickets is made up by friends paying for parking, food, beer etc...

I'm a female, in the NYC area, and my DH has been invited to Yankee games, Giants games, Red Bull games... He buys the beer (which aint cheap!)

 

[msjprincess]

You probably should have told him to sell the tickets not find 3 people to go. If my husband said that to me I would never think to charge my family or friends for the tickets.

 

[foolishmortal]

I'm a female, in the NYC area, and my DH has been invited to Yankee games, Giants games, Red Bull games... He buys the beer (which aint cheap!)

exactly! most cases the beer food and parking far outweighs the price of the ticket

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

You are really angry that he is giving his sister a gift that costs more than the gift that he purchased for you? I hope not. If you keep score like this in life, there is always a loser. Why would you want that?

Talk to your husband about whatever might be really bothering you, because I really doubt that this is it.

Also, keep in mind that men don't get subtle hints. Come straight out and TALK to him. Make him understand. He will appreciate you all the more for it.

 

[pearlieq]

I can't believe the OP is being called petty for noticing that her husband gave her a $10 nightlight for a milestone birthday. Unless it was some super special nightlight that had huge sentimental value that he had to track down halfway across the world, that's a pretty lame present.

I sincerely doubt the OP was put off by the value of the gift as much as the seeming randomness of it. And if he couldn't have put thought into it, at least he could have put money. But he did neither.

It it totally unfair to put her down for being disappointed by that. I would be too. Choosing a gift IS one way you show someone your love. The effort that goes into picking something they will enjoy and the generosity shown when trying to make them happy ARE ways that people express their love and affection for each other.

I can understand that people communicate their love in different ways and that presents aren't part of some people's love language, but it's wrong to chastise her because they're part of hers.

 

[Jason@dvcstore]

See, now if you told me to pick 3 people to go with I never would have thought to ask them for money. If you said "See if you can find 3 people that are willing to pay you $75/ticket." then that's a different story.

I agree with this comment. I think when having extra tickets you are not trying to sell on ebay, etc. but just trying to find someone to go with you then they should be given to them at no cost.

Jason

 

[RadioFanatic]

I can't believe the OP is being called petty for noticing that her husband gave her a $10 nightlight for a milestone birthday. Unless it was some super special nightlight that had huge sentimental value that he had to track down halfway across the world, that's a pretty lame present.

I sincerely doubt the OP was put off by the value of the gift as much as the seeming randomness of it. And if he couldn't have put thought into it, at least he could have put money. But he did neither.

It it totally unfair to put her down for being disappointed by that. I would be too. Choosing a gift IS one way you show someone your love. The effort that goes into picking something they will enjoy and the generosity shown when trying to make them happy ARE ways that people express their love and affection for each other.

I can understand that people communicate their love in different ways and that presents aren't part of some people's love language, but it's wrong to chastise her because they're part of hers.

You said exactly what I was thinking.

 

[Wishing on a star]

While it would be easy to say that men are clueless, and that you might not rank up there in priority... I am going to withhold final comment for now....

My thoughts are in read below.

Need some unbiased opinions.

I was able to get some Packers tickets and since I am not a fan of cold weather or football, I told my DH to pick three people to go with him. The tickets are $75.00 a piece and I was hoping to regain the cost from those going.

I am not getting why you spent that much on tickets if you knew you would not be going, and you wanted to 'recoup' the cost. That is just not understandable or rational... if you could afford to spend xxxx amount of money on an early Christmas gift for your DH, it should be just that... for example TWO tickets, for DH and a friend, gratis.. as a gift. If they were not a 'gift', then they never should have been purchased with the basic intent to resell them... Not without speaking to him beforehand... If they were intended to be a gift, one shouldn't expect other people to shell out $75.00 so that you could give your husband a gift... So, from the outset, I am just going

So, my DH tells me he is going to ask his sister and her friend. I said fine, tell them how much the tickets cost. He replies, No, this will be her early birthday present (two months early)- the two tickets. Okay..........

On this one... it could be that he is just clueless and doesn't know how to approach the situation (cause I am as well....) Or, I would say that he simply is just not willing (doesn't think it is appropriate) to ask somebody else for $75.00 a pop because you came up with some tickets. He is left in a no-win situation.... You gave him tickets, and expect him to come up with cash....


I just had a birthday - turned 40, do you want to know what I got for my birthday from my DH? - a Christmas night light. While I know it's the thought that counts, I am feeling a little angry right now that I am worth a $10.00 gift and his sister is worth so much more, two months prior to her birthday. I am steaming right now, and I REALLY want to lay into him when he gets home from work, but I am thinking I should let this go since it is the day before Christmas.......

Okay, another December birthday girl here....
To me, it's not just the gift here... Christmas is upon us, and he could have spent more than ever on that... To me, it would depend on anything else he may have done to acknowledge your birthday. Did he try to choose a special card, take you out, do something special????

Petty, right? I would also like to add that for my DH's 40th birthday, we went to WDW AND stayed at the Poly. And I got him the Richard Driving Experience.

Wow, okay, that was your choice, and that's great!!! But, no everbody, and especially many men, are not always going to be that way.... You can't keep score and feel entitled or make demands.

Are men really this clueless or should I be worried where I am on the chain of importance in my DH's life!! Geez!!

Could be either, both, or none of the above....
I do think that you are looking at this thru your female lense, which would make it seem that he, as a male, is clueless.
I think I would need a lot more insight to make a call.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...I can understand that people communicate their love in different ways and that presents aren't part of some people's love language, but it's wrong to chastise her because they're part of hers.

It is her responsibility to make sure that the people that love her know what is important to her.

 

[mommasita]

I think that men really are clueless when it comes to gifts
Also, I hear what you are saying. I would SO have been at the game, but I am a sports gal
The amount spent for his sister, really does not bother me, DH is a generous gifter for everyone, his sisters included.

Over the years, I just tell him what I want, or go and buy it myself. THis year I tagged him on facebook (those who see it know) and he took me to get it.

I am sorry you are feeling blue about it. I would let it go, but that is just the way I am.

 

[pearlieq]

It is her responsibility to make sure that the people that love her know what is important to her.

If that were really the case, why bother with a partner at all?

Isn't part of loving someone getting to know them, listening to them, and learning what's important to them?

 

[U2_rocks!]

You said exactly what I was thinking.

I agree too. DH and I have stopped giving each other gifts except for the off occasion - we found it was too much pressure to find the right thing. Neither of us was willing to give any old thing just because it was expected. But before we finally agreed to this, there was plenty of potential for either of us to get hurt by receiving a gift we didn't think much thought had gone into.

The OP's DH seem to have difficulty figuring out what to give as a good gift, and it is quite possible that he jumped on those tickets as a lifeline i.e. "thank goodness I now don't have to worry about what to get her when her birthday rolls around".

 

[Elmo9607]

I would feel incredibly awkward if someone had presented me tickets, seemingly as a gift, told me to pick out people to go with, then told me after the fact that I needed to get those people I picked out to go with to pay for the tickets.

Nobody wins...you are angry because you weren't clear to him and he is put off by the fact that now he has to try and get the people he already asked to go with him to pony up $75 for a ticket. I wouldn't be suprised if now all of a sudden he can't find anyone to go with.

 

[SaraJayne]

exactly! most cases the beer food and parking far outweighs the price of the ticket

Not in Green Bay, it doesn't.

 

[DaParkers]

The cost of a gift has absolutely no correlation to how much someone loves or values someone else. If person A gets person B a $50 gift and gets person C a $100 gift it does not mean person C is twice as important to person A as person B.

This reminds me of the keeping score thread from earlier and I find both petty.

That's easy to say, hard to do. While it's true that price shouldn't matter, it usually does. It let's a person know that you are willing to part with what for many, is their most prized possession.........Their money. In this case, I think that the OP's husband is just lazy. He didn't put much thought into his wife's gift, and he didn't put any into his sister's. A cheap gift should not be held against you. a cheap thoughtless one should. He married her. He should know how she would feel about this situation. As a man, I will say that, most men are clueless. We forget that women are more emotional than we are. He should've at least said something like, I know that I slacked with your Bday gift and I promise to put forth more effort into your Christmas gift. I appreciate you giving me an oppurtunity to do something special for my sister, now I want to do something special for you. Give her something! There's a great chance that the OP would not be upset if he would have at least showed that he had a clue. BTW. It costs nothing to do that.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

If that were really the case, why bother with a partner at all?

Isn't part of loving someone getting to know them, listening to them, and learning what's important to them?

This is a generalization, but it matters in the context of this thread:

Men and women speak different languages. Women beat around the bush and drop hints. Men are direct and to the point. Women think that their hints are obvious, and that men are oblivious. Well, the hints might be obvious to another woman, but they are anything but obvious to a man. Women get upset that men don't pick up on their hints, and men get frustrated that women want them to read their minds. Love is not an interpreter, though it offers a buffer for hurt feelings. In the end, it is up to the individuals to find an effective way to communicate with one another. If they fail, it is the fault of both.

Eventually, if both are willing to be truly honest with one another, there can be a real understanding - but the two sides will still speak different languages.

 

[SaraJayne]

I can't believe the OP is being called petty for noticing that her husband gave her a $10 nightlight for a milestone birthday. Unless it was some super special nightlight that had huge sentimental value that he had to track down halfway across the world, that's a pretty lame present.

I sincerely doubt the OP was put off by the value of the gift as much as the seeming randomness of it. And if he couldn't have put thought into it, at least he could have put money. But he did neither.

It it totally unfair to put her down for being disappointed by that. I would be too. Choosing a gift IS one way you show someone your love. The effort that goes into picking something they will enjoy and the generosity shown when trying to make them happy ARE ways that people express their love and affection for each other.

I can understand that people communicate their love in different ways and that presents aren't part of some people's love language, but it's wrong to chastise her because they're part of hers.

OP, I'd be ticked off and disappointed, too.

 

[mommasita]

This is a generalization, but it matters in the context of this thread:

Men and women speak different languages. Women beat around the bush and drop hints. Men are direct and to the point. Women think that their hints are obvious, and that men are oblivious. Well, the hints might be obvious to another woman, but they are anything but obvious to a man. Women get upset that men don't pick up on their hints, and men get frustrated that women want them to read their minds. Love is not an interpreter, though it offers a buffer for hurt feelings. In the end, it is up to the individuals to find an effective way to communicate with one another. If they fail, it is the fault of both.

Eventually, if both are willing to be truly honest with one another, there can be a real understanding - but the two sides will still speak different languages.

I really agree.
Over the years I have argued and could not BELIEVE DH did not know what to get me. I thought I had left MANY hints. His reply was that he was not a mind reader, etc. etc. Which is why now I do what I posted above. We are both happy campers after.