Should I be upset?

[4Seasons]

Will try to make this short as possible.

My son (8th grade) has a field trip today to DC to the Holocaust museum. The school sent home a letter and permission slips around 10/22, asking for as many parent chaperones as possible because of the "sensitive nature of the exhibit". I immediately filled out the permission form as well as the volunteer application (which our county school board now requires, you have to give all your information plus your social security number and they do a background check). It was sent back in to the school 10/25.

A couple weeks go by and I hear nothing, so I *assume* (yes I know the old saying about assuming) everything is cool.

Asked my son a couple times if they've sent any paper home about the field trip, updates, when we have to be at school, etc. He says no.

I emailed the teacher listed on the form first thing last week asking for an update on when the bus is leaving, etc. and she replied everything was fine and that the bus leaves today at 8:30 am.

Fast forward to last night. My son overhears me talking on the phone to my husband about the field trip today. Once I hang up he says "mom I forgot to tell you something, Ms. XXXX said you need to send in a copy of your drivers license and now I don't think you can go".

I flipped. I picked up the phone and called the school but it was 4:30 PM and everyone was gone. I emailed Ms. XXXX (who BTW was NOT the same teacher listed on the permission form) and told her I was just now finding out about this, etc.

She emails me back late last night and says "unfortunately because you didn't send in a copy of your drivers license you won't be able to participate".
She also states she reminded my son 4 times to get the message to me and he told me it "slipped his mind".
Well needless to say he's in big trouble at this point. He knew I really wanted to go and it was important to me.

BUT the other part of the situation that bothers me (and believe me I am NOT trying to minimize my son's apathy/forgetfulness) is that I turned in the volunteer application on 10/25 and it has ALL MY CONTACT INFORMATION ON IT. Home and work phone (I work from home anyway so I'm always reachable) AND my email address.
Yet I was never contacted by this other teacher who was responsible for coordinating the volunteers. She is also my son's reading/language arts teacher (both this year and last) and we email each other occasionally regarding his class performance, work, etc. so it's not like she doesn't know who I am or how to reach me. How hard would it have been to shoot me a 1 sentence email saying "we need a copy of your drivers license for the field trip volunteer thing".

Am I right in being a bit upset? I'm not looking for someone to blame (other than my son) but someone dropped the ball and it's over and done with now, but I'm extremely disappointed..........
Maybe I just needed to vent a little.

 

[RNMOM]

Yes, I would have been very upset about this too. Teachers ought to know by now that telling a kid to tell their parents something doesn't work. Heck, isn't that why they started the email proceedure for communication in the first place?

 

[happygirl]

The school should have contacted you and not sent the message with your kid What would happen if you drove up there and meet the class up there

 

[mickeyboat]

Well,

I guess first I would be upset with myself because I probably missed the instructions on the form that told me I needed to send in a copy of my license.

Then I would be upset with my son for forgetting to tell me I needed to send it in. By middle school kids need to be taking on more responsibility. This is not a life or death situation, and teachers should be able to rely on 8th graders to relay simple messages to their parents. Your son was told at least 4 times to give you the message. I have to wonder if he didn't really want you to chaperone the trip, and purposely did not give you the messages.

Finally I would be upset with the school, but not enough to cause a stir. I am betting there were plenty of volunteers, and they did not feel the need to track you down. It would have been a courtesy to contact you directly, but really, the message through your son should have been enough.

Denae

 

[lulugirl]

Your son is in 8th grade and was reminded four times? Sorry, he's the only person I would be upset with.
Is it possible your son didn't want you to go?

 

[Spinning]

sorry have to side with the school.....your son is in 8th grade, he should be able to say to you....mom Teacher XYZ said you need to send in a copy of your license by this date. How many kids are in your son's grade? Just imagine being that teacher and needing to send 300 emails reminding parents they need XYZ to go......
My DD went on this same trip in 6th grade. My DD grade has almost 400 students. 150 students were going at one time. So that would be alot of emails, phone calls etc....if most parents didn't turn in all the info or children didn't tell their parents.
It wasn't that bad for the students. The teachers were great. They knew the museum well and certain teachers were assigned areas to stand so either A. They could explain what they were seeing or B prevent them from going into an area they felt was too graphic or distubing.

Sorry you can't go on the trip. I would be upset too. But I would be upset at my child. Not at the teachers.

 

[DawnCt1]

Yes and no. By 8th grade your DS should have remembered to tell you. Sometimes middle school boys would rather not have parents on field trips and this was a way to 'deal' with that. I think you should have been suspicious at least two weeks ago, when you were not sent any details on the field trip, what your duties would be, what time you, as a chaperon should arrive, etc. I would have expected some type of communication, and when it wasn't forth coming, called the teacher. I would guess that the teacher had a lot of volunteers and took your not following through with the driver's license as not being interested or unable to attend, rather than your DS not telling you. Teachers have a lot of students and parents, and details to concern themselves with, and if there were any communications regarding this, they should have come from your end.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well,

I guess first I would be upset with myself because I probably missed the instructions on the form that told me I needed to send in a copy of my license.

Then I would be upset with my son for forgetting to tell me I needed to send it in. By middle school kids need to be taking on more responsibility. This is not a life or death situation, and teachers should be able to rely on 8th graders to relay simple messages to their parents. Your son was told at least 4 times to give you the message. I have to wonder if he didn't really want you to chaperone the trip, and purposely did not give you the messages.

Finally I would be upset with the school, but not enough to cause a stir. I am betting there were plenty of volunteers, and they did not feel the need to track you down. It would have been a courtesy to contact you directly, but really, the message through your son should have been enough.

Denae

I agree with this.

 

[4Seasons]

Oh I absolutely agree that my son is more than old enough to be able to relay the message given to him multiple times...........that's why he's in big trouble and he knows it. And yes I know in 20/20 hindsight I should have followed up with I didn't hear anything for weeks. It was not stated on the volunteer form that a copy of the DL was needed, if it had it would have been sent in originally.

I agree it's not a big enough issue to cause any type of stir with the school and I don't intend to, but it's confusing when they send home a letter saying they need "as many volunteers as possible" then I wasn't contacted for the last piece of info. From what I understand there are approximately 5 students to every chaperone today.

I'm just really disappointed.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Your son is in 8th grade and was reminded four times? Sorry, he's the only person I would be upset with.
Is it possible your son didn't want you to go?

LOL This is the first thing I thought of. When I told DS last year (3rd grade) I wasn't going on his field trip this time, I think he was pretty happy about it.

And this year (4th grade) I told DS I was his homeroom mom meaning I will be at every party and on the field trip, he was less than thrilled. I don't take it personally, he's growing up and doesn't always want mommy around.

But...the teacher should have contacted you, not relied on a 13 year old boy to relay a message. My DS would have forgot. Shoot I have to remind my DH 100 times to do one thing.

 

[shirleyb]

Well,

I guess first I would be upset with myself because I probably missed the instructions on the form that told me I needed to send in a copy of my license.

Then I would be upset with my son for forgetting to tell me I needed to send it in. By middle school kids need to be taking on more responsibility. This is not a life or death situation, and teachers should be able to rely on 8th graders to relay simple messages to their parents. Your son was told at least 4 times to give you the message. I have to wonder if he didn't really want you to chaperone the trip, and purposely did not give you the messages.

Finally I would be upset with the school, but not enough to cause a stir. I am betting there were plenty of volunteers, and they did not feel the need to track you down. It would have been a courtesy to contact you directly, but really, the message through your son should have been enough.

Denae

My thoughts exactly.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am going to have to agree with Dawn, politics aside.

But then again I have had plenty of things I have missed already. With regards to duties at school it is your job to follow up. That is how it is.

I missed my dd's freshman orientation for HS. I was not a happy camper.

 

[diznygirl]

I would be upset with the person responsible for processing the paperwork for the background checks. That person would have known that the paperwork was incomplete, and should have contacted you to get the needed information.

Your son gets partial blame since he is was told supposedly four times and forgot each time. If you forgot four separate times to tell him a friend of his called, he'd probably be upset with you!

 

[Rella Bella]

I'm sorry... I know you wanted to go, and it's not right that the school let you down.

My son's school is big on "their in junior high now, we shouldn't have to follow up on what they are told". It bugs me too. They know the kids who struggle with this and seem to want them to learn by failing. So far it hasn't effected anything as final as you are facing today but it's still annoying.

But secondly, and I'm just guessing here: if he was reminded that many times and "forgot" until it was too late - maybe he just didn't want you to go. For a multitude of reasons to kids at this - 12-14 yr old - age we are occasionally an embarrassment to our kids. Or maybe he just thought he'd have more fun if you weren't along.

 

[4Seasons]

Yep, I guess I should have called, but when I had emailed the teacher listed on the form early last week and asked her about specifics she replied "everything is fine and the bus leaves at 8:30 am" it led me to believe everything was fine (which in the end wasn't).

Thanks everyone, I just needed an ear.

 

[4Seasons]

I'm sorry... I know you wanted to go, and it's not right that the school let you down.

My son's school is big on "their in junior high now, we shouldn't have to follow up on what they are told". It bugs me too. They know the kids who struggle with this and seem to want them to learn by failing. So far it hasn't effected anything as final as you are facing today but it's still annoying.

But secondly, and I'm just guessing here: if he was reminded that many times and "forgot" until it was too late - maybe he just didn't want you to go. For a multitude of reasons to kids at this - 12-14 yr old - age we are occasionally an embarrassment to our kids. Or maybe he just thought he'd have more fun if you weren't along.

I asked him that and he said he was fine with me going, and he's always been a pretty straightforward-type kid so I don't think that was it.

 

[meeskamouska]

Your son is in 8th grade and was reminded four times? Sorry, he's the only person I would be upset with.
Is it possible your son didn't want you to go?

That was my exact thought. If you had brought this up in conversation he knew very well that he had info to give and most likely chose NOT to.

 

[goofy4tink]

Let me preface my response by saying that I have a 34 y/o ds, a 32 y/o dd and a 15 y/o dd. So....been there, still doing it, so to speak.
Whom would I blame? My child. At the 8th grade level, it's time for them to take responsibility. If my child had been reminded of something four times but 'forgot' to mention it to me, I would have to assume that the child didn't feel nearly as strongly as I did about the situation.
Now...I'm going to say something, and I'm going to take some heat for it, but it's going to be said anyway....
This is your son's field trip, not yours. Yes, they asked for volunteers, and they obviously got enough without you. My dd's class went to DC last spring...the entire class, on 4 or 5 buses, made the 10 hr drive, and spent three nights there. They toured the Holocaust Museum, they were given instructions as to the expected behaviour. They understood the gravity of the Museum and the contents. They toured many other institutions as well.
Did any parents go? No. It was teacher led..no parents involved. I can't imagine why teachers aren't able to supervise a class field trip to DC...8th graders are old enough to 'self govern' their behaviour.

While I understand the OPs disappointment about not being included, it was not the schools responsibility to touch base with her. The responsibility was given to her son, who in turn dropped the ball. I know this is going to be an incredibly unpopular position but there you have it.

 

[disykat]

Let me preface my response by saying that I have a 34 y/o ds, a 32 y/o dd and a 15 y/o dd. So....been there, still doing it, so to speak.
Whom would I blame? My child. At the 8th grade level, it's time for them to take responsibility. If my child had been reminded of something four times but 'forgot' to mention it to me, I would have to assume that the child didn't feel nearly as strongly as I did about the situation.
Now...I'm going to say something, and I'm going to take some heat for it, but it's going to be said anyway....
This is your son's field trip, not yours. Yes, they asked for volunteers, and they obviously got enough without you. My dd's class went to DC last spring...the entire class, on 4 or 5 buses, made the 10 hr drive, and spent three nights there. They toured the Holocaust Museum, they were given instructions as to the expected behaviour. They understood the gravity of the Museum and the contents. They toured many other institutions as well.
Did any parents go? No. It was teacher led..no parents involved. I can't imagine why teachers aren't able to supervise a class field trip to DC...8th graders are old enough to 'self govern' their behaviour.

While I understand the OPs disappointment about not being included, it was not the schools responsibility to touch base with her. The responsibility was given to her son, who in turn dropped the ball. I know this is going to be an incredibly unpopular position but there you have it.

They had to have had adults. I don't believe for one minute a bunch of 8th graders went to DC for 3 nights with only one adult for every 30 kids. They may have had extra teachers going and didn't need parents.

I do agree with you that it was the son who dropped the ball though.

 

[goofy4tink]

They had to have had adults. I don't believe for one minute a bunch of 8th graders went to DC for 3 nights with only one adult for every 30 kids. They may have had extra teachers going and didn't need parents.

I do agree with you that it was the son who dropped the ball though.

nope, you misunderstood. All the 8th grade teachers went. As well as two nurses and the gym teachers. Each adult (teacher) had a group of 4 hotel rooms under their supervision...that was 16 kids. Then, that teacher was responsible for that group during the day. There was no need for parents to go along.