Should I be upset about this?

[luvmarypoppins]

I have posted before that we are not very close to our family members, but that is their choice. Well today in the mail I received a bridal shower invitation. I must admit I was in shock because I didnt even know my cousins daughter was engaged. I guess the wedding will be soon since this invitation just arrived. My dads sister usually keeps me informed about big family events, I guess I figure this to be a big one. Well I am not going only because its in another state, ds17 has to work and dh will be out of state too. My aunt also did something like this before to me and she called me the day before my other cousin was having very critical heart surgery. He was in the hospital for a week and everyone else knew about it. I told DH I think she only called me just in case he didnt make it, then the shocking news would not be so much of a shock to me. I dont know why my relatives treat us like this. But I guess as usual we will be the better people, not complain, just send a big monetary gift etc. I will talk to dh because if the 3 ds are not invited to the wedding, then we wont go to that either. I know my cousins have lots of money so that is not an issue in inviting the 3 ds and we are the only relatives left on this side of the family. Gee, what is that old saying, you can't choose your relatives.

 

[EthansMom]

I subscribe to the point of view: There are two things you shouldn't worry about -- the things you can change and the things you can't.

I think your relatives come under the heading of "things you can't change". I wouldn't worry about whether or not they invite your entire family to the wedding. If your cousins invite your entire family to the wedding, then you might go. If they don't invite the entire family, then you won't.

BTW, you aren't expected to send a gift to a bridal shower if you don't attend. I certainly wouldn't -- especially if I had some bad feelings over the invitation.

I would send a monetary gift if I was invited to the wedding and was not able/did not want to attend, but that's me.

Best of Luck,

 

[Serena]

I totally agree.

 

[lbgraves]

I wouldn't send a gift for either. If they are just contacting you for this then that is why they are doing it. If you can't go, you don't need to send a gift. It's your cousin's DD? That's not close enough to have to send anything if you don't go IMO. Of course we aren't close to most of our family on either side. It is unfortunant that you can't pick your family, but the friends you can pick help make life alot nicer.

 

[minkydog]

I find that living away from family has the drawback of being left out of things. We have always lived 400 miles or more away from our parents & cousins. Therefore we often miss out on important events. Even when DH father died, they did not tell him right out on the phone, they told him the EMTs "were working on him"--because they were less than truthful, we incurred great expense to get DH home immediately, when we could have safely driven later that day. It was their way of punishing us (that is what we were told, anyway.) For years his family blamed us for every bad thing that happened, as if by being there bad news could have been prevented.

Send the bride a gift and best wishes (and don't hold your breath on the wedding invitation.) Tell them it was a happy surprise and let it go. You can't fix your relatives.

 

[Disney Doll]

You are never obligated to send or bring a gift to an event to which you are invited. Now obviously, if you are going to go to the shower &/or wedding, you would bring a gift. But if you are goig to choose not to attend either, then a gift is not mandatory. A nice card offering your best wishes would be a lovely gesture.

Realistically, if you do not have a close relationship with your family, then whatever you do will be met with criticism. If you don't attend but send a gift, then it will be "they were too lazy to come but figured a gift would make up for it". If you go, there wiull be some other criticism...there usually is at these types of events.

I think you need to resign yourself to the fact that you and your family are not close, develop a thick skin, and do what you want without worrying about what they will say.

In these situations, people always find something to "say".

 

[6_Time_Momma]

I guess I am not real clear on what you are upset about? The fact that you only just now know about the wedding? I guess I just don't see that as something to be bothered by, but maybe that's just me.

 

[Christine]

I'm not getting it either.

I'm not longer real close with most of my family either. I'm the one that "moved away" and I'm the last to hear about anything. But that's okay. We still get along when we do get together and I don't feel that there is any malicious intent.

I don't get why this is bothering you. They sent you a shower invitation. You can't go. I would like at it as they were including you. As for the wedding, what different does it make if they invite your kids or not. Some people do, some don't. It's their choice. Go if you can, stay home if you can't. I would probably send a wedding gift.

So, what's the beef?

 

[Aimeedyan]

I don't understand why you're upset... because you're left out until the last minute again?

I get invitations to showers and weddings all the time that i don't attend nor send a gift. I never feel guilty about it.

 

[JimB.]

Being the cynical guy I am, I think you got the invitation only on the hopes you would send them a gift.

I'd send them a nice congratulations card & that's it. For cryin' out loud, you did not even know they were engaged.

But then again, that's just me.....................

 

[vickyBaby]

Why are you upset? You wonder why your family doesn't communicate with you. Please re-read your post. Really read it. I can understand from your words why they don't keep in touch with you.

I will talk to dh because if the 3 ds are not invited to the wedding, then we wont go to that either.

I haven't been to a wedding in years where children were invited. It is an "understood" that weddings are for adults - leave the children at home.

I know my cousins have lots of money so that is not an issue in inviting the 3 ds and we are the only relatives left on this side of the family.

Who are you to decide how someone should spend their money? You are awfully presumptious. A wedding is not for your convenience. It is not geared to fit your sensibilities.

Gee, what is that old saying, you can't choose your relatives.

Honestly, your family must think that about you.

I don't get why you are complaining. I don't understand why you think your boys should be invited to a wedding. It sounds like you will be happier if you stay home.

 

[twojo21]

i too dont get why youre so upset about being invited to a family function.

i dont know everything but you sound bitter, let it go & be happy.

 

[Mskanga]

Why are you upset? You wonder why your family doesn't communicate with you. Please re-read your post. Really read it. I can understand from your words why they don't keep in touch with you.


I haven't been to a wedding in years where children were invited. It is an "understood" that weddings are for adults - leave the children at home.


Who are you to decide how someone should spend their money? You are awfully presumptious. A wedding is not for your convenience. It is not geared to fit your sensibilities.


Honestly, your family must think that about you.

I don't get why you are complaining. I don't understand why you think your boys should be invited to a wedding. It sounds like you will be happier if you stay home.

Holly cow Vicky, I think you need to chill out my friend. I don't know where you guys get the impression that weddings are only for adults , for many people it's not , I had never heard of such a thing until I came to the USA , all weddings I attended in Spain were always a family gathering , kids were always invited as part of the family but that is another issue and other customes in a different country.
My husband's brother or sisters only used to call when they wanted something from us , I learned to write them off real quick when they told me that I was not part of the family and since then we have not heard from them at all. Let's just say that we are better off that way.
They kept sending us invitations for parties that we were suposed to bring not only presents but also food for , we never acknowledged them and they finally got the message.
I figured, heck if I'm not part of the family , that's the way I will act.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

Being the cynical guy I am, I think you got the invitation only on the hopes you would send them a gift.

I'd send them a nice congratulations card & that's it. For cryin' out loud, you did not even know they were engaged.

But then again, that's just me.....................

this sounds like something my family would do
i would send a card and thats it

 

[disneyworld!]

be upset? why? we always have people in our family we lose touch with...they have showers and get married, we get invites, we go. no big deal. and no kids are usually invited! If cannot go, we send something.
no big deal

 

[ducklite]

I'm wondering how much the OP realy tris to keep in touch with the family. It's a two way street...

As far as kids being invited or not invited to a wedding I think it's entirely the choice of the bride and groom who they invite. If they choose to ahve a no-kids wedding, then it's their choice and you should respect that. Sometimes there are reasons other that financial that children aren't invited! And I don't mean people who hate kids either!

Anne

 

[phamton]

Maybe I'm not understanding this. You are upset because they sent you an invitation even though you aren't close with them? Would you be upset if later you found out about the wedding and didn't even get an invitation?

I get lots of wedding, shower, and graduation invitations from family members even though they know I won't be able to attend because of the distance. I am just pleased to be included even though I can't attend. It makes me feel good to know they were thinking of me.

 

[ericamanda01]

I would just send a card, reguardless if the entire family is invited. If your not close to these relaitives then don't let it bother you.

 

[magicfan]

Gee, what is that old saying, you can't choose your relatives.

The saying is: You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. I know this because it hits home for me.

Sorry your relatives get on your nerves.....I can relate.

 

[Lil_Tink]

I have posted before that we are not very close to our family members, but that is their choice. Well today in the mail I received a bridal shower invitation. I must admit I was in shock because I didnt even know my cousins daughter was engaged. I guess the wedding will be soon since this invitation just arrived. My dads sister usually keeps me informed about big family events, I guess I figure this to be a big one. Well I am not going only because its in another state, ds17 has to work and dh will be out of state too. My aunt also did something like this before to me and she called me the day before my other cousin was having very critical heart surgery. He was in the hospital for a week and everyone else knew about it. I told DH I think she only called me just in case he didnt make it, then the shocking news would not be so much of a shock to me. I dont know why my relatives treat us like this. But I guess as usual we will be the better people, not complain, just send a big monetary gift etc. I will talk to dh because if the 3 ds are not invited to the wedding, then we wont go to that either. I know my cousins have lots of money so that is not an issue in inviting the 3 ds and we are the only relatives left on this side of the family. Gee, what is that old saying, you can't choose your relatives.

Dont worry same for us..They expect us to fly 3000 miles for every little thing