Should I be concerned?

[Biscuitsmom31]

I was reading my DD 9's notebook today and saw where she's written about a boy at school named Nathan all over it. I heart Nathan, etc. Well, I also saw a page where she listed her reasons for hearting Nathan, which included his HOT SEXY BODY.

These are 9 year old 3rd graders! I'm wondering if I should say anything to her or not. She is very tight lipped and has only casually mentioned Nathan a couple of times. I had no idea she had this major crush.

 

[Katy Belle]

My son is Nathan and he is 9 and in Third Grade I'm sure its not the same kid, since we live in the Middle East!

Anyway, he came home from school the other day and said that Christine in his class allowed them to read her diary and she had written all about loving Zack A. I think that is very normal! The "hot sexy body" hmmmm, that would concern me too. I would at least have a conversation with her that those words are inappropriate!

Good luck!
Katy

 

[Honu]

I've heard my nieces use those terms when talking about boys. In listening to them talk though, I've come to realize they have absolutely no idea what the words really mean. Sexy to them means cute, and nothing more. They use those words to try and sound more mature. Same with the skanky clothes they see Britney, etc. wear and want to copy. They don't grasp the sexuality, they just want to look pretty and older.

 

[Uniden]

Wow, third graders these days are a LOT different than when I was in third grade. I had a crush on a guy named Rhett, but not because he had a hot sexy body. I thought that he looked a lot like the MAD magazine mascot Alfred Neuman, who I found very attractive!

 

[believe]

My daughter is 9 and has talked about liking boys, but not their body. At times she has discussed liking a boy I always asked what makes her like him and it is usually that he is funny. We then have a short discussion on other things to look at. I feel it is never to early to try to help them get the right perspective.

I would have a conversation with her to find out what exactly she means.

 

[JESW]

I have a dd8 who has friends in her 2nd grade class who talk about boys like that a lot! When I first started hearing things like that I had a nice long talk with her about things being appropriate or not. She likes boys to hang out with, but, so far, does not like them "that way". What is bothering her right now is a FIRST grade boy on her bus who keeps telling her she's HOT! She is absolutely mortified that he is saying that! I think the little guy has a crush on her as he follows her around and tries to sit with her. I have told her to tell him to stop if it bothers her. If it continues I will step in and say something.

Good luck!!

Jill

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

Here is the entry that is concerning me:

I (heart heart heart) Nathan! I can't stop thinking about him. His is so H-O-T! Seriously, who wouldn't be hitting on him? I looked up the definition of hot and I wrote Nathan and put a heart around it. Hopefully he loves me. If he knew how much I was hitting on him, he would probably be embarassed to death! Things I (heart) about Nathan. Hot hair. Hot & sexy body. Hot & sexy good looking face.

 

[mickeyboat]

I think what she wrote shows she clearly doesn't understand the process - especially the part about "hitting on him." I think you should probably talk to her about what is appropriate and what is not. I actually talked to DD's First Grade teacher about it this year because I was concerned about what I was hearing from my DD.

Denae

 

[pearlieq]

I'm sure this has thrown you for a loop! I honestly think it's normal kid stuff--she's becoming aware of a new way of looking at people and is experimenting with it.

Is this notebook a journal or just a school notebook she was writing in? If it's a dedicated journal you shouldn't be reading it at all! She's entitled to some privacy.

If it's a school notebook and you just happened to find this, buy her a notebook or a journal she can use just for her own writing. And then keep your mitts off of it! She's going to have a lot to process in the next several years and needs a safe place to work through it all.

That being said, how do you think she'd feel if she knew that not only did you read her notebook, but that you posted her private thoughts on a public message board?

 

[Amlee]

Oh boy, this came up in the office the other day. Our Office manager's daughter is in 1st grade and told her mother that this girl in her class was talking about wanting to have sex with another boy. It seems that there is a couple of kids who have had this disscussion about "having sex".

The OM handled this great. As her first thought was WTH? She sat down with her daughter and asked her just what "having sex" was. Come to find out it was nothing like what it really means. As the kids had come up with their own idea of it all. The teacher was contacted and the kids involved were talked to.

Besure to ask her what her idea is of these words, as you might find out it's totally off the wall and has nothing to do with what might concern you.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

I'm sure this has thrown you for a loop! I honestly think it's normal kid stuff--she's becoming aware of a new way of looking at people and is experimenting with it.

Is this notebook a journal or just a school notebook she was writing in? If it's a dedicated journal you shouldn't be reading it at all! She's entitled to some privacy.

If it's a school notebook and you just happened to find this, buy her a notebook or a journal she can use just for her own writing. And then keep your mitts off of it! She's going to have a lot to process in the next several years and needs a safe place to work through it all.

That being said, how do you think she'd feel if she knew that not only did you read her notebook, but that you posted her private thoughts on a public message board?

It's just a notebook, but she did put DON'T READ THIS really big on the front. That basically screams "read me" to me.

I guess that's why she never tells me anything. As for posting it on here, I didn't use her name and there are no pictures of any of us. There is not much danger of Nathan (or her) finding out.

 

[flipturngirl]

I'm sure this has thrown you for a loop! I honestly think it's normal kid stuff--she's becoming aware of a new way of looking at people and is experimenting with it.

Is this notebook a journal or just a school notebook she was writing in? If it's a dedicated journal you shouldn't be reading it at all! She's entitled to some privacy.

If it's a school notebook and you just happened to find this, buy her a notebook or a journal she can use just for her own writing. And then keep your mitts off of it! She's going to have a lot to process in the next several years and needs a safe place to work through it all.

That being said, how do you think she'd feel if she knew that not only did you read her notebook, but that you posted her private thoughts on a public message board?

I totally agree with you. I would not have wanted my mom to read my diary.. yet I always read my sisters... but that is Off Topic! sorry. A journal of her own would be really fun for her to have if it is not her own journal she is writing in. Maybe she was writing it and not meaning what she said... like a story but wait.. I don't think that a 3rd grader would be writing PG-13 rate fiction.. lol

 

[grlpwrd]

It's just a notebook, but she did put DON'T READ THIS really big on the front. That basically screams "read me" to me.

I guess that's why she never tells me anything. As for posting it on here, I didn't use her name and there are no pictures of any of us. There is not much danger of Nathan (or her) finding out.

Oh my.

 

[flipturngirl]

It's just a notebook, but she did put DON'T READ THIS really big on the front. That basically screams "read me" to me.

I guess that's why she never tells me anything. As for posting it on here, I didn't use her name and there are no pictures of any of us. There is not much danger of Nathan (or her) finding out.

By reading the book that clearly stated DON'T READ THIS... is bad.. ahh. i am going to go off this message board before I get yelled at lol.. But whatever you do about it I hope everything works out

 

[shep]

My oldest is always talking about boys but never heard the words HOT, SEXY, or BODY..

Can you say Grey Hairs?

 

[4cruisin]

I'm sure this has thrown you for a loop! I honestly think it's normal kid stuff--she's becoming aware of a new way of looking at people and is experimenting with it.

Is this notebook a journal or just a school notebook she was writing in? If it's a dedicated journal you shouldn't be reading it at all! She's entitled to some privacy.

If it's a school notebook and you just happened to find this, buy her a notebook or a journal she can use just for her own writing. And then keep your mitts off of it! She's going to have a lot to process in the next several years and needs a safe place to work through it all.

That being said, how do you think she'd feel if she knew that not only did you read her notebook, but that you posted her private thoughts on a public message board?

OMG, you're kidding right??? No 9 year old has the right to privacy. As a matter of fact, any child living in my house doesn't have a right to privacy. Mom doesn't have to come out and tell dd that she read her writings but really should open up a discussion about boys, boundaries etc.

Honestly, if I had children, I would search their room, read their writings secretly just to keep tabs. It's my responsibility to know what is going on whether they tell me or I have to search for it.

 

[beattyfamily]

Oh I hope this doesn't go off in to a debate on whether as parent we should or shouldn't read a diary or notebook.

OP, I would have freaked myself with those kinds of words. I have a 10 year old 5th grader who, this year, decided not all boys are gross, much to my DH's dismay.

Luckily, she was willing to tell me she likes a boy in her class. I hope she can continue to be open with me.

Hopefully, its just words she's heard and doesn't even know what they really mean but I can totally understand your concerns.

Now, why did I want girls again?

 

[pearlieq]

It's just a notebook, but she did put DON'T READ THIS really big on the front. That basically screams "read me" to me.

I guess that's why she never tells me anything. As for posting it on here, I didn't use her name and there are no pictures of any of us. There is not much danger of Nathan (or her) finding out.

Poor kid! She's still naive enough to believe that someone would respect "DON'T READ THIS" if she puts in on her notebook. She'll learn soon enough, I guess...

Her trust is something very precious and would be hard to get back if you lost it. Think carefully about what you're doing. I'm sure it's tempting as all get out, but doesn't she deserve some basic respect for her privacy?

As for posting it on a public message board, it's not really about whether Nathan would find out. It's about her private thoughts being put out into a public forum for strangers to read and pass judgment on.

Even if someone changed all the names and didn't say who wrote it, would you want your diary published in the paper?

 

[pearlieq]

OMG, you're kidding right??? No 9 year old has the right to privacy.

No, I'm not kidding. Everyone has a right to privacy.

In fact, how would you even ititiate a conversation about "boundaries" while simultaneously making it clear she's entitled to none at home?

It would be different if the OP had reason to think something was seriously wrong with her kid. Then of course a parent would be justified in searching through a kids things.

But doing it as a matter of course, just for curiosity's sake or to prove to the kid that they have no right to privacy or boundaries, I don't think that's the best plan.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I wouldn't worry about it. Kids say silly things. Take it for what it's worth. She likes the kid and it seems like she doesn't really know what those words mean. I find it all pretty innocent. She's in 3rd grade. I can still tell you that I have a ridiculous memory of a girl in school telling me something about sex when I was a kid that I had no idea about and let me just say that she didn't have the faintest idea what she was talking about! I was naive and kids talk about things. I would have to say that most of the time they have no idea what it means. I wouldn't sweat it.