Should I be annoyed?

[Colleen27]

Unless the cards included the information, "These are our grandchildren - Hazel (8) an Phineas (11) Gewürztraminer; they live at 123 Main Street in Alton, MO with their parents Ken and Barbie. They attend Alton Elementary School on Park Street, both are eager to please and are suckers for child abductors who claim to need help looking for lost puppies; and oh yes! The family's emergency code word is Budapest.", no, you shouldn't be annoyed.

OP I can understand why you'd be annoyed if your feelings about privacy are well-known, but to me this is a "pick your battles" type of thing - it isn't a situation involving any real danger or consequences, just a typical grandparents' brag/holiday photo sent to friends and family, and to make an issue out of it will just make you come off as controlling and petty.

 

[luvmy3]

Unless the cards included the information, "These are our grandchildren - Hazel (8) an Phineas (11) Gewürztraminer; they live at 123 Main Street in Alton, MO with their parents Ken and Barbie. They attend Alton Elementary School on Park Street, both are eager to please and are suckers for child abductors who claim to need help looking for lost puppies; and oh yes! The family's emergency code word is Budapest.", no, you shouldn't be annoyed.

OP, I think you have every right to be annoyed, your MIL knows your feelings on privacy, and whether or not she agrees with them, she should have asked if you minded them sending out a card with your kids' picture on it. The fact that she blatantly disregarded your feelings would bother me a heck of alot more than my kids picture being sent out to family and friends. I don't think the issue should be about your feelings on privacy, its about your MILs complete lack of respect for your feelings.

 

[Patience]

Yes, I would be annoyed if my mother in law purposely disregarded something I specifically asked her not to do but I am not sure if that is the case here? Have you told her not to put photos of your kids on her Facebook page and that you do not want her to show pictures of your kids to anyone? My mom carries a brag book of pictures and I know she whips it out to show all the time. She also displays pictures of my kids in her home and, before she retired, in her office. I don't really think posting pics in a Christmas card is any worse than that, provided she doesn't identify where the kids live. Honestly, if your kids are out in public, strangers are seeing them all the time.

If it were me, I wouldn't react to it until after Christmas since you think she sent the card to get your goat. Then, after Christmas, have your husband ask her not to do it again. It's his place to do it.

 

[EllenFrasier]

I know this sounds stupid, but I'm trying to guage if I'm being overly-sensitive...

My MIL and I have a VERY very(did I say very?) contentious (bordering on bitter) relationship - going on 20 years now - so I realize that I'm not an impartial judge in a lot of things she does, so I need outside opinions.

MY DH and I are very careful with our privacy - we don't have facebook pages, we don't write blogs, we send out traditional (non-photo) christmas cards because we figure that we don't need to send our kids photos to a ton of people etc etc....My IL's know this. Well, my MIL/FIL just sent us their Christmas card for the year and it's a photo of "their" grandchildren on the card - OUR KIDS. They send out close to 100 christmas cards each year to everyone they've ever known.

They never once even asked/told us that they were considering doing this and I'm pretty annoyed. My DH agrees that it was pretty disrespectful for them to not at least check to see if we were okay with it first, but I don't think he'd say anything to them about it.

Do you think she should have said something to us first? Would you be upset if it were you? Or would you let it go? I'm trying hard to not be b*itchy, and see it her way...but with all the water under the bridge (i.e. knowing how she tries to intentionally irk me) it's very very hard for me.

Well, they are proud of their grandchildren! Unless the picture was of them in a bathtub or something I wouldn't worry about privacy issues. What is someone going to do with a picture of your child? Life is too short to sweat the small stuff, and to me this is really small stuff. When your children attend birthday parties, do you insist that those parents do not take pictures of your children? That they do not put the pictures on their FB pages?

 

[Kelsie]

I don't typically post to these type of issues but I wanted to share my story. My MIL was diagnosed with terminal cancer before the birth of our daughter. She had basically given up and accepted her fate until we told her she was going to be a Grandmother.

Once she learned we were expecting, she underwent a very painful operation that would give her a little more time so she could see the baby. She did this twice before she passed.

I made sure she was there at my appointments and at the birth of her Granddaughter. After my DD was born, she was at our house almost daily just to hold and rock her. This woman who had basically given up, lived to see her granddaughter turn 2.

We were never really that close and I know this is not the same as your issue but seeing what she would go through to meet her Grandchild gave me a new respect for what Grandparents feel when their children have children.

Life is too short........

 

[Hoodie]

Taking the privacy issue out of it, I do think it's pretty rude to send out Christmas cards with other people's children on them regardless of whether they are their grandparents or not. They absolutely should have asked you. I would be pretty ticked too if I got a card in the mail with my kids pictures on it.

 

[Cruise]

I don't typically post to these type of issues but I wanted to share my story. My MIL was diagnosed with terminal cancer before the birth of our daughter. She had basically given up and accepted her fate until we told her she was going to be a Grandmother.

Once she learned we were expecting, she underwent a very painful operation that would give her a little more time so she could see the baby. She did this twice before she passed.

I made sure she was there at my appointments and at the birth of her Granddaughter. After my DD was born, she was at our house almost daily just to hold and rock her. This woman who had basically given up, lived to see her granddaughter turn 2.

We were never really that close and I know this is not the same as your issue but seeing what she would go through to meet her Grandchild gave me a new respect for what Grandparents feel when their children have children.

Life is too short........

This.

My husband and I have waited so long to have kids that the only thing he could offer his mother in her last days was an apology for waiting so long and a promise to name his first child after her. She passed this year in the early hours of Mother's Day. I wish more than anything she could put her grandchild's photo on a Christmas card this year.

My MIL and I were never close and my husband isn't particularly close to his family, but the pain he felt at her passing still speaks to a family bond that can't be broken no matter what.

 

[AndreaDM]

Taking the privacy issue out of it, I do think it's pretty rude to send out Christmas cards with other people's children on them regardless of whether they are their grandparents or not. They absolutely should have asked you. I would be pretty ticked too if I got a card in the mail with my kids pictures on it.

I agree! My in-laws did that a few years ago and what ticked me off even more, they used the same picture from the beach that we did, so a of people got duplicate pictures of MY kids that year. Not cool.

OP, I would say something, you can't change it for this year, but she needs to know that in the future, you would appreciate being consulted with before SHE sends out pictures of YOUR children.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Taking the privacy issue out of it, I do think it's pretty rude to send out Christmas cards with other people's children on them regardless of whether they are their grandparents or not. They absolutely should have asked you. I would be pretty ticked too if I got a card in the mail with my kids pictures on it.

Interesting... I figure, if it weren't for the grandparents, the children in question wouldn't exist (neither would the parents, but that's a topic for a different thread). As I indicated above, given that the OP's in-laws apparently didn't identify their grandchildren - at least to nearly the extent I described above - but merely included a photograph, I don't see that it is or should be an issue.

 

[LSchrow]

i agree with previous posters (of course, that was after i was finally able to stop laughing from katieelder's post).
she is proud of her grandchildren, and in turn, proud of their parents.

i learned there are many things about people that i can let irritate me, or i can realize that i'm not perfect either, and probably irritate others sometimes.

life is too short to hold onto the little annoyances.......let it go, realizing she most likely really does love you and your family very much, and this was just her way of showing it

 

[Missy29]

In that case, I wouldn't say a word to her about it. Let her wonder if it came yet. If she asks, tell her yes it came and nothing else. If she asks what you think of it, tell her it was lovely then change the subject. She is trying to get a reaction from you. Do not give her one.

I agree with this I a would probably be annoyed if she didn't ask but don't let her know it bothers you.

 

[tlbwriter]

I don't typically post to these type of issues but I wanted to share my story. My MIL was diagnosed with terminal cancer before the birth of our daughter. She had basically given up and accepted her fate until we told her she was going to be a Grandmother.

Once she learned we were expecting, she underwent a very painful operation that would give her a little more time so she could see the baby. She did this twice before she passed.

I made sure she was there at my appointments and at the birth of her Granddaughter. After my DD was born, she was at our house almost daily just to hold and rock her. This woman who had basically given up, lived to see her granddaughter turn 2.

We were never really that close and I know this is not the same as your issue but seeing what she would go through to meet her Grandchild gave me a new respect for what Grandparents feel when their children have children.

Life is too short........

Not sure what this has to do with the OP... the fact that one grandparent was lost too soon doesn't mean that these grandparents aren't intrusive and annoying.

Anyway, yes, I'd be annoyed, because they seem to have known how you feel about distributing photos and did it anyway. That should be considered rude in anyone's book. If I wanted to be mean, I'd make sure any future photos they get are digital only, and not print quality.

 

[tms295psu]

Sneak a picture of her "bending over into the oven for the Christmas ham" a NICE HUGE BUTT shot... save it and mail it out next year!!!!



if something is said... tell her you didn't think you needed her permission since she took it upon herself to NOT ASK YOU!!!!

 

[Kelsie]

Not sure what this has to do with the OP... the fact that one grandparent was lost too soon doesn't mean that these grandparents aren't intrusive and annoying.

I'm sorry if I confused you.

Anyway...my point is life is too short to worry about Christmas cards with your child's picture on it that are sent by the proud Grandparents to 100 family or friends IMHO (she did ask for opinions).

 

[gracie1]

Not sure what this has to do with the OP... the fact that one grandparent was lost too soon doesn't mean that these grandparents aren't intrusive and annoying.

Anyway, yes, I'd be annoyed, because they seem to have known how you feel about distributing photos and did it anyway. That should be considered rude in anyone's book. If I wanted to be mean, I'd make sure any future photos they get are digital only, and not print quality.

I think she was making the point that even though she was not close to her MIL as well, how grandparents really feel about their grandchildren.

 

[Marionnette]

Sneak a picture of her "bending over into the oven for the Christmas ham" a NICE HUGE BUTT shot... save it and mail it out next year!!!!



if something is said... tell her you didn't think you needed her permission since she took it upon herself to NOT ASK YOU!!!!

That will go a long way towards improving family relations! But it is a funny thought.

With all of the things that an in-law could do that would truly harm a child, I just do not see this action as something that is worth expending the energy it takes to be annoyed, miffed or even peeved. Like WMKelsie said, life is too short to waste your time being upset about something that is so small in the great scheme of things.

 

[hereyago]

OP: my mom doesn't know boundaries, never has, long story.

She lives with us-long story once again-I would buy DD's school pictures and before I got a chance to cut them and send them off, she would steal a few to send to HER friends, who never met my DD. Her reason wasn't pure as a proud grandparent either, she is narcissistic and would send them so people would call HER and tell HER what beautiful granddaughter SHE has. Here is the kicker: she would later get mad at these people and ask for the pictures back.

I started to hidng the pictures from her as well as my photo album, kind of hard to take when you can't find them.

I'm not as private as you are with no FB or whatever, but I can understand having people go against what you have said.

 

[dislaney]

Knowing how you feel about your family's privacy, I would definitely be mad. I would also never, ever let her know how I felt. I agree she is looking and expecting to get a reaction from you. I wouldn't give her one!

 

[Pumbaa_]

If she had asked you for permission, so she decided to skip that step

I would be just as annoyed. She deliberately did something she KNEW you would not approve of.

Yes life is short, but there is boundaries. What picture did she use? I would limit what photos I gave her and limit opportunities to take pictures.

For every action there is a reaction and there should be consequences, IMHO

I don't blame you for being upset, I would be livid. Contact would become very limited until boundaries were back in place

good luck to you!

 

[MagicalMawMaw]

As a MawMaw of 5 grandkiddos that I adore...I printed up some notecards ...one has a photo of me & my Dh with all 5 of them & the other is just of the 5 kiddos. I use them as thank you notes & thinking of you notes all the time. Of course my kiddos know I made them as they get notes on them often. Guess I never would of thought of it being a problem as they only go to friends & family...not strangers.