Should family members pay when they go on vacation with you?

[Donnainnj]

We have done it both ways with my Dad. The next trip he will need to cover his drive down, ticket, and meals out. He tends to get grumpy at times which can get to me, but whenever we don't invite him, the kids talk about how much they miss him. The funny thing is they enjoy how he complains.
Donna

 

[Pakey]

When we invite, unless we specify before anything is planned, we pay. We own DVC and have taken many friends and family. We've also gone to other locations.

I think it's important to have everything clear before the first thing is planned. As long as it's clear at the time it's initially discussed, it's fine to do it either way.

 

[momof1princess]

OP, it really does sound like more an issue of traveling with the family, than with money in particular. and i know how you feel. i will NEVER vacation with my family again. took my mom to wdw with us in 2003, on DD's first trip, and it was a NIGHTMARE. went on a vacation to HHI/Savannah/Charleston with the in-laws this past september, and that was almost worse. DH wants to take his parents to wdw, and i told him if he does, he'll be doing it alone! i know my FIL, and he'll spend the entire time complaining about the long drive (10-11 hours) down there, the cost of the gas, the cost of the trip in general, how expensive everything is, he won't like the food, etc. now if we could just take DMIL and leave FIL at home, we'd have a ball, she's very mellow-she has to be, or she couldn't put up with FIL, lol.

 

[Jeafl]

Funny you should ask this. We are in the process of planning a vacation with the WHOLE family (my parents, the 5 of us, my 2 sisters, their husbands and their kids).

We decided to rent a huge luxury cabin in the mountains. It sleeps 18, and we just divided the cost between the 4 families. Even though my parents are just 2 people, and we are 5 people, we are splitting everything equally between families. It's worked out fine in the past as long as everything is agreed upon upfront.

As always with extended family vacations, we each pay our own way. Most of us will be going whitewater water rafting and ziplining, and each family will pay for their own. My parents don't want to do that, so they are going to do a tour of Biltmore instread. When we go out to dinner we get separate checks. We will be buying food for the cabin for breakfasts and such, and we just divide that among everyone. It ends up being more for us because we have the most people, but fair is fair.

This works out for us because no one feels like they are footing the bill for anyone else. Besides, some people are big drinkers and some don't drink at all so it works out best to have separate checks.

 

[MM27]

I think it all depends on the situation. We're going to WDW in April and taking my niece and sil. My mom is paying for them as a combo Christmas/Birthday gift. It was already determined that she would do that. My sil's sister wanted to come with us and she is paying her own way, as am I.

If people are offended that you aren't going to pay for them, are they really people that you want to be traveling with?

 

[Bertie9396]

In October 2009, DH's grandfather passed away. He was sick with cancer for a long time. Anyway he didn't have much money but he told his daughter (my mother-in-law) to make sure that she did something for his only great-grandchild (our DD who was 4 at the time). So, MIL and FIL used most of the money she got after the estate was settled to take us to Florida last February. We flew down and while it was really hard for me to sit back and let her take the reins, I did. It wasn't exactly the trip I would have planned but we all had a great time and I totally appreciated what they were doing for their granddaughter. It was very nice and I'm sure it would have made Poppa very happy. We tried to give them money or pay for some meals or whatever, but they wouldn't even let us pay for a bottle of water. MIL is in bed every night at 8 pm and up at 4 am so that was a little awkward. We couldn't plan anything in the evenings and by the time we were up and ready to go at 7 am she was complaining that we were taking too long. LOL This year, we are going just the three of us and we are driving. MIL and FIL have hinted that they'd like to join us. DH jumped all over the idea but I told him no. I want to just have this time for the 3 of us. His parents would want to pay for everything again and once again, I'd feel like I'd have to follow her lead and do what she wants to do. I know they are just trying to be nice but they never let us pay for anything. My parents always used money to be controlling, which I don't believe my in-laws do, but I can't help but get upset about it sometimes. We never ask for anything from them and I know that's why they want to do stuff for us but it makes me feel awkward. I'm looking forward to just being with my little family away from everyone and everything else back at home for a few days and having a good time.

 

[bigbabyblues]

I normally will not, for any reason, vacation with anyone who doesn't live in my house. That means especially the IL's, and DH agrees.

That said, I do think everyone should pay their own way if they choose to vacation with others.

 

[heatherwillmom]

Does your fil invite himself, or is your dh inviting him?

Sometimes DH invites him & sometimes FIL hints like "you're going to ... I would love to go there."