Should EX help pay for kids vacation?

[crisi]

What is your point? Does this have anything to do with the OP's original post? Sheesh, what some people dream up is beyond my comprehension

My point is that I don't know whose kids these are. Are they her kid's half siblings by her husband - no legal relationship to her or her kids by her first marriage?

If they are her kid's half siblings, not her own kids (by biology or adoption) I wouldn't bring them along unless my ex paid some of their way. Of course, I wouldn't invite them either without that condition being filled and if my kid's half siblings didn't get to go on vacation, I'd feel bad, but wouldn't rectify it any more than I take my kid's friends along. If I were to invite them out of the goodness of my heart, I wouldn't go back to my ex looking for assistance.

If these are my own kids from my first marriage, then they are my kids, I treat them like the rest of the family and pay their way. I don't go looking to my ex to subsidize it.

 

[HouseofMinnie]

OP here.

First, let me say that I never said I expected for him to pay for any of the vacation. I just wanted to get other peoples opinions or experiences with this sort of thing. Thank you to the ones for being nice about it. To the others, calm down. It's not that serious.

 

[Leajess99]

First, I don't need his help paying for our family (me, DS13, DS11) vacation. I have paid for everything and have not asked him to help any other time we have been to WDW. (7 times!!)

Is it reasonable to ask for him to help pay for his kids vacation? He has never taken them anywhere for vacation and he has never mentioned taking them anywhere. I know if he were to take them somewhere I would give them money to spend on things they wanted. Should he contribute to their vacation money?

No flaming please. I am just curious if other single moms get any help from the ex to pay for vacation. What are your thoughts on the subject?

No it is not reasonable to ask him to assist unless he is coming on vacation as well. Why should an ex have to help pay for the kids to go on vacation with you?? Sorry, as a single parent, I would never even think to ask my ex to pay for a vacation aside from the one he went with us on.

 

[mum of two pirates]

My DH just said If she has been able to take them 7 times since the big D her ex is paying to much child support. I wouldn't have to think of it as my kids would be asking for money as they do all the time now. My DH still gives his Daughter money when ever she asks for it. Shes almost 22 and cost more than our two teenage boys.

 

[North of Mouse]

My point is that I don't know whose kids these are. Are they her kid's half siblings by her husband - no legal relationship to her or her kids by her first marriage?

If they are her kid's half siblings, not her own kids (by biology or adoption) I wouldn't bring them along unless my ex paid some of their way. Of course, I wouldn't invite them either without that condition being filled and if my kid's half siblings didn't get to go on vacation, I'd feel bad, but wouldn't rectify it any more than I take my kid's friends along. If I were to invite them out of the goodness of my heart, I wouldn't go back to my ex looking for assistance.

If these are my own kids from my first marriage, then they are my kids, I treat them like the rest of the family and pay their way. I don't go looking to my ex to subsidize it.

I guess my point is, where do you get (from her post) that these two children are other than "their" children - that's what she said. No one else seemed to think she meant otherwise Anyhoo,good day!

 

[GSUJillybean]

My DH just said If she has been able to take them 7 times since the big D her ex is paying to much child support. I wouldn't have to think of it as my kids would be asking for money as they do all the time now. My DH still gives his Daughter money when ever she asks for it. Shes almost 22 and cost more than our two teenage boys.

I don't think it's right to expect her ex to pay for the trip at ALL, but that's ludicrous.

I was a single mom, too-- I was widowed. We went to WDW every year. Does that mean I have to give the insurance money back? Was I not struggling enough for your husband's taste?

 

[luvtheworld16]

Heck, my ex did not even pay anything for any of the kids school trips. Not a one. He and his wife make 10 times what I make in a year but, with my father's help, I was able to send them on every field trip the band took throughout middle/high school. The ex paid nothing for any of their trips. Both kids also had to take out loans to pay for college because their dad would not give them money for it and I have a hard enough time paying my own bills so I could not help them. (Although I did send care packages occasionally)

 

[hereyago]

OP: why do you wonder now when you obviously have it covered to take them 7 times(and no I'm not a hater, I've taken DD13 to WDW, DCL, Carnival cruise and Hawaii)

I've honestly never thought to ask my ex. And honestly, he does contribute alot besides child support for things without me asking.

And part of me in the beginning wanted to "show" him I could do these things without him. We have come a very long way from that though. Plus he knows that I do things like a change jar, eat pb and j's for work instead of going out for lunch, so I think that he thinks if I couldn't afford to go and get things for DD that I wouldn't go, which is true.

 

[GSUJillybean]

And part of me in the beginning wanted to "show" him I could do these things without him. We have come a very long way from that though. Plus he knows that I do things like a change jar, eat pb and j's for work instead of going out for lunch, so I think that he thinks if I couldn't afford to go and get things for DD that I wouldn't go, which is true.

That's more important than souvenir money, I think.

 

[HouseofMinnie]

OP: why do you wonder now when you obviously have it covered to take them 7 times(and no I'm not a hater, I've taken DD13 to WDW, DCL, Carnival cruise and Hawaii)

I've honestly never thought to ask my ex. And honestly, he does contribute alot besides child support for things without me asking.

And part of me in the beginning wanted to "show" him I could do these things without him. We have come a very long way from that though. Plus he knows that I do things like a change jar, eat pb and j's for work instead of going out for lunch, so I think that he thinks if I couldn't afford to go and get things for DD that I wouldn't go, which is true.

Just thought I would ask. I don't need to "show" him anything. Thanks for your input though.

 

[hereyago]

Just thought I would ask. I don't need to "show" him anything. Thanks for your input though.

I wasn't saying you needed to "show" him anything, sorry if you thought I meant that towards you, because it wasn't honestly.

My need to "show" him has switched to trying to empower DD that she can do things on her own-not in a man hater way-but she can hold it down regardless.

 

[tlmcma]

I guess I am in the minority. I have been divorced for 10 years since my kids were toddlers. It is actually written into my divorce agreement that my EX give me an annual lump sum payment to be used towards summer camp and vacations that I take our children on. My EX has really advanced his career since we divorced and travels for work constantly. The annual vacation money has increased over the years along with his salary. Due to his much higher income and frequent flier miles he is able to take our kids on multiple vacations - they have been to Hawaii with him 3 times and went to Germany this past summer, etc. My EX could never have worked as many hours and traveled as much for his job if I didn't have primary custody of our children. I could never work his schedule as I'm soley responsible for getting my kids to after-school activities, etc. He actually feels bad that I can't take them on as many vacations as he can and voluntarily agreed to the annual vacation / camp money in addition to his regular monthly court ordered child support.
He agreed to it though - he is a great dad and we generally get along. I don't however think that the courts should force this on anybody if they are already paying full child support per state guidelines.

 

[Bell30012]

I've been divorced for five years. We have Joint Shared Physical Custody of our one daughter. I get her Thursday through Sunday, she gets her Sunday through Thursday. I pay support each month.

When it comes to vacations if she takes my daughter on vacation, she pays. If I take them on vacation I pay. I will take it even farther. I've taken her now three-year-old daughter (from her current marriage) on two WDW vacations with us. I PAID! Sure, she isn't my child but you know what, it was my choice to invite her so I paid.

 

[cornflake]

She sounds like my ex-SIL. Same situation except she asked my brother to let her use the DVC membership (which he got in the divorce) so that she could book a trip for herself and the boyfriend, the one that she was cheating with on my brother while they were married.

It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round.

My point is that I don't know whose kids these are. Are they her kid's half siblings by her husband - no legal relationship to her or her kids by her first marriage?

If they are her kid's half siblings, not her own kids (by biology or adoption) I wouldn't bring them along unless my ex paid some of their way. Of course, I wouldn't invite them either without that condition being filled and if my kid's half siblings didn't get to go on vacation, I'd feel bad, but wouldn't rectify it any more than I take my kid's friends along. If I were to invite them out of the goodness of my heart, I wouldn't go back to my ex looking for assistance.

If these are my own kids from my first marriage, then they are my kids, I treat them like the rest of the family and pay their way. I don't go looking to my ex to subsidize it.

I don't see what's confusing. I took from the original post that the OP used to be married. Now is divorced. Takes the kids (from that marriage) on vacation. Wondered if other people in the same situation, when going on vacation, asked or had an ex contribute $.

Seemed simple enough. I have no idea where the idea of like cousins thrice removed from other relationships came into it.

 

[Leajess99]

Heck, my ex did not even pay anything for any of the kids school trips. Not a one. He and his wife make 10 times what I make in a year but, with my father's help, I was able to send them on every field trip the band took throughout middle/high school. The ex paid nothing for any of their trips. Both kids also had to take out loans to pay for college because their dad would not give them money for it and I have a hard enough time paying my own bills so I could not help them. (Although I did send care packages occasionally)

Your ex sounds like my ex. Heck, my ex currently does not support any of his 4 kids (1 is by a different mother) and he makes almost twice as much as I do when he is in school.

Last year he told our kids that their Christmas Present was him coming to visit them for Christmas (he only gets 2 weeks visitation a year and this was not one of the weeks just my being nice). The youngest (was 7 at the time) actually wanted to take that present back.

My kids do sports and the youngest does soccer camp and I pay for it all. My oldest is in college and I am trying to help him out as much as I can since his dad dumped him from his health insurance and all.

Some exes just suck.

 

[VirataMama4]

I'm going to go with everyone else... NO!

I was a single mom for 9 yrs and I never would have even thought to ask my ex to help pay for vacations. Heck, he never paid child support, so I was pretty peeved the 1 time he gave me $200 for spending $$ for DD, 7 at the time, right before our 1st DW trip... We have a better "working" relationship now and I'm sure if I asked him to help he would try to come up with some extra $$ if he could, but I would never do it.

 

[melanieRN]

I am fortunate that my ex gives our 4 children a considerable amt of money to spend when I take them on vacations every year. I believe he does it out of guilt because he hasn't taken them on a vacation in years. He has taken his different girlfriends every year to Hawaii, Mexico, Las Vegas, Florida and other places instead of taking the children. I don't ask or expect him to give them any money.

 

[JennyKS]

Looks like I'm about to say the opposite here. Kinda sorta.

I'm a single mom to a 6 year old. I've been fortunate enough to take her to Disneyland once and Disneyworld twice. I do NOT get child support. We share 50/50 custody. We normally split costs 50/50. Seems lately he has forgotten to pay his 50%.

So would I ask him to pay for the vacations nope. Have I asked him to give her some spending money, yup. A lot, nope. I've always asked, hey can you give her 20 bucks and I'll give her 20 bucks so she has some spendinng money. His reponse has always been of course, are you sure 20 is enough.

 

[ilovejack02]

Step Mom of 22 year old , started dating his Dad when he was 5.

We did not contribute to any trips taken with his Mom, nor did she contribute to any of our trips.

When he would travel with her parents and sisters we would usually give him spending money . I can remember giving him spending money for Disney a cpl of times, but that was because she wasn't going and we didn't want his Grandparents spending extra on him .. they had all 8 of their grandkids with them.

We also would give her money towards plane ticket when he would fly to see his favorite Aunt ( her sister) in Missouri. Not sure why we did it as it was her family, but we knew how he loved her and that his Mom really didn't have to money to cover it. Her sister usually paid half.

I don't see why he needs to help fund your trips. If he is feeling generous , then fantastic.

 

[swilshire]

I take my children on vacation, including my two adult children, and pay all the bills because I enjoy having them along. It's a shame that your husband doesn't take the children on his own vacations like some of the other men here describe, but not everyone enjoys planning a trip.

I know if it were left to my husband (should I be out of the picture) they would never vacation. He happily goes along on the trips I plan and enjoys them, but actually putting together a plan is not something he would be likely to do.

I even have trouble planning things and getting him to take the kids when I'm away from home for work. For some reason, if the "social director" (Mom) isn't there, it just isn't going to happen.

My adult daughter has the vacation planning gene, so maybe she would keep them going if I wasn't able to do so. I can tell from the responses to this thread that it isn't totally gender based, but women seem more likely than men to plan vacations.

Sheila