Broiled_Sasquatch
Mouseketeer
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2008
- Messages
- 77
Ok, so I wrote a short story, and I was wondering what do you guys think?
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Exes, or How Zander Lost His Money
Short Story Written By: Eric Zagar
One day Eric, Connor, and Zander are walking down a road. Then all of a sudden, a hole appears underneath the three, and they end up in Hell. In Hell they meet a demon named Fernando, who says "Oops, that wasn't supposed to happen." Eric, Connor, and Zander brush themselves, and walk over to him. "Hi," says Eric cheerfully. Fernando just stares. "Anyways, since you are already here how about a quick challenge." Fernando say to Connor, not caring what the other two think. Connor looks over at Eric and Zander to know what to say. They both signal no, and Connor nods his head. "Yes!" Connor yells at excitedly, as Eric and Zander groan. "Great," Fernando says with a smile on his face, "enter these three doors." "Yes sir." Eric and Connor say as they walk toward their doors. "Wait, don't we get to know what the challenge is first?" Zander questions, happy that he eventually got to say something. "Oh, yes how silly of me, yes the challenge is that whoever is the most beaten up by their exes in a ten minute period will have to give me most of their money. Now your exes will be extremly angry, and will want to beat the living **** out of you." "Our exes?" Connor and Zander exclaim nervously, gulping afterwards. Eric just shrugs. "I'll time the whole thing, now get in there" Fernando instructs. The trio enter their individual doors. Ten minutes pass, and the three exit their rooms. "Alright, now let's examen you," says Fernando, who is now dressed like a doctor. "Alrght, now Connor Sample, you seem to be in a semi bad state. Your clothes are partly ripped, and your hair is partly russeled. Looks like you've had a couple exes in the past." Connor nods. "Now as for you Alexander Trisoliere, your clothes are destroyed, and your hair is ripped out. Good God man, how many exes do you have?" "To many too count!" exclaims Zander. "Now as for you Eric Zagar, your, while your, your in perfect condition!" Eric sighs. "Okay, I'll be taking your money Alexander." "As for you two, you're free to go." Fernando expresses while he points at Eric and Connor.
"And that's how Zander lost all his money." Eric exclaims happily, while he closes a book. "The End."
Connor claps blissfully, while Zander gives an awkward stare at Eric. "That's not how I lost my money!" Zander yells while he punches Eric in the face. "You don't understand me at all!" He screams while he runs off crying. Eric shrugs, "Oh well."
The End
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Exes, or How Zander Lost His Money
Short Story Written By: Eric Zagar
One day Eric, Connor, and Zander are walking down a road. Then all of a sudden, a hole appears underneath the three, and they end up in Hell. In Hell they meet a demon named Fernando, who says "Oops, that wasn't supposed to happen." Eric, Connor, and Zander brush themselves, and walk over to him. "Hi," says Eric cheerfully. Fernando just stares. "Anyways, since you are already here how about a quick challenge." Fernando say to Connor, not caring what the other two think. Connor looks over at Eric and Zander to know what to say. They both signal no, and Connor nods his head. "Yes!" Connor yells at excitedly, as Eric and Zander groan. "Great," Fernando says with a smile on his face, "enter these three doors." "Yes sir." Eric and Connor say as they walk toward their doors. "Wait, don't we get to know what the challenge is first?" Zander questions, happy that he eventually got to say something. "Oh, yes how silly of me, yes the challenge is that whoever is the most beaten up by their exes in a ten minute period will have to give me most of their money. Now your exes will be extremly angry, and will want to beat the living **** out of you." "Our exes?" Connor and Zander exclaim nervously, gulping afterwards. Eric just shrugs. "I'll time the whole thing, now get in there" Fernando instructs. The trio enter their individual doors. Ten minutes pass, and the three exit their rooms. "Alright, now let's examen you," says Fernando, who is now dressed like a doctor. "Alrght, now Connor Sample, you seem to be in a semi bad state. Your clothes are partly ripped, and your hair is partly russeled. Looks like you've had a couple exes in the past." Connor nods. "Now as for you Alexander Trisoliere, your clothes are destroyed, and your hair is ripped out. Good God man, how many exes do you have?" "To many too count!" exclaims Zander. "Now as for you Eric Zagar, your, while your, your in perfect condition!" Eric sighs. "Okay, I'll be taking your money Alexander." "As for you two, you're free to go." Fernando expresses while he points at Eric and Connor.
"And that's how Zander lost all his money." Eric exclaims happily, while he closes a book. "The End."
Connor claps blissfully, while Zander gives an awkward stare at Eric. "That's not how I lost my money!" Zander yells while he punches Eric in the face. "You don't understand me at all!" He screams while he runs off crying. Eric shrugs, "Oh well."
The End
