Shocked at kid's behaviour...

[Wadecool]

God you have a really hard time of it. I read in the post about whether people were wearing purple to show support for people bullied for being gay that your brother committed suicide because he was gay and now this. I am sure parents with children with disabilities have many wishes for their children but I can't see a wish for them to be disruptive and badly behaved being top of the list?

I was thinking the same thing. That poor person has been dealing with the trials of Job.

 

[Miss Mo]

Well I would have judged you to and I don't give a patooty why your son is screaming but if he is screaming and disturbing me and you are just strolling around ignoring it then yes I would judge you! You don't push a screaming kid around disturbing others. You do what you have to do to end the screaming and waiting it out is not what you do in a public place.

OMG I wasn't "strolling around ignoring it!!!" at which point did I say that?? I was V embarrased that my child was screaming (in a very quiet part of the park in the shade and away from the masses) trying to calm him down as if he had been calm in the buggy he would have instantly fallen asleep, I know this because I am his mum!!!

Oh and it wasn't a stroller that had been sat in the heat of a stroller park at Fantasyland! I would never force him into one of those. The year before when we were at Disney at exactly the same time of year we had no problems whatsoever because when he was tired he slept in the stroller, again always in the shade with fan etc on whilst his Dad and I enjoyed a cool drink and people watched.

I don't think it matters what you do really (this was actually my initial point which I actually didn't think was a tiny bit controversial but for some reason I have been flamed for it!!!) if I had let the boy who wanted to walk but was getting too tired to do it walk then I would have been wrong for letting my child lay down the rules but by putting him in the buggy to give him the chance to rest then his tantrums become my fault too!!? Someone will always judge you for being a different parent to them! This makes me sad!

mo x

 

[Miss Mo]

In your description you were being the best parent you could be, you went after him, and did your best to calm and sooth him, plus a bigger child may be harder to move.

I guess maybe I am not coming across clear, if I see a parent actively trying to calm or discipline a child, whatever the case maybe, I applaud that parent. If that parent is doing nothing, and just letting said child cry or meltdown or misbehave, then yes you(general you) are in the wrong.

Mkrop I totally agree with this btw! I just didn't like the attack on me when I was trying to make a point about how people judge me. I didn't put every little detail of what I did at the time in it because it was just a little comment not something that I had expect to be jumped on!

Truce?

mo x

 

[Rylee]

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScotsMinnie
God you have a really hard time of it. I read in the post about whether people were wearing purple to show support for people bullied for being gay that your brother committed suicide because he was gay and now this. I am sure parents with children with disabilities have many wishes for their children but I can't see a wish for them to be disruptive and badly behaved being top of the list?

I was thinking the same thing. That poor person has been dealing with the trials of Job.

I can't believe she played this "card" on a thread discussing parenting appropriate behavior at WDW.

 

[NaLisa]

Guess I better make my kid a therapy appointment. I hauled her butt out of MK due to her behavior.

She still remembers the day, and has not repeated the behavior.

Good for you! I don't know if I could have done it at WDW, but I've frequently done it at parks, stores, the zoo, etc. "If you can't behave properly, we'll have to leave." And if the misbehavior continues, we go.

OTOH, I've seen a family member threaten her children with stuff like skipping their own birthday parties, not going to Granny's house for Christmas, etc. She obviously doesn't intend to follow through on any of those threats (nor any of the milder ones she frequently makes, for that matter), and her kids know it. Mom threatens and cajoles her kids to try to influence their behavior, but she never follows through or actually disciplines them. I love those kids, but I dread going places with the family because there's always drama between the kids and parents and I don't like my children witnessing that kind of behavior from people they love.

DH and I talked about it and decided ahead of time that we weren't going to make empty threats about leaving WDW if and when our kids misbehaved. We predicted a meltdown from our younger, higher-strung DD, but didn't have a single instance with her on our trip. My older DD had two "tantrums" at WDW; very much out of character for her. It wasn't the kind of thing that others probably noticed or that ruined our vacation, but it also wasn't something I was willing to ignore because we were at WDW or because she's normally very well behaved.

Yes, she was overstimulated; no, that didn't excuse her behavior. If we weren't on a very expensive, first-in-their lifetime vacation, and if it didn't affect the other three members of our family, we would have walked out the gate immediately.

Instead, she missed out on an attraction or two. We sat down on a bench and I gave her time to calm herself down while her dad and sister went on the ride. When she had another fit a couple of days later, she missed about an hour of rides and attractions while she and her dad sat on a bench and she got the time she needed to adjust her attitude. And that was the end of that.

I imagine that lots of stressed, hot, tired parents at WDW threaten to leave the parks when their kids misbehave, but they have absolutely no intention of following through. Kids are pretty smart and probably know this. If you don't mean it, don't say it.

 

[KBW]

Personally, little kids having meltdowns don't bother me...been there, done that (1st time I went to WDW with my own child, I didn't even think about how over-stimulated, over-tired my DD3 might be...my heartfelt apologies to anyone who witnessed my DD's "performance" in the Snow White line in Sept '05).

Large groups of teens running, using foul language, etc...I will open my big mouth and tell them to knock it off, especially if there are younger kids around.

I will say though, most times I've experienced problems at WDW, it's the adults who are the issue. Lots of line-cutters either working the system or pretending not to know what's going on...

 

[Mkrop]

Mkrop I totally agree with this btw! I just didn't like the attack on me when I was trying to make a point about how people judge me. I didn't put every little detail of what I did at the time in it because it was just a little comment not something that I had expect to be jumped on!

Truce?

mo x

Yes of course

But one piece of advice from one parent to another if I may...esp if you are a first time parent...never assume that since your child was ok with something one year (like sleeping in a stroller) that they will be ok the next. I find that my children are constantly changing and evolving and just when I think I have them figured out they throw me a curve ball. DS8 has been on Haunted Mansion a million times since he was 4. This Dec he was terrified and would not go on.

once again

But I do have to say in all my experiences with kids, I have never seen one where ignoring the tantrum helps (not you Mo, another poster!) If I saw you pushing them in a stroller I would assume you were removing them to a quiet, maybe less stimualting, even cooler environment. It is the parents, and yes they exist in WDW and Target and at the mall etc, who allow their children to misbehave or have complete meltdowns, and do absolutely nothing, those parents are in the wrong.

 

[brookmey]

Yes of course

But one piece of advice from one parent to another if I may...esp if you are a first time parent...never assume that since your child was ok with something one year (like sleeping in a stroller) that they will be ok the next. I find that my children are constantly changing and evolving and just when I think I have them figured out they throw me a curve ball. DS8 has been on Haunted Mansion a million times since he was 4. This Dec he was terrified and would not go on.

once again

But I do have to say in all my experiences with kids, I have never seen one where ignoring the tantrum helps (not you Mo, another poster!) If I saw you pushing them in a stroller I would assume you were removing them to a quiet, maybe less stimualting, even cooler environment. It is the parents, and yes they exist in WDW and Target and at the mall etc, who allow their children to misbehave or have complete meltdowns, and do absolutely nothing, those parents are in the wrong.

I assume you're referring to me and I have to say that you just made a pretty broad statement, like a 1 size fits all approach to parenting. Each and every child is different and requires different approaches. Letting a child get their frustration out when they naturally have a hot temper is much better than trying to force them to calm down when they're so worked up they're unable to listen to reason or a calm voice. There is no use talking to or reasoning with a child when they're having a meltdown. Ignoring it while it happens can help a parent keep their cool while in a tough situation. Code words and calming words do not work with every child, sometimes they just have to let it out and we as parents of hot tempered kids just need to wait it out before having the discussion about appropriate behavior and what's acceptable. Every child is different and should be treated as so. Your experience may say one thing, but until you've actually spent significant time with a specific child, you are not in a position to make judgements about what works and what doesn't work.

 

[Mkrop]

I assume you're referring to me and I have to say that you just made a pretty broad statement, like a 1 size fits all approach to parenting. Each and every child is different and requires different approaches. Letting a child get their frustration out when they naturally have a hot temper is much better than trying to force them to calm down when they're so worked up they're unable to listen to reason or a calm voice. There is no use talking to or reasoning with a child when they're having a meltdown. Ignoring it while it happens can help a parent keep their cool while in a tough situation. Code words and calming words do not work with every child, sometimes they just have to let it out and we as parents of hot tempered kids just need to wait it out before having the discussion about appropriate behavior and what's acceptable. Every child is different and should be treated as so. Your experience may say one thing, but until you've actually spent significant time with a specific child, you are not in a position to make judgements about what works and what doesn't work.

I also said if you read what I wrote that if you were wheeling the child to another location to work on the issue, which is what you typed, than that is great. If you continue to stand there say in a line or other crowded location, while the child tries to work it out AND YOU(GENERAL) are doing nothing then you are disruptive to the whole area and to me that is unacceptable. What would they do in the classroom if this child had his meltdown, would they not move him to a quieter location attempt to talk to him and then yes let him work through his being upset, mad or overstimulated. Why would a parent not do the same.

If you allow him/her to throw themselves down in the middle of Target to work on said meltdown, therefore disrupting shoppers you are wrong as a parent. If you allow a child to continue to kick someone's chair or misbehave after one time or at least when you notice it then you are wrong. If you are actively working on the situation and trying to regain control, then I think most parents would be giving you that knowing been there done that look. My guys have melted down, but we react, and yes I am a huge proponent of doing your best to avoid them in the first place. If your child falls asleep in the stroller, cool beans, have the family continue on with their fun. But if daily your child is not doing that, you may need to adjust, or if you know said child wont do that, then why try it in the first place.

Maybe you havent but I have seen parents like those described, they do absolutely nothing to remove the child. Last year we were at a Little League Game, and a little girl had a fit bc she could not get ice cream and she was not allowed to climb on the bleachers, it was crowded with all of us sitting there. She was hot and bored. So next to bleachers where we were all seated and not to far from the field, the parent allowed this child to have a screaming tantrum/meltdown. Instead of picking child up and either taking her to a car or another location away from the fans and players, they actually walked away closer to the field so they could watch there son while they allowed her to disrupt the people watching the game, and the players on the field. To me that is wrong.


I guess I am the bad guy on this thread and everyone is misinterpreting what I am writing. The only thing I am saying is dont ignore your child's behavior, whether it is bc they are overtired, overstimulated, or plain old misbehaving (and yes my kids have fallen into those categories at some time in their lives), you dont live in a bubble esp in a public place, you need to respect those around you. Do your best as parents to avoid said meltdowns by either sticking to a routine or having a Plan B. If said meltdown/misbehaving etc happens, react. It is your job as a parent to have fun with your child and provide this awesome experience such as WDW but not at the expense of other vactioners enjoyment. Plain and simple.

 

[Hannathy]

I guess I am the bad guy on this thread and everyone is misinterpreting what I am writing. The only thing I am saying is dont ignore your child's behavior, whether it is bc they are overtired, overstimulated, or plain old misbehaving (and yes my kids have fallen into those categories at some time in their lives), you dont live in a bubble esp in a public place, you need to respect those around you. Do your best as parents to avoid said meltdowns by either sticking to a routine or having a Plan B. If said meltdown/misbehaving etc happens, react. It is your job as a parent to have fun with your child and provide this awesome experience such as WDW but not at the expense of other vactioners enjoyment. Plain and simple.

I don't think you are the bad guy. I agree with you. If your child is having a tantrum then deal with it where I don't have to hear it and be disturbed. Pick the little darling up and remove them from other people. Don't walk thru the park with them pitching a fit, don't let them lay near the bleachers, go to the parking lot, a far off corner, behind a building, etc and you listen to it.

 

[okeydokey]

You mean kids act like kids when they are at WDW?

My kids don't pull each others hair and bite, nor they do they run in the halls and scream at 11 pm.

 

[Mahnahmahnah]

I assume you're referring to me and I have to say that you just made a pretty broad statement, like a 1 size fits all approach to parenting. Each and every child is different and requires different approaches. Letting a child get their frustration out when they naturally have a hot temper is much better than trying to force them to calm down when they're so worked up they're unable to listen to reason or a calm voice. There is no use talking to or reasoning with a child when they're having a meltdown. Ignoring it while it happens can help a parent keep their cool while in a tough situation. Code words and calming words do not work with every child, sometimes they just have to let it out and we as parents of hot tempered kids just need to wait it out before having the discussion about appropriate behavior and what's acceptable. Every child is different and should be treated as so. Your experience may say one thing, but until you've actually spent significant time with a specific child, you are not in a position to make judgements about what works and what doesn't work.

Just read an article in Parents magazine about this.

http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/tantrum/tame-your-kids-tantrums/

I'm not perfect so I try to gather as much advice as possible, and do what works for us. I've had success with these tips so far. Hopefully they work in WDW for us.


I'll be sure to check back here after our trip to see if a thread was written about us

 

[Juliet25]

I don't think it matters what you do really (this was actually my initial point which I actually didn't think was a tiny bit controversial but for some reason I have been flamed for it!!!) if I had let the boy who wanted to walk but was getting too tired to do it walk then I would have been wrong for letting my child lay down the rules but by putting him in the buggy to give him the chance to rest then his tantrums become my fault too!!? Someone will always judge you for being a different parent to them! This makes me sad!

mo x

I totally understand where you're coming from. I had a particularly horrendous incident with my middle DD one time at WDW. I did the best I could to calm her down and nothing worked. I was so close to tears myself and another mom gave me the most understanding smile and said something to the effect of "We all have those moments."

That kind of kindness goes so much further than a dirty look.

 

[juliebean]

Sorry - I know someone asked where we stayed - but I cannot find that post - and it was the Allstar Music for the first three nights. In hindsight, that was a big part of the problem. Our building seemed to be filled with a senior trip from a florida HS. I won't stay there again - partly because of the teenage issue, but also because it's too spread out, our room smelled like our teenager's feet, the bathroom design is really difficult, and my husband searched for pool towels forever one evening. We were happy to move off site when we got our teenager back, & became a family of five again.

I felt awful for the poor lifeguards at the pool. There was a big group of teenagers making a nuisance of themselves - they weren't trying to, but just sometimes naturally do because they are self centered. They kept knocking little kids down trying to play a game of catch the splat ball across the pool. My husband talked to them - kindly - because it didn't appear a chaperone was nearby, after they accidently knocked our 8 year old underwater (she's a good swimmer, has a teen brother and it didn't hurt her, so no big deal), but it didn't change their behaviour. The lifeguards kept trying to make everyone safe and be able to play, but it just wasn't working. When one lifeguard finished his shift, they applauded as he left. I felt badly for him - he was only a few years older than them.

I think I learned a couple of things - the last time we went we stayed at a condo, I think we prefer the quieter setting over convenience, and I realize that we probably just had a couple of things happen that were unusual. I totally expect meltdowns (my youngest and gift shops = trouble, so we try to avoid, but WDW doesn't make that easy...) and teenagers being inconsiderate. But starting from a young age, we always did the "1,2,3" to first give them a chance to correct and then a timeout if they couldn't (or loss of DS, tv, etc as they've gotten older) and usually I can just talk to them now, but if I have to, the minute I say 1 - whatever is happening is done. Funny how those early years where you feel like they'll never stay on a step to finish a timeout payoff down the road.

I don't think it's okay to be kicked in the back and have the parent pretend like nothing happened, or to not be able to use a hottub or pool because of something someone is doing. I didn't notice these things the last time we went, but I think it was partly a difference of where we stayed, and just the bad luck of who we were in front of at Dumbo - really everyone around this family had the "trapped in a nightmare" sort of look, lol, not just us. All it takes is one family out of a hundred in that type of line situation to make everyone miserable. If I ever had a doubt that parental guidance was key, it ended there.

We still had fun, and I am totally a believer in not taking middle and high school kids out for vacation - and I love the weather and the garden festival at Epcot but I don't know if I would want to go and deal with the teenagers en masse and the crowds again in April....

And, several have mentioned adults not behaving well...my daughter was first in line for the 11 o'clock Twisted "show" - we wished we were last for the 10 o'clock but no 1st for 11 - and I can't tell you how many parents I saw ask the CM if they could sneak their daughter "for just a minute" when he told them that the line was now back to the 1 o'clock show while we were standing two feet away in line for an hour and a half for. Thankfully, he stood his ground in spite of begging, birthday wishes and threats! Talk about a tough job! Too many of those same parents would then let their child stand by the rope, watching and crying because they couldn't go in, with the parents glaring at the CM. I wanted to say I didn't particularly want to wait that long either, but I did because it was important to my five yo, otherwise I'd have gone and found something else to do - but of course, I didn't say that! Made for a fun wait.

 

[Miss Mo]

Cheers Mkrop! Beautiful flowers! Thank you!

As for the stupid stroller thing, I'm bracing myself for what will happen this year lol, I don't think he's been in it since Disney last year but I'm not risking not taking it. We have, however, already been having big discussions about him going in it sometimes and (at the moment - haha) he's agreeing! In some ways he's easier to reason with now but in others he's more strong willed "I'll do it all by myself!" so we'll see whether it's easier or harder this year or whether it's just different!

I might just get him some roller skates and a handle to push him if he's tired!! That was a joke btw!! Just incase ...

mo x

 

[stashbin]

My DD6's first trip to Disney was 3 years ago and she had an epic meltdown outside of the Ariel show because of a popsicle. (long story). Anyway, I remember how exhausted as a mom I was because I couldn't get her to stop crying. At the time, all I could think about was getting her inside the air conditioning so she could cool down and fall asleep. Honestly, in hindsight, I should have removed her from the line. At the time though, whatever happened just happened.
I too have been in line with children who were having a melt down and I guess because of what happened to me, I am more understanding. It doesn't bother me as much as it does others.
If I had to do it over again, I would have taken her out of the line and out of the crowd so she wasn't getting on other people's nerves. But I make mistakes just like lots of other parents.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Op- Hate to say it but that is one of the reasons i will NOT stay at a value EVER.

 

[Mkrop]

Cheers Mkrop! Beautiful flowers! Thank you!

As for the stupid stroller thing, I'm bracing myself for what will happen this year lol, I don't think he's been in it since Disney last year but I'm not risking not taking it. We have, however, already been having big discussions about him going in it sometimes and (at the moment - haha) he's agreeing! In some ways he's easier to reason with now but in others he's more strong willed "I'll do it all by myself!" so we'll see whether it's easier or harder this year or whether it's just different!

I might just get him some roller skates and a handle to push him if he's tired!! That was a joke btw!! Just incase ...

mo x

Each year kids do different stuff , but I would definitely bring it, WDW is too large a place not to have it. I think reintroducing it now is a good plan. I actually missed having the stroller once mine got big enough bc it was a great place to stash all the stuff!!!!

 

[CandleontheWater]

This is why I will never judge other parents, and always give them the benefit of the doubt. I think we are all trying to be the best we can, unfortunately our best days don't all coincide.

Mo- don't worry about! You were doing what is best for your child and dealing with the situation to the best of your ability. God forbid you took your child back to the hotel and they cried there, you might have been disrupting other guest's nap time.

I see a lot of "helpful advice" from parents of older kids, and I'm thinking they might be forgetting what its like to be in the trenches with a toddler or preschooler. Hindsight is always 20/20.

 

[Mkrop]

This is why I will never judge other parents, and always give them the benefit of the doubt. I think we are all trying to be the best we can, unfortunately our best days don't all coincide.

Mo- don't worry about! You were doing what is best for your child and dealing with the situation to the best of your ability. God forbid you took your child back to the hotel and they cried there, you might have been disrupting other guest's nap time.

I see a lot of "helpful advice" from parents of older kids, and I'm thinking they might be forgetting what its like to be in the trenches with a toddler or preschooler. Hindsight is always 20/20.

There is also something to say for we have been there done that too. We have figured what has worked and what has not. I am not that far removed from the toddler days. I certainly dont have amensia,

I certanily dont discount what others say about teens bc I am just entering that stage, I am assuming that their advice will be helpful at some point.