She can't do this can she??

[disykat]

I'm still missing how the OP is refusing to give anything back? She gave the ex months, begging her to come get her things. The ex didn't do it. Now the ex simply has to wait until she is back in town to get them. That is NOT refusing to give anything. Just because she doesn't want to give her access to every stored possesion of her own doesn't mean she is refusing to give other stuff back. She even said her plan was to let her get it when she was back.

IMO she would have been well within her rights to get rid of all it when the ex refused to pick it up in the first place.

I don't get how the fact that someone didn't work while in a relationship means that there is an somehow no expiration date on reasonable expectation that someone would retrieve their belongings in a timely fashion.

She is not fighting over things. It sounds like she is planning on handing over whatever the ex wants. What she is fighting over is the ridiculous notion that she is supposed to send her ex a key so she can go rifle through all her belongings. Who in their right mind would let anyone do that? I wouldn't even want my own kids or spouse going through boxes I had organized for storage. It would make a huge mess of my system!

 

[Holly]

I disagree. I have seen nearly every poster who is familiar with Sandra's history think there were many things very off about her part in that relationship--including many who are themselves not legally allowed to marry. Sandra's and her partner's genders have no relationship at all to what I think about how things were handled in that relationship (other than occasionally pointing out how the legality is, sadly, affected since she could not marry Kari legally). Seriously, they don't--I have more gay friends than straight (I don't really know why-it just seems to work out that way) and a huge supporter (in money and time) in that civil rights movement. I am hyper sensitive about bias in this area--and do not think this is the case with MOST posters on this one particular issue.

You may not have mentioned it but others did.


I don't understand why people have to mention her "team switching" as if that's relevant in any way. It's pretty rude.

 

[NHdisneylover]

You may not have mentioned it but others did.


I don't understand why people have to mention her "team switching" as if that's relevant in any way. It's pretty rude.

I only saw one person mention it--thus why I said MOST posters do not seem to be looking at that issue (here or in any other of a myriad of threads). I agree that whether someone is straight/gay/bi whatever has nothing to do with it; but there is a whole lot of history here that does not concern that aspect at all.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I've been in banking for 17 years, you can get yourself removed from a personal account too - but new signature cards have to be signed.

The ones I've worked for will not... in recent years, the industry best practice is to close the account. I'm sure some banks still do it, but I wouldn't assume that they will.

Well-its pretty obvious the "team switching" occured because the next possible person to leach onto was a guy

 

[PixieDustandEeyore]

Hi Sandra! I messaged with you awhile ago about the getting to the Sacramento airport thread!
I think you should send your key to a reliable friend that you trust or family and have them open up the storage unit and give Kari items that you have listed on a list of approved items to take from the unit and nothing else. If there is something else she finds have the friend call you and ask if its alright. I realize it may legitimatley be her stuff but its on your unit and you seem reasonable so im sure if she finds something legitimately yours you'll make sure she gets it. As a PP said good thing you didnt just put her items on the lawn to be pictured up by Mr. Garbage Man.

I hope people stop getting nasty and you have a great day!

 

[kirbsam]

Hi Sandra! I messaged with you awhile ago about the getting to the Sacramento airport thread!
I think you should send your key to a reliable friend that you trust or family and have them open up the storage unit and give Kari items that you have listed on a list of approved items to take from the unit and nothing else. If there is something else she finds have the friend call you and ask if its alright. I realize it may legitimatley be her stuff but its on your unit and you seem reasonable so im sure if she finds something legitimately yours you'll make sure she gets it. As a PP said good thing you didnt just put her items on the lawn to be pictured up by Mr. Garbage Man.

I hope people stop getting nasty and you have a great day!

you are assuming that she has an inventoried list of everything in her storage unit. that is a huge stretch, i would venture to say.

 

[Holly]

Well-its pretty obvious the "team switching" occured because the next possible person to leach onto was a guy

I wasn't arguing about whether or not it was true. Sandra was very clear about the fact that she had dated a woman and then a man.


My issue is with the people who use this as a reason to attack or belittle her.

Why is the gender of her partners an issue?

She seems to offer up plenty of legitimate reasons for people to give her a hard time, so I don't understand why people have to use that against her. It's ignorant.

 

[PixieDustandEeyore]

you are assuming that she has an inventoried list of everything in her storage unit. that is a huge stretch, i would venture to say.

Well still getting from California to Florida isn't cheap! So she'd have to make a list from memory even if it isn't perfect and make a phone call (the friend) to verify other items that Kari would take thus the phone call suggestion as I figured she didn't make an inventory, I already had factored that in with a solution

 

[hereyago]

Some of ya'll are trippin'. This isn't about gay, bi or straight. this is about her ex wanting stuff that she CHOSE not to get 5 months ago.

OP: Those of us that have had trifiling exes and their new SO have at one time or another possibliy experienced this.

I am quite mean and by 5 months it wasn't that important. but you have written that you will let her get the stuff. But tell her, once she gets the stuff that is "hers" ,that will be it. No calling again about something she forgot. no other contact.

Get your name off of her stuff. Do not repeat this type thing in the future. Not sure how long ya'll were together.

But I was married once, that was enough. I won't ever do the same things with anyone else just because of getting burned.

And to the poster who wrote about how to OP mooched, you know what, even if she did, it has nothing to do with you, if she did, those people ,wait for it.... let her mooch of them. No one can make you do something you don't want to do.

 

[Belle0101]

Sorry but I have to ask ...

Thank you Bumbershoot. My questions were answered on the first page, and it's pretty much all I have to say about this.

She had an opportunity to deal with this 5 months ago. And I was also gone for a month (between Texas and California) prior to moving out. I didn't put anything into storage until the final two weeks before leaving. She had every chance to take what she wanted, go through my boxes that I had packed.

At least I didn't pack a truck and haul it all off to another state. And I'm still giving her a final chance to go through it with me when I get there. As long as she stays in touch.

There's plenty of things in there that I feel are of value enough to pay for this monthly. And make sure it stays secure the way I left it.

 

[PixieDustandEeyore]

I dont think she ever returned to Basement boy in California

She did make it back to Modesto I remember the thread.

 

[SandrA9810]

Sorry but I have to ask ...

She's refused to give me a forwarding address, the phone number she called me from was not her number yesterday, and she has blocked me from online contact. If I get back to Florida, and I have no phone number, it's not like I'm going to spend 80$ to walk into Disney to try and find her. She's also changed departments, so I could be searching all over the Magic Kingdom to find her (who knows she might change parks). And I'm not going to stalk out in the parking lot waiting for her to get off. Who knows maybe by next year she'll move some place else, maybe get another job (she says she wants to leave Disney). So if she doesn't leave a slim line of communications open, I won't be able to tell her when I'm going back to Florida.

The one "mutual friend" she has pretty much abandoned as well. He never hears from her, she never talks to him. Glimpses here and there he'll see her. But he doesn't know anymore more information than I do, and he doesn't know where she lives.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Sandra--a couple of more thoughts as to whether she can or cannot do anything:

Did you move out of the apartment before she did or was it the other way around (I have no memory of how that worked out). If she was still paying rent and had a key (even if she was staying with a new person, if it was still technologically her address) and you took things to put into storage I do think there is a possibility that legally it could be considered that you stole the items and then she might be able to get the police to go into the unit. Hopefully she was already officially out of the apartment (turned in key, no longer paying the rent) and then I think the items would considered abandoned and you are likely okay on that point.

I know you said Kari;s name is not on the rental contract for the storage unit. If you paid for the unit the the credit card that is also in her name (and she is the primary) it is possible she has some recourse there to get into the unit. I do not know how it was paid for, so hopefully this is also not an issue.

As far staying in contact, if she is asking about things now you will likely hear from her again soon. Ask her to give you some way to contact her when you will be in Florida. Suggest that she can set up an email address just for this or something if she wants. Then when you will be heading to Florida let her know. She does not need to stay in touch with you (I doubt that would be healthy for either of you); she simply needs to give you a way to make a one time contact with her.

 

[snowywhite89]

Why didn't you use the storage locker you and Kari already were paying for?

Did you take stuff from the shared locker and put it in your new locker?

 

[airhead]

i'm honestly trying to get how giving her 5 months to get her stuff and the opportunity to get it later was not enough for some people?

ita

 

[Disney Doll]

I think I'd call any attorney and see what you should do regarding all your continued entanglements with your ex.

Frankly, I wouldn't want to be financially tied to her in any way. I'd want my name off those accounts, no matter how I had to do it and how much $$ it cost to do it. I have visions of her running up the CC or overdrawing at the bank and now you are responsible.

As far as the storage thing, don't send her a copy of the key and let her rummage through it. Ask the attorney how it should be handled. If it means you and a witness going down there, or you going down there and having the police present while she goes through stuff or whatever, then do so.

Realistically, the sooner you cut all ties with this woman, the better of you will be.

And learnt he lesson...keep your financial life separate from your romantic life.

 

[RitaE]

Well to be honest - in order for a person to have their finances ruined, they actually need to have finances of their own to begin with. I mean, other than they finances of whatever house and credit cards other people own that they've currently attached themselves to. I mean, it isn't like Kari can run out and ruin your Aunt's finances or steal that guy's Student Loan money from you.

But beyond that, if Kari has truly gone to such lengths to hide her current address and phone numbers from you - my bet is she also has gone out and opened up a new checking account too and the one that you are "joint" on is just sitting there unused. And you already maxed the credit cards out with all your bargain shopping so it isn't like she can probably run those up any further. If they've gone unpaid for so long, the credit card companies have probably frozen them to new charges anyway and let's face it -- you're judgment proof Sandra. They aren't going to bother to sue you.

Eventually, she'll probably just figure that fighting over old Christmas lights with you isn't worth the hassle, even though she was the one working 60 hours a week to try and pay for all those shopping bargains you are so good at finding.... And she'll go buy some more ..... and you (or whomever is paying your bills right now) can just continue to pay to pay a storage locker money to keep them all locked up safe and out of her hands.

 

[OceanAnnie]

good advice-but an attorney is expensive

As ugly as it's gotten, she may need one, especially if the duo makes good on their threats. In the meantime, she could get a free consultation.

 

[HoneyPooh]

Well to be honest - in order for a person to have their finances ruined, they actually need to have finances of their own to begin with. I mean, other than they finances of whatever house and credit cards other people own that they've currently attached themselves to. I mean, it isn't like Kari can run out and ruin your Aunt's finances or steal that guy's Student Loan money from you.

But beyond that, if Kari has truly gone to such lengths to hide her current address and phone numbers from you - my bet is she also has gone out and opened up a new checking account too and the one that you are "joint" on is just sitting there unused. And you already maxed the credit cards out with all your bargain shopping so it isn't like she can probably run those up any further. If they've gone unpaid for so long, the credit card companies have probably frozen them to new charges anyway and let's face it -- you're judgment proof Sandra. They aren't going to bother to sue you.

Eventually, she'll probably just figure that fighting over old Christmas lights with you isn't worth the hassle, even though she was the one working 60 hours a week to try and pay for all those shopping bargains you are so good at finding.... And she'll go buy some more ..... and you (or whomever is paying your bills right now) can just continue to pay to pay a storage locker money to keep them all locked up safe and out of her hands.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

And you already maxed the credit cards out with all your bargain shopping so it isn't like she can probably run those up any further. If they've gone unpaid for so long, the credit card companies have probably frozen them to new charges anyway and let's face it -- you're judgment proof Sandra. They aren't going to bother to sue you.

I wouldn't be so sure about that. They can take you to collections and it will be on your credit report. If she ever wants to get any credit in her name, or any kind of loan she will have to clear it up. I see it all of the time doing loans for the bank. People find they have collections out there from years ago that they have no idea are there until they want to buy a car or a house. Then they have to go through all the hassel to get it paid. Even if you get it settled and paid off, it can take up to 3 years for it to come off of your credit report.