SHARKS BEMOAN LACK OF SUMMER MEDIA COVERAGE
Blame Ann Coulter For Stealing the Spotlight
What if they gave a shark attack and nobody came?
That question may best sum up what has been a disappointing summer for Americas sharks, whose airtime on cable news has dwindled sharply in 2002, leaving many sharks wondering: why?
The finny predators, who dominated cable news coverage during the summer of 2001 with round-the-clock stories of their savage attacks, have been virtually nowhere to be seen on TV this summer, even though according to numbers provided by the sharks themselves shark attacks are actually up 18%.
They are chewing up more people this summer than they did last summer, but the media couldnt give a hoot, says Sandy Hagan, a public relations executive recently retained by the sharks to, in Mr. Hagans words, get the real story of shark attacks out there.
While the sharks lack of media attention this summer could have resulted in a roundelay of finger pointing, Mr. Hagan says the sharks have so far resisted playing the blame game.
Theyre just frustrated if you dismembered a whole bunch of swimmers, youd want credit, too, Mr. Hagan said.
But a source close to the sharks said that, privately, the many-toothed aquatic beasts complain that the cable news outlets passed them over in order to give airtime to their latest darling: conservative pundit Ann Coulter.
Ms. Coulter, whose current New York Times bestseller Slander is ironically about the lack of media coverage given to conservative pundits, has been nearly ubiquitous on TV this summer, bumping the sharks off the air.
The feeling at CNN and Fox seems to be, if theyve got Ann Coulter, they dont need sharks, the source said.
****Borowitz Reports***
Blame Ann Coulter For Stealing the Spotlight
What if they gave a shark attack and nobody came?
That question may best sum up what has been a disappointing summer for Americas sharks, whose airtime on cable news has dwindled sharply in 2002, leaving many sharks wondering: why?
The finny predators, who dominated cable news coverage during the summer of 2001 with round-the-clock stories of their savage attacks, have been virtually nowhere to be seen on TV this summer, even though according to numbers provided by the sharks themselves shark attacks are actually up 18%.
They are chewing up more people this summer than they did last summer, but the media couldnt give a hoot, says Sandy Hagan, a public relations executive recently retained by the sharks to, in Mr. Hagans words, get the real story of shark attacks out there.
While the sharks lack of media attention this summer could have resulted in a roundelay of finger pointing, Mr. Hagan says the sharks have so far resisted playing the blame game.
Theyre just frustrated if you dismembered a whole bunch of swimmers, youd want credit, too, Mr. Hagan said.
But a source close to the sharks said that, privately, the many-toothed aquatic beasts complain that the cable news outlets passed them over in order to give airtime to their latest darling: conservative pundit Ann Coulter.
Ms. Coulter, whose current New York Times bestseller Slander is ironically about the lack of media coverage given to conservative pundits, has been nearly ubiquitous on TV this summer, bumping the sharks off the air.
The feeling at CNN and Fox seems to be, if theyve got Ann Coulter, they dont need sharks, the source said.
****Borowitz Reports***
