Separation/ Divorce advice and help

[sbpuckett]

Here's my advice:

Don't look for advice on this issue on these boards (or any internet forum). The people here will give you good advice FOR THEM. Their advice tends to be so tainted by their own experiences that it it is largely unhelpful for your situation. Worse, it could actually be harmful.

Step away from the keyboard to solve your life's problems.

Point taken...

To everyone, thank you. Without ever going through anything like this I just needed to have an idea of the general consensus. I know not everyone is alike and everyones situation is different. This is an emotional experience that is going to take every ounce of strength I have to get through. I hate to drag lawyers into things because I feel like we can do this without them, but at the same time I also know that anger does things to people.

 

[debraW76]

I wish you and your kids the best in all of this. My husband and I both have children from previous marriages and though we don't like our exes we do co-parent with them as best we can. We all sit together at ballgames, programs, etc. It takes a lot of effort and sometimes a lot of sucking it up but we all pull through. Sometimes we have to switch weekends because of one ex may have a family reunion, or they want to take them somewhere special, etc. It stinks for us (to have to re-plan) but it is good for the kids (to get to go).

I do though want to reiterate what others have said. If you think that you can work this out with him, then do what you must to make it work out, otherwise Get legal advice and file appropriate papers to protect you and your kids NOW! I didn't do this and it cost me custody of my own children for 2 years. I finally got it reversed but the heartaches I felt during that time were unmeasurable and I dont want any mother to have to go through that.

My second piece of advice (free of charge LOL) is to find a support group - your parents, your siblings, your best friend, someone. You will need someone you can count on to be there for you during all of this. Choose wisely (this is also where I messed up the first time, talking too much to too many of the wrong people).

Hope something someone said helps and please just ignore all the negativeness that sometimes comes with asking for advice on these boards.

 

[sbpuckett]

Thanks again.

And honestly, I believe everyone has a right to their opinions and this is a subject where people feel passionately. Those who have said less than positive things have a right to do so... and I have a right to not let it get to me. I've gotten what I was looking for. Thanks to all who responded!

 

[CathrynRose]

I get along fine with my ex-husband (father of my 14 & 18 y/o boys)

We had no problems with visitation (we never even followed the court thing - we just did what worked for us)

He actually lives in Florida now, and when we go down on vacation, he drives up to Disney World and has dinner with us, spends the day with us.

When we moved to Florida (for a year) we spent the holidays with him, too.

He was just up here for my boy's graduation (8th grade and High School) and we sat with him at the ceremony, and all that jazz.

I'm remarried too, BTW. So, it absolutely can be done.

Dont get me wrong - he annoys the hell out of me at times, though. But we get along better NOW, than we did married.

 

[MizTink]

I won't go into a lot of detail... just looking for some advice from those of you who have been through it. DH and I separated three weeks ago. I'm staying in the house with the kids and he's at a friends house. He has the kids 3 nights a week (works all day) and every other weekend plus Saturdays till dinner time. I have the kids every day until drop off time and 2 nights a week plus every other weekend. He has gotten mad at me at least twice in the last 6 weeks and threatened to take the kids. Including once the other night. I started seeing a psychiatrist today to deal with all of the emotional turmoil our marriage has caused and she immediately told me to go file for custody and a legal separation. I intend to do just that because I have no idea what he is capable of next.

So my question is this, do I have a reasonable expectation for what life could possibly be like separated/ divorced? Although we just don't work well together as a couple, we both love our kids more than anything. We still love one another, although I do believe he's actually still in love and I haven't been for a number of years (and he does know this). What I envision for my children is two parents who are friends and capable of doing "family" type things with the children but also have our own lives. I just wonder if this is realistic or not and if anyone has actually managed to do this besides Demi And Bruce...

Ok... let me have it.

it IS possible....
me and my ex get along better now than when we were a couple. from day 1 we have spent time together as a family. movies, dinners out, holidays, etc...
it has been great for our kids. we are all family. the kids know we love each other, we just aren't IN LOVE anymore. they get it.
i am single, he's not. his GF and kids now live with him. me, ex, and our 3 kids take vacations together, spend holidays together, talk daily.......
we even shared a house before. after our split. simply for convenience and financial reasons.
it IS possible. but it's not for everyone. lots of my family members (who still consider him family) find our "relationship" impossible to understand. i know it's weird, but it works for us!

 

[MizTink]

Thanks again.

And honestly, I believe everyone has a right to their opinions and this is a subject where people feel passionately. Those who have said less than positive things have a right to do so... and I have a right to not let it get to me. I've gotten what I was looking for. Thanks to all who responded!

good luck to you and your family. it will take time, but things will settle, one way or another