sensitive preggo announcement ideas?

[cornflake]

Yes but later she says that one friend has a life goal of raising a family and they other one for whatever reason doesn't think she will ever have one. We may think that later 20's isn't a big deal, but she knows her friends, not us. She seems to feel that they would feel somewhat left out by this. That isn't for us to decide what her friends feel. She knows better than we do.

She's, first, asking about apparently all her friends, who she feels will all be made to feel terrible about their lots in life, being single, free, 20-somethings.

The part about 'doing this to them again' is a clue to how sortof amazingly weirdly egotistical and conceited the entire thing sounds, imo.

I too thought this was going to be about a real problem - like how to tell a friend who had been struggling with infertility or just had a miscarriage or something.

The OP does say one friend has a goal of having a family. Doesn't mean the goal is to have one right now, but even so, it's not like the friend is 45, they're 20-somethings. The one who doesn't think she'll have a family, who knows how that was said? The whole post sounds so tone-deaf it's possible it was like 'broke up with Mike, I am not cut out for this relationship thing! Hah!' and the OP took it to mean 'omg, I am so bereft that I don't have the perfect, amazing life you do, I could not be more jealous that you're so blessed, but I'm happy for you, while I sit here, going out and doing what I feel like and obviously spending nights sobbing into my cat.'

Even if those two friends might be wistful about they'd like a husband and kids right now too - ALL her friends, really? How likely is that?

The condescending, ridiculous tone says it all, imo.

 

[design_mom]

Having suffered through many years of infertility, sometimes friends' announcements made me feel sorry for myself, but I was ALWAYS happy for my friend. And I always knew that my issue was not related to them. Just announce to them like you would to anyone else.

The only thing that was really tough was when people tiptoed around and acted like they pitied me. Being pitied feels condescending, undignified, embarrassing, etc. But that's a totally seperate issue than someone else's pregnancy.

I'm not suggesting that you rub it in or make a huge production of it, but don't apologize for your own happiness. Trust that your friends will "put on their big girl panties" and be happy for you, too.

 

[mhsjax]

She's, first, asking about apparently all her friends, who she feels will all be made to feel terrible about their lots in life, being single, free, 20-somethings.

The part about 'doing this to them again' is a clue to how sortof amazingly weirdly egotistical and conceited the entire thing sounds, imo.

I too thought this was going to be about a real problem - like how to tell a friend who had been struggling with infertility or just had a miscarriage or something.

The OP does say one friend has a goal of having a family. Doesn't mean the goal is to have one right now, but even so, it's not like the friend is 45, they're 20-somethings. The one who doesn't think she'll have a family, who knows how that was said? The whole post sounds so tone-deaf it's possible it was like 'broke up with Mike, I am not cut out for this relationship thing! Hah!' and the OP took it to mean 'omg, I am so bereft that I don't have the perfect, amazing life you do, I could not be more jealous that you're so blessed, but I'm happy for you, while I sit here, going out and doing what I feel like and obviously spending nights sobbing into my cat.'

Even if those two friends might be wistful about they'd like a husband and kids right now too - ALL her friends, really? How likely is that?

The condescending, ridiculous tone says it all, imo.

It is a message board, tone is hard to convey. I stand by the fact that we don't know her friends, maybe they are all a group that does want to marry early and have kids early, maybe not. We don't know. Maybe be is egotistical about it, we don't know. Tone goes out the window on a message board.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How about a Facebook announcement you are preggers, so everyone gets offended. JUST KIDDING PEOPLE!!!

How often do you see or talk to these friends? I suggest a get together since you are close and announce the good news!

If life has gotten in the way and you guys are not getting together anytime soon, pick up the phone and chat or set up a lunch date, have a BBQ at home, etc.
In other words make your announcement a happy "event" instead of dreading it. I hope that makes sense. It is 6:17am in the morning.

Congrats!

 

[jrmasm]

I'm pregnant.



Add me to the list that doesn't see why this is such a big deal.

 

[castleview]

I am the only one of my close childhood friends who is married - or even in a relationship for that matter. We are reaching our later 20s so I try to be very sensitive of the other ladies who weren't as blessed as I was to find my mate at this age. Well, after one year of married bliss I am overjoyed to find out I'm pragnant. Now comes the hard part. Even though I know they will be genuinely happy for me I don't want to rub it in their faces. For one of my friends her life goal is to raise a family while the other friend doesn't think she will ever have a family. I struggled a lot in wedding planning to avoid awkward moments and hurt feelings - I even have a little guilt doing this to them again in just one year.

So here's my question: How do I tell them my news in a happy way that isn't gloating or insensitive?

Thanks!

Sounds like a post I'd read before 1980. Late twenties isn't old and one's life goal shouldn't be to raise a family. Don't get me wrong - it was a goal and now my main priority. But it's also something that has to happen (you know finding the right guy)…you really can't go looking for it.

I know you don't mean to sound condescending but the bolded part kind of does sound that way.

 

[cabanafrau]

This may be harsh but here it goes.. The part where you said they arent "as blessed" (I bolded it) really really rubs me the wrong way. So, you've gotten married, and now pregnant. Awesome. You're in a different life stage than they are. Its no better or worse, just different. I find that to be such a condescending comment.

Go ahead and tell them. Know your priorities will not be the same as theirs. You're now a wife and soon to be mom.

Congrats!

I feel the same about the blessed comment, kind of assumes a lot. And add me to the list of those who find the use of preggo vomit-inducing,

Maybe this may be a more balanced way of thinking about the situation -- how long will it be before your friends are getting together, going here and there and you'll have to send your regrets because you'll have obligations as a mom that keep you from attending? Just had a discussion like this w/ a young mom two weeks ago. She said she was out with the gang while she was pregnant when it finally struck her that pretty soon she would be in Amy's shoes -- unable to join in because she was needed at home w/ the baby. As happy as she was to be starting her family it did depress her a bit when she realized the freedom she was used to was going to change a bit.

 

[Princess Dolly]

Call them and and tell them, or tell them next time you have a conversation. I have had friends announce on Facebook and don't see the big deal about that either. I always like the cute ultrasound pictures, too.

But I'm not as blessed since I never had my own child. And I agree, I would leave out the word preggo, preggers, etc.

ETA: Congratulations. I hope you have an uneventful pregnancy.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I can understand where the OP is coming from. I am from a smaller town in west Texas. Most of my childhood friends have lived there their entire lives. Their parents were born and raised there and still reside there. Their grandparents were born and raised there and still reside there. You get the idea. I ended up moving away for college and have never moved back. When I would go home to visit my friends and family, it was not uncommon for one of my friends to be planning a wedding or be pregnant - all while I was still in college. In fact, this summer, I got together with a friend whom I have known since the day I was born. He commented on how I met my husband "so much later in life". My husband and I married 3 weeks after my 24th birthday. We met my senior year of college. I was one of my first college friends to get married. It's just a very different culture.

That said, if you are raised in a culture where you are taught to meet someone, get married, and start a family earlier in life, it can be a bit awkward when you feel like you are the only one who hasn't met "the one". I had friends who did feel sorry for me when I wasn't dating anyone at 20. They felt like something was missing from my life when they were having babies at 22 and I was getting ready to walk the stage for my college degree. I was heading off to grad school and they were heading to daycare. They didn't quite understand that I was in a different culture than what they were used to. They didn't realize that I was happy with my life and where I was. I wasn't offended when they pitied me. I understood that it came from a good place in their heart of wanting me to have the perfect life - and they felt that that was what they had. I, on the other hand, just preferred my life.

OP, my advice would to just announce it to them. If you have a time when you usually get together with the large group, tell them then. If you usually only see each of them on a one-on-one basis, tell them individually. Don't do something major like having a giant inflatable baby coming out of a cake or anything. Just say, "Guess what? I'm pregnant!". Leave it at that. If they want to discuss it further, go for it. If you get the vibe that it makes them uncomfortable, simply change the subject to something other than nursery colors and formula.

 

[snapppyd]

Just tell them. I would, however, avoid phrases like "marital bliss", lol!


Congratulations!!

 

[Colleen27]

Even if those two friends might be wistful about they'd like a husband and kids right now too - ALL her friends, really? How likely is that?

The condescending, ridiculous tone says it all, imo.

Things like age at marriage and importance of having kids are cultural and vary widely from place to place. Where I grew up, college and career were far higher priority than family for most girls and of my childhood friends I'm one of only two that are married or have children so far (we're mid-30s). There's a definite "Better her than me" feeling when someone announces a pregnancy or engagement, and marriage/children is kind of a "It would be nice but if it doesn't happen, no biggie" thing in life. But where I live now? Having a family tends to be much higher priority, people marry and have children younger, and approaching 30 unmarried would likely be a sore spot for a lot of young women.

 

[cornflake]

I can understand where the OP is coming from. I am from a smaller town in west Texas. Most of my childhood friends have lived there their entire lives. Their parents were born and raised there and still reside there. Their grandparents were born and raised there and still reside there. You get the idea. I ended up moving away for college and have never moved back. When I would go home to visit my friends and family, it was not uncommon for one of my friends to be planning a wedding or be pregnant - all while I was still in college. In fact, this summer, I got together with a friend whom I have known since the day I was born. He commented on how I met my husband "so much later in life". My husband and I married 3 weeks after my 24th birthday. We met my senior year of college. I was one of my first college friends to get married. It's just a very different culture.

That said, if you are raised in a culture where you are taught to meet someone, get married, and start a family earlier in life, it can be a bit awkward when you feel like you are the only one who hasn't met "the one". I had friends who did feel sorry for me when I wasn't dating anyone at 20. They felt like something was missing from my life when they were having babies at 22 and I was getting ready to walk the stage for my college degree. I was heading off to grad school and they were heading to daycare. They didn't quite understand that I was in a different culture than what they were used to. They didn't realize that I was happy with my life and where I was. I wasn't offended when they pitied me. I understood that it came from a good place in their heart of wanting me to have the perfect life - and they felt that that was what they had. I, on the other hand, just preferred my life.

Things like age at marriage and importance of having kids are cultural and vary widely from place to place.

I get this.

I knew a girl in college who was not only the black sheep of her family because she went off to college (first in her entire family) but because she was like 20 and not married. Her sister had gotten married at 15 and being married before 20 was the norm in her small town and her family thought of her as an old maid. This was not that long ago, and yes, that's extreme but I get it.

However.....

The OP says she's not only the only one in her circle married, but that no one is even in a relationship.

That kind of is a clue that the norm isn't to get married and have kids very young and her one or two sad, spinster 26-year-old pals will be devastated to not be so 'blessed.'

Still sounds to me like I thought it sounded from the beginning. YMMV.

 

[ohiopugmom]

Announce however you want, just avoid overthinking it and apologizing while you are saying it kwim?

I am thinking the announcement itself is less of an issue vs. how you talk about it the rest of the time you are pregnant. ie. some people feel like everyone wants to know every detail of their pregnancy and most people couldn't care less.

 

[SaraJayne]

You say "I'm pregnant."

 

[mdsoccermom]

I am the only one of my close childhood friends who is married - or even in a relationship for that matter. We are reaching our later 20s so I try to be very sensitive of the other ladies who weren't as blessed as I was to find my mate at this age. Well, after one year of married bliss I am overjoyed to find out I'm pragnant. Now comes the hard part. Even though I know they will be genuinely happy for me I don't want to rub it in their faces. For one of my friends her life goal is to raise a family while the other friend doesn't think she will ever have a family. I struggled a lot in wedding planning to avoid awkward moments and hurt feelings - I even have a little guilt doing this to them again in just one year.

So here's my question: How do I tell them my news in a happy way that isn't gloating or insensitive?

Thanks!

First, you get over the idea that they aren't as blessed as you. I bet if asked, they would say they feel plenty blessed with their lives. I doubt they use you as measuring stick for how their lives should be.

Second, you just tell them. Chances are they'll be quite happy for you.

It's really not an issue worth overthinking.

 

[Kennywife]

I got married at 29. So I guess i was a spinster. lol. I still don't have kids at 35 due to infertility.

Twenties is still pretty young and I didn't know I wanted children till my thirties.

What I would do is to announce it tastefully and then, let it go.

 

[mjkacmom]

I was one of the first of my friends (HS and college) to get married at 27, and have a baby at 28. I think it was harder for me, and I did seek out other friends in a similar position (SAHM with baby). I'm glad I got the bonus babies at the end, so all of my kids weren't way older than everyone elses!

It just seemed that, at one point, we had little in common. They were doing well in their chosen careers, going out and having fun, and I was home watching Blues Clues changing diapers. Finding friends who were new SAHM's helped a lot.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Maybe the friends are uncomfortable because they don't want to be permanent baby-sitters since they don't have a social life...

OP you are taking a lot of harsh posts, but in reality maybe you should rethink your opinions of your friends. Unless they are constantly at your door saying you are the only lucky one, don't assume it. Just be their friends and I am sure they will continue to be yours.

Many woman feel blessed that they never have to deal with relationship problems and it is true, some don't want children, EVER!

 

[Kellydelly]

You are so old to be married and having a baby . Not. I don't think you need to worry about announcing your good news. If your friends can't be happy for you, that is their problem.

 

[Lynne M]

I get this.

I knew a girl in college who was not only the black sheep of her family because she went off to college (first in her entire family) but because she was like 20 and not married. Her sister had gotten married at 15 and being married before 20 was the norm in her small town and her family thought of her as an old maid. This was not that long ago, and yes, that's extreme but I get it.

This reminds me of an encounter my mom and I had with a former neighbor about 30 years ago. We ran into her while out shopping, I guess they'd moved out of the neighborhood about 5 years before that. We did the usual catching up on what everyone was doing, and then she mentioned that she was very worried about her youngest daughter.

Now, I'd known this girl from the time she was born until she was 13 or so. She was a beautiful girl with a sweet, giving, innocent nature, smart, popular, and a gifted young artist. Really talented. The kind of kid that would make any parent bust with pride. We asked what was wrong, and this woman literally wrung her hands and said "she doesn't have a boyfriend". But what really got me was the shame in her eyes. I can still see it all these years later. She was almost cringing. She was so embarrassed to tell us that her 18 year old daughter didn't have a boyfriend. Mom and I were floored.

She went on to ask what I'd been doing, and I said I'd just gotten done with college, and had gotten a degree in biochemistry, and was going to work at a local university. And the next words out of her mouth were...."but do you have a boyfriend?"

And no, this wasn't a small town, it was a suburb of a major city, and even then, there was no big thing about waiting till you were older to marry. And this woman wasn't part of a culture where children married in their teens, she was just an average American mom. I still don't get it.