Senior care and showering

[Mrs.Milo]

My 87 year old MIL lives with us full time now. As she has Alzheimer's and those memory issues, she thinks she took a shower "just the other day". She has become upset when we try to remind her when it's been a week or more, so my question is how often is it reasonable to expect her to shower? We don't want to upset her or deal with the attitude when we bring it up more than needed. Thanks

 

[Hillbeans]

My 87 year old MIL lives with us full time now. As she has Alzheimer's and those memory issues, she thinks she took a shower "just the other day". She has become upset when we try to remind her when it's been a week or more, so my question is how often is it reasonable to expect her to shower? We don't want to upset her or deal with the attitude when we bring it up more than needed. Thanks

I think maybe every 4th day? I mean, she doesn't need a daily shower by any means, but a week seems like a long time. Maybe get a calendar and circle the days she will shower and cross off the days past just so she can "see" how long it will be between the last shower and this next one?

 

[Mrs.Milo]

Just adding that she previously would shower every few days.

 

[nicolita3]

At the nursing homes that I have worked at its twice a week and set days. Maybe that would help? For example her showers are Tuesdays and Thursday you can remind her what day it is and that you do showers on that day.

 

[mrsv98]

I think maybe every 4th day? I mean, she doesn't need a daily shower by any means, but a week seems like a long time. Maybe get a calendar and circle the days she will shower and cross off the days past just so she can "see" how long it will be between the last shower and this next one?

I think the idea of a calendar is great. Get a large wall calendar and everyday look at it and show her the day. Mark shower days (and any other important items like dr appts) and talk about how many days since and to shower days.

With older folks, a shower every 3 or 4 days is fine, I am sure her skin is more fragile and dries out easily. Honestly, she will still be confused but it may help shorten the arguments. My Gram is in assisted living and she is showered once or twice a week and it is plenty. Also, having it on the same day really helps her confusion.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My 87 year old MIL lives with us full time now. As she has Alzheimer's and those memory issues, she thinks she took a shower "just the other day". She has become upset when we try to remind her when it's been a week or more, so my question is how often is it reasonable to expect her to shower? We don't want to upset her or deal with the attitude when we bring it up more than needed. Thanks

As a past caregiver with live ins, you have to wear different "hats" as I like to put it.

When you are in caregiver mode, you wear the "caregiver hat". You just tell them that today is "shower day" then you make it happen. I would skip the the reminders and all that jazz. It creates anxiety and unnecessary tension.

A great tool I found it to hang a dry erase board in their room. You write the date & day. Include "the activity" for the day. Such as "shower day".

This gives the person fair warning and a reminder. In addition once it is over, you can cross it off the list.

Next day, put another activity and so on.

Once your "caregiver activities" are completed , you can put on the "daughter in law hat".

The idea is to create a system that is simple for you and your family. Then it becomes familiar and she will look forward to seeing "what is on the board" for the day.

 

[powellrj]

Could it be that a shower is painful for her? I know since I have become disabled, showers are very hard and painful for me. It hurts to stand on the shower floor and it hurts to get in and out of the shower. Maybe that is why she no longer likes to shower as often. My mom has dementia and showers are a huge issue with her. She loves her little shower that is like a closet with a garden hose in it. Nobody can shower in her bathroom because its just awful, but she feels safe in it.

 

[emilyindisney]

I think maybe every 4th day? I mean, she doesn't need a daily shower by any means, but a week seems like a long time. Maybe get a calendar and circle the days she will shower and cross off the days past just so she can "see" how long it will be between the last shower and this next one?

A calendar, or white board is a good idea to help keep her oriented to day/time. This may help her realize how much time has passed, especially if you mark the last time she showered like PP suggested. Another idea would be to create a morning hygiene routine that includes a daily clean up with a wet wash cloth. If you get a routine going, it might become easier for your MIL to swap the wash cloth bath for a shower when needed.

 

[jdb in AZ]

One of the symptoms of Alzheimer's or dementia is that the person becomes agitated/cantankerous easier than normal. DMIL was the sweetest person imaginable til she developed dementia and the caregivers had to give her a "happy pill" to deal with her. Part of her bathing issue was that her sense of smell was pretty much gone, so she didn't realize how badly she needed to get cleaned up. In her younger days she loved a nightly bath, but toward the end, she hated to be bothered.

As DGMIL used to say, "Getting old isn't for sissies." (As I sit here massaging my arthritic hands.)

 

[tvguy]

At the nursing homes that I have worked at its twice a week and set days. Maybe that would help? For example her showers are Tuesdays and Thursday you can remind her what day it is and that you do showers on that day.

This is what both the Rehab Center, and the board and care my mom lived in did. Tuesday and Thursday were shower days.

 

[disney1990]

At facility where my Mom is living, they give the dementia patients a shower or bath once a week.

 

[Katlyn]

We went through this with my Mom before her condition worsened. We tried at least to get her in the shower every 3rd day if possible. We used a shower chair and a handheld shower jet to help her adjust. A lot of times she would argue with us so at times it took a lot of cajoling, sometimes even a little lying involved, telling her she had a Dr's apt etc. Whatever worked we would use it. Now that she is in the Nursing Home on the ward for dementia patients, she get's at least 2 showers a week.

 

[LargoLori]

If you are on Facebook go to the page "Memory People" and ask to join the group. A lot of wonderful people sharing the challenges of caring for someone with memory issues.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Let me give a different point of view. I do home physical therapy and also had a mother who lived to 92 years old.

There are people who just do not shower. Whether due to mobility issues, pain, or fear. I had people in homes where the only full bath was on the second floor and they could not do stairs. They did sponge or "bird" bathes. My mother only had bed baths. These people still had good hygiene and did not have an odor.

So, there may be other ways around the problem.

 

[SamRoc]

My Dad who will be 94 on Sunday, has the hospice nurses at my sisters house where he lives every monday, wednesday and friday. They are some fantastic nurses there in North Carolina!

 

[JanaDee]

Let me give a different point of view. I do home physical therapy and also had a mother who lived to 92 years old.

There are people who just do not shower. Whether due to mobility issues, pain, or fear. I had people in homes where the only full bath was on the second floor and they could not do stairs. They did sponge or "bird" bathes. My mother only had bed baths. These people still had good hygiene and did not have an odor.

So, there may be other ways around the problem.

Showers are a relatively "new" thing, so most older people grew up and continued taking only baths into their later middle age.

Do you think she'd be more accepting of a bath instead of a shower?

 

[TLSnell1981]

There is no reasoning with someone, who can't understand. Ready the bathroom and tell her...it's time for your shower. You will likely meet resistance, perhaps anger..no way around it in my experience. Alzheimer's is a horrible and frustrating disease.

 

[powellrj]

If you are on Facebook go to the page "Memory People" and ask to join the group. A lot of wonderful people sharing the challenges of caring for someone with memory issues.

Thanks for sharing this!

 

[SandrA9810]

Make sure you have everything to make it easy as possible to shower. A shower bench, handheld shower head, and grab bars. My grandmother makes the biggest fuss over it being cold, so even in the summer I will turn the bathroom into a sauna with a portable space heater. Even then, there is still a lot of fighting about getting it done.

 

[Katlyn]

One other thing I forgot to add. There are products you can use between baths to freshen up. Shampoo and Body Wash that doesn't require water and wipes also. I don't remember where I purchased the shampoo but it should be easily found through google.