Semi non Disney related, advice on inlaws

So initially I was willing to chalk this up to her being well Intentioned. But reading about the BCP incident- ya there is a big problem here. Really at that point I would have told them they need to stay in a hotel from now on. I mean even with the BCP if she wanted to address it there are so many other ways. Even my parents - with 8- stay out of that. The most we hear is how wonderful kids are and how we should have more. Not a lecture on child family practices. I’m sorry she did this - but for your sake you need to have DH have a conversation with them and they should be in a hotel the next few visits - at a minimum.
 
Okay I just read about the birth control. Nope, they can stay in hotel next time. Taking your things from your home breaches trust. Did she do this due to her religion, as well? Didn't the Pope say birth control is okay? Either way, she has no right to take away your birth control for any reason whatsoever.

I believe( and he could have said something after this, so I could be wrong) that Pope Francis in 2016 said that he trusts Catholics to use their own conscious about birth control in grave urgent situations. Since the birth control stance was changed with Vatican II, I don't *think* the Vatican has made a new official stance on bc. You are right, that definitely should not matter though :)
 

So initially I was willing to chalk this up to her being well Intentioned. But reading about the BCP incident- ya there is a big problem here. Really at that point I would have told them they need to stay in a hotel from now on. I mean even with the BCP if she wanted to address it there are so many other ways. Even my parents - with 8- stay out of that. The most we hear is how wonderful kids are and how we should have more. Not a lecture on child family practices. I’m sorry she did this - but for your sake you need to have DH have a conversation with them and they should be in a hotel the next few visits - at a minimum.
I agree, I don't really want to be the one to confront her. Better DH do it. FIL puts up with way more of the eccentric nature, he must be a saint! :)
 
Okay, the birth control thing is beyond the pale. Why would anyone think it's okay to mess with another person's medication? Some women use the Pill to regulate their periods, but in any case, it's nobody's business but you and your DH, if you choose to use birth control. I'm kind of surprised that you let her back in your home after that stunt.

I will reiterate, you have to be up for some kind of "Most Bizarre Mother-in-Law" prize. I hope you will soon be able to see the humor, because it's either laugh or cry. Also, be grateful that your DH is relatively normal.
I think DH was more ticked about the pills than the salt episode this time, it was a huge headache getting them replaced with doctor's authorization since I had just filled them.....then the insurance wouldn't cover any of it. This is by far not the craziest thing she has done....family have to love them ! :)
 
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I completely agree, I love MIL, and if she apologises I can forgive and move on...but we need to set some boundaries before they visit again. They were last here over independence day week 2018. She asked for ibuprofen one day, I told her it was in our medicine cabinet in the master bath. The next morning I went to take my birth control pills, and it was gone. I didn't know what happened, asked my DH, he had no clue. After I told DH she had been in there to get ibuprofen he approached her, she admitted to throwing away 2 and a half pill packs. It was a 3 month prescription that cost us $287.00( formulary, the generic was giving me headaches.) She didn't even apologise then, just said Catholics do not take bc. I completely realize this, but after surprise DD1 at age 36, that is up every 15 minutes all night every night....I am tired so DH and I decided together that taking it was the best option for us. DH had a long chat with her on that visit....we obviously need some definitive boundaries that aren't set yet.
I am happy to hear that all has worked out for you, DH and his mom! I think/ hope we will get there one day too:)

I was in the "just clean it" camp before I read about the pill incident. Now I know why your DH wants to send her a bill and I tend to agree that he is right. Her "antics" have cost your family money in the past and that is just not okay. I have no idea what kind of conversation you had after that episode, but it clearly was nto strong enough to keep her from violating your home again, so perhaps if she has to pay in money rather than a lecture she may thiink twice before she pulls any more shenanigans. FWIW, I would tell her that she is no longer welcome in my home be she has lost your trust.
 
I’m sorry but your MIL meant no harm from what I understand, and even though she’s should not have done it without asking, it seems she meant well. She probably lied because she is not confrontational and did not want to argue. I’m not defending her, it was wrong, but I bet she’s is heartbroken. I would have DH (since it’s his parents) discuss it with them and set future “rules” when visiting. Please remember that they won’t be around forever and trips and visits will be special memories. One day after the mess is cleaned up ( and by the way, I would just clean it up. It’s salt) and the hurt feelings are gone, you will look back at this and laugh. Please don’t be too harsh but definitely set boundaries.

Her meaning well doesn't fix the fact that she made a huge mess, and then lied about it. Neither thing is ok. If she is heartbroken, she brought it upon her self. Adults shouldn't behave that way. Btw, I am Catholic, and have been all my life. And I would still be mad if someone did that in my home, and then lied to my face about it.
 
Her meaning well doesn't fix the fact that she made a huge mess, and then lied about it. Neither thing is ok. If she is heartbroken, she brought it upon her self. Adults shouldn't behave that way. Btw, I am Catholic, and have been all my life. And I would still be mad if someone did that in my home, and then lied to my face about it.

I am Catholic too, and my Mom was probably one of the most devout Catholics I ever knew. I would never do what she did nor would my Mom. No one, not even the most "well meaning" person has the right to violate anyone else's home. This woman should be heartbroken but I bet she is not. If she chose to remove BCP once, and then chose to sald a home, that heart cannot be to fragile. IT clearly heals enough to violate her family when she has the opportunity.
 
At this point I think you and DH need to accept that she can’t be left unattended in your home. She is not trustworthy. You say she means well, but she is clearly off her rocker. What’s next, she lights your home on fire because she sensed an evil spirit? I’m exaggerating a bit, but the birth control thing could have been a life or death situation. What if you had a medical condition that made it dangerous for you to be pregnant and you had to choose between risking your life and having an abortion because she threw away your pills?
 
Wow some of you people are vicious, lol. I’m not saying OP shouldn’t be mad, more so about the BCP incident, which was costly and could have potentially caused an unplanned pregnancy, but all I’m trying to say that life is short, too short to hold grudges. OP felt she had a good relationship with MIL and I am not catholic so I don’t totally understand the holy salts but I feel she thought it would bring good things to her family. I try to use positive intent.
 
Wow some of you people are vicious, lol. I’m not saying OP shouldn’t be mad, more so about the BCP incident, which was costly and could have potentially caused an unplanned pregnancy, but all I’m trying to say that life is short, too short to hold grudges. OP felt she had a good relationship with MIL and I am not catholic so I don’t totally understand the holy salts but I feel she thought it would bring good things to her family. I try to use positive intent.



If MIL wanted to bring positive intent into her son's home she should have discussed her intiontions before she did what she did. If the salts incident was teh first issue I would agree, give the woman a pass, however it was not. SHe intruded into a medicine cabinet and stole a medication that she felt was not in keeping with HER religious beliefs. I am Catholic and I do understand the salts and I do understand the Catholic stand on birth control. I do not think that allows for anyone stealing medication. The Church does not suggest people do this either. These actions are those of a woman who has no boundaries, and that is the issue. For the love of all that is Holy, how would you trust her in your home after repeated actions that are not only costly, but potentially dangerous? It seems to me that the only consequenses suffered are the ones her family endures, but financial and physical. SHe is heartbroken. Of course she is but not enough to respect that her son's home is not hers, and his family life is as sacred to him and his wife as her beliefs are to her. That is the problem.

I would forgive my MIL however I would not give her the opportunity to do harm to my family in order to keep her heart in one piece.
 
I cannot imagine allowing someone in my home who has already proven they cannot respect me and my home. The extremely terrible thing about the birth control pills is not necessarily the money (though that is a big hit to the wallet) but that your health could be impacted. Missing pills is not advisable and people take birth control pills for a wide variety of reasons there is no reason at all to discuss the whys or try to rationalize to anyone why you would be taking the pills. That is reprehensible and I'm not sure I would even want to be around someone at all who would do that their religious beliefs or not you'd think they would care about my health first and foremost but I guess not.

I wouldn't have let her stay period this time around after the 2018 incident. Sounds like her religious tendencies are quite well known.
 
Wow some of you people are vicious, lol. I’m not saying OP shouldn’t be mad, more so about the BCP incident, which was costly and could have potentially caused an unplanned pregnancy, but all I’m trying to say that life is short, too short to hold grudges. OP felt she had a good relationship with MIL and I am not catholic so I don’t totally understand the holy salts but I feel she thought it would bring good things to her family. I try to use positive intent.
I don't know anyone who is my family, in-laws or otherwise, who would be so cavalier with my health (it's not just about an unplanned pregnancy) . That would not be holding a grudge that would be protecting myself and I would have zero qualms about that.
 
I would not pay for their Disney vacation in January. I WOULD pay for a hotel for them next time they visit. Mother in law was crying on the way to the airport, I would leave it at that and clean the mess yourself. Sounds like dementia is developing.
 
Wow some of you people are vicious, lol. I’m not saying OP shouldn’t be mad, more so about the BCP incident, which was costly and could have potentially caused an unplanned pregnancy, but all I’m trying to say that life is short, too short to hold grudges. OP felt she had a good relationship with MIL and I am not catholic so I don’t totally understand the holy salts but I feel she thought it would bring good things to her family. I try to use positive intent.
Vicious is a strong word. No one is telling OP to scream at or insult her MIL. Many are saying NOT to send a bill to her. It is completely acceptable for OP to have boundaries. The MIL will probably see boundaries as "vicious" as well. MIL admitted she poured the salt in one room and then LIED about doing it in the rest of the house, knowing full well that her son and DIL would find the salt. She also stole medication from their home, which is really passive aggressive behavior that interferes with her adult son's family planning. It also interferes with DILs right to have autonomy over her own choices regarding pregnancy and her body. I do not think the responses on this thread have been vicious.
 
Vicious is a strong word. No one is telling OP to scream at or insult her MIL. Many are saying NOT to send a bill to her. It is completely acceptable for OP to have boundaries. The MIL will probably see boundaries as "vicious" as well. MIL admitted she poured the salt in one room and then LIED about doing in the rest of the house, knowing full well that her son and DIL would find the salt. She also stole medication from their home, which is really passive aggressive behavior that interferes with her adult son's family planning. It also interferes with DILs right to have autonomy over her own choices regarding pregnancy and her body. I do not think the responses on this board have been vicious.
Did anyone notice my lol after the word vicious? But it is easier for us to sit back and say never to let her back in OP home. It was rude and disrespectful but boundaries should have been placed after the BC incident but apparently was not. OP and DH must enjoy time with the in-laws because they were going to surprise them with a trip. A trip that their children will always remember with their grandparents and visa versa. All I am saying is not to make rash decisions in anger over something that although was WAY wrong for her to do was not done with the intent of malice.if she can’t be trusted in the hone then maybe paying for a hotel room is the answer, if that isn’t in the budget, “MIL proof” the house before she visits. (After DH sets strict rules) I know I am a minority here and I will shut up now and find some less intense posts
 
Did anyone notice my lol after the word vicious? But it is easier for us to sit back and say never to let her back in OP home. It was rude and disrespectful but boundaries should have been placed after the BC incident but apparently was not. OP and DH must enjoy time with the in-laws because they were going to surprise them with a trip. A trip that their children will always remember with their grandparents and visa versa. All I am saying is not to make rash decisions in anger over something that although was WAY wrong for her to do was not done with the intent of malice.if she can’t be trusted in the hone then maybe paying for a hotel room is the answer, if that isn’t in the budget, “MIL proof” the house before she visits. (After DH sets strict rules) I know I am a minority here and I will shut up now and find some less intense posts

That sounds like you think the OP and her dh should be the ones responsible to make sure MIL doesn't violate their privacy, lie and impose her religious beliefs on them. Sorry, MIL is a grown woman who should know better than to do the things she did, it shouldn't take someone telling her that stuff is not OK to do for her not to do it.
That woman would no longer be welcome in my home, until there was a time I felt there was no longer a risk of her repeating that behavior.
That wouldn't mean I would cease having a relationship with her, or prevent my kids having one, but what she did would have a profound effect on it.
 

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