Semantics question.....what does this mean?

[ohiominnie]

If someone says "I experience you as rude and disrespectful" does that mean the same as "You are rude and disrespectful?"

I'm dealing with someone who can carefully craft every word and every sentence and I think they just called me rude and disrespectful but didn't want to use the bad "you" word.

 

[tw1nsmom]

Yes, they're saying that, in their opinion, you're rude and disrespectful.

 

[TimeforMe]

Wait up....someone actually said "I'm experiencing you as......."????!!!!

 

[ohiominnie]

Wait up....someone actually said "I'm experiencing you as......."????!!!!

Yes. "I experience you as rude and disrespectful."
She also said she was "done with me."

It's my MIL, so I guess I shouldn't be too sad about it, eh?

 

[ohiominnie]

She also said she was "done with me."

To which I WANTED to say "done with me? Then done with your GRANDCHILDREN too MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" But THAT would be rude and disrespectful and I'm above that.

Told dh that it's amazing I have over 12,000 posts on the DIS and no one has ever called me rude and disrespectful. But then again, DISers are oftentimes better than family.

 

[TimeforMe]

Yes. "I experience you as rude and disrespectful."
She also said she was "done with me."

It's my MIL, so I guess I shouldn't be too sad about it, eh?

Awww, I'm sorry. As much as my MIL annoys me, I'd really be hurt if she wrote me off.

 

[disykat]

I think this person is using poorly crafted "I" messages. If you say "you are rude and disrespectful" - that is debatable. If you simply state how you feel as in "when you..., I feel...." then it is better communicating the actual issue. She tried to use an I message, but ended up stating absolutes - which really makes her argument debatable. You can simply disagree with her.

 

[OceanAnnie]

"I experience you". Hmm. Never heard a wording such as this. How do you experience someone? I think someone is trying a little too hard to be (cough) upper crust.

 

[phorsenuf]

Yes. "I experience you as rude and disrespectful."
She also said she was "done with me."

It's my MIL, so I guess I shouldn't be too sad about it, eh?

sounds like something Fez would say! LOL

 

[tar heel]

I would have trouble not laughing if someone said something that silly to me -- sounds like a Star Trek character who is not of this planet!

Sorry about your MIL -- is she pompous?

 

[Obi-Wan Pinobi]

If someone says "I experience you as rude and disrespectful" does that mean the same as "You are rude and disrespectful?"

I'm dealing with someone who can carefully craft every word and every sentence and I think they just called me rude and disrespectful but didn't want to use the bad "you" word.

"I experience you ..."? Wha..?? Who the heck talks like THAT??

Good grief, they sound like they could give every politician in Washington a run for their money in double talk.

JMO, but yes they did call you rude and disrespectful. The way they phrased it, though, the focus is on them and their opinion of you, not necessarily on you and the opinion they have of you. Does that make sense? The way they phrased it, they can get away with saying they didn't insult you because they were talking about them, not you.

 

[Laurajean1014]

Yes, they insulted you.

 

[ohiominnie]

I should laugh and be thankful she didn't say "rude and disrespectful you are."

MIL is NEVER wrong. Ever. Even when she IS wrong. She'll never admit it. Ever.

And, because she went to pastoral care college and knows all about communication and dealing with people, she can remember not only WORD FOR WORD what you said to her, but she can also imply what it means too.

UGH.

 

[ohiominnie]

JMO, but yes they did call you rude and disrespectful. The way they phrased it, though, the focus is on them and their opinion of you, not necessarily on you and the opinion they have of you. Does that make sense? The way they phrased it, they can get away with saying they didn't insult you because they were talking about them, not you.

Yes. That is my take too.....that 6 months from now she can say "I NEVER called you rude and disrespectful."

Dh says SHE was rude and disrespectful for SAYING I was rude and disrespectful! HA!

 

[mytwotinks]

So what does she think is going to happen now? Is she thinking that your husband will be visiting her with the kids and leaving you at home? I would hope not because then you might experience your dh as rude and disrespectful and it might hurt your marriage. If she has done some kind of pastoral counseling surely she would not want to do that. She sounds very self centered.

 

[ElleBelle]

sounds like something Fez would say! LOL

OMG! That is seriously the first thing that popped into my head when I read it! Fez!

 

[lajones81]

No advice, just .

 

[MagicalMom]

She also said she was "done with me."

It's ashame you can't go back & say........."Done? Well I wasn't aware you were cooking me? I would gladly purchase a dicitonary for you to experience reading; however I am finished with you."

 

[ZPT1022]

Yup, that is exactly what it means. She was trying (poorly) to relate it as her feelings so that you can't contradict her. What a fruitcake. Is she foreign, or some other reason for this? Or just plain batty? I am sorry you're going through this and I hope your DH is on board with you. What a wacko

 

[ohiominnie]

Dh is with me, I believe. I have told him that I'm not the kind of person who is going to deliberately keep her grandchildren from her just to be mean. I think they need a relationship with her. That being said....I will not send my children to her house without adult supervision (another story totally not related) I have told dh that he is free to visit with her when we go to FL (we usually see her for a few days before a Disney trip, but that I'd fly out a couple of days later or stay in a cheap hotel while they visit.

Unless of course, she can admit SOME guilt in this thing and apologize. We'll see.

In this house we go with the God is #1, your spouse is #2, your kids are #3, anyone else is icing on the cake. But MIL will NOT trump spouse.

She has had a hard life, I'll give her that. She has a lot of history. She has a very very low self esteem and oftentimes wants to hear people say nice things about her. She'll fish for nice comments. Once when dh and she disagreed about something she kept asking him "tell me what I did well during your childhood." He'd say something, and she'd ask for another. Constant stroking.

After today's incident dh agrees that she has serious issues.