Selling Genius DNA

[IdesOmarch]

Well, here ya go. Info from The Sperm Bank of California for potential donors:

How to Qualify

We welcome men of all ethnicities and backgrounds as donors. You are eligible to start the donor screening process if you meet the following requirements:

between the ages of 18 and 40

be at least 5 feet 7 inches

must live or work within 25 miles of our downtown Berkeley office

must be a high school graduate

must be able to legally work in the US

can visit our downtown Berkeley office, at least once a week, during lab hours, Monday through Thursday, 8:00am to 3:00pm and Friday, 8:00am to 2:00pm

are able to make a one-year commitment to the program (two semesters for students)

are able to provide medical information about both sides of your genetic family

have no chronic health problems


In order to comply with tissue bank licensing regulations, we cannot accept donor applicants who have been exposed to or infected with HIV, hepatitis B, hepatitis C, HTLV, syphilis, genital herpes, or genital warts.

http://thespermbankofca.org/pages/page.php?pageid=11&cat=11

Sorry didn't see that at first. That sucks.

 

[BunsenH]

Here's an illustration for your application.

 

[IdesOmarch]

So, your home state only offers two degrees and you have both of them?? This sentence makes no sense.

Oh, and Chron's pretty much ensures that they won't want your donation.

Sorry, meaning both of the degrees I have I received from a regular state college. I have a BA and another degree. (If I say the other type of degree I have you will know my specific occupation, and I was trying not to give TMI.)

 

[IdesOmarch]

Here's an illustration for your application.

See now this is what I was talking about.

Since it looks like my genius DNA business was shot down before it even started, please have fun at my expense, give me your best shot.

(On my business cards it does say "genius").

 

[IdesOmarch]

Oh I was totally going to look into this, as my whole families IQ's test well into the genius levels, but as I was backing my Bentley down the drive I accidentally ran over my crate of degree's from Harvard, Yale, Stanford, and BYU. (I was int the process of moving it from the west wing to the east wing when Oprah stopped by for a chat (unannounced. So annoying!) and I set it down because it was SO heavy. Lot's in there and all that. I forgot all about it and left in the drive. Good thing I have that other crate full of all my other Phd's.)
So I went into my mansion to get the keys to my other Bentley (I'll donate the other to Goodwill later now that it has a scratch) and found my Nanny ironing my money in the front room. She was only ironing a million and it was taking her FOREVER. I told her it was inappropriate for her to be doing that in the front room, that's what the servants quarters were for, and she should have been wrapped up with it by now. It was only a million. Sheesh! So hard to find good help.
Anyway, my kids were working on their Nobel prize winning experiment in the Chem. lab. (Nothing special, just a fuel alternative of which the by product has been proven to cure cancer...and poverty) and they told me that the stupid Nanny had neglected to feed them lunch! The nerve! They are professional athletes and will be participating in the upcoming olympics, they need nutritional meals served in a timely manner. I immediately called my chef to go into the kitchen and prepare them a fresh 100% organic and local meal. It was taking him forever because the cow wouldn't stand still and he's such a bad shot. I'd fire him too, but he makes a good margarita.
So by the time the kids were eating and I was finished admonishing all the help, it was past noon and I had to prepare for my swimsuit shoot with sports illustrated, so I never did get to go find out about selling genius DNA.
Let me know what you find out. I could really use the money to fund my husbands campaign fund when he runs for President next year.
(I hope he doesn't get elected though...that White house is soooo Old and puny! And it's NOT in a good school district.)

OK I take it back, it was pretty funny, I just didn't "get into" it at first. Kind of like a song you listen to the first time and are like ehhh, but then you hear it a second time and you're like, yeah that's pretty cool.

Believe me if I were making it up it would have been more like this: "So I'm sitting here on my yacht, overlooking the harbor in Monaco, some poor person in only a 60ft yacht had the nerve to cross my wake. sooo European, anyway I digress, I was thinking how to totally maximize my earning potential and it hit me, I am throwing so much genius DNA away for free, why not put it to use and make some serious pocket change $$$$$.

Crohn's sucks in more ways than one.

 

[monkeybug]

Sorry, meaning both of the degrees I have I received from a regular state college. I have a BA and another degree. (If I say the other type of degree I have you will know my specific occupation, and I was trying not to give TMI.)

So telling us what type of work you do is TMI, but telling us that your considering selling your genious little swimmers isn't?

 

[jrmasm]

So telling us what type of work you do is TMI, but telling us that your considering selling your genious little swimmers isn't?

Or this

I am throwing so much genius DNA away for free, why not put it to use and make some serious pocket change $$$$$.

 

[monkeybug]

Believe me if I were making it up it would have been more like this: "So I'm sitting here on my yacht, overlooking the harbor in Monaco, some poor person in only a 60ft yacht had the nerve to cross my wake. sooo European, anyway I digress, I was thinking how to totally maximize my earning potential and it hit me, I am throwing so much genius DNA away for free, why not put it to use and make some serious pocket change $$$$$.

Crohn's sucks in more ways than one.

Oh, now that's more like it!!

 

[deegack]

There actually was a genius sperm bank at one point. It went out of business.

 

[Belle0101]

Sorry, meaning both of the degrees I have I received from a regular state college. I have a BA and another degree. (If I say the other type of degree I have you will know my specific occupation, and I was trying not to give TMI.)

Come on, inquiring minds want to know.

 

[IdesOmarch]

Come on, inquiring minds want to know.

TMI.

 

[crashbb]

Come on, inquiring minds want to know.

Not this mind.

People who post like that, do so simply to have people beg for the answer.

 

[monkeybug]

TMI.

Soooo your a genius pirate with chrons disease?
I didn't know you needed a degree to be a pirate (nor that they are available from state colleges), and I guess I figured all that rum would be a no no with Chrons.
Is it handy to be a genius when one is a pirate? Or do the other pirates tease you for being a bit nerdy? Seems like some might find that a bit off putting in the pirate industry.

 

[monkeybug]

Not this mind.

People who post like that, do so simply to have people beg for the answer.

What? People on the interwebs do that sort of thing?
Why, next you'll be telling me that they make up fictitious personas to impress strangers and feed their starving egos!!!


*NOT that I've ever done such a thing of course.
When I was a teenager and chat was a newfangled thing I NEVER pretended to be rich, beautiful, a spy, a genius, famous, in the witness protection program, a psychic, a shaman, or a sparkly unicorn. Never I tell ya!

 

[BunsenH]

Soooo your a genius pirate with chrons disease?
I didn't know you needed a degree to be a pirate (nor that they are available from state colleges), and I guess I figured all that rum would be a no no with Chrons.
Is it handy to be a genius when one is a pirate? Or do the other pirates tease you for being a bit nerdy? Seems like some might find that a bit off putting in the pirate industry.

The University of ARRRRRkansas offers such a program. Odd for a land locked state.

 

[FergieTCat]

Are your children reasonably attractive, and do you guarantee they will be attractive adults? I mean, I could understand selling the single gene for IQ, but what if there are other undesirable traits mixed in?

 

[IdesOmarch]

OK, so now I have to prove I'm a genius?

Can do. I thought of a way, you can test me. But it can't be occupation specific questions, or stuff I could just google, like what is the Atomic Mass of Chromium. I guess the best way is to give me a problem to solve logically, a real world scenario (can be something you're dealing with on a personal basis now) and whatever answer I give you I'll let you be the judge in whether or not it was a genius answer. Fair enough. Take your best shot.

 

[IdesOmarch]

Not this mind.

People who post like that, do so simply to have people beg for the answer.

I'm really not that starved for attention, I find this all slightly amusing, but only so slightly.

 

[IdesOmarch]

What? People on the interwebs do that sort of thing?
Why, next you'll be telling me that they make up fictitious personas to impress strangers and feed their starving egos!!!


*NOT that I've ever done such a thing of course.
When I was a teenager and chat was a newfangled thing I NEVER pretended to be rich, beautiful, a spy, a genius, famous, in the witness protection program, a psychic, a shaman, or a sparkly unicorn. Never I tell ya!

My ego starved to death and died about 10 years ago.

 

[Belle0101]

Not this mind.

People who post like that, do so simply to have people beg for the answer.

Logically, since I too am a genius, I know that but I'm pretty bored this afternoon so I thought I'd play along for a bit.

Soooo your a genius pirate with chrons disease?
I didn't know you needed a degree to be a pirate (nor that they are available from state colleges), and I guess I figured all that rum would be a no no with Chrons.
Is it handy to be a genius when one is a pirate? Or do the other pirates tease you for being a bit nerdy? Seems like some might find that a bit off putting in the pirate industry.

What? People on the interwebs do that sort of thing?
Why, next you'll be telling me that they make up fictitious personas to impress strangers and feed their starving egos!!!


*NOT that I've ever done such a thing of course.
When I was a teenager and chat was a newfangled thing I NEVER pretended to be rich, beautiful, a spy, a genius, famous, in the witness protection program, a psychic, a shaman, or a sparkly unicorn. Never I tell ya!

Is this you?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UE6iAjEv9dQ

The University of ARRRRRkansas offers such a program. Odd for a land locked state.