Seeing an OLD friend, sister died a few months back, do I ...

[kdudley3]

I'm getting together with old friends for another friends birthday. I haven't seen her for over ten years.

My question is, do I offer my condolences when I first see her or do I wait until the subject comes up?

I'd like to tell her when I first see her so that she knows that I'm genuine about my feelings (I knew her sister too). But I don't want to bring down the party and make her think about bad feelings at a happy occasion.

I know I could send a card, but I don't even know where she lives. We've all lost contact over the years.

WWYD

 

[Breezy_Carol]

I think when you first see her, say something along the lines of "I was so sorry to hear about your sister." It is a fact that I am sure she thinks of daily and you won't bring her down if you don't dwell on it or ask the details.

 

[joshsmom]

I agree with Breezy. It will sound more genuine if you offer your condolences from the outset. I'm sure its been difficult for her, but she will probably appreciate the fact that you remembered.

 

[kdudley3]

Thanks guys.

That's what I wanted to do, but i wasn't sure.

Thanks for the support.

 

[disneymom3]

Having lost my mom in Feb and my dad several years ago, nothing you can say is going to make her think about it more or feel worse. It's not like she will have forgotten and you will be reminding her. I think that is what people are worried about sometimes. I know I used to be. I saw a bunch of my cousins over 4th of July weekend and not one of them said anything about my mom which I found really odd. Say something right away and give her a hug if you are huggy people. Then move into the party. You are a nice friend to be concerned about the best way to do this.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Tell her that you heard about your sister and you're very sorry. Trust me, when you lose someone close to you, it hurts more when those around you act like it didn't happen then when someone acknowledges it.

 

[helenabear]

I guess I feel kind of different. This is my point of view after losing my mom. I wouldn't want it to be the very first thing out of someone's mouth, but I wouldn't want me to have to say something first.

I'd start off with Happy Birthday... so great to see you again (etc) Then after the hugs and exchanges, I would *then* say I am so very sorry.

Saying it to her won't make her feel worse, but sometimes hearing it first on a day like that... well, I'd rather hear the pleasantries first.

This is just my thoughts of course

No matter what, I would say it at some point at least!

 

[Pin Wizard]

I think when you first see her, say something along the lines of "I was so sorry to hear about your sister." It is a fact that I am sure she thinks of daily and you won't bring her down if you don't dwell on it or ask the details.

I have to agree with BC. She'll talk past that if she wants to. Definitely mention it when first seeing her. Plus if you were to wait, you would be wondering yourself when it might be good to mention, and she might be wondering why you hadn't up to that point.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Tell her that you heard about your sister and you're very sorry. Trust me, when you lose someone close to you, it hurts more when those around you act like it didn't happen then when someone acknowledges it.