Every wedding has drama. There's no reason to compound it. OP... don't do the dance off of you don't want to but I don't necessarily think it was malicious of future DIL to ask, just tone deaf. About the guest list... sorry... he who pays decides who's invited. I'm still shocked anyone could have a wedding for 350 with no seating charts. OP, make sure your guests have seats since the in-laws offered.
DH and I paid for our own wedding mostly and our guest list was lopsided to my side because we invited only the people we wanted (small wedding-only 50 people and it was heavily weighted to my family only 12 from DH's side not counting our friends) . The in-laws tried to give me a list and I said no. Unless you're willing to pay for the extra guests, we will invite whom we want only. I got a whole lecture on how my mother should be paying for the whole thing because I'm the bride and we shouldn't have a wedding if we couldn't afford one. I calmly said... we're having the wedding we want. No drama.
DD got married (180 people) and she and her DH paid for the band, flowers, and their friends. DH and I paid for DD's clothes and for our guests. The in-laws paid for their guests (they had a ton more than we did, including business associates). There was drama surrounding the wedding, but it didn't center on the money.
Finally...children...I love children at weddings. Even my DD's black tie wedding had children invited. I'm sure it's cultural, but to me a wedding isn't as festive with no children.
DH and I paid for our own wedding mostly and our guest list was lopsided to my side because we invited only the people we wanted (small wedding-only 50 people and it was heavily weighted to my family only 12 from DH's side not counting our friends) . The in-laws tried to give me a list and I said no. Unless you're willing to pay for the extra guests, we will invite whom we want only. I got a whole lecture on how my mother should be paying for the whole thing because I'm the bride and we shouldn't have a wedding if we couldn't afford one. I calmly said... we're having the wedding we want. No drama.
DD got married (180 people) and she and her DH paid for the band, flowers, and their friends. DH and I paid for DD's clothes and for our guests. The in-laws paid for their guests (they had a ton more than we did, including business associates). There was drama surrounding the wedding, but it didn't center on the money.
Finally...children...I love children at weddings. Even my DD's black tie wedding had children invited. I'm sure it's cultural, but to me a wedding isn't as festive with no children.
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