Searching for biological family?

[CharityLynn]

Ok does anyone have any tips or resources to use while searching for the biological family of an adoptee? I am helping my sister in law search for her biological parents and a brother, we have a ton of information which would lead you to believe the search will be easy..NOT!

Ok we have full names of mother and father (and through research have found the did get married, so have mom's maiden and married name) We have ages (birthdate for Mom, she has Dad's too but I can not remember it, I do know his age though) We have found 2-3 addresses but the house isn't there anymore or the address doesn't exist or they don't live there anymore..

We've not paid any money at this point, except what she had to pay to get the non-identifying info and the names. Is there any search engines people trust over others? My only problem is my husband and I do not have credit cards, which pretty much everything online wants you to have to pay..we have pay pal lol

Any help would be appreciated

 

[BrinxFam]

When my sister was looking for us, her adoptive parents put an ad in our local newspaper with her birthname, birthdate and a note that said "if this information means anything please call" and gave their phone number. Since my dad didn't know she existed we weren't able to call but her adoptive parents ended up contacting her birth mother. We live in a very small town so it wasn't too difficult. I'd love to share all of the details with you but there are far too many! Good luck in your quest but don't set your expectations too high. We've had many ups and downs following our meeting.

 

[Lynn CC]

I searched out my birth mother 3 years after I had my son in 1990. I used a PI here on the Cape. It didn't take him long, and it wasn't that expensive. As far as the birth mother goes, the relationship is friendly and cordial, but it was by far like the reunions you see on T.V., so be cautious and don't expect too much. We are more like friends that contact one another once in a while to stay in touch over the past 16 yrs. I Just don't get how someone can give up their children, she gave up my sister and brother too and we all went to different houses
You would have to cut off my arms and legs and then some to get my child away from me, and he's almost 19 LOL!
Good Luck, let me know how you make out!

 

[ckay87]

I Just don't get how someone can give up their children, she gave up my sister and brother too and we all went to different houses
You would have to cut off my arms and legs and then some to get my child away from me, and he's almost 19 LOL!
Good Luck, let me know how you make out!

OT, but wow...I feel really grateful to my birthmother for "giving me away." I think it was the most generous thing she could have done for me and I know (being a parent) how difficult it must have been. I admire her (whoever she is) and am thankful everyday that she made the decision she did.

Sorry, I feel very strongly about that.

 

[Sthronds]

OT, but wow...I feel really grateful to my birthmother for "giving me away." I think it was the most generous thing she could have done for me and I know (being a parent) how difficult it must have been. I admire her (whoever she is) and am thankful everyday that she made the decision she did.

Sorry, I feel very strongly about that.

I completely agree. I admire women who are strong enough and generous enough to give their children up for adoption. I was adopted into the greatest family that I can imagine. I am very thankful to my birthmother and someday maybe I can tell her that.

Back on topic: I haven't searched so I have no advice but good luck! It's great your sister-in-law has the info she does. Hope she finds what she's looking for!

 

[MerryPoppins]

My DH was reunited with his birth mother this fall. When she found out she was pregnant, she was going through a divorce and she felt she couldn't keep a baby along with the two children she already had. It was the best thing she could have done. He had a happy and well-grounded life.

Actually, his brother and sister were the ones who found us. DH had never looked. He said his life was happy and complete and if they ever wanted to meet him he'd be okay with it. His birth mother didn't ever intend to look for him and his birth father is deceased (without ever knowing about DH). In fact, his brother and sister didn't grow up knowing their real father either. They had a stepdad that they thought was their father. We met his brother last summer, within days of their telephone reunion. He's a nice guy that has a lot in common with DH. They even look a lot alike.

I loved his birth mother. She is the sweetest lady. We spent a weekend together and had such a good time. Our kids were apprehensive, but she won them over. She's very fun to be around. DH had told her in advance he had no bad feelings and if she never wanted to talk about the past it was okay. So we didn't. She did meet DH's parents and she hugged and thanked them for raising him, but the rest of the time we just talked about the present.

None of them "completed" my DH. He doesn't feel like he's found the missing link to his life. But he enjoys talking to them and hearing about what's happening in their lives. So I have to say overall it's been a happy reunion.

In answer to your original question, since we never searched I'm really no help. But I wish you much luck in your quest.

 

[DisMN]

Instead of going through the mish-mash of hiring private investigators why not go through the agency that helped with the adoption process?

That's how the young woman I gave up as an infant found me. She went to the agency and the agency contacted me, asking me if I'd be interested in meeting her.

I was given the choice of whether I wanted to meet her or not. I do NOT think I would have been happy finding out someone had hired a PI to find me. It might have even colored my decision on whether to meet her or not.

Good luck in your quest.

 

[mamajoan]

A birthmother who CHOOSES to place her child for adoption is NOT
giving her child away..

rather

she is giving her child TO someone she feels can provide a life she can not...


as for your search: Have you contacted the agency/lawyer regarding the adoption? Many agencies have great resources for adoptees. Some will even contact the birth parents to see if they would like a reunion. Also they will contact adoptive parent, adoptees of legal age for the same thing.

Best wishes for a successful reunion.

 

[Michie]

I searched out my birth mother 3 years after I had my son in 1990. I used a PI here on the Cape. It didn't take him long, and it wasn't that expensive. As far as the birth mother goes, the relationship is friendly and cordial, but it was by far like the reunions you see on T.V., so be cautious and don't expect too much. We are more like friends that contact one another once in a while to stay in touch over the past 16 yrs. I Just don't get how someone can give up their children, she gave up my sister and brother too and we all went to different houses
You would have to cut off my arms and legs and then some to get my child away from me, and he's almost 19 LOL!Good Luck, let me know how you make out!

As somebody who is adopted, as somebody who was lucky enough to adopt 2 kids, this comment chaps my hinney to no end!

 

[MerryPoppins]

I'd like to go on the record as saying a huge thank you to all the birth mothers and adoptive parents out there.

You know, it takes a strong person to carry a baby for 9 months and then trust someone else to raise it. It's not something I'm sure I could do, even if I thought it was best for my child. I'm so thrilled that there are birth mothers out there who found it in their hearts to let go of babies they couldn't keep. I'd have never met my DH if his birth mother hadn't given him to my in-laws. Please don't be hard on birth moms. They could have, after all, had an abortion or kept the child in a home environment that wasn't good.

And things aren't always easy on the adoptive end either. DH's cousin was in the process of adopting a baby boy a few years ago. They had him for over a week, when the birth mother changed her mind and gave him to her sister to raise. They felt like their hearts were ripped out. He felt like he was theirs.

 

[alli'smom]

I was able to track down some information about my biological mother and aunt on classmates.com. I had a general idea of where they went to school and when and used the search option to look for them. Hope it helps!

 

[CharityLynn]

Yeah I checked Classmates and Myspace lol..no luck.

We got information from the adoption agnecy but it was relvant at the time of adoption, 21 years ago.

Thanks to everyone with info so far. We know for a fact she has at least one full brother too, he was a year older than her but we don't have a name or anything either. Strange thing is she may have gone to school with him and never knew it...

 

[christym]

My sister found me using google, believe it or not. It can be time consuming depending on how common the name is, but if you put the name in parenthesis (for example "Jane Smith") and search, google will pull up exact references to that phrase. All search engines will do this and my sister found my email address on an old webpage, then just emailed me asking if I was me (she had my birth certificate to go from and that was it). And this was only last year. It's worth a try if you haven't tried it already. You never know what you may find! Good luck!