Sad ... :'(

[ajloops]

So just when everything is all set, all booked .. I received my son's (1st grade) interim report card.. and everything he's got academically is an equivalent to an F Our planned vacation is set for 5 days.. 3 of which he will be absent from school. I really dint set up those days.. its the decision made by all our family members - We have a reunion end of the month (All of them had to request day offs from work etc and those days were the result) So I couldnt really pick the days ya know... We are so excited about this mini vacation... I dint know my son is doing bad in school... Ive known hes little bit behind (special needs student) but I dint know hes that behind... I cant cancel the whole thing. Thats just going to be stupid as Ive already paid for plane tickets, MHP tickets etc... and I know it'll break his heart. Im just out of it right now.. Could someone cheer me up...

 

[Disney Dreams]

Well, I think that if everything on his report card is the equivalent to an F, the focus HAS to be on his schooling and not vacation.

As heart-breaking as it is, if he's really struggling, is having him miss 3 days of school really the right choice?

Maybe you could find a way to do a shorter, quick getaway so you can help your son academically and still enjoy a little Disney?

- Dreams

 

[azdisneylover]

(((big hugs)))
Is there any way you can tutor your son at home after school and on the weekend, and when you are at the parks while waiting in line, quizzing him on some things he should know? (Maybe what are the primary colors on Snow White's dress, for example?) I would talk with his teacher to know exactly what he needs to work on. Check out www.starfall.com. This is a wonderful site for reading. There are other learning sites out there too, google homeschooling, and you will find great sites to help your son work. If you have a laptop, maybe you can take an afternoon break in the hotel room to go over a subject or two.
(((big hugs and a Tigger Tail too!)))

 

[kailuagirl]

I'd also talk to his teacher asap and find out what he didn't do, what he is lacking, doing wrong or not doing at all. Is he not doing his homework? Is he just not getting it and needs additional assistance or is that that he just isn't doing his part and not trying. Is he focused in class, participating? Does he have friends? You won't know where to help him if you don't find out and talk to the teacher. Ask the teacher what you can do to help. What you can do with him at home to catch up and improve or things you can work more on at home. Since he his special needs, maybe he needs more additional services that he isn't receiving, but should be. Go on your vacation and have a good time! It is planned, paid for and you are all so looking forward to it. You can't take it away from him, not something so important as a family trip to disneyland. You all deserve this trip. Especially your son!! It's only 3 days out of school, make it a fun, exciting learning adventure with him! And create wonderful lasting memories that he will treasure and remember forever.

 

[aliceinoz]

Hi there, I am going to go the other way and say - go and enjoy!
I have a special needs son - so will give my thoughts - for my son. You know your DS, so the situation may be completely different.
I have never let DS have a day off unless he is sick. Well, we are at the end of Year 3 and guess what - he is still behind. The older they get the wider the gap becomes and the harder it is to get passing grades. I look at his report card to see improvements - not necessarily a passing grade. To pass will be near impossible. It's the continual improvement, attitude and participation that I like to see. As long as he is trying - KWIM.
Anyway, I spoke to his school and I am taking him out of school for 2 weeks! Travelling with family can be very benefical. Esp, in our case when we are travelling internationally. He will be learning so much. Diff country, culture, customs. He will be doing lots of reading while we are out and about eg. Maps, brochures, menus etc. He will have his own spending money to count and be able to work out different costs etc. He is going to have a travel diary - so lots of writing and drawing. And lots of other things that give life experiences.
At the end of the day it's your decision. I feel very comfortable with mine.
Good luck!

 

[ConnieB]

I'll have to disagre with the majority here.....yes, it's a serious situation that needs to be dealt with....but being gone for 3 days next week or being here isn't going to make the situation better or worse. And denying the boy a vacation this close and blaming his grades is going to make him blame himself and feel stupid. Depending on the extent of his special needs, he may not be capable of understanding why he's being punished and it could do more harm than good to him emotionally and psychologically.

He's in 1st grade.....you've discovered the problem a couple months into his first year of school. He's not destined to be a drop out because he'll miss 3 days. Sounds like perhaps his school needs to do an evaluation to find out exactly what his capabilities are and prepare a plan for him (there is a name for this type of plan, I believe it's something like IEP).


I would continue on the vacation and let the boy have his fun. When we got home I'd set up a meeting with his teachers to discuss ways to help him. Once you know those, then it's time to sit down with him and discuss your expectations of him, and ways that you are going to work more closely with him to help him with his school work.

Now...I'd feel very different about this situation if he was in a higher grade, but many first graders, especially boys, have a difficult time adjusting to the fun of preschool and kinder and into the academics of "real" school.

If mom and dad aren't able to help him with his homework and any extra work the teacher might suggest, it might be appropriate to look into afterschool care that included academics, instead of just a daycare/play time situation.

 

[mrsw94]

I agree with the other posters, go for the trip as planned, but get in to see the teacher as soon as possible. Is there some make-up work he can do on the plane? Also, I found this great travel journal that I printed out for my daughter. Obviously he'd need you to help him, but it might be a fun thing for you to do together:
http://www.themouseforless.com/downloads/kids/journal.shtml

They have one that is just for DL and is super cute.

Good luck, and HAVE FUN!!!

 

[goldies 5]

First of all, relax. You were given information that is very raw and overwhelming. Let it settle in. I would talk to the special needs teacher for whatever his needs are and make sure that the school is meeting them.
Is he a young first grader? This can make a difference too.
This is my situation, I am a CT that homeschools my kids. Always have.
My older 2 are teenagers now, I pushed them really hard, maybe to hard. They are very bright and always test off the charts. Yes, I am fortunate there. However, I do regret some of the pushing to perfection.
I learned from that experience, and it helped me with the third child, who just so happens to have severe ADHD. He also had speech for over 4 years of his seven year life span. He was just released from speech this last Wed. He learns differently than the first two, it takes more time and patience. Special needs kids will catch up when they are ready. My son is a great child, very loving and compassionate. I take a lot more time with him and do not put him on the same regimen as the first two. I had my worries last year. He was in first grade and struggled with reading. He still does, but is making progress. Is he doing as well as the first two at that age? No, but he is happy and tries really hard.
Do not let yourself feel guilty about this. First of all, the school should be keeping you aware of your son's progress. I would schedule meetings more regularly if you can. I would also update your IEP to make sure your son's needs are being met.
If you take him to DL for a few days, I seriously doubt it will make that much of an impact on his schooling. Would either one of you be happy with that decision? He is young, and will most likely not understand why this is being taken from him. Several people at that school are not doing a good job at communicating with you. That would be my biggest worry, honestly.
Sorry so long. Just wanted you to know that you can get help and are not alone.
Good Luck,
Kim

 

[Nala83]

Former teacher here...

At this point, you've already planned and paid for the trip. Canceling at the last minute because your son's school performance is poor will likely crush his spirit. No matter how gently you framed it, he would perceve his failure as the cause of the trip cancellation. That's a heavy burden for a little guy! I'd say go, but please think carefully about planning future travel when school is in session.

And the unsolicited advise:
The most important thing is making sure your son gets the intervention he needs. The earlier- and the more intense- the better. If you haven't already done so, set up a conference with the teacher to figure out next steps!

 

[WhtMagick]

Hi! Special Ed teacher here of over 15 years. IMHO if your child has special ed support in the form of an Individual Education Plan/Program his general education teacher CANNOT give him a failing grade unless he refused to do the work at all. I think this comes from federal law so it's the same in all states. I would strongly suggest meeting with the teacher and making a plan to bring his progress up. See if he needs extra support or assistance. Commit to an agreed upon amount of time at home to assist him. Explain you will be gone for a family function. Assure the teacher and your son of the new plan when he returns to school. I would support any parent who came to me in this way. Hope it all works out for you.

 

[Karenann*]

Take heart!
It is early in the year and early on in his entire education. Now that you are aware of the situation you and the teacher can make a plan, even given the circumstances that you have a pre-planned time away from school.
Travelling and new experiences are also valuable life experiences as is special time with extended family.
Be confident that you are a mother capable of making the best decision for your family and you are your child's best advocate!

 

[ORDisneyfans]

Former Kindergarten teacher (10 years) and now Mom to two girls. I agree with ConnieB. Go on vacation, have fun and try to use teachable moments on the trip. When you get home try to work with him one on one every day! It really makes a difference. Letter sounds, sight words and counting, sorting and making, seeing patterns. Lots of great sites online to give you ideas. Enjoy your vacation and your son. My oldest is now in 8th grade!

 

[DahliaRW]

Former teacher here too. ITA with the just go idea. And that it would be very hard on your son to cancel now and blame his grades.

But, the school is failing your son (as in obviously he's not getting the help he needs there). So on a total side note talk to his teacher about how he can get more help there and what you can do at home. And ask for a copy of important assignments that will happen while you're gone, and have him work with you on the plane, during down time, etc.

 

[SplashMo]

Go on the trip for sure. Use the time to enjoy your family and your child. Show your continued love and support and build disney memories together. It will make the teaching that much easier when you get back.

If you just found out your child could not yet ride a two wheeler you would not cancel your trip. It is really the same thing. With lots of love and lots of practice your child will reach their full potential and still enjoy disney memories together.

They will have the pictures forever and will remember it forever.

Best Wishes - SplashMo

 

[ajloops]

Thanks all. To answer questions..

- My boy was diagnosed with mild autism (ECDD) when he was 3 but his "label" was removed when he was 6 (just last school year) as his IEP team thinks he is ready and capable of being in a regular class (ya know.. no parapros who will assist... no one-on-ones) because he was excelling in his speech and therapy classes. So this year, as a 1st grader, is basically his very 1st time being in a "regular" school. I was terrified that he wont be able to catch up... I was right. I know he's capable... but he still has focus problems, which IMO is pretty common with kids, but Im seeing more in him... since he had a history of NOT focusing AT ALL.

Teacher said he is fine emotionally/socially which is good but academically is really struggling. Technically speaking, he is not a special ed student anymore - he doesn't qualify for any special service since hes 'graduated' from being mildly autistic not long ago, in fact just several months ago. I cried last night because I know coming from where he started, he has come a long way and Im really proud of him. But to the rest of the world, it just doesnt seem like enough.

Me and DH's plan is to ask for lots of homework for whatevers he's going to be missing in school. We have a meeting with his teacher this coming tuesday. And just to clarify, our trip is at the end of this month.

Thanks for the journal links. Thats a cool idea. Also starfall.com we love this site! - weve been to this site many many times =)

I still plan on going of course. Its just depressing.

"I'll have to disagre with the majority here.....yes, it's a serious situation that needs to be dealt with....but being gone for 3 days next week or being here isn't going to make the situation better or worse. And denying the boy a vacation this close and blaming his grades is going to make him blame himself and feel stupid. Depending on the extent of his special needs, he may not be capable of understanding why he's being punished and it could do more harm than good to him emotionally and psychologically."
- ITA

 

[dalepool]

If your son in not in one of the Title programs get him in one when you get home -- School can explain it better then I ever could. There is no doubt that I would take the trip. Bring some words to learn, lined paper for him to do letters, and some phonics papers. Say one day do the M MMMMMM sound and find all things he can that start with with that sound. eg-- Mickey Mouse Mountian. Get some stars or Disney stickers and when he does a great job reward with a sticker. Put in a notebook so u can take back to school for his teacher.

A personal note . My daughter although, very bright could not get the reading part down -- it was even getting fustrating for me. I was able to get her extra help as long as I helped in the reading room. ( She was not in that room). She was tested and found to be a student that would benefit from phonics. Her school was at that time teaching whole word. I did not want her to miss violin lessons or PE, Library, or part of lunch. I made arrangements for her to have her lesson in the hall while class was washing hands and lining up for lunch-- 20-25 mins was enough time 3-5 times a week and by year end I had a reader. Yes she did get her hands washed and stand in line with rest of kids -- but not for the 20 -25 mins each day.

You are catching his needs early so make sure he gets the help at school and home also.

Have fun ---I would bet he is looking forward to this trip to

Patty

 

[MaiynaMouse]

As a first grade teacher, I want to tell you to take the trip and PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't feel depressed about the situation. I didn't read all the responses so I'm sure this may have already been said but honestly, I think it's just as important for all kids, but especially special needs kids to have real world experiences. Many times I hear teachers complaining that many of their students don't have a very broad background knowledge yet in the same breath, they are complaining that parents are taking the kids out of school for vacation. Background knowledge is a huge part of learning and something that kids absolutely NEED!!!! They need to be able to make connections to a real experiences.

As for him getting F's.....work with the teacher and find out if he is just refusing to do the work or truly doesn't understand the concepts. If he doesn't understand the concepts there is SO MUCH you can do to help him at home. He is already so much better off than many kids because he has parents who are genuinely concerned about his well being. Believe it or not, there are many parents who have the attitude that it's the teacher's problem to help him, not theirs. While I agree that when the child is in my classroom, he/she is my responsibility but help at home, particularly with reading at such a young age, is HUGE in directing academic success.

Don't beat yourself up over this. Just be proactive and a willing partner in your child's academic career! In the end, it will all work out if you are!!!!

 

[kailuagirl]

What great advice you are receiving here! You are going to have a wonderful mini vacation!! You know what my DD's pedi told us last month, vacations are extremely important for children. It lets them experience first hand what they see in books and on tv, they can put it all together. Even if it is DL , he will still learn alot from your trip. I'd just take this vacation and enjoy it with your son and family. I just re-read my earlier post and I may have come across different than what i was trying to say, that was bad, and I'm so very sorry, not how I intended it to be said . so I took it out. I just want your son to get all the help and attention that he needs to do well in school. I'm a strong believer that if kids learn to love school at an earlier age, it will carry on. And punishing your child by not letting him go to DL would be a major mistake, disappointment for him (and yourself), and he wouldn't learn anything from it, except make him feel like a total failure (which he's not), and it would probably just make everything worst and cause him to hate school, gotta make him just love it You can never take DL away from a child once they know you are going, unless you really have to, and this isn't the case here. It's only 3 days! It just might be the 3 days he needs to get back in the groove. Have fun! Don't be sad!! You are doing a great job, hugs to you mama! Have a wonderful time!!!

 

[ConnieB]

Thanks all. To answer questions..

- My boy was diagnosed with mild autism (ECDD) when he was 3 but his "label" was removed when he was 6 (just last school year) as his IEP team thinks he is ready and capable of being in a regular class (ya know.. no parapros who will assist... no one-on-ones) because he was excelling in his speech and therapy classes. So this year, as a 1st grader, is basically his very 1st time being in a "regular" school. I was terrified that he wont be able to catch up... I was right. I know he's capable... but he still has focus problems, which IMO is pretty common with kids, but Im seeing more in him... since he had a history of NOT focusing AT ALL.

Teacher said he is fine emotionally/socially which is good but academically is really struggling. Technically speaking, he is not a special ed student anymore - he doesn't qualify for any special service since hes 'graduated' from being mildly autistic not long ago, in fact just several months ago. I cried last night because I know coming from where he started, he has come a long way and Im really proud of him. But to the rest of the world, it just doesnt seem like enough.

Me and DH's plan is to ask for lots of homework for whatevers he's going to be missing in school. We have a meeting with his teacher this coming tuesday. And just to clarify, our trip is at the end of this month.

Thanks for the journal links. Thats a cool idea. Also starfall.com we love this site! - weve been to this site many many times =)

I still plan on going of course. Its just depressing.

"I'll have to disagre with the majority here.....yes, it's a serious situation that needs to be dealt with....but being gone for 3 days next week or being here isn't going to make the situation better or worse. And denying the boy a vacation this close and blaming his grades is going to make him blame himself and feel stupid. Depending on the extent of his special needs, he may not be capable of understanding why he's being punished and it could do more harm than good to him emotionally and psychologically."
- ITA

Ok, I can't really grasp how one day he's autistic and has special needs and another day he's suddenly ready to plunge into first grade with kids who did the slow transition from preschool/kinder into first grade.

That may very well be a big part of his problems....he never got that transition. When you talk with the teacher ask her if she agrees with the school's assessment that he's no longer special needs (be aware that she may not be willing to contradict "the experts" but you should get an idea of her true feelings by body language/choice of words, etc). If YOU don't think he's ready to be in regular classes without any help, then YOU have to be his advocate and fight for what he needs. It may be that budget cuts had more to do with your son "graduating" than whether he's actually ready for that move. In which case you'll have to push to get him the help he needs, not fun, but necessary. There are many people who homeschool because the school fails these children. Not completely blaming the schools because they have limited resources, but that doesn't make it right, and it doesn't help the child pushed into a regular classroom without a safety net. Time for that "mama bear" inside you to come out.

One comment....others have suggested getting homework for him to do on the plane, and taking work on vacation with you. I'd say that has the potential of being doing more harm than good. You might ask for the work now so that you can help him do it at home BEFORE you go....and that might actually be very good for you to observe his work habits and comprehension of the work expected. But please, don't make him work on a 3 day vacation. Let him enjoy himself, put distance between his failures and Disney. There is more than enough time to push him when he comes home. Don't make him feel bad on his trip....let me make happy memories that will carry him through the rough times ahead.

 

[goldies 5]

I 100% agree with ConnieB. Having a child do homework on vacation isn't ideal. It can cause stress and anxiety among other things. It is pressure for you and your son. Enjoy yourself and your son, he will grow up before you know it.