Sad today

[MushyMushy]

It's the first anniversary of my mother's death. It doesn't seem possible that a year has passed already.

I'm really choked up about it. It feels like I've been stagnant this past year. I've been seeing a counselor, but my life hasn't progressed any farther than where it was a year ago. I'm handling things much better and getting out and socializing more, but everything else has just stagnated.

I know quite a few of us lost mothers around the same time. If any of you read this, I hope you're doing well. to all of us.

 

[mickeyboat]

Denae

 

[Nancyg56]

I know how you feel I lost my Mom 2 years ago in January. I was blessed to have my relationship with my Mom grow as I got older and as her illness progressed I spent a lot of time caring for her. I thought that I was prepared and would be okay but that void just seemed to get bigger and bigger for what seemed to be forever. All that special time I spent with her was now empty time, I would go to call her or stop by, I forgot that she was not there anymore.


I don't think a year is enough time to pass for that sadness to dissipate. It took more time for me but then somehow it got better. I don't even know how that happened, one day my sister and I were able to laugh about some of the things we all had done. I won't pretend that I don't miss her, I still will not drive by the house and for me, her birthday is my sad day. But it does get better, it really does. One year is just a blink, you have spent your whole life with her and developed your relationship over that time, how can you level out your emotions in less than one year?

I think you could give yourself permission to miss her. I know that from the outside looking in, it seems like everyone else moves on and finds "closure". Maybe some folks do but I didn't and do not believe most people do. I think we all just make it look that way, all that emptiness hidden inside. If you feel like your grief is lasting too long you then feel guilty and as if there is something wrong with you. There isn't.

 

[Serena]

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Iluvthemouse]

I am so very sorry for your loss.



My mother died 2 years ago and I still cant believe it.

Sept 6 is her birthday.. Thats a hard day as well.

 

[Keli]

Losing a parent is an incredibly loss and certainly a year is no where near enough time to deal with that kind of grief. But it will get better. It will never be ok but your new reality will seem less werid and painful and you'll start to have more good days than bad.
Really I would wonder if you were making sound decisions if you were 'advancing' your life during this last year. When you are under that kind of grief you need to just carry on, IMHO.
Getting up out of bed each day, putting one foot in front of the other, well, that's achievement enough.
I'm sorry for your loss and I hope that you see the progress you desire in this next year. Hang in there.

 

[Nancyg56]

Getting up out of bed each day, putting one foot in front of the other, well, that's achievement enough.

It's funny that you say that. I always cooked dinner and if I managed to get it on the table without some sort of disaster at the stove I figured I did my job. My husband thought that it was a miracle I didn't set the house on fire. It took a long time before I made it through a meal without burning something.

 

[airhead]

I know your sadness. I lost my brother 15 months ago to Melanoma.He was my only sibling and we spoke every day. You feel emptiness,like nothing will ever fill that void that your mom left. After my brother died,I cried every day whenever something reminded me of him. That could've been just because someone said the word "brother". I was a mess. I know that "stagnant" feeling you say you have,but I believe you are just working through your loss and that will take awhile.
I'm better now,that I can keep it together a whole day without falling apart. You'll get there too,it takes time.Do you have hobbies and stuff to keep your head busy? That does help to redirect your attention when your feeling down.And,there's always all of us here on the DIS to help you get through a bad time. Feel free to PM me any time just to talk about your mom.
I hope you feel better!

 

[live4christp1]

Haven't made it to the year mark yet, but this is about the same time last year that my mom got her diagnosis. Somedays it feels like I'm in a fog. Other days it seems like it was just all a bad dream and I am going to wake up. Saturday I started down to see my dad and went to ask the kids if they wanted to go down with me and out blurted "do you want to go see granny & pa?"

I'm so very sorry for your loss and hope that you find some peace today and think on happy memories of your mom.

Cristy

 

[MichelleVW]

I'm sorry, I still have my mother, but my dad died 12 years ago when he was only 59 and I remember how painful that year anniversary was.

You never stop missing them, but with time it does get better.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Do a random act of kindness today in her memory!

TC

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

It takes a lot of time and a lot of support. I hate to say this, but the pain never entirely goes away, but it does get easier. I lost my mom 8 years ago and I still think about her everyday. But, at least now, I can think of her without crying and remember the happier times. I just recently was able to get out some old home movies. It hurt, but it was so nice to hear her voice again.

 

[blana]

I know how you feel. Lost my mom almost a year & a half ago. Now we're dealing with the idea that HER mom may be leaving us soon. (We've been expecting it for years, but things seem to be progressing quickly, now.) I'm just still making it, one day at the time. But, things are getting easier. I still cry about random things, but, it's getting easier. Here's more hugs and prayers that things will begin to lighten for you as well.

 

[ead79]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Don't be so hard on yourself though--if you're getting out more and handling things better, then that sounds like very positive progress to me. I will lift you up in prayer today.

 

[PaulaSue]

Hugs!

 

[wdwfan16]

First are always the worst. It will get easier as the years go on. You never forget but you learn to accept the situation better and know they are still with you in all of your memories and in your heart.

 

[minniebeth]

One year is not much time, it's still so new, one day at a time...
to you and you will be in my thoughts and prayers as you heal more each day.

 

[Disneylover79]

 

[luvflorida]

It's the first anniversary of my mother's death. It doesn't seem possible that a year has passed already.


I know quite a few of us lost mothers around the same time. If any of you read this, I hope you're doing well. to all of us.

to you.
It has been 11 months since my mother passed away and, like you, I can't believe a year has almost gone by since she died. I don't think I've really accepted that she's no longer here, if that makes any sense. I feel as though I'm still in denial and I'm hiding my hurt rather than facing it head on.

It hits me the hardest when I see someone that reminds me of my mom, or when I see people my age out and about with their elderly mother. Sometimes it's really overwhelming when I realize that things will never be the same as when she was alive.

I hope this doesn't sound too awful, but every time I send pictures of my sweet grandson to my relatives back home, I feel sad. Of course, I'm happy that I have so many caring people in my life, but I can't help feeling angry, hurt and sad, thinking that it's my mother that should be getting the pictures. She never got to see or hold her first great-grandchild.

A few days ago, I was changing the memory card in my camera. I had several extras in a drawer and I put one in my camera to see what was on it. The first picture that came up was one of my younger daughter sitting by a window and petting a big, gray cat. At first I couldn't place where the picture had been taken, then it hit me. It was taken in my mother's room at the nursing home where she was recouperating. Out of the corner of my eye, I could also see part of her bed, and I just froze. After a minute or so, I removed the memory card from my camera without looking at any of the other pictures. I just couldn't do it.

I'm not sure if my post is of any comfort or help to you, and I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I know we're probably all tired of hearing it, but I guess it just takes time.

 

[Beastlover]

I am so sorry for your loss

I am hugging everyone else who shared their stories of loss...

I too lost my mom (4 years ago) to Alzheimers Disease. It does get easier. I do things in her memory, things I knew she enjoyed doing. I plant my potted plants on Mothers Day (hard day for me)...there are other things, but that is an idea. We usually use her anniversary as a time to go thru old pictures, or movies and we laugh, cry, and just remember.

I had something happen about 2 weeks after I lost her, and it really put my mind at ease, but it didnt take away how much I missed her. People grieve in different ways. You grieve how you need to grieve. Dont feel like its taking so long...step by step...day by day. It will get better.

Hugs to you...you are not alone...