Sad Parenting Observation

[kelleebutler]

I thought the satire was entirely prescient, in this case.

She could have just gotten a terminal diagnosis, and hadn't told the kids about it yet. Honestly, there are about a gazillion reasons as to why she didn't want to get into it with her kids right at that particular second, and none of them are any of your business.[/QUote


I find it very ironic that you choose to tell someone that they don't know a situation therefore should mind their own business yet you don't follow you own advise.

 

[kelleebutler]

I thought the satire was entirely prescient, in this case.

She could have just gotten a terminal diagnosis, and hadn't told the kids about it yet. Honestly, there are about a gazillion reasons as to why she didn't want to get into it with her kids right at that particular second, and none of them are any of your business.

 

[Disney Doll]

Kids are self-centered. You have no idea whether she was tired, or there were difficult family circumstances (they may have been in town for a close relative's funeral, for all you know). For that matter, do you even know whether she was their mom? You have no idea where they were going, where they were coming from, and what her parenting is like outside of this static moment in time. You don't know whether the kids' dad has recently walked out on the family, and everyone is hanging on by a thread. You don't know if they were celebrating one of the kids being released from juvenile detention, or whether they're all circus performers taking some time off from the road.

http://www.theonion.com/article/single-woman-3-young-children-unaware-she-subject--51039

I don't really care.

When someone asks you for help you stop doing what you're doing and help them.

It's really not a difficult concept.

 

[jodifla]

One daughter, 20 years old. Nope, I wasn't always "on" 24/7. But I was never as "off" as the woman I observed was.

You're not going to bother listing the many reasons, or even one, because there is no legitimate excuse for what went down. None. And you know it.

Why should this family care so much what you think? You, with one daughter, and no clue about raising 3 boys.

You are wrong to judge a family by a snapshot of one day.

 

[CPanther95]

You can't adequately, and completely, judge the family dynamic based on a single snapshot - but you can certainly judge the interaction between the mother and children that actually occurred. At 10, 8 & 5, I - or any of my 3 brothers - would have ever disregarded a direct request from our Mother. We may debate something briefly, but when it reached the point of "do this!" we "did that!" - if not, we'd face immediate consequences and we'd face more severe and long lasting consequences once my Dad found out that we were so disrespectful to our Mother.

My 3 kids were the same way. We disciplined them and demanded their respect and obedience for a total of about 2 years starting from the time they could communicate and understand fully what was expected and the fact that there were consequences. By the time they were about 5 years old, spanking was no longer necessary. They may have made occasional mistakes, but they never directly disrespected us or refused to do what we asked. 2 years of hard work without compromise yielded 13 years of a happy home for both parents and children.

So while there may be more to the dynamic than what was presented, I can honestly say that under no circumstances whatsoever would this scenario have occurred in 2 generations of my family. That's only a sample size of 7 out of 7 - but when 3 out of 3 kids are behaving contrary to the behavior out of the 7 out of 7 I'm intimately familiar with, I have no problem assuming that it's likely that she either has not been adequately disciplining her children - or she's got a spouse that is undermining her attempts to discipline them.

 

[CSchex]

There is hope, I have been that mother. I have 2 boys, both teenagers now 13 & 17. When they were little, there were days that they did not listen at all. Heck, there are still those days with the 13 year old. Sometimes, it's easier to just do it yourself than fight with the kids, especially in a public place. I had to restrict the fun things they had - Xbox's were sold, The 17 year old's phone is turned off if he doesn't listen. We have no internet at the house or cable tv. You'll be surprised how quickly a child will listen once distractions are removed. Those children you saw probably won't turn out to be bad kids, mine didn't. It's just a matter of time before the mother gets tired of that behavior. Change was a rough road, but the results were worth it. My children are not perfect, but they are helpful most days now. The 17 year old knows how to cook and clean and the 13 year old can do most household tasks. They are good kids, and I am proud of them.

 

[tmj212]

I haven't read through all the pages here, but I saw enough to understand that that there are common themes that I wanted to comment on. 1) the OP said that it was a 'sad' observation. And I have to agree that it is sad that a Mom trying to provide an enjoyable enriching experience for her kids on her own (at least on that day) can't get any help from her boys. I don't think this translates to 'bad' parenting nor those kids will grow up to be 'good for nothings'.

I was raised more traditionally where kids listened to their elders (all of them), didn't talk back, showed respect, did what they were told when they were told, etc. I struggle with the same issues where my kids simply will not do most things without being told 3 times--at home, in public, where ever...(Note that all of my kids are excellent in school in both grades & behaviour so they do understand on some level what is acceptable.)

Yes, I am that Mom yelling at her kids because it drives me crazy! Regarding the Mom in the post, she was likely distracted by the fact that she was loading the car and didn't notice that they had done nothing until she was done packing the car. I know this happens to me--I tell my kids to clean their room.They go to their room and I go to cook dinner and see them watching television 15 minutes later. We eat, watch TV, read, play games, and I send them to bathe and go to bed. I go in to say good night and their room is a MESS! Now it's bed time on a school night and I have to make them get out of bed to clean up (after going nutso as PP said).

2) And yes, that Mom will likely be at the beach or whereever next weekend despite her 'disappointment'. I've been there, done that too. On this point all I can say is that, for me at least, 100% compliance is not as important than spending quality time with my family. Taking away toys, games, tv, are fair game (but so far have not proven effective--but my kids are still young, hoping that the currency of phone & internet will become stronger as they age )

Times are different. Parenting is difficult. Kids are individuals.

There is no perfect formula and many of us are doing the best that we can. In my day, that meant that I didn't have a voice as a child, had to live within very strict guidelines , and was sometimes spanked. I learned many valuable lessons that make me the person I am today, but there were somethings, frankly that I could've done without. So as a Mom, I try to find the balance, focus on the things that are important to me--education, honesty, kindness, self-worth, creativity & independent thinking. And for all the other stuff, well there is the occasional Mommy freakout. for that.

 

[tmj212]

Yeah shouldn't have done it fair enough... but it did get me what I wanted. My parents didn't continue to "surprise" me with things like this. So honestly yeah don't feel too bad about it.

As for mom asks you to do something you do it period... yeah never really bought into that. Parents can be wrong and unreasonable too.

As for this instance it obviously didn't break either of us. My parents and I still have a great relationship.

Just curious--do you have kids yet? I know that my pespective on things sure have 'evolved' after I became an experienced Mom (e.g., not so much when they were infants, but as they got older, more challenging and greater in number).

 

[Turn the Page]

I also see the same situation in my friend's family. When Mom asked for help, 3 of older kids ignored. But later when dad asked, all of them helped actively. As I know, the mom is lack of patience and communication with the kids. So I think every thing happened should have the background behind it. For kids good growth, need love, patient and communication. Parents need to know what kids' think and need to let kids know what parents think to get understanding between each other.

Interestingly, I am the disciplinarian in my house. DFi will tell step daughter 5 to do something she doesn't want to do and she will sit there and argue with him. All it takes is me saying " name, what did daddy say?" and she does it instantly.

Kids know who the pushover is in every house and take advantage of it when they can.

 

[Disbroads]

My neighborhood has a lake with a small beach within walking distance. But there are also half a dozen parking spaces.

Yesterday at the beach I observed a mom trying to get her three boys to help her load up her car so they could leave. Mom asked numerous times for help, and the boys completely ignored her every time. I'm guessing the boys were about 10, 8 and 5. 10 year old kept texting or playing on his phone while Mom loaded up the car. The two younger ones were bouncing a basketball on the paved parking area. It took Mom about 4 trips to bring the chairs, cooler, umbrella, beach toys, etc. back to the car. Then she loaded it all without any help.

"Emerson**, please go get the beach chairs." Totally ignored.
"Colton, can you bring the cooler back to the car?" Totally ignored.
"Brian, you left sand in this bucket. Please go rinse it out." Totally ignored.

Mom finally had enough and let the boys have it. "I'm very disappointed that you boys didn't help. We're not going to continue doing fun things like this if you don't help." That didn't phase the kids a bit.

Oh, please, Mom. It's obvious the kids know you're a pushover and they've been walking all over you for years. And you know damn well you'll be bringing the kids back to the lake next weekend or doing whatever they want.

Sad for everyone. Those kids are likely to be terrors when they reach their teens and Mom won't be able to do a thing about it.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

**(Wow, there actually IS someone named Emerson. I thought that thread here about the name was a gag. Emerson was my telephone number exchange when I was a kid. EMerson 5-5563.)

I typically stay out of parental style debates, but this one connects some dots I want to share.
Years back, I noticed my brother was a pretty strict parent and mentioned "you run a tight ship", to which he replied "fight the small battles, and you'll never need to fight the big battles." I found that pretty profound, and history has proven it to be sound advice. His three kids are all well adjusted, responsible, successful adults.

Fast forward to the day before yesterday. A teenager was throwing ice cubes and water at people walking along an ocean pier elevated off the sand. A few adults told him to knock it off, and rather than apologize and stop, suddenly there are five of them bowing up, ready to fight these fifty somethings, and the people who work at the pier. These kids were never taught right from wrong. They always won the small battles. At this point, they will likely end up in prison. The cops were called and did come and talk to them. The kids showed no respect whatsoever. The cops couldn't do anything, having not witnessed it.

So every time I hear or read "just kids being kids" in a scenario like the above... I cringe.

I'm not contending that the kids in the OP's story are destined to be like the ones in my story. I'm just contending that you're always teaching your kids. Sometimes with the things you say or do, and sometimes with the things you don't.

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

I typically stay out of parental style debates, but this one connects some dots I want to share.
Years back, I noticed my brother was a pretty strict parent and mentioned "you run a tight ship", to which he replied "fight the small battles, and you'll never need to fight the big battles." I found that pretty profound, and history has proven it to be sound advice. His three kids are all well adjusted, responsible, successful adults.

Fast forward to the day before yesterday. A teenager was throwing ice cubes and water at people walking along an ocean pier elevated off the sand. A few adults told him to knock it off, and rather than apologize and stop, suddenly there are five of them bowing up, ready to fight these fifty somethings, and the people who work at the pier. These kids were never taught right from wrong. They always won the small battles. At this point, they will likely end up in prison. The cops were called and did come and talk to them. The kids showed no respect whatsoever. The cops couldn't do anything, having not witnessed it.

So every time I hear or read "just kids being kids" in a scenario like the above... I cringe.

I'm not contending that the kids in the OP's story are destined to be like the ones in my story. I'm just contending that you're always teaching your kids. Sometimes with the things you say or do, and sometimes with the things you don't.

I have seen the opposite as well and as interesting as your stories are-they aren't history proving anything.

I've known plenty of parents who were so intent on winning the small battles that they never seemed to talk about or teach the big stuff that they ended up with some bad situations when their kids hit high school/college.

It's great that your brother's kids turned out great. The behavior of the young people on the pier is disgraceful, but you have no idea how they grew up. You don't know that they "won all the small battles and never learned right from wrong." You're just surmising that because of your brother. Just because he was strict and has successful adult children does not mean that is a causal relationship.

I'm sure everybody has anecdotal evidence of various parenting styles yielding various results. I certainly know people who were great children with strict parents and are not exactly what one would think of as an paragon of success. I know people who were crazy children that ran wild who are successful, empathetic adults.

I'm just amazed that so many people can not only see exactly how a family operates from one sliver of a day, but also the future of those children with utmost certainty.

 

[Disbroads]

While I appreciate your admiration of my ability see exactly how a family operates from one sliver of a day, I made no such claim, but I am mesmerized by your ability to refute my observations from having not seen that same sliver, annonymously, online.

A late teens kid is called out for doing something out of line. He proceeds to become aggressive with every authority figure from immediate adults, to establishment management, to cops. If you can't connect the dots to figure out he suffers from a severe lack of guidance earlier in life, that's simply not my issue.

The OP was about a 5, 8 and ten year old ignoring the only authority figure they know. This new age parenting style is working out great. It has brought us "occupy", "income inequality" and the emasculation of law enforcement.

"I never had to have any responsibility growing up! Why should I have it now?"

If I struck a nerve, sorry. I hope it works out.

 

[AdamEfimoff]

This has nothing to do with Disney. Nothing to do with anything at all. This is a Disney forum. Why is it here.

 

[Allison]

This has nothing to do with Disney. Nothing to do with anything at all. This is a Disney forum. Why is it here.

Because it is the community board where it doesn't have to be about Disney. Why did you post on a thread that had no activity for 2 1/2 years to complain about it being here?

 

[robinb]

What is it about zombie threads in the last couple of days?

 

[AdamEfimoff]

Because it is the community board where it doesn't have to be about Disney. Why did you post on a thread that had no activity for 2 1/2 years to complain about it being here?

Yes but parents attacking parents is kind of sad. Just saying. We do not need to to attack people who are trying the very best. I am no parent. The lack of humanity on this planet kind of worries me. It was in my feed. This thread was on the top of my 'feed' not sure whys

 

[kimblebee]

This has nothing to do with Disney. Nothing to do with anything at all. This is a Disney forum. Why is it here.

Currently, on page one, not one thread relates to Disney.

 

[Allison]

Yes but parents attacking parents is kind of sad. Just saying. We do not need to to attack people who are trying the very best. I am no parent. The lack of humanity on this planet kind of worries me. It was in my feed. This thread was on the top of my 'feed' not sure whys

Are you aware of what the community board is for?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

This has nothing to do with Disney. Nothing to do with anything at all. This is a Disney forum. Why is it here.

This thread is on the 'Community Board'- the definition of the Community Board on the DIS is the following: Join our moderators in a discussion forum for any topic, Disney or otherwise. Swap stories, information, ask questions...just be friendly.

 

[AdamEfimoff]

This thread is on the 'Community Board'- the definition of the Community Board on the DIS is the following: Join our moderators in a discussion forum for any topic, Disney or otherwise. Swap stories, information, ask questions...just be friendly.

I felt this thread is being rude to the poor women. And being really insulting. II know this is a community forum. But I felt the op was attacking this poor women for nothing.