Sad, confused, should we still go?

[Graciesmom77]

Friday morning my Mom was rushed to the hospital not breathing no heartbeat. The medics got her heartbeating again and after 3 days of waiting in the hospital, we found there was no brain function and on Monday morning she passed away. It was so unexpected, she was only 52, very healthy and had beat breast cancer 5 years ago.

I am so lost and beyond sad. We have a Disney trip planned as my kids Christmas gift and I want to cancel, but my family is telling me not to. They think it will be good to get away and that my Mom would want us to go. I can't imagine going and trying to be ok when all I want to do is cry.

The kids do not know about the trip, so telling them we arent going is not part of the situation. I just wondered what others thought.Should we go or not? Has anyone else had something like this happen so close to a trip?

Thanks guys.







.

 

[moonpie85]

First of all I'm very sorry for your loss. No matter what age we are to lose a parent is heartbreaking and can make one feel like an orphan.

I agree with your family that she would probably hate the idea of toying cancelling your trip. Yet at the same time I have to ask, do you have a lot of vacation memories with her there? If so, personally I would wait as that would be way to hard on me that soon. But it is truly up to you, only you know. If I had no memories with her there i would definately go as a happy escape.

God bless you and your family during this difficult time. (((hugs)))

 

[LilyWDW]

My suggestion is go.

You and your family have been through a very tough time, but you can't allow it to rule your lives. By the time your trip comes up you will have had time to grieve and may have a different mind set then you do at this point. It is still a shock right now... but in 40 days, things will be a lot different.

Plus, with this tragic event, your kids most likely are going to need some happiness and excitement in the future. If nothing else, I would keep the trip for THEM because they are going to be feeling the sadness and stress along with everyone else.

 

[Graciesmom77]

Sadly, my Mom never made it to Disney, so we don't have any memories of her there.

I know the girls would love it, and I was soooo excited before all this, I just can't imagine going now. I keep telling myself in 40 days I will feel a bit better, but my heart is saying, nope, this is it for life.

 

[rockydek]

I just want to say I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[arminnie]

I went to Disney not too long after my mother's death from breast cancer. My sister and I went in December. I am so glad we did that. I can't tell you how much it helped to get away. Mother had always been the mainstay of Christmas - having all her sisters (6) and their families over each year.

 

[brightspark]

Oh my... I'm so so sorry for your loss. I remember losing my mum so clearly (and that was expected, although she was very young) you must be devastated... you will feel better eventually, but 40 days isn't very long...

Your family is probably right that your mum would not want you to cancel the trip on her behalf, but you have to do what is right for you too. She would not want you to bury the pain either. On the other hand something to take your mind off your loss, and something to create some new memories wouldn't be a bad thing.

Dh and I went to WDW the day after receiving (what was to us devastating news) from our Doctor, and there was so much there that reduced me to tears, (I think it was all the happiness, when somehow it felt that ours was being take away) but I was never sorry that we went.

Sending massive hugs your way, and praying for you at this awful time.
xx

 

[DannysMom]

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

You are right in that your grief is forever. But the pain does dull with time, becomes less of a raw, open, gaping emotional wound, and more along the lines of a scar that gives you twinges from time to time.

In another month, while you most certainly will not be healed, you will (most likely) be ready to start healing -- so my "vote" would be to keep the trip as planned. (Not that my opinion really matters, but you asked. )

I agree that your kids will benefit from the trip too, as they will feel the stress and grief too, but may not have the ability to process it yet.

My thoughts are with you and your family and hope you find peace after this difficult time.

 

[brightspark]

In another month, while you most certainly will not be healed, you will (most likely) be ready to start healing -- so my "vote" would be to keep the trip as planned. (Not that my opinion really matters, but you asked. )

This is such a good way to put it...

 

[bumbershoot]

I keep telling myself in 40 days I will feel a bit better, but my heart is saying, nope, this is it for life.

I was told this when my mom died at 55, and it has proven to be true. The feeling of devastating sorrow will be the same. But eventually you won't feel it all the time. It slowly will start to lift, bit by bit.

Now at the time, that felt sad to me, because frankly I considered wearing black every day for the rest of my life, but the knowledge that healing doesn't mean one day you just won't care kept me more sane.

Eventually, you will feel better, most of the time. But the sadness will hit sometimes, and when it does it can definitely feel the same as when it first happened. (which makes ME feel better, and the people that have experienced the same say the same)




As for disney....it's going to be pretty early on. If you were chomping at the bit to go but family was telling you to cancel, I'd say go and who cares about them. But since you are actually not sure about going, I would counsel that you really listen to your heart on it. In fact maybe it would be good to include your children on this? the older ones of course. Because what if you decide to go, and then they have very opposite feelings on it? I remember me at 10, and I know I wouldn't want to be around me at ten if I were sad and being made to go when I just wanted to be sad.

I didn't know I was a Disney fan when my mom died. I only found that out after I married and had a kid. But I DID have an overwhelming feeling of MUST GET OUT OF HERE after a month or two. Thankfully work provided me with a trip to a place I'd never been for the summer. But I tend to think that Disney might have helped, if I'd known that I loved it.

However, I'm comfy crying in public. Not everyone is. So if you're 100% NOT OK with crying through small world, or wherever might trigger grief, then just for that reason you might consider postponing.


I'm so so so sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you have family to help you through. I was all alone in the world, with no one to hug me as I cried in the middle of the night, and I can't wish that on anyone. When my husband's dad died, he had me to squeeze him tight when he needed it and talk about his dad WHENEVER he wanted to talk, and he says it really helped him get through the worst times.

 

[kim929]

I am so sorry for your loss.

going to Disney might help the children, And you by maybe taking your mind off things even if it's for a little bit

 

[PiperPizzaz]

I think you should change it to maybe early summer and tell the kids at Christmas. It will give everyone a little lift at time when you all can at least take a breath and look about for a bit.

 

[Kat&Dom]

I am so, so sorry.

One thing to consider is how you will feel being home at Christmas without your mom coming over. All holidays will be different now because your mom is not here to share them with you and your family.

Maybe the best thing for you and your family is to go away this Christmas so that you have something different to focus on. You will still be sad but there will be so many distractions that it might make for an easier Christmas.

Again, I am so, so sorry!

 

[nilseks]

I am very sorry for your loss.

I want to give you a different perspective, along the lines of what Kat&Dom said. I lost my sister very suddenly 10 years ago. The holidays were very, VERY hard for us those first years. We were crippled by our memories and traditions, without her there. If you are used to spending Christmas with your mom, you would most likely be even more miserable at home. In 40 days you really WILL feel a bit better, even if you don't think so now. Your girls are going to see a lot of ups and downs for mommy in the next few weeks--it will be hard for them to see you crying so much (but that is a very real part of life and not something you should feel the need to hide). My point is, getting away from it all could be a very good thing for you, especially if the alternative is to sit home and remember all your traditions with your mom.

All the best to you and your family.

 

[LilyWDW]

OP, what I worry about is that if you cancel now, will you regret it later? Right now, you are grief stricken (understandably so). It might not be the best time to make a logical decision about your trip. What if you cancel and then in 30 days time realize the trip is what you (or your kids) needed?

What I would do is have a backup plan to possibly postpone the trip to. I would not do it just yet, but have it in mind. Then, if you DO think you need to postpone it, you can do so... but you have not made a "final" decision too early.

Do you have a package or room only? That also changes the cancellation policy.

 

[ancestry]

I would go. We left for a Disney trip the same day that we buried my father. My father made it clear that we were NOT to cancel our trip because of him. .

Go and do the trip in memory of your mother!

So sorry for your loss.

 

[heatherwillmom]

First, I am sorry for your loss. She was so young. I agree with most of the other posters. I think a Christmas trip would help with the healing. The holidays are hard when you have lost a loved one so a change of scenery for the holidays would be easier.

 

[Ciciwoowoo]

I am so sorry for your loss



I would say go... The holidays are going to be tremendously difficult without your mother. Disney is going to be something different. You will still miss her, but you won't dwell on it as badly as you would if you remained home.

I'm sure your mom would be the first to tell you to go and have fun! She loved you and wanted you to have fun.

 

[jdb in AZ]

Sorry for your loss.

When my father-in-law passed, my mother-in-law didn't want to be home without him at Christmas time, so she took the extended family on a vacation where they hadn't traveled before, so it didn't hold memories of him there, but she was surrounded by loved ones.

I hope that Disney will help your healing process, whether you decide to go next month, or postpone it for awhile.

 

[mom2maggie]

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father very unexpectedly 13 years ago when he was only 44, and I was 20. The loss was DEVASTATING - but after a month, I felt like I could finally take a breath again. I wasn't healed at all - I still am not! But at that point I was ready to start taking steps toward what my new normal would be like without him. If I were in a situation like you, I would go - because I know how being at Disney can let you escape from reality in a way. Escaping from sorrowful looks from friends, and all the sympathies from everyone reminding you every 10 minutes that your mom is gone (as gracious as they might be!) - it might be just the thing you need. Hugs to you either way you choose!