S/O: Differences in age for dating/marriage????

[mummabear]

If memory serves, I got skewered pretty severely the last time we discussed this on the CB but I 100% agree with your post because I may end up living it. We married when I was 29 and DH was in his early 40's. Now that DH is in his 60's and I'm...not, it's readily apparent that if nature takes it's normal course, I will end up caring for him in the future. I am dreading it.

At the other end of the spectrum, our DS (just turned 20) has begun spending a lot of time with a 16 y.o. young lady. They are quite well suited maturity-wise and are peers in a number of activities related to common interests, but still 20/16 is 20/16. 22/18 would be quite different and at 24/20 nobody bats an eyelash. We're concerned.

I was 17 when I started dating DH, he was 20 almost 21, we have been together 15 years, married for 11

Forgot to quote and can't seem to exit to add it

 

[DawnM]

Wow, these guys are duds. At 49, I love to go out. I could see your scenario being a real problem one day, but WOW that's awful young for that

I slowed down a lot when I had kids. All my children were born after age 30.

Even up until last year I liked to go out until late, but now that my job requires me to get up at 5am, I am having a harder time staying up anymore!

Last weekend we went out with friends and I left by 10:30. I just couldn't stay up anymore!

My body clock is really 11pm-7am sleep and if I could find a job that would allow me that, I would probably switch. But as it stands, the high school starts at 7am, I have to be there by 6:45, and it is 40 min. away, so I leave at 6.

 

[kamik86]

At the other end of the spectrum, our DS (just turned 20) has begun spending a lot of time with a 16 y.o. young lady. They are quite well suited maturity-wise and are peers in a number of activities related to common interests, but still 20/16 is 20/16. 22/18 would be quite different and at 24/20 nobody bats an eyelash. We're concerned.

I think its less of an issue of age difference then stage of life.

The fact is a few years makes much more of a difference the younger a person is. 16 and 20 is middle of high school vs middle of college in most situations. so it is looked at worse. 18/22 is starting college vs about to graduate. By the time they are both in the work force its not a big deal at all.

Due to this the age difference of DH and I no one really bat an eye at, I started school young, I was still 4. He started school late due to a stutter so he was almost 6. Due to this we are only one grade apart in school. So when I was a sophmore dating a junior no one thought anything of it. However he is just short of 3 years older then me. Had my birthday been a week later and we both started school what was considered "on time" we would have been 3 years apart.

My neice and her boyfriend are about the same difference in age but many more give her a hard time when they realize the difference. 1) she is older, for some reason the guy being older is more socially acceptable. 2) the years of school difference she started school at 4 as well and then moved into a school districted with a stricter cut off, so he is a full three years behind him in school. So when he was still a sophmore and she was out of high school she was given a hard time. Now that they are both out of high school it only matters if they are somewhere that people drink, he isn't 21 yet. Once he turns 21 no one will notice at all.

 

[lovin'fl]

Well...I am married but have 3 older kids (17, 17 and 19) who I would prefer they date within a few years of their own age. But DH and I had kids young and our group of friends (formed by our kids and their activities over the years) are 5-10 years older than us and I see not much differences there. DH and I are 43 and so folks that are 53, with older teen kids too, are pretty similar to us. But I don't like older men who dump their 'old' wives- who supported them over the years- after their career and finances are built up and then re-marry a 20-something girl. That's despicable to me.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Wow, these guys are duds. At 49, I love to go out. I could see your scenario being a real problem one day, but WOW that's awful young for that

They would say they've been there and done that in regards to clubs, bars and going dancing. I guess it's more about not having the same things in common anymore rather than being old and not wanting to leave your couch. They do go out and do things but for her it's "boring" stuff. She would rather hit the town and he wants to be more low key. He used to go out a LOT when he was in his 20's and early 30's so that scene (clubs, bars, dancing) is not what he wants to do anymore and I get it. But she missed out on that when she had 3 babies back to back in her 20s. When she hit 30 she wanted to go out and he wanted no parts of it. It caused a lot of issues in their marriage and to this day still does.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

They would say they've been there and done that in regards to clubs, bars and going dancing. I guess it's more about not having the same things in common anymore rather than being old and not wanting to leave your couch. They do go out and do things but for her it's "boring" stuff. She would rather hit the town and he wants to be more low key. He used to go out a LOT when he was in his 20's and early 30's so that scene (clubs, bars, dancing) is not what he wants to do anymore and I get it. But she missed out on that when she had 3 babies back to back in her 20s. When she hit 30 she wanted to go out and he wanted no parts of it. It caused a lot of issues in their marriage and to this day still does.

I have to admit the bar isn't the same "now", but that's more about being married than being old. The primary objective in my 20's was meeting women. But, I still enjoy seeing bands & have no trouble closing down the place if we're having fun

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I slowed down a lot when I had kids. All my children were born after age 30.

Even up until last year I liked to go out until late, but now that my job requires me to get up at 5am, I am having a harder time staying up anymore!

Last weekend we went out with friends and I left by 10:30. I just couldn't stay up anymore!

My body clock is really 11pm-7am sleep and if I could find a job that would allow me that, I would probably switch. But as it stands, the high school starts at 7am, I have to be there by 6:45, and it is 40 min. away, so I leave at 6.

DW struggles if she sits down. She's up at 5:00 every morning where I sleep until 6:00 unless I'm real busy at work. So, she's falling asleep on the couch a lot at 9:15 pm. But, if we're out & doing something, she's fine.

 

[ElsieAstronaut]

xH was the same age as me. He was immature and at the end we just had nothing in common at all. Despite being the same age (less than a month difference) we were at very different stages of life.

xDB was three years younger and that was just a train wreck. He was incredibly immature, even for his age, which made the difference feel even bigger. Even though I was only 24 and he was 21, I was kind of over the "party" phase and all he wanted to do was get black out drunk with his buddies. They all made me feel so old and lame, and I felt like I had to babysit them.

Current DB is 14 years older than me. It's the happiest I've ever been. Older men were never really a "thing" for me, so it's not something I was seeking. He generally dated women close to his age, so wasn't seeking a younger woman.For us specifically, it just really works. I'm mature for my age, he's immature for his, so we meet in the middle, lol. I don't want kids, he has a grown son and no interest in more. We have a lot in common, and everything is just easy and natural. We just fit.

That said, I have no idea if this age difference would work out with a different person. I think the numbers don't matter nearly as much as the people.

 

[lilia78]

My husband and I started dating when I was 15 and he was 21. Married at 18 and 24. If any of my kids date someone that much older or younger than them I hope they are both at least 18 or older. Looking back 15 and 21 is crazy! But we were each other's firsts (and onlys), we grew and changed together, we have four amazing kids and have now been married for 20 years, together for almost 23.

 

[Colleen27]

They would say they've been there and done that in regards to clubs, bars and going dancing. I guess it's more about not having the same things in common anymore rather than being old and not wanting to leave your couch. They do go out and do things but for her it's "boring" stuff. She would rather hit the town and he wants to be more low key. He used to go out a LOT when he was in his 20's and early 30's so that scene (clubs, bars, dancing) is not what he wants to do anymore and I get it. But she missed out on that when she had 3 babies back to back in her 20s. When she hit 30 she wanted to go out and he wanted no parts of it. It caused a lot of issues in their marriage and to this day still does.

I don't think that's all that unusual... because for many guys, clubs, bars, and going dancing are things they did to meet or impress/please women, not because they enjoyed those things for themselves. So once they can take a relationship sufficiently for granted they don't want to continue those things that they didn't like in the first place but felt they had to do to meet new potential mates or please the women they dated.

Now, if she was home with *their* babies while he was out clubbing and dancing so much that he's "over it", that's a whole different issue.

 

[DawnM]

For the record, DH and I are 6 months apart. But we graduated the same year from high school (not from the same area), and by all measures we are the same age.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Any more than 10 years will raise my eyebrows. My husband and I are 2 1/2 years apart. And even with that, some people have told us that he is "robbing the cradle."

I've know many couples with 15 years or more of an age difference. Every single time, the younger spouse (woman) has ended up either taking care of the older spouse (man) or the younger spouse ended up a widow.

Age is more than a number.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Any more than 10 years will raise my eyebrows. My husband and I are 2 1/2 years apart. And even with that, some people have told us that he is "robbing the cradle."

I met my husband's family just over 2 weeks after I met him. It was a holiday party my husband's mother's family friend was hosting. Anyways I walk in the door to meet his family and the family's friends and one of the first things they say to me is (in a joking manner) "ehh looks like you're robbing the cradle"....I'm a year and two months older than my husband..

What's interesting is I swore I wouldn't date someone younger than me mostly for the maturity concern. I was 19 (I was a sophmore in college) when I met him and he was 18 (a freshman in college). Turns out my husband was far more mature than any of the guys I had dated that were 3-5 years older than me.

 

[bjscheel]

DH is 6 years older and we started dating when I was 17 (but in the last couple months of my senior year) and he was 23. My poor mother. We've been married 20 years now. I would say him being older did speed up when we decided to get married (19 & 25) and start having kids (nearly 22 and 28) but it has worked out fine. Now that I have an 18 year old daughter it seems really weird to me though!

DD had a boyfriend for a year, when they started she was still 16 and he just turned 19. She was anxious to turn 17 so it would sound a little better. The difference otherwise wasn't an issue, he went to the local community college and was still very into the high school sports scene and friends still at their school.

 

[nene0182]

my husband is 7 years older then me and most of the time it's a non issue. The only time it seems to really come up is random conversations about things that were popular in certain years. Because obviously what was popular to a 16 year old boy in 1991 was not the same to a 9 year old girl.

However when we met I was 25, divorced with a 4 year old and was working on my masters degree with a steady job. He was 32, never married but with a successful career. We were both at the same point in our life despite the age difference which works well for us.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I don't think that's all that unusual... because for many guys, clubs, bars, and going dancing are things they did to meet or impress/please women, not because they enjoyed those things for themselves. So once they can take a relationship sufficiently for granted they don't want to continue those things that they didn't like in the first place but felt they had to do to meet new potential mates or please the women they dated.

Now, if she was home with *their* babies while he was out clubbing and dancing so much that he's "over it", that's a whole different issue.

There's definitely a reason "girls' night out" exists

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I don't think that's all that unusual... because for many guys, clubs, bars, and going dancing are things they did to meet or impress/please women, not because they enjoyed those things for themselves. So once they can take a relationship sufficiently for granted they don't want to continue those things that they didn't like in the first place but felt they had to do to meet new potential mates or please the women they dated.

Now, if she was home with *their* babies while he was out clubbing and dancing so much that he's "over it", that's a whole different issue.

They met when she was 18 and he was 30. So he had all of his 20s and very early 30s to party and have fun. He's ex military who traveled so he had TONS of fun. We've heard the stories. lol

They got married and started having kids when she was 23 and they had 3 in 5 years. Around 30-31 she wanted to go out and go dancing and he was just over it. And when she wanted to go with just the girls he didn't like that so much. I think some is age because they don't have much in common anymore and some is jealousy/insecurity due to the age difference. I feel as though HE worries that he has a younger, pretty wife and he's an "old man" and she may find someone younger and more "fun." That's just my assumptions from being a witness to this for about 6 years now. He's also made little comments about their age difference, to me, when we've had conversations.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

They met when she was 18 and he was 30. So he had all of his 20s and very early 30s to party and have fun. He's ex military who traveled so he had TONS of fun. We've heard the stories. lol

They got married and started having kids when she was 23 and they had 3 in 5 years. Around 30-31 she wanted to go out and go dancing and he was just over it. And when she wanted to go with just the girls he didn't like that so much. I think some is age because they don't have much in common anymore and some is jealousy/insecurity due to the age difference. I feel as though HE worries that he has a younger, pretty wife and he's an "old man" and she may find someone younger and more "fun." That's just my assumptions from being a witness to this for about 6 years now. He's also made little comments about their age difference, to me, when we've had conversations.

Probably on the right track, but he needs to get over it. As far as getting HIM to the club, is the issue possibly the music? In my 20's, the only prerequisite for a club was "lots of women", and if the music sucked, I couldn't have cared less. Bonus points of the bar could make a proper Tom Collins though LOL

Our local hotspot brings in a variety of music. I don't go on country night, dance party night, or DJ night. But, when the band is doing covers of Styx, Van Halen, Metallica, etc I'm there. The men all sit back & tap our toes. The women dance.

 

[mombrontrent]

Probably on the right track, but he needs to get over it. As far as getting HIM to the club, is the issue possibly the music? In my 20's, the only prerequisite for a club was "lots of women", and if the music sucked, I couldn't have cared less. Bonus points of the bar could make a proper Tom Collins though LOL

Our local hotspot brings in a variety of music. I don't go on country night, dance party night, or DJ night. But, when the band is doing covers of Styx, Van Halen, Metallica, etc I'm there. The men all sit back & tap our toes. The women dance.

Posting just to say that I'm not a drinker but if I have a drink Tom Collins is my drink of choice. Always has been since I was 19! Also will put in that I started dating my DH when I was 17 and he was 22, were living together within 6 months. Still together 19+ years later.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Probably on the right track, but he needs to get over it. As far as getting HIM to the club, is the issue possibly the music? In my 20's, the only prerequisite for a club was "lots of women", and if the music sucked, I couldn't have cared less. Bonus points of the bar could make a proper Tom Collins though LOL

Our local hotspot brings in a variety of music. I don't go on country night, dance party night, or DJ night. But, when the band is doing covers of Styx, Van Halen, Metallica, etc I'm there. The men all sit back & tap our toes. The women dance.

No, they have the same taste in music. He just doesn't feel the need to do that (clubs and bars) anymore. And he feels that his wife, A WIFE, doesn't have any business in places "like that." Sometimes we don't even dance. We just sit and hang out. He doesn't even want to do that.

It's been 6-7 years of this now. She has basically given in and just doesn't go out with the girls or with him much at all. She says she's miserable yet she stays. I stay out of it.