fly girl
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2012
I need adult opinions, so I'm asking on here.
I'm 19 and moved into my off-campus college house on Sunday. I have 3 housemates: one who is nice, one who has not moved in yet, and the one this post is about.
I lived with her last year and never had a problem until the last month or so of the year. I was in a really bad place mentally, and I think that she just had enough of living with it. I got medicated over the summer and have been doing much better, and she is aware of that. She didn't talk to me all summer, nor any of our mutual friends and honestly, I thought she might have transferred or moved without telling me until she moved in the other day. I should note that she is a very quiet person in general, a lot of people on the team hadn't heard her speak for almost the entire first year.
So my biggest problem right now is, that we are going to the same place at the same time every day. We are on the same sports team, so we have to go to practice at the same time. Instead of taking turns driving, she leaves without me (doesn't even tell me she is leaving) so we wind up taking 2 cars and there is limited parking, to begin with. When I mentioned going together and rotating who drives she basically was like "I'm driving if you want to come, be in the car before I leave", even though she never says when she is leaving.
She is also super stand-offish, I asked her if she wanted to go to the store and she said no, but then I ran into her at the store. When we do things as a team, she will sit with her friends which is whatever but she purposely makes sure to be on the other side of the room from me.
Yesterday, we had a team lunch that no one told me about (I'm not in the team group chat which is a different issue), and she left without saying anything to me. One of the coaches called me and asked me where I was, and when I told her I was at my house, she was like "your roommate is here, why aren't you".
Am I overthinking this, or should I confront her about how she's been acting? I don't want to create drama in the first week, but I have to live with her for 10 more months so I feel like I might need to address it upfront.
First, I am glad you are in a better place and doing much better. Yay!
Now, to the questions at hand. Leave it be. She knows you are doing better, I am sure she can see it in person too. However, it appears she is not ready to engage yet and that is ok. Sounds like she is very private and introverted -- that you cannot change. You can only respect it.
As for rides to practice and shopping, you have attempted and they weren't received the way you wanted them to be. Yeah, it stinks but she has every right to say no. I understand completely how it is very hard not to internalize the situation, but remember she talked to no one over the summer. Maybe she is going through things you are unaware of? Respect her privacy and move forward.
Lastly, I do feel bad that you are not on the team group chat, but that sounds like a completely separate issue from your roommate. I think the coach made a quick assumption and an innocent (yet ignorant) comment ensued.
IDK the circumstances behind not being on group chat, but if you are missing out on things you may want to try and get on it. Again, IDK the backstory.
Give it time. Your actions will speak louder than words, and hopefully you'll get in a groove that you will be more comfortable with soon.