Room Moms and school parties.......

[CindyBella]

The point I was trying to make was that, at our school, $125 wasn't a lot to many of the moms. But the next year, the room mother might not be quite so lucky, and yet she had the previous year to live up to. The school felt there were some precedents being set, and some messages being delivered, that weren't in keeping with the school's philosophy. We as a school decided that the parties needed to be scaled down, and the administration made a careful and considered decision.

We had some "where's the fun in that?" moms, to be sure, but the kids have had fun at all of the parties. Little kids enjoy doing something festive and different, and it doesn't need to be elaborate. We were finding, at our school, that the moms who planned the kinds of parties you are describing were in it for more than just the kids having fun - it was becoming a social competition. I am glad we handle parties the way we do, but I am really not being critical of you or your party, honestly I'm not!!

At DD private preschool last year, we had sign-up sheets:

salty snack

sweet treat

drinks

plates and napkins

They were up at open house. I called a week before to remind everyone.
I loved that! Wish all schools could do it that way. That never included the activities and crafts though.

 

[DVCLiz]

Of course, the issue of cost is also based on how many children are in the classroom. It's easy to be seen as overspending if you have 10 or 15 kids in a class, while the same amount divided among 30 students would seem modest.

I'm still glad our school has the guidelines we do, but I'm also appreciative of anyone who helps out in a classroom anywhere.

 

[momx2]

At DD private preschool last year, we had sign-up sheets:

salty snack

sweet treat

drinks

plates and napkins

They were up at open house. I called a week before to remind everyone.
I loved that! Wish all schools could do it that way. That never included the activities and crafts though.

This is how our school basically does it. With the reminder call. Except movies there have never been crafts. I guess because they do those everyweek heading up to the holiday anyway. Also, we will sometimes have a little program, singing or a small play. No need for the crafts.

 

[CindyBella]

They know us also. Most of the office staff and alot of teachers are our neighbors. We go to church with many teachers. Their children come to my house and play. I'm not a room mom, but know my school system and teachers and office staff, I am involved. They call me or my husband if our kids are sick or need something, etc. I agree that they look out for all students. Unfortunately, we had a teacher last year who bought the room mom's children presents and no one else. One room mom would report anyone she precieved was mistreating her child (usually child was lying since she ). Honestley, I am glad their are room moms to help, but the one's that bring their babies everyday to the room, so much so the baby would go to certain kids, including mine and sit in their lap and get babysitted while my DD should have been learing...... I wasn't happy about many of those things. It was out of hand. I think your parties are fine. I guess I just think the kids are easy to please.

That teacher should have never done that! I am truly glad you think my parties are fine. Kids are easy to please. You are right. Next party I am going to do something crazy. I am going by plates and napkins that....gulp...do not match.

 

[CindyBella]

Of course, the issue of cost is also based on how many children are in the classroom. It's easy to be seen as overspending if you have 10 or 15 kids in a class, while the same amount divided among 30 students would seem modest.

I'm still glad our school has the guidelines we do, but I'm also appreciative of anyone who helps out in a classroom anywhere.

There are a total of 50 kids. DD has 20 and DS has 30. Is that better? I swear I am not trying to over do it! I am starting to worry.

 

[momx2]

Next party I am going to do something crazy. I am going by plates and napkins that....gulp...do not match.

NO, NO, say it ain't so! They have to MATCH! I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I am just so sensitive to this subject because of what we went through last year. I do appreciate all you guys do. Please don't believe, like my DD, since I'm not there that I don't know what is going on. Poor DD can't get by with anything because I know too many room moms and teachers. As long as the kids have fun, I'm for it! So, many don't get parties any other time.

 

[jemiaule]

There are a total of 50 kids. DD has 20 and DS has 30. Is that better? I swear I am not trying to over do it! I am starting to worry.

Ok, so that is $5 a kid if you are spending a total of $250. I do not find this excessive.

Halloween this year I made goodie bags for both kids classes and spent about $3 per child. So I spent $93.00 for two classes (17 in one class, 14 in another) just for goodie bags.

I know the other moms did cake, drinks, snacky stuff, paper goods and I think one party activity per class. I am sure all of that probably cost $60 per class...maybe a bit more; a half sheet cake from Safeway costs around $25.00!

So right there for 2 classes is $213. Not far off from what OP said she spent for 2 classes.

 

[emma'smom]

My dd attends a private school and they used to have a lot of competition with the birthday treats. So, the current policy is just cookies- no icing aloud (no punch, no favors, no mile high iced cupcakes, etc). The birthday celebration was simple and beautiful. My dd made sugar cookies shaped like "4's" with her grandma and sprinkled them with purple sugar. That was it...the only snack.

The children sat in a circle while she walked around a candle four times while thye sang "The Earth Goes Around the Sun". After each time around the circle, the teacher said something about what dd learned that year (to walk, to swim, to read) and then broke into "Happy Birthday" at the end. After that, they passed around the cookies and enjoyed them. Simple and memorable!

 

[CindyBella]

NO, NO, say it ain't so! They have to MATCH! I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I am just so sensitive to this subject because of what we went through last year. I do appreciate all you guys do. Please don't believe, like my DD, since I'm not there that I don't know what is going on. Poor DD can't get by with anything because I know too many room moms and teachers. As long as the kids have fun, I'm for it! So, many don't get parties any other time.

Exactly, there are some kids in DD class that might not have anything from Santa this year. I could be wrong but, the thought of it makes me sad. I truly think of them when planning.

Glad we are friends now!

 

[jemiaule]

Our kids are in private school too. They do not have any rules about what you can bring for birthdays - just when you can bring them.

You can bring any treats and drinks you want but they are to be served the last 15 minutes of class. It seems only some of the parents do birthday treats in class; generally if the childs birthday falls on a school day.

Last year DS6 birthday fell on a school day so we brought cupcakes, milk and juice. This year his birthday fell on a Saturday, all the kids were coming to his party, so we did not do anything in class.

One hard and fast rule the school has though is if you are having an outside party (birthday, whatever) you can only hand out invites if ALL the children in the class are getting one. if it is only a few children then they will not let you hand them out and you must mail them. I like this rule; it keeps kids from feeling excluded.

 

[graygables]

We e-school. I'm the room mom every day! Today we made styrofoam ball/bead ornaments and started our papier mache wise men. We had pretzels dipped in Nutella for a snack. It was pretty cheap.

When my adult DDs were in PS, I did the room mom thing. I sent home a sign up sheet and made it clear that whatever wasn't signed up for, wasn't going to happen, so parents were pretty good about making sure the cups made it to class so the kids didn't have to drink out of a 2-liter bottle. I brought the craft. The school also didn't allow homemade treats, so it was pretty easy for parents to pick up whatever and drop it off when it was convenient.

My mom was the RM who brought the perfectly matchy cupcakes, stainless flatware, and ceramics for crafts (yes, ceramics for us to paint, Lord, how do I live up to THAT?!?) and I was annoyed which is why I took the more laid back approach when it was my turn. The kids didn't care, they just loved the break in the routine.

 

[DVCLiz]

There are a total of 50 kids. DD has 20 and DS has 30. Is that better? I swear I am not trying to over do it! I am starting to worry.

No, don't be silly!!! I was just pointing out that somebody might see a certain amount of money and think "Wow!!!' not realizing how far it had to stretch to cover a lot of kids.

We just ran into some problems with moms who wanted to go really overboard -rent moonwalks, etc. for what should have been a simple party.

Now, on to a related subject - do you want to be the room mom EVERY year? Because I have a friend and she has been either the room mom or the transportation mom every year her child has been in school. She goes on all school field trips and is in the classroom as often as she can be. I wonder if there's a point you get tired of it - I know I did, and it was around 4th grade on my second child. Unfortunately, I was a room mom in 5th grade - a miserable experience.

 

[CindyBella]

We e-school. I'm the room mom every day! Today we made styrofoam ball/bead ornaments and started our papier mache wise men. We had pretzels dipped in Nutella for a snack. It was pretty cheap.

When my adult DDs were in PS, I did the room mom thing. I sent home a sign up sheet and made it clear that whatever wasn't signed up for, wasn't going to happen, so parents were pretty good about making sure the cups made it to class so the kids didn't have to drink out of a 2-liter bottle. I brought the craft. The school also didn't allow homemade treats, so it was pretty easy for parents to pick up whatever and drop it off when it was convenient.

My mom was the RM who brought the perfectly matchy cupcakes, stainless flatware, and ceramics for crafts (yes, ceramics for us to paint, Lord, how do I live up to THAT?!?) and I was annoyed which is why I took the more laid back approach when it was my turn. The kids didn't care, they just loved the break in the routine.

That is funny. My Mom was just like yours. Great at all of those things. I am the same way. HOWEVER, my sister, would never!!! She has great career, loves what she does. She is pregnant and she hopes all her classes have a great room parent because she says it is not for her! She would rather send a check than bake cookies all night!

 

[CindyBella]

No, don't be silly!!! I was just pointing out that somebody might see a certain amount of money and think "Wow!!!' not realizing how far it had to stretch to cover a lot of kids.

We just ran into some problems with moms who wanted to go really overboard -rent moonwalks, etc. for what should have been a simple party.

Now, on to a related subject - do you want to be the room mom EVERY year? Because I have a friend and she has been either the room mom or the transportation mom every year her child has been in school. She goes on all school field trips and is in the classroom as often as she can be. I wonder if there's a point you get tired of it - I know I did, and it was around 4th grade on my second child. Unfortunately, I was a room mom in 5th grade - a miserable experience.

Yes. I want to be room mom every year. Maybe not head room mom but atleast co-room mom. I like it. I used to play school as a kid. Never got my teaching certif. Maybe I am just somehow living my dream by being in the classroom with the kids.

 

[DVCLiz]

Oh, you're one of those...!!!!!!! Just kidding!!! Enjoy it while they are in elementary school - once they hit middle school they don't want you anywhere near their class!! I was DD13's room mom last year in 6th grade and she asked me if I was really going to be there the whole year!!! Poor child...

 

[SylviaL]

I really appreciate the work that room moms do. I volunteer in my child's classroom and would love to do more but i have a younger DS and one on the way. A lot of other moms are in the same boat so only a few can do a lot of work (15 kids).

I have a very fun idea that we just did in my DS's kindergarten class--stained glass cookies. I am one of the art appreciation moms so we have to do something with art about 5 times a year. This month we picked Marc Chagall and his stained glass windows. I made sugar cookies with the middle cut out (like a star, tree, and a circle with a bear cut out of the middle). Then, for our project, the kids filled the middle with pulverized hard candy (like Jolly Ranchers) and we baked it. The candy melts and it looks like stained glass! I used a straw to cut out a small hole to string a ribbon to make it into an ornament. Each child made a few cookies. They were allowed to eat one at school and take the rest home to be eaten or hung as ornaments. The teacher was so impressed, she called the principal over. It's probably too late to do it for the upcoming holiday but it would be fun to do for Valentine's Day. I'm looking for more fun ideas...

 

[MiniGirl]

I wish dd's grade school did things the way my youngest dd's preschool does. The preschool has a sign-up sheet at the open house with all the dates of the school wide and classroom events. You simply sign up then. The room mom then gives a call the week before an event to remind the person who had volunteered. So simple. We also only collect money once a year for teacher gifts, etc. I love that. Honestly, we get something every other week asking for money at dd#1's school. I hate being nickeled and dimed. I'm happy to send things in and do stuff, but it really is just too much sometimes.

We did have a problem at our preschool a couple of years ago. We have some very well-meaning and well-to-do families in the preschool, and man could those moms throw a party. Pizza, drinks, cupcakes, elaborate goody bags. The works!! The parties were done with pure hearts and motives. It was all to show the kids a good time and not try to one-up all the other parents, etc. (Much like the OP's pure motives and good heart) However, the next year very few people sign up to do any of the class parties. We discreetly asked around and discovered so many of the parents felt they had to do the same types of parties and simply could not afford to. (The money we collect at the beginning of the year goes mostly to teacher's gifts -- not class parties. Those are funded by the parents who offer to do them. No class is more than 12 children, so it really shouldn't be a big expense.) So, the preschool director did put some guidelines in place for the parties and not the volunteerism is back up.

Please don't misunderstand... I truly am not being critical of the OP or room moms like her. I appreciate anything parents are willing to do. I just sometimes wish things were more evenly spread out so classes like my dd's don't feel left out. I do what I can in her class, but I have never seen another parent in that class. In other classes, parents are fighting for the volunteer slots that are available and teachers are trying to find ways to allow more parents to come work in the classroom. Meanwhile, I pretty much had to draft 2 friends (whose children are in other classes) to help me with the reading program in my dd's class because no other parent offered to help -- not even once a month or anything like that. If my friends didn't offer to help, my dd's class would be the ONLY class in the entire school not participating in this program and earning the rewards that come with it.

Again, don't misunderstand. I'm not being critical -- nor am I complaining. I'm just saddened by the whole thing. I can't wait for this school year to be over and pray my dd gets in a good class next year. I also feel guilty for that because these kids have told me their parents never read with them and barely talk to them

Oh well.... it's late and I'm rambling. Tomorrow is early dismissal, and then I'm taking my girls to WDW (WL) for the night. That'll make me feel better.

 

[flying_babyb]

Bless all you room moms!!! I teach preschool and we have the most uninvolved parents. Though they do make gifts for our class mascots for holidays.

 

[FormrCastMbr]

The only thing I have issue with is forcing group gifts. I know of a family in one son's class that is struggling financially and being told they need to contribute $20 to a group gift for teacher is hard on them.

I am a class mother along with 2 other women - I have basically taken the lead. We sent a letter out for the teacher's holiday gifts and asked the parents to contribute $12...there was also a notation there is no obligations to donate and the gifts will be from all the kids. I do not keep track of who did not pay nor do I tell anyone...even the other class moms.

At the beginning of the year we asked parents to donate $5 to the party fund. Well, now we have about $75 left and I don't think it will last until the end of the year so we got an OK to ask for more money when the time comes. Mind you, the craft the other class mom bought was $85!!! I can't reimburse that much...I told her it was too expensive.

Our parties are tending to be more expensive too because we have to supply all healthy snacks...no cupcakes! And getting people to donate anything is a mess...so I try not to go that route.

I do tend to spend OOP alot...not too much but it is for my sons class and they are really a great group!

 

[flying_babyb]

healty snack? MUFFINS!! Mix is 99cents at walmart. Each makes 16