Hello, again...
Dave asked if the Mustang Ranch (noted house of ill repute) would be the site for our wedding. No, Dave, it's far worse than that. I'd like to describe it for anyone who's up for an adventure in the next couple of months, and just because it is the kind of old Americana tourist attraction that used to be about as good as it got on the family vacation before Disney World.
The ranch is called Bonnie Springs Old Nevada (
www.bonniesprings.com) and is the most authentic fake you can imagine. Authentic because although it is a phony tourist attraction with fakey Indian souvenirs, it IS a town of real buildings, not fronts, built on an actual pony express stop with an actual underground spring and a bona fide history. There are several lynchings and street shoutouts per day (in fact, weddings must be scheduled between them). There is a cheesy wax museum with a mildewed, motion detecting Abraham Lincoln wax figure that yells at you if you get too close to it. And an "abandoned mine" where the floor deliberately tilts the further you walk into it (intensely amusing if you've been imbibing). The saloon that can be rented for parties has huge oil paintings of topless brothel ladies on the walls but they'll cover them up with sheets if you request it.
It is the kind of place that charges you a dollar if they catch you taking feathers from the ground. The best feathers come from the wild peacocks that perch in the trees and make noises at daybreak that sound just like someone yelling "let me out!" over and over." It is the kind of place that is obviously a front for some Vegas strip money laundering...no place this hokey (it even has a small scale train that takes you from the (dirt) parking lot to the main entrance) could support such a vast staff packing technology befitting an astronaut. It is the kind of place that you can put quarters into machines for food to feed the animals in the sad petting zoo. For an extra fee you can even get your picture taken with the Biggest Cow on the Face of the Earth or a melancholy bison.
The chapel, however, is built of gorgeous natural wood with a huge window altar framing the mountains of Red Rock Canyon. And, although it is located between the shootin' gallery and the Old Tyme photo shop, there is a definite aura of majesty and reverence to it. It is a place in which one can feel very close to heaven, filled with the simplest of natural beauty.
And although the motel boasts decor made from the
Walmart fabric remnant bin and pieces of wood picked up from the parking lot, it overlooks stunningly savage mountains and the Rawhide-esque horse corral, and if you go out at sunrise the trail horses come up to the fence to be sociable. You can sit out there in your pajamas, drink coffee, and watch the sun track across the tops of the mountains while it is still blue gray where you are sitting. No one will likely see you, because in all the times we've been there (7+ nights at varying times of year) there have rarely been more than one or two other cars there. More reason to suspect an alternative source of revenue. But there is something so real about it; the sky is so big and everything just seems to be more colorful and the beer tastes colder and the barbecue sandwiches are sloppier and the horses' noses are more velvety....Real rodeo cowboys who've messed up their skeletons too badly to stay competitive lead morning trail rides through gulches and tumbleweed and packrats and occasionally (and frighteningly) encounter a real bobcat. They still wear their trophy belt buckles and tell tall tales.
I discovered this place quite by accident while taking a much needed escape drive from Treasure Island and the Vegas strip scene during a week long conference. Something about it tugged at my heart, so I took John there on one of our early unauthorized trips together--and we keep going back. In many ways, it is as special a place for us as Disney. Of course, the former site of the Disney Institute and the current site of Disney Quest are hallowed ground for us, as that is where we met and fell hopelessly and dangerously in love. We got engaged during the Tapestry of Dreams parade, the music of which we have always felt was "our" soundtrack. So we are planning that the wedding itself take place at the Vegas ranch, followed by some rabble rousing and swaying to the Bellagio fountains that night, and then off the the Magic Kingdom the following day. There's no way we're missing the sole opportunity to buy and wear those Mickey and Minnie wedding hats!
If anyone is still reading...thanks! I got carried away, as I am known to do. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.