Rising Anti-Child Movement...Parents BE AWARE

[6_Time_Momma]

Now ask the question to the Childfree about how many times they have experienced insensitive remarks, disgust about their choices (like has been shown here) and assumptions about their character. I am willing to bet that it will be pretty much one sided

Way, way wrong there!!! Completely NOT one-sided! You should hear some of the things that have been said to me, especially by child free people!!! OMG, I could write a book!

 

[appyhay]

6 time Momma
I said pretty much one sided not completely. We are in the majority here and parenthood is considered a social norm so I am still sticking to my belief that we as parents do not run into criticisms and judgements (from the childfree) as much as the child free do (from parents) in real life. I am not doubting you, of course a sprinkling of parents will run into ******* child frees. Now, if you were to go to a childfree site or something then of course you would be chewed up and spit out, but do you know that many childfree people IRL? I only know one (as mentioned in a previous post)and she had to join the No Kidding group to seek out others, so even she doesn't come across child free people in her everyday life. Maybe it is a regional thing. Where I live everyone I know either has or wants children someday.

My friend has criticized me occasionally, and I admit I get kind of miffed, (even though she is sometimes right) but she has never been nasty like competitive parents.

 

[Sheila_C]

I would completely agree that the childfree get bashed far more than parents. I have been both.

My husband's 6-year old cousin lived with us for almost 3-years. Parents were instantly welcoming of us as we were now "parents." We were invited to many activites we were not invited prior to or after we became "parents."

No one bashed us for our decision to become "parents."

Now, as a childfree couple, that's a whole different ball of wax.

I have been asked:

-How can you feel like a "real" woman with no children?

-Why does your husband want to be with you if you won't give him kids?

-Do your parents still love you since you won't give them grandkids?

-One former neighbor whom I only knew in passing on the walking trail came across me with her friend in the grocery store and upon learning I did not have kids by choice screamed at the end of our conversation "Oh, my God, she's a fu***** child molester everybody!"

- I've been asked if I'm gay since I don't want to reproduce.

- I've been asked if I'm infertile since I don't want to reproduce.

- I've been asked if I have been psychologically evaluted or committed to a mental institution for not wanting children.

- In an attempt to support our local community by attending the elementary's school Future Farmers of America baking fundraiser auction and not bidding past $65 for a bundt cake, a father (who was also the auctioneer) asked us in a crowd of 100 people (and from the stage, no less) to leave as obviously we mistook this auction for clearance at a grocery store. Apparently, our 3 other successful bids totalling $200 wasn't quite enough for them, so they lost that $$$ when we left after that comment.

The list goes on and on. None of those things would have ever been said to me had I simply given in to society's pressure to reproduce.

 

[MScott1851]

I have to jump into the already full pot here.

I DO want children someday, desperately.

I DON'T, however, want them anytime soon. I JUST got married!

I DO want my parents and in-laws to get off my back, NOW!

I DON'T want people at work to automatically schedule me for holidays such as Christmas because "I don't have any kids."

I DO look forward to my new house in my new neighborhood, where NONE of us in the new phase have children, so I can sleep.

I DON'T want to stay in this apartment buiding with 9 kids in the three units downstairs that sit on my porch and scream, and dent my car with their balls, and hit it with their bikes, and play in the parking lot, and play their boom boxes at FULL BLAST, and beat up the younger kids in the complex, and leave their scooters behind my car. I have the unfortunate lot in life to live near, as one poster put it, "breeders, not parents."

And sure, I've read all these messages about people who "dont let their children act that way." Whatever...There's a woman downstairs who tries to keep her kids in line. All that does is add up to a bunch of kids screaming and her screaming even louder, disrupting my quiet time even more. We call her "mean mommy" because she spends most of the afternoon standing in the doorway bellowing at her kids from 200 yards away instead of going and getting them out of the road...

p.s. Can you tell I didn't get ANY sleep yesterday?!? It was a nice day and all the little peanuts were outside under my window SCREAMING at the top of their lungs, only mean mommy at home, and you can't get onto children for just being loud.

And before people tell me that my apartment office should be notified, or I should notify my HR department about the unfair holiday scheduling, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, fifteen million times. It's really easy for some people to sit back and spout advice from 500 miles away.

 

[goofygirl]

Here's my question, and maybe you can address this, Goofy Girl: I have noticed from the freers thread on the singles board that many people who do not choose to have children, refer to their pets as their fur children. Do these people really equate the importance of an animal with that of a human child?

Yes I do. The life of my cat is just as important to me as you child's life is to you. And parents and "breeders" should respect that.

For me, my cat's life would not even be equal to child if I had one, it would be BETTER, since my cat would not ruin my life, and a child WOULD. I'd give away the child and keep the cat. Honestly, I would.
I have heard about breeders doing the opposite all the time- giving away the pet once a baby arrives. Just as breeders see the pet as a burden, I see a child as a burden.

My cat's life is very important to me and my cats are the loves of my life.
When its time to put my cat down, if anybody dares to make comments like "Its JUST a cat! Its not like its a CHILD!", "you can JUST GO GET ANOTHER one", I will rip them a new hole. I swear.

It would be like if I said to someone who miscarried -"Its just a wad of cells, its not like a real child. What are you so upset for?"

or to someone who has had a baby die- "Its just a baby. You can just go have another one! Whats the big deal?"

 

[browneyes]

They don't want to have children, they don't want to be bothered by children, and they'd just as soon not live near children.

I'd rather they not be near my children anyway with that kind of attitude.

 

[Pete's Mom]

Originally posted by goofygirl
For me, my cat's life would not even be equal to child if I had one, it would be BETTER, since my cat would not ruin my life, and a child WOULD. I'd give away the child and keep the cat. Honestly, I would.

I have heard about breeders doing the opposite all the time- giving away the pet once a baby arrives. Just as breeders see the pet as a burden, I see a child as a burden.

Have you consider getting yourself spayed?

 

[barbeml]

That was really uncalled for.

 

[Pete's Mom]

Originally posted by barbeml
That was really uncalled for.

Why?

Look, I have decided that one is plenty enough for me and that my child bearing days are over so I will more than likely be getting myself spayed soon.

Isn't that the smart thing to do rather than take a risk of bringing an unwanted child into the world especially for someone who feels as passionately about it as GoofyGirl? She seems to be quite happy with the way her life is so why take a chance? My best friend and her husband made the same decision long ago and she tells me she slept easier at night knowing there would be "no surprises".

 

[barbeml]

Your choice of the word "spayed" came across as sarcastic. If it was not meant that way, sorry for commenting.

BTW, many women who want to prevent pregnancy surgically are denied because they are "too young."

 

[Pete's Mom]

Originally posted by barbeml
Your choice of the word "spayed" came across as sarcastic. If it was not meant that way, sorry for commenting.

Sarcastic to someone as outspoken and frank as GoofyGirl, surely you jest? She's one tough cookie.

Originally posted by barbeml
BTW, many women who want to prevent pregnancy surgically are denied because they are "too young."

Yes, and that is a shame, but can you blame a doctor in this "sue happy world"?

 

[momof2inPA]

Originally posted by Pete's Mom
Have you consider getting yourself spayed?

I don't think goofygirl would mind this. If she thinks cats are more important than people, then a spaying would be preferrable to having your tubes tied.

 

[Hibernia]

I really don't want my tax money going to the animal hospital or shelter, either. Maybe I'm an animal freer.

I'm not certain about your place of residence, but any tax dollars collected in my city go toward dispaching animals in a variety of excruciating manners. I'm certain that you could put your mind at ease by contacting your tax office. I doubt that any would go to an animal hospital. With as long as my husband and I have worked with abused animals, the realization that animals can feel pain is a difficult enough concept for people to grasp in the first place. Our terrier came to us last year having two front toenails ripped out with pliers and a displaced hip from a child drop-kicking him down a flight of stairs. And before the flame throwers start, I'm sorry, but it was a child. The father brought the puppy to Citizens for Animal Protection and had the child placed in behavioral therapy. More than that I do not know.

And regarding permanent sterilization, it *is* difficult for women who have not given birth to find a sympathetic doctor. We *have* the money to pay for it, but one can't just stroll in the hospital door and holler, "FIX ME!!". I'm still getting the run-around at 43 - now our new doctor doesn't want to sign off for either of us because my husband of almost 9 years is only 31 and "there's still time". Never mind that we discussed how neither of us had ever wanted children on our second date! So we keep paying $40 a month for birth control because we both work for firms with home office located in a state not required to include prescription contraceptives in their drug plan.

We have our family already - all abandoned, most abused. Any additions will be from the same endless list. We feel that's why we're here.

 

[barbeml]

Welcome to the DIS!

Bless you and your hubby for taking such good care of those poor animals. My Dad and Stepmom rescued a greyhound, and he was the sweetest dog in the world, but terrified of men (he had suffered so much abuse as a racing dog) for years. They gave him many pampered and loving years before he died.

Barbe

 

[Hibernia]

Thank you!

It's a privilege to see them relax and come around, not to mention an absolute hoot to see the two youngest cats chase the dogs. And I thought hard about stating the complete facts, i.e. that the abuser was a child, but I didn't want anyone to wonder why charges weren't filed. I don't want to ruffle any feathers and sincerely hope intervention was/is timely enough to help the child & prevent him from becoming an abusive adult. But Killian (the terrier) is healthy & happy, with loving credit going to my darling nephew who showed him that not all little ones were to be feared. And after months of patiently holding his paws while he trembled a little less each time, he now lets us trim his claws. That trust was a 2-hanky moment for both of us the first time.

 

[barbeml]

Now I need a hanky! Thanks for sharing a story with a happy ending. Hopefully the child has a happy outcome, too.

 

[goofygirl]

Have you consider getting yourself spayed?

I sure have!

Call it "spayed", "fixed", "tied", "snipped", "tubalized", whatever you call it, you are right, its a a great idea and I found a wonderful GYN who is willing to do it. She passed no judgement on me at all. I tried to get "spayed" as early as 19 and was turned down by another GYN because I was "too young." Its too bad age discrimination is allowed in this area.


Hibernia- great posts, loved what I read!

 

[momof2inPA]

Hibernia, it's wonderful that you helped that dog, but don't you think it's far more tragic when a child is abused? I do. Whenever I stumble across Animal Rescue on Animal Planet I think, "Aw those poor animals, I hope private donations are paying for those rescues and their care afterward. I would much rather have my money pay for services that benefit "people."

I guess this thread is really about child freers, but I just found it ironic that so many child freers treat their pets like actual human children. Misplaced maternal instinct or something.

 

[rigs32]

I'm 25 and got "spayed" at 22 two months before getting married. I had a good relationship with my doctor and she referred me to an OBGYN who'd do the procedure. My reasons stem from not wanting to give birth and not wanting to pass along the genes DH and I have if we choose to raise a child.

That said, I've had interesting reactions from other doctors since that time. One of the GPs at the group I go to shook my hand when he found out and congratulated me on knowing myself to make such a decision. Another had a med student with her who was my age when we met. The student asked me why and was shocked that someone had made that kind of decision.

I sought out a GYN in town because of mentrual cramps so bad I would call in sick to work each month and spend the day in extreme pain and crying. The first one I went to was friendly until she found out I'd ha my tubes tied. After that she was almost hostile. She told me I'd have to go on the pill. I tried to explain that I couldn't tolerate the hormones - I'd already tried almost all different form of the pill. She told me that was my only choice. I'd have to go on the pill or suffer, end of story.

I sought out another doc and found another method that does work for me.

 

[appyhay]

I'd rather they not be near my children anyway with that kind of attitude.

You might want to think about that statement lest it give you a false sense of security. People who do harm to children are more likely to be parents themselves.

Hibernia, it's wonderful that you helped that dog, but don't you think it's far more tragic when a child is abused?

I think it is equally tragic when any helpless being is abused regardless if they are a child, animal or the elderly.

Misplaced maternal instinct or something.

Maternal instinct has nothing to do with compassion.