Riddled With Guilt

[FayeW]

Why doesn't your husband talk to his ex, explain that the other kids are getting Nano's from their Dad and that it isn't in your budget to buy one for their daughter, but he doesn't want her to be unhappy or jealous of their gifts on Christmas day. Maybe she will give her one, or offer to split the cost with your husband and give it as a joint gift.

Then you could graciously return the Touch to your co-worker and thank her for her generous offer, but explain that you figured out a way for all the kids in the same age range to receive the same gift.

There is no way I would ever give the Touch to the 6 yr old, while the older kids got the Nanos. Either give it to the child your co-worker wanted to have it, or give it back.

 

[LanaJayne]

Since the step daughter is going back to her house, it makes the most sense that she has the touch. She'll be able to use it for movies during her trip and there will be no fighting over it as she doesn't live with you. The other 2 will have the nanos from their dad and the youngest is way too young for this type of item. I think stick to the original arrangement and everyone will be happy.


Another option...if you were planning on spending $150 to get one nano, why not spend $140 (70 each) to upgrade the two nanos then everyone will have a touch. I think that would be awesome! The 6 year old does not need this type of gift for many years! It is the older 3 that will be thrilled with this.

Have a wonderful holiday. It sounds like you are a great mom and just set the tone that everyone is very lucky to be part of such a wonderful family, whatever you decide to do about the gifts.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

Well, I'm more confused than ever. I agree the 6 year old is too young but DH is convinced his idea is the perfect solution.

I do like the idea of upgrading the other two for $140 but that would still leave the little one giftless.

 

[Briarmom]

Well, I'm more confused than ever. I agree the 6 year old is too young but DH is convinced his idea is the perfect solution.

I do like the idea of upgrading the other two for $140 but that would still leave the little one giftless.

Your ds is 6, so I don't think an iPod touch is as exciting to him as a Nintendo DS or a Leapster or something. I'm sure he won't be giftless.

 

[MushyMushy]

There's no way I'd give the 6 year old the Touch. I wouldn't even be considering an iPod or any mp3 player at all for a kid that age. But that's just me. You know your kids the best.

 

[wilderness01]

DH suggested that we pony up the $150 to get DSD a pink nano and then give DS 6 the touch. His reasoning being that 1) DS 6 doesn't have another family giving him gifts; 2) He isn't too interested in music yet but he loves movies and games; 3)the three oldest (and most prone to fighting and jealousy) would have the same item, thereby eliminating any conflict; and 4) DS 6 is the most likely to allow us to carefully control his access.

Of course that does mean we would end up spending more than we planned. I don't think the sweet lawyer that gave me the ipod necessarily cares which kid gets it. She just wanted to help out. Again, the last thing I want to do is disrespect her gift in any way, shape or form.

I think I worry too much.

There is no way I would give my 6 year old a Touch, but maybe your six year old is more mature than mine were. I don't even think I would give him a shuffle at this point because he is much too young.

 

[rentayenta]

I still like my idea a few pages back.

 

[SC Minnie]

There is no way on God's green earth I would give a 6yo an iTouch but that's just me.

I still would just give the SD the Touch. iPods are not difficult to operate. Downloading music would be the same wether she had a Touch or a Nano.

 

[chyam]

I would keep the I touch and kinda make it "community property" for when someone wants to do something besides listen to music, keep it in a safe place and enjoy it yourself once in awhile, then go ahead and buy a shuffle for your daughter as her gift, tell her if she proves to be responsible with it maybe next year she can have a Nano. Your boss would not have given it to you if she didn't want to and if she wanted to she could have donated it herself, this way she knows who is getting it and that it will be taken care of, it can be more of a family gift for the time being. I would not insult her by selling it or returning it. It's just at this time you feel that your daughter is a little young to be given such an expensive gift and you are afraid that it would be misplaced or stolen.

 

[LanaJayne]

Well, I'm more confused than ever. I agree the 6 year old is too young but DH is convinced his idea is the perfect solution.

I do like the idea of upgrading the other two for $140 but that would still leave the little one giftless.

You had mentioned earlier that you were planning on spending $50 per child. That works out to $150 for the 3 older kids. The 140-150 to upgrade 2 nanos would take care of the older three, with the Ipod Touch from your co-worker. That way all 3 of the older kids would have the same gift. Then just figure out what would be the best gift for $50 for your 6 year old.

 

[floridafam]

She gave it to you. I would go with her wished and give it to your child.

I think it would be a bit rude to ask her if you could donate it or anythig else. She has already said no so I would drop it. She probably feels great joy in being able to give it to you knowing that your child will get enjoyment out of it.

It was of no cost to you so if it does get lost then you aren't out anything.

FYI, my 9 yr old who is very mature and will be 10 in January has an ipod touch and treats it as if it was gold. DS12 has one, also. They saved for months and gave up many chances to spend their money on other things. We started them out with refurbed shuffles that they had for 2 years without breaking or losing them so that made us feel better when they said they wanted to spend their money on something more costly.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Our 3 year old even uses the touch under the supervision of her brother and sister. They've found some really great applications that are like flash cards and she uses these as part of her speech therapy. She doesn't use the headphones as the new ipods have speakers. She's very visual and the ipod really suits her well.

 

[Mom2Cam&Con]

Since the step daughter is going back to her house, it makes the most sense that she has the touch. She'll be able to use it for movies during her trip and there will be no fighting over it as she doesn't live with you. The other 2 will have the nanos from their dad and the youngest is way too young for this type of item. I think stick to the original arrangement and everyone will be happy.

ITA with this poster and also the PP who said that it should be a birthday/Christmas gift. Your DH could load some movies for her to watch on the trip home and pictures of her brothers, sister and Dad (and of course SMom) so that she can see ya'll anytime that she misses her other family. Your Dh could also teach her how to load the songs/pictures herself - it would be some good one-on-one time with Dad and you wouldn't have to worry about stressing out her technology challenged Mom.

 

[Mom2Cam&Con]

Since the step daughter is going back to her house, it makes the most sense that she has the touch. She'll be able to use it for movies during her trip and there will be no fighting over it as she doesn't live with you. The other 2 will have the nanos from their dad and the youngest is way too young for this type of item. I think stick to the original arrangement and everyone will be happy.

ITA with this poster and also the PP who said that it should be a birthday/Christmas gift. Your DH could load some movies for her to watch on the trip home and pictures of her brothers, sister and Dad (and of course SMom) so that she can see ya'll anytime that she misses her other family. Your Dh could also teach her how to load the songs/pictures herself - it would be some good one-on-one time with Dad and you wouldn't have to worry about stressing out her technology challenged Mom.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

ITA with this poster and also the PP who said that it should be a birthday/Christmas gift. Your DH could load some movies for her to watch on the trip home and pictures of her brothers, sister and Dad (and of course SMom) so that she can see ya'll anytime that she misses her other family. Your Dh could also teach her how to load the songs/pictures herself - it would be some good one-on-one time with Dad and you wouldn't have to worry about stressing out her technology challenged Mom.

I hadn't thought about that. I'll pitch the idea to DH.

 

[jeepgirl30]

How much would your 6 yr old enjoy the iPod? While it sounds like a rational solution if he won't enjoy it then it seems like a waste.

I like the suggestion of the Christmas/bday combo gift.

As for upgrading the other two to the touch, how would you ex feel? I'd be insulted if I was giving a gift and was told it would be upgraded by my ex.

Good luck! Its easy to over think things like this but remember, its kids and Christmas, they'll be happy!

 

[floridafam]

A little off topic but I don't think the Birthday/Christmas combo is a good idea.

I was born a week before Christmas and I can't tell you how many times I heard "this is for your birthday AND Christmas" growing up as someone handed me a present. None of my siblings were told the same thing in May, March or July when their birthdays rolled around.

Just my two cents.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

My DSS wants a Itouch for Hanukah but will be getting a nano. We are not comfortable with him having unfettered access to the internet. (This is the kid who ran off to the computer to show us his favorite song, and we followed screaming "Stop" about 10 seconds later when it occured to both of us he was about to google "Naked Brothers Youtube"

Anyhow, I just mention this because if you want to refuse the gift, I think this would be a perfectly valid reason.

The Naked Brothers Band is a kids group on Nickelodeon. They are NOT naked.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Well, it might be tacky to refuse the gift. But frankly it is at the very least - insensitive to give a $230 gift to one child in a family of 4 children. Maybe not tacky, but definitely insensitive although I'm sure the Lawyer had the best of intentions. The difference between the iTouch and the Nano iPods is pretty significant and stuff like this could really turn a Happy Christmas into a miserable visit from the green eyed monster amongst the pre-teens. And yes, 11 year olds know very well that iTouches are loads better than Nanos.

This is not a situation I'd want to deal with in my house.

I'd either find an equitable way to deal with the situation, or I'd politely return the gift to the co-worker with the explanation that I just couldn't accept it.

I was saying that it would be tactless to ask if she could sell it. Are you saying that you think that would be a sensitive thing to do-walk up to generous lawyer that she works with and say, "hey that was a nice gift, do you mind if I sell it?" Sorry, can't see any tact there at all, no matter how it's worded.

As far as the green=eyed monster goes..yes, I agree, fair is fair. I spend most of my holiday shopping buying TWO of everything. But the OP's original dilemma was that this child was not getting a Nano and the other two kids were . So what about the green eyed monster in that situation?

 

[HelenePA]

The Naked Brothers Band is a kids group on Nickelodeon. They are NOT naked.

I bet alot of mixed results would come up when you google that I'm thinking something other than the band would come up on some porn site

Someone suggested a combo birthday/christmas gift.. yeah am a new years eve baby.. please don't do the combo.. I had it done many many times as a kid.. it always felt like instead of a birthday gift they just put a Christmas gift aside and held on to it for my birthday...

 

[momto3kids]

My DH is another one with a birthday a few days after Christmas and I asked him if he would have minded getting a larger present instead of 2 smaller ones. His answer was NO WAY! His problem was the lack of though put into his birthday - if he got an obviously "better gift" than his siblings as a cobo he would have been thrilled

Just another perspective and a vote for a combo gift. I have a 7 year old and not only would I never trust him with a gift like that, it's not really a good gift for him because it's not what he wants. It's sort of like if my DH won a fancy tool set and gave it to me for Christmas - good gift but not for me.

Give it to the DSD and tell the others that it's a combo gift and let it be. As for a thank you note, I wouldn't have your DSD write a thank you note to the lawyer since it's going to be her gift from both of you. Instead take a photo of her opening it and put it in an thank you car from you. The lawyer will be thrilled and know that her gift really went to the intended recipient.

good luck with your decision - making sure everything is fair is never easy!